A Compendium Of Lame Excuses From The Banned

There's only so many ways you can blame your Xbox Live profile saying nasty or verboten things on someone else. The truly creative are able to depict it as something beneficial to society. Like breast cancer awareness.

Kotaku reader LOL It's Bert got bored, apparently, and began sifting through the Xbox Live forums, finding several hilarious appeals of bannings, all within the past week.

These, along with last week's parents who discovered their son plays UNO in the nude, paint a vivid picture of the crap folks like The Pro have to deal with every day. And yes, in fact, it is a slow news day - so feel free to say that in this post and in this post only without ending up like any of these suckas.

Let's start with women's health advocate COMMANDER TOBIN:


suspenion reason ( HURRY FOR BOOBIES) in my motto

I am a 28 yr. old male who is an advocate for breast cancer awarness and research why I am being suspended for that.It makes no sense to me.

I suppose "Hurry for Boobies" could refer to the Race for the Cure. Yeah, not feeling it either. Hey, it's only a day suspension. It's not like he wrote SHOW ME YOURE BOBIES.

Next up, BANNED NOW MAD wants to debate the Webster's definition of the B-word.

Now I know my first ban was for having an innapropriate word in my profile and it was the word 'f**k' and spelt exactly like that with the asteriks. This time it was for the phrase ''I made you rage quit and now you're crying like a b*tch'' (referring to Fifa 10 players of course) and I am wondering why the word 'b*tch' is considered offensive? It is in the dictionary and is technically a female dog.

Hey, he's right! And "pussy" also refers to a cat! "Gay" also means "happily excited." It's not his fault you guys have such filthy minds.

Some excuses are variants on the timeless. Tango Actual blames it on the dog. Or, well, the dog sitter.

I have been out of country for a few weeks and had a friend of mine house sit/watch my pets while I was away. I got home about 2 days ago and apparently while i was out he had used my Xbox and changed my bio to somthing offensive. Unfortunatly it didnt come to my mind to check my profile and see if changes were since it's somthing i don't often do. So all in all would it be out of the question to request that account Tango Actual is unbanned on account it was not through my own fault? Thank you.

Damn. Seriously, do you know how hard it is to find a good pet sitter?

iMOD x TRIIX explores the difference between the letter of the law and its spirit.

I got suspended without any warning for my bio which wasn't directly explicit it read : I picked your mum up in the RUNDOWN ESTATE district of AFGHAN and then took her up to my HIGHRISE FAVELA. We used MARATHON to get there faster then she took off her BLING & we got COMMANDO. Her CARE PACKAGE looked like a WASTELAND with a few SKIDROWs close I had no past experiences with suspensions and did not no I could be banned for this Please Review

I would have banned him for being incoherent.

Moving along, what's PWNxOGRAPHY's problem? It's not like they banned him on his birthday. For God's sake!

I was suspended on Apr 23 for one day. I don't really even talk online and play games where you can't hear the other team so I DO NOT talk trash. It was my B-day on the 22nd for gods sake.

GHETTOGHOUL 51's mum doesn't appreciate your tone of voice, Mister Xbox Man:

My son was scammed by [Mod Removed] . [Mod Removed]told my son that for 3 months of xbox live codes he would invite him to a lobby and get him 10 prestige and unlock everything there is to unlock on COD2 so my so sent him 3 one month codes as follows [Mod Removed]Which [Mod Removed]took and never contacted my son for the upgrades. I just found this out because my son used my ebay acct. to get the three xbox live codes. I do have a reciept for the three codes and I am sure you can find out who used them. Thank You

Mod KLRSKIR replies:

I will tell you that what your son was engaging in is also against the Live Terms of Use. Never ever give out anything with the expectation of getting something in return, even to cheat. This is a simple lesson of life, and with the proper instruction, your son may benefit from this experience.

Oh, that did it.

Don't worry about the lesson or intruction my son learned becuase he won't be able to sit for a week. save your speaches for Obama.

Man, paddled and banned. Talk about pwned.


    I love the one with the MW2 metaphors... :D

    Apparently you can get banned for having "rap'ed" (spelt like that) in your bio, even when it used in context of "owned." Yet "Weak C*nts have a cry" is perfectly acceptable in other peoples bio...

    Actually the funniest thing is that people think that the Xbox.com forums are some kind of court of appeal for these banishments, one of my friends tried and ended up having his account subsequently banned from Xbox.com forums.

    Of course Microsoft aren't going to listen to you or explain anything to you, they've already got your $80 a year, what do they care?

      To think that being beaten in a video game equates to a lifelong mental anguish is despicable. I hope you're ashamed of yourself, but I know you're not, because you still haven't gotten your $80 worth of trolling a year, what do you care?

      Anyway, stepping away from the negativity, this entire set of excuses is hilarious. xD

      yeah it doesnt matter how you mean it stuff will be taken out of context but the way your taking it is just wrong

      if you wanted to say owned say fucking owned then

      raped on a public display is wrong plain and simple

    Love the 'save your speaches[sic] for Obama'

    What does that even meen?

      I was going to ask. I don't get it either.

      It means she's quite obviously a teabagger (and not just in the gaming sense)

    @ Will Higgins: It means shes a hick who doesn't listen to reason.

    got suspended for 2 days for having F**k lag warzone only, execution is for noobs. just got suspended yesturday.

    One I had a customer come in with her son who were buying a 360, naturally I asked why, as many people don't know about manufacturer warranties. The reason was because the kid's console was banned from Halo 3 for hacking, I suggested that rather than pay 400 for a new conosle they contact Bungie and ask nicely for another chance.

    It was then I learned that not only was this the 5th time he's been in trouble with Bungie, this was going to be the 3rd 360 they would purchase to get around the banning. Some kids/parents never learn.

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