Privates, The First Twin Stick Shooter Set In A Vagina

Privates, The First Twin Stick Shooter Set In A Vagina

Attention! This is Privates, a new game from the developers of Time Gentlemen, Please! coming to the PC and Xbox 360, one that will give many hardcore video gamers a second chance to encounter a vagina.

Zombie Cow Studios, the developer behind the vaginal and anal action of Privates, explains the downloadable title as a game “in which you lead a teeny-tiny gang of condom-hatted marines as they delve into peoples’ vaginas and bottoms and blast away at all manner of oozy, shouty monsters.” Expect platforming and twin-stick arcade shooting that has your prophylactic wearing warriors blasting “all manner of grotty infections” through a forest of kinky, curly hairs and infested holes.

The game is being funded by Channel 4, so don’t expect to pay anything for the PC version. The Xbox 360 version “will probably cost a little bit of money, we’ll see” says Zombie Cow.

See just how not-safe-for-work Privates is in the gallery below.


  • Sweet Zombie Jesus.

    Thank the shuffling Lord that Michale Atkinson is no longer around, he would’ve packed his Huggies…

    Can anyone else smell an imminent RC?

  • Hahaha. This is awesome. I will definitely be downloading this as soon as it comes (no pun intended) out.

  • Its like LBP with STD’s?
    Kooky idea this one. I remember ubisoft employee’s gots trips to islands to do research for crysis. I wonder if these folk got a similar inspirational tour?
    I can hear Gyno’s the world over cheering, and then jesting at inaccuracies of the vulva.

  • So is it coop?
    I’m sure there are lots of people that wanna jump in with a friend for ‘twin stick’ action.

    … I’d like to apologise up front for that post…

  • @mccawsome , you should apologise! Shame on you (lol)

    @author of this post… second chance.. funny. But I am a HC gamer and it will be my third chance.. I have a kid!

  • I know games need to go to new territory but this is ridiculous. I think that it’s going to be riding very heavily on the fact that the gameplay is based in the cavities that are used for sex.
    I don’t think it’ll be anything extordinary in terms of game mechanics.
    I personally find it kind of gross.

    • I personally also don’t like the idea but for the opposite reasons. I could imagine it having solid platforming elements and having enjoyable game mechanics, but the setting is so… distasteful it will alienate a lot more people than it will attract just because its about private parts. I mean I’m a pretty tasteless guy but even I wouldn’t play this.

  • I’d much prefer the next Ben There, Dan That, I’d have to say.

    Either way, it might be fun, but I won’t get it because of the setting.

  • I reckon it’s a neat idea, but it would probably be more accepted by people if it wasn’t only focused on the genitals but on the whole human body.

  • oh god… thats just too amusing to not giggle at it like a schoolgirl.

    I won’t lie – i’ll probably look into this if i ever remember it even exists lol

  • People you’re missing the point. The article may have not mentioned it specifically, but to me this is quite obviously an “edutainment.” It’s execution may seem ridiculous, but it seems more like a… “fun” way to learn about STDs and prevention, rather than simply a weird teenager-level-humour game.

  • So, I went and posted this article and game details over on the Official Australian Xbox Forums and the mods locked it.
    Some crap about it not being appropriate on a ‘family’ orientated forum, lol.

    • Weird how they think it’s inappropriate for the forums, yet according to this article they think it’s perfectly fine to put the game up for download on XBox Live.

  • Have played through most of Ben There, Dan That. ($5 on Steam with Time Gentlemen Please, highly recommended) These guys are pretty funny, I will defs be checking this out.

Log in to comment on this story!