Dead Rising 2, like its predecessor is a video game that offers players the opportunity to re-kill zombies with dozens - hundreds? - of common and uncommon items. I recently tried to find the worst weapons in the game.
Author's note: I was playing a pre-release demo of Dead Rising 2 under the supervision of personnel from the game's publisher Capcom. The weapons described in here may be horrible, but there is still a chance that there are even more useless weapons to be found in the game.
You may or may not know that Dead Rising is set in a casino, our playable hero at war with a shambling horde of zombies. You may now conclude, armed with that information, that poker chips are an item in said casino, and that poker chips are high on the list of Worst Weapons To Use Against Zombies.
Let's get it on the list:
Poker Chips: These things are horrible at re-killing zombies because all you can do is flick a few at the men and women who, revived from death now want to eat your brain. Sure, Dead Rising 2 lets you do that when you're taking a break from smashing a roulette wheel into other zombies, but what hope does one man have against the zombie masses who apparently see no value in and feel no pain from the hurling of poker chips of any colour? None.
This casino has a mall, and casino malls can be counted on for selling useless items, such as giant dice, which in fact have the use of bowling over zombies. These stores also might include water guns. Back to the list...
Super Soaker: A pump-action watergun can squirt some H2O in the direction of deranged Dead Rising 2 zombies, but it stops their slow attack about as well as the power of positive thinking. I had great fun shooting water at zombies while telling the Capcom developer with whom I was playing the game that I was clearing the way for him. But I was really doing nothing useful. I was told the water gun can be combined with other item(s) to make it an actual useful weapon - maybe a flamethrower?
The casino of Dead Rising 2 includes giant teddy bears, which were useless in my guy's arms. I was going to put these man-sized plush bears on the list, save for the fact that a Capcom guy delightfully cheered when another person playing the game was able to kill a zombie with a stuffed bear. I don't know how they did it, but I will trust them.
Foam Finger: Stuffed bears may have secret zombie-fighting potential, but I believe the red foam fingers do not. They have zombie-slapping potential. That is all.
The toy helicopter that hovers in the air and makes noise does not go on the list. Its sounds attract zombies, and, if you attach blades to the rotors, it will chop them up. The guitar does not make the list, nor does the guitar-plus-amplifier combo which debilitates zombies via power chords. Definitely off the list is some Tesla ball of electricity that bowls into zombies and spreads a sparking charge through a crowd of them. I thought a golf club might go on the list, but you can actually drop a ball and swing a shot - the iron's shot takes out a clutch of zombies. Vinyl records? Useful as projectile weapons, fired right out of their sleeves. Skateboard? Tricky to control, but good for mowing down.
In the 20 minutes or so I played of Dead Rising 2's latest demo I guess I did find more useful than useless weapons with which to conquer the undead. The game's out at the end of August. At that time I will search for more useless weapons, because I don't plan to play Dead Rising 2 as a horror game but as a comedy. That's right, right?