The Glamorous Life

The Internet has eliminated guys' rite-of-passage shame of avoiding eye contact while a clerk takes his time ringing up a glossy magazine with impossibly shaped hot women on the cover. Unless it's Glamour, in which I appear this month.

From the 12 Naughty Sex Questions You've Been Dying To Ask to 29 Best Beauty Buys This Minute, Glamour doesn't put any of the good stuff online. That also goes for my answer to a real-people Q&A, written by a colleague who works for them. So if I wanted to see my picture in the nation's leading sex, fashion & relationships periodical, I had to buy the hard copy.

You don't just so-what flip a 420-page women's magazine ("Biggest issue in 20 years!") on the counter like you're buying batteries. You can't really disguise it in a pile of groceries either. I just decided to own the moment. I bought Glamour alongside a giant Hillshire Farms summer sausage and a six-pack of Hamm's tallboys. I have to figure that kind of receipt is unprecedented in the history of grocery stores.

"You're not going to believe me if I tell you I'm buying this because I'm in it, are you," I asked "Chris," the clerk.

"No," Chris said.

"Look man, I'm just making sure I was quoted correctly."

Anyway, I can confirm I'm indeed in there, on page 286 of the September 2010 issue (the first time J-Lo's ever been on the cover of a magazine with me in it.) What did I say? What's the subject? Fuck you, y'all get to go buy it. Can't wait to hear your excuses and side items. C'mon, it's got the 12 naughty sex questions you've been dying to ask.


    What the fuck is a "summer sausage"?
    Is there a particular sausage for every season?

      Obviously they would use summer meat from a summer pig/cow/lamb/camel/horse.

      lol, I dont think any guy is willing to go out, pick it up and get all kinds of weird/judgemental looks from the person behind the cash register.

      We believe you.

    come on man you single? I often buy womens magazines its a fantastic distraction for when you want to game but you should probably be having coupletime, its the old switcharoo!

    Pop down the shops get supplies bring your beautiful girlfriend a copy of some womens magazine and you have yourself brwnie points and a clean run at the TV.

    But seriously owen your compounding our stereotypical image as gamers as women shy ultra dorks

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