"According To My Supervisor, There Are No Such Things As Portals"

Funny man David Thorne received an abnormally hefty gas bill earlier this month. He blames two portals, a PlayStation 3 and Prince Adam of Eternia.

Or, he does in this email conversation with the surprisingly up-front Allison Hayes from Aussie gas provider AGL, who first provided Thorne with days of fun before he finished up and shared that fun with the internet.

From: David Thorne

Date: Monday 16 August 2010 8.12pm

To: [email protected]

Subject: Ref. 28941739

Dear Sir/Madam,

I have just received an account for the amount of $US766.05. Up until this moment, my accounts have, on average, been around the one hundred and sixty dollar mark and I doubt the Holtzman field portal experiments I am conducting in my spare room would account for this discrepancy.

Please correct this error immediately by typing in my reference number, clicking on the alarmingly large number, and moving the decimal point to the left. I don't care how many places.

Regards, David.

From: Allison Hayes

Date: Tuesday 17 August 2010 9.26am

To: David Thorne

Subject: Re: Ref. 28941739

Hello David

I have checked your account and the amount of $US766.05 correctly corresponds with your usage of 3262 kWh peak and 1982 kWh off peak for the indicated supply period. I dont know what portal experiments are but perhaps it is why you are using more electricity than previously. Please call our toll free number on 1300 133 245 should you have any further enquiries about your account.

Sincerely, Allison Hayes

That's just the start. She may come across as both stubborn and a little dim, but you have to appreciate Allison's honesty. That and the fact she's a human being, which is more than I can say for most other forms of customer service we have to deal with these days.

Grab a cup of tea and head below for the full thing

[27b/6, thanks Ben!]



    I bloody LOVE David Thorn...

    Good on Allison for being so patient :P

    This is the first time I have heard of David Thorn. He is hilarious. I was laughing so hard. I read the one about portals and the Blockbuster late fees are funny too. Thanks for that!

    All I thought was 'What a troll, lolz' as I read it.

    Didn't he say his email stories were fake? Pretty sure he said the spider drawing was anyway...

      There's far too many inconsistencies (supply period, usage detail and totals, graphs) in that bill for it to be even remotely true. Would Allison really ask what a LHC is instead of simply googling it, especially in light of the ridiculous nature of the previous email exchanges?

      All up, it's simply another mildly humorous fake exchange from David, likely exaggerated from getting a slightly higher bill than usual or having read a story about someone getting a large bill. Not his best work, but not his worst either I suppose.

    There's a story on Today Tonight about soaring power bills. I won't be watching it, however, as I'd "rather be kicked in the head by a horse the size of ten horses all molded together into one big horse". Also perhaps these 'soaring' power bills are related to the Winter period? I wouldn't know, as ever since the solar rebate scheme I've not had a need to turn on my electric heating courtesy of a government subsidised Housefire™.

      did you, by chance, mean the insulation rebate?

        No. What would I need with TWO Housefires?

    David Thorne never fails to amuse me.

    Amusing, but the conversation appears slightly contrived. Surely David Thorne could not get redirected to his requested department, because AGL don't have an "exterminate" department.

    A simple "I'm sorry, but that department cannot be discussed publicly" answer from Allison would have have sufficed.

    Absolute. F*%king. Gold. :-D

    This guy is hilarious, not a very great human though.
    My favourite from his collection of trolling:

    Ah Luke, where does the $US bit come from. The actual source of your quote on the site doesn't specify any country indicator on the currency, and considering it's an Australian electricity bill it's in Australian dollars.

    This man is a legend. I particularly like his spider drawing, his Blockbuster late fees, and his pie charts.

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