Micro-marines in condom helmets tromping through a landscape of pubic hair will not be part of your Xbox 360 experience, according to a Microsoft statement on Privates, a title being developed for the PC and Xbox Live Arcade.
Zombie Cow, the studio, uh, behind Privates says the game may be irreverent in tone, it was built to promote safe sex messages, and was written to follow sex education guidelines in the British government’s National Curriculum.
That doesn’t seem to be of much persuasion to Microsoft. A spokesman gave this rather definite comment to the Seattle Post-Intelligencer.
This game has not been submitted to our pre-publication peer review process, and it has not been approved for distribution on Xbox Live Indie Games. We have guidelines in place that closely track requirements of content ratings boards worldwide and, among other things, prohibit the publication of strong sexual content.
While we haven’t seen this game, we can confirm that if it is consistent with the description we have seen on the Internet, this game would not pass peer review and would not be permitted to be distributed on Xbox Live.
All is not lost; while Zombie Cow was hoping for approval and still intends to submit it, the game will also be free for the PC and distributed by Channel 4.
“There was always going to be a risk it won’t pass Peer Review, but obviously we’ll do whatever we can to get the Xbox version out,” Zombie Cow founder Dan Marshall told the P-I. “It’d be a shame if a huge number of teenagers missed out on some quality gaming and vital education because of some abstract, cellular-level innards and pubic hairs.”
Yeah, Microsoft. Why you gotta take the SEMEN out of AMUSEMENT?