Reader Review: Order Of War Mouse Pad

Do you have what it takes to get a review published right here on Kotaku? Ben does, as he discovers the one good thing to emerge from Square Enix's strategy game.

Yes, that’s right, we’re now publishing reader reviews here on Kotaku. This is your chance to deliver sensible game purchasing advice to the rest of the Kotaku community.

And thanks to the very kind chaps at Madman Entertainment, purveyor of all kinds of cool, indie and esoteric film, the best reader review we publish each month will win a prize pack containing ten of the latest Madman DVD releases.

This review was submitted by Ben Abraham. If you’ve played with the Order of War mouse pad, or just want to ask Ben more about it, leave your thoughts in the comments below.

Order of War Mouse Pad (platform agnostic)

Order of War was a real-time strategy game published uncharacteristically by Square-Enix in September 2009. The Order of War mouse pad was a mouse pad that came with the special edition of the game, which I received as a winner of the Kotaku AU competition to win Order of War. I spent a rigorous nine months testing the pad so as to give the most comprehensive review possible.

Loved

The Smooth Surface: For years before I won the Order of War mouse pad I was content with just using the flattish, somewhat shiny surface of my gaming desk as a mouse surface. However the consequence was an occasionally erratic laser mouse that often saw my view snapped to the roof or ground in games like Left 4 Dead. The dizzying and unpredictable nature of these occurrences caused me no end of grief, but I am happy to report that the incidence of spontaneous mouse movements has decreased by a staggering 84% since using the Order of War mouse pad.

The Hard Base: Previous mouse pads I’d tried had a soft or bendable base, and even if covered with a rubber bottom, often curled up or slid around the desk making them a liability in the high stakes online gaming world. Not so with the Order of War mouse pad! With its solid cardboard backing and ever so slight suction effect resulting from its near-perfect design, the pad represents the perfect balance between grip and slide.

The Pretty Pictures: There’s a WWII tank on it shooting and exploding at the same time! And planes dropping bombs! There’s also some soldiers walking up a hill, one of which looks like he is posed mid-robot dance move.

Hated

Pretty much nothing about this mouse pad is worth hating, although I wish I could say the same about the game that came with it. I guess I could invent some imagined hatred like, “I hate that the mouse pad does not come with LED lights and a USB wrist-warmer that also serves your choice of espresso or mountain dew,” but that would be asking for too much from a mouse pad. It would be cool though.

What more can I say about the best mouse pad I’ve ever owned? I have no idea where you could get one from though – judging by the success of Order of War there’s probably a bunch of them in a Square-Enix warehouse somewhere. Maybe if you ask them nicely?

The Order of War mouse pad receives a score of 9.5 Robot Rocks out of A Sambucca.

Reviewed by: Ben Abraham

You can have your Reader Review published on Kotaku. Send your review to us at the usual address. Make sure it’s written in the same format as above and in under 500 words - yes, we’ve upped the word limit. We’ll publish the best ones we get and the best of the month will win a Madman DVD prize pack.


Comments

    Haha, Classic!

    I know Dave mentioned he was running low on Reader Reviews, but this is scraping the bottom of the barrel! ;)

      Ooooooh don't take that Ben.
      Time for a Review-Off.

        I think Adam may well have reviewed the review!

      Bottom of the barrel? Isn't that a feature in Hyper that Jickle writes? ;-)

    What advantages does this mouse pad have over, say, a train - which I can also afford?

      Gold. Pure Gold.

    HAHAHAHAHA

    As a previous Reader Review winner, I wholeheartedly endorse Ben's mouse pad review. Please give this man another prize to write about...

    :)

      Re:platform agnostic

      I'm having trouble working out how to use it with my Xbox 360 controller, I'm hoping Natal will have better support for it.

      Then write up the swag Madman provided you with, Corey, see if you can win another one.

        I uhh.... haven't actually received my Madman swag yet...

        .......

      9 months for a review is a poor investment target

    That was gold. Personally, I want a close-up of the guy going up the hill doing 'the robot'

    Now Mr Abraham, I also am the proud owner of a desk and I was wondering if I have the sufficient system specs to operate a mouse pad as fine as this one. And I was hoping you could assist me.

    My desk is a wonderful, well proportioned Victorian style free standing mahogany writing desk, the table top is fitted with the original tooled green leather embossed writing skiver, with scrolled gilt borders, a thumb nail moulded table edge, a long central drawer, flanked either side by a bank of five graduating cock beaded drawers, original cast handles, original lock escutcheon, panelled sides, reeded corners and finally but most importantly legs that terminate into Ogee style bracket feet.

    I eagerly await your return correspondence.

    Tally Ho!

    Sir Jon of Mokoko VII

      Dear Sir Jon of Mokoko VII,

      I was delighted to receive your letter dated 20th May 2010 in which you inquired about the potential compatibility of the Order of War mouse pad with your fine Victorian style, free standing mahogany writing desk.

      I've done some quick research, which indicates that, yes, it should theoretically be quite compatible with the "original tooled green leather", however to ensure complete compatibility you'd better send me the desk for the same rigorous testing it has undergone at my personal laboratory. It shall then be returned to you, along with a signed and sealed letter of guaranteed compatibility, to ensure you and any future owners the complete confidence in the continued usability of said desk/mouspad combination.

      Please send the desk to:
      Ben Abraham
      Care of David Wildgoose,
      Kotaku Tower
      Sydney
      2000

      If you would like to ensure that your desk is returned after testing, please include a stamped, self-addressed envelope to ensure it's prompt return after the nine month testing period.

      Yours sincerely,
      Ben Abraham

        Dear Benjamin Abraham,

        I had sent my desk off to you yesterday along with an accompanying letter explaining why you have received the desk and a rather dense looking butler named Ewan. But I have done some investigation and it appears to have not reached our adjoining mail-board. Possibly it has been pilfered by some enterprising mailman.

        It shall take too long to recount all of it's points so I shall merely provide you with a series of dot points that shall provide a minor insight and leave you intrigued with what the full letter would have been like once all these things were placed in their proper context.

        - Butlers and their association with Gophers.
        - Moving pictures created by my man servant that cause brain hemorrhages.
        - Galas and Lords.
        - Weighty Tomes regarding the sciences on the amalgamation of Desks and Mouse Pads.

        I hope all goes well with the desk. I eagerly await your scientific findings in 9 months. I shall need to find a tremendous hobby to occupy my time. I hear that flogging peasants is all the rage... I believe I shall give that a jolly good try.

        Sincerely,

        Sir Jon of Mokoko VII

    Ah Ben you're makin me laugh. Good work you guys :P

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