In This Post I’m Giving Away One Halo: Reach Multiplayer Beta Code

In This Post I’m Giving Away One Halo: Reach Multiplayer Beta Code

And I’ll be giving it to the first person who…

…can make me laugh in the comments below.

UPDATE: So, yeah, I think I’ve read and deleted quite enough racist/sexist/homophobic jokes by now. Stop it, you idiots. Yes, you know who you are.

To draw this throwaway comp to a close, I’m awarding the code to Dean for citing one of my favourite jokes.

This comp is closed. No more comments will be approved.


  • Im sorry david, the only jokes I know are sexually orientated.
    And they only focus on picking on the misfortunes of someone else.
    To which they reply with a sleazy laugh.

    Was that a smile?

  • There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. 
    When asked to define “Great” he said, 
    “I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!” 
    He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.

  • I recently broke my middle finger on my left hand. I had the doctor set the splint in such a way that allowed my thumb and index finger to remain free so that I can continue to Pwn this weekend.

  • What’s laughable is all this hype over a BETA!!! Hype is a powerful tool though…so i want in!

  • An neutron walks into a bar and asks for a drink, and then asks “how much”, the barman replies, “for you, no charge”.

  • two antennas got married the wedding was terrible but the reception was great…………. gamertag is andre4772

    also funny word……tbag

  • Halo “yo momma” jokes:

    Your mommas so fat, the warthog had to ride her.

    Yo Momma’s so fat, she enters big team battle by herself.

    Yo Momma’s so fat, she has to use the first X-Box controller.

  • How about another,

    So, this pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his crotch.

    The barman, being an observant sort of bloke, says “Do you know you’ve got a steering wheel attached to your crotch?”

    “Arrrr,” says the pirate. “It’s drivin’ me nuts.”

  • Where do you keep your buccaneers?

    Under your bucking hat.

    Why is it when you are asked to be funny old rubbish creepy uncle jokes come straight to your head?

  • I’m Master Chief’s love child 😉
    I won’t go into the details of how this happened but let’s just say it involved some kind of trippy psychadelic time travel kaboodle, aka. “the incident”.

  • I will travel back in time and kick my dad right in the nuts repeatedly until he names me Halo Reach, so that when this damn beta comes out, I can win one of these blasted contests!

  • This is a joke I came up with when I was 8 or so: What do you call the aliens living inside Darth Vader? IN-VADERS!

  • Two hunters are in the woods, when one of them suddenly collapses. He wasn’t breathing, and his eyes looked glazed. Thinking quickly, the other guy grabs his cell phone and calls for help.

    He shouts at the emergency operator, “My friend is dead! What do I do!?”

    “Calm down”, the operator says, “I can help you. But first, we need to make sure he’s dead.”

    The phone goes silent, for a second. Then the operator hears a gunshot.

    “Ok”, says the hunter, “what now?

    • …so I says to her, I says… “who said women aren’t meant to cook?! they’ve got milk AND eggs inside them”!!

      chortle chortle chortle

      • haha, well if you didn’t make david laugh at least you made me laugh and look like an idiot at work =P

  • Paddy was walking home through the streets of Belfast after a night out when he felt the point of a knife poking him in the back and a voice softly whisper in his ear “Well boyo, are you Protestant or are you Catholic?” Thinking quickly Paddy replied “Neither, I’m Jewish”
    “Well that must make me the luckiest Palestinian in Ireland then…”

  • What do you call an arab with a cow and a pig on his head?


    (I don’t have an xbox, I’m just posting for kicks)

  • David have you ever met a wild goose? They charge you and honk and bite your fingers. I like to think your style of journalism is comparable to a wild goose. Running around, screaming and nibbling on the fingers of the gaming industry.

  • The Super Mario Bros. Movie 😉

    Don’t actually want the code, just thought I would contribute.

  • In football you wear a helmet; in baseball you wear a cap. Football is concerned with downs; baseball is concerned with ups. In football you receive a penalty; in baseball you make an error. In football the specialist comes in to kick; in baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody.

  • Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, “Where did you get such a great bike?”
    The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, “Take what you want.”
    The first engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn’t have fit.”

  • I can’t think of anything worse after a night of drinking than waking up next to someone and not being able to remember their name, or how you met, or why they’re dead.

  • Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip, and after finishing their dinner they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

    “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” “I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes” exclaims Watson. “And what do you deduce from that?” Watson ponders for a minute. “Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?” “Watson, you idiot!” He exclaims, “Somebody’s stolen our tent!”

  • An attractive young girl, chaperoned by an ugly old lady, entered the doctor’s office.

    “We have come for an examination,” said the young girl.

    “All right,” said the doctor. “Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off.”

    “No, not me,” said the girl. “it’s my old aunt here.”

    “Very well,” said the doctor. “Madam, stick out your tongue.”

  • Three old ladies are sitting on a park bench. A man rushes up, opens his coat and flashes them. Ethel has a stroke, Hazel has a stroke, Mavis has arthritis and can’t reach.

  • So, how does this work? Would describing the act of tickling you be sufficient?

    How about tickling you with the pointy side of a needler? I hear they make good seats 😉

  • What has 26 legs and can’t climb a ladder?
    Melbourne Storm

    What’s the hardest part of being an ice skater?
    Telling your parents your gay.

  • “But you don’t own her, because theoretically, that pussy is on lease. You’re leasing the pussy, with an option to buy. But be careful, because you lose half on the trade-in.”
    — Eddie Murphy (Raw)

  • I’m sitting naked at my computer with a bucket of chicken. My 84-year old neighbour is looking at me through the window.

    I know he wants me.

  • There were two fish in a tank and one fish turns to the other and asks:

    “How the heck do you drive this thing?”

  • This one comes from Nick Frost, he of Spaced/Shaun/Fuzz fame.

    The original brand name for Tofu was actually Tofuckingbadyoudonteatmeat. It didn’t sell so they shortened it.

  • this guy is sitting at home one day and hears a knock on his door. He gets up and goes to answer it, when he looks down at and sees a snail. The snail says “have you ever stopped and thought about this great world that God has given to us?” when he realises what the snail’s intentions are, he picks him up and throws him as far as he can yelling “GET THE HELL OFF MY PROPERTY!” and goes back to sit down.

    about 10 years pass, and once again the man, now much older, hears a knock on the door again. He opens the door, and sees the snail again, who says to him “hey buddy, what the hell was that for?”

  • Maybe they should call it the Halo Reacharound Beta considering the amount of favours needed and strings needing to be pulled to get access….. Am I right guys?

    I think I’d rather keep my dignity than do tricks like some kind of lap dog just for a game…

    Who am I kidding? I need it so bad it hurts me a bit inside. Why Halo whyyyyyy? :'(

  • What do zombies wear in the rain?

    A brain coat!!

    Thats right folks, i’m here all week 😛

    (don’t actually want the code, i’ve already got one, but had to post my lame joke 😛 )

  • it’s been rumoured just before Carl William’s death, that he put in a request to have a treadmill put in his cell – apparently the exercise bike was doing his head in

  • What’s the difference between Cheryl Cole and that volcano in Iceland?

    One’s still blowing Ash…..

  • An elderly couple had been experiencing declining memories, so they decided to take a power memory class where one is taught to remember things by association. A few days after the class, the old man was outside talking with his neighbor about how much the class helped him.

    “What was the name of the Instructor?” asked the neighbor.

    “Oh, ummmm, let’s see,” the old man pondered. “You know that flower, you know, the one that smells really nice but has those prickly thorns, what’s that flower’s name?”

    “A rose?” asked the neighbor.

    “Yes, that’s it,” replied the old man. He then turned toward his house and shouted, “Hey, Rose, what’s the name of the Instructor we took the memory class from?

  • A mushroom walks into bar, the bar tender stops him and says “we don’t serve your kind!” The mushroom looks at him and replies “why not? im a fungi!”


    I have ODST, just wanted to say that hahahaha

  • Today I noticed that my daughter was making funny noises which oddly ressembled the sounds my wife makes in bed. When I asked her what she was doing she said “I’m pretending to be mommy from last night.” I was on a business trip last night.

  • Apparently Carl Williams preferred rowing machines – coz exercise bikes totally did his head in!

  • Alright lets see if these will.

    How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony?

    Its not hard…

    Three women walking down the street are stopped by a man doing a survey. He asks, “Ladies, would you mind telling me how you know if you’ve had a good night out?” The first replies, “I come home, get into bed and if I lay there and tingle all over, I know that I had a good night.” The second one replies, “I come home, have a shower and a glass of wine, get into bed, and if I tingle all over, I know it was a good night.” The third one turns around and says, “If I get home, rip off me knickers, throw them against the wall, and they stick, then I know it was a good night!”

    Two fish in a tank. One says to the other, “How do you drive this thing?”

    Two parrots on a perch. One says to the other, “Can you smell fish?”

    Two herons beside a bank. One says to the other, “I think I’m overdrawn.”

  • A Collingwood/Manly supporter, an alcoholic and an unemployed person walk into a bar, and that’s just the first person. HIYOOO!!!

  • A church’s bell ringer passed away. So they posted the position and a man came in with no arms wanting the job. The clergy weren’t sure he could do it, but he convinced them to let him try it.

    They climbed the bell tower and the guy ran toward the bell and hit it with his head. They gave him the job.

    The next day he went to ring the bell, tripped, bounced off the bell and fell to the sidewalk below. Two guys were walking past.

    One asked, “Do you know this guy?”

    The second guy responded, “No, but his face rings a bell.”

    The next day, the dead bell ringer’s twin brother comes in for the again vacant bell ringer position. He also has no arms. They lead him up to the bell tower, he runs at the bell, trips and falls to the sidewalk below.

    The same two guys walk by.

    The first asks, “Do you know him?”

    The second guy responds, “No, but he’s a dead ringer for the guy we saw yesterday.”

  • A church’s bell ringer passed away. So they posted the position and a man came in with no arms wanting the job. The clergy weren’t sure he could do it, but he convinced them to let him try it.

    They climbed the bell tower and the guy ran toward the bell and hit it with his head. They gave him the job.

    The next day he went to ring the bell, tripped, bounced off the bell and fell to the sidewalk below. Two guys were walking past.

    One asked, “Do you know this guy?”

    The second guy responded, “No, but his face rings a bell.”

  • What would Jesus do?

    Probably something totally charitable and wholly irrelevant to this situation, that bastard.

  • maybe you can think back to the days of Hyper and how Dan Toose was an editor then he went to a completely biased Nintendo magazine… or was it the other way around? anyway, made me chuckle

  • A completely inebriated man was stumbling down the street with one foot on the curb and one foot in the gutter. A cop pulled up and said, “I’ve got to take you in, pal. You’re obviously drunk.”

    Our wasted friend asked, “Officer, are ya absolutely sure I’m drunk?”

    “Yeah, buddy, I’m sure,” said the copper. “Let’s go.”

    Breathing a sigh of relief, the wino said, “Thank goodness, I thought I was crippled.”

  • Visiting the countryside on a hunting trip, the well-dressed man from Stockholm takes aim and shoots a duck. But the fowl drops into a farmer’s field, and the farmer claims it. Since both want it, the farmer suggests settling the dispute with an old fashioned hick-kick.

    “I kick you as hard as I can in the crotch, then you do the same to me,” he explains. “Whoever screams the least gets the bird.”

    The city man agrees. So the farmer winds up and delivers a crushing blow to the man’s privates, and he collapses to the ground. Twenty minutes later, when he finally manages to stand, he gasps, “My turn.”

    “Nah,” says the farmer, turning away. “You can keep the duck.”

  • Heres a funny story that happens quite often at the start of each year at my work.

    Often the new kindy students have trouble understanding how the trough works in the toilet This leads to without fail each year some students leaving not only their number ones there but on occasion we have to clean out a number 2. It is really quite amazing to see as it is not your wall version but the long silver model. This would take quite some effort in aiming. Also it is worrying as there is often no toilet paper to be seen accompanying leading me to avoid all hand contact with juniors.

  • Seems like an interesting way to wield the power that a Reach beta code gives you. Basically the equivalent shouting “Dance monkeys, dance!”. As I am nothing if not a monkey I will partake in the dancing.

    Why did the bakers wife get angry at her husband?

    Because she had a bun in the oven and he was loafing about when she kneaded help.

  • So my wife was doing the washing the other day. And I realised that shes a racist. I told her so. She asked how I came to that conclusion. Well, I said, youre still seperating whites from colours.

  • “British democracy recognises that you need a system to protect the important things of life, and keep them out of the hands of the barbarians. Things like the Opera, Radio Three, the countryside, the law, the universities … both of them.” -Yes Prime Minister

  • i laugh at all the poor aussies that are turning on their Xbox 360’s this morning thinking the beta is out may 3rd our time 🙁

  • Why did everyone go straight to jokes though? I know the comp is over but meh…

    Something mildly amusing, would be me getting the code for the Beta, when I’ve had ODST since launch and haven’t once played ODST, it hasn’t even entered the 360.

    What’s funnier? I’ll probably buy the Reach Limited Edition and yet it’s still not really on my radar of “needing to be played”

Show more comments

Log in to comment on this story!