To mark the launch this week of 2K’s gritty and authentic open world crime sim, we have a host of Mafia gear to give away. Today it’s the PlayStation 3 pack.
UPDATE: This draw is now closed.
Thanks to our friend at 2K Games, we have FIVE Mafia II “gangster” packs to give away. We’ll be giving away one each day this week. Each pack contains:
* Mafia II game * Mafia II t-shirt * Mafia II cufflinks * Mafia II artbook * Mafia II moneyclip
So how do you win today’s PS3 pack? Easy. It’s… wait for it… limerick time!
Hit us up in the comments below with your best mafioso-inspired limerick beginning “There once was a gangster named…” The limerick that makes me laugh the hardest will win.
You’ve got until midnight tonight to get your entry in. The winner will be announced at 10am tomorrow when we open a new draw. No multiple entries please, but if you don’t win you’re welcome to try again tomorrow with a new entry.
Good luck!
There once was a gangster called Mario,
Who shot up the goombas while snorting blow,
He stomped on their head with a +1 street cred,
And forced peach to perform princess tittie show.
I just realised I forgot to hit enter, my entry is meant to be formatted as such:
There once was a gangster called Mario,
Who shot up the goombas while snorting blow,
He stomped on their head,
with a +1 street cred,
And forced peach to perform princess tittie show.
Holy crap – so awesome!
How i have missed thee, limericks!
Good luck PS3 goers… I’ll be waiting for the 360 pack 🙂
There once was a gangster named Nico
Who wished his troubles would go
So he grabbed a gun
and murdered the town
but swore he was a good boy
There once was a gangster called Dick
Who shot up his bestfriend…. the prick
When Dick realised his crime
That his best friend wasnt fine
His heart bled until he was sick
There once was a gangster named Gillard,
Who pulled out a hit on a Kevin Rudd,
Tony Abbott was in her sights,
But his budgie smugglers put up a fight,
And now the greens are cooler than elmer fudd.
There once was a gangster named Sid Vicious,
who’s demeanour was notoriously malicious,
he f***ed the Don’s wife
who contracted his life
And now Vicous sleeps with the fishes!
There once was a gangster named Fred,
who awoke in his king size bed.
He wasn’t alone,
exhaling with a groan.
Staring at his wife’s horse like head!
There once was a gangster named Gillard,
Who duked it out in the polls with a retard,
Much to the gamers’dissent,
An R-rating was absent,
Perhaps that should’ve been her trump card?
There once was a gangster named Matt,
Who entered to win a game pack,
If he doesn’t win,
the Goose will soon swim
face down with all of the fishes.
see.
There once was a gangster named Shawn,
a thug since the day he was born,
at least in videogames,
but it’s not quite the same,
REAL gangsters don’t get to respawn.
There once was a gangster called Steve
He runs a business selling to fools
With his slaves he builds shiny tools
Also he has glasses…
There once was a gangster called mike
Who liked to steal expensive bikes
day after day
night after night
he found that he hated dikes.
oh… dear god….
…Epic Fail…
That did seem to hit a bum note.
There once was a gangster named Tony,
A club owner and a mobster crony,
he featured in a game,
disguised by the name,
The Ballad of Gay Tony.
There once was a gangster named Eugene
He enjoys things that are Obscene
He was removed during beta
Cause 2k had to cater
To Australia that lacks an R18
Wow. THIS!
There was once a ganster called fatty.
He sat at home eating lollies.
He wacked men in there willy,
so they could make no more billys.
He liked men more than the ladies.
That is why he loved his lollies.
I’m sooo Gangster!!!
Word up G!
Yo gone and messed up his lymerick tho, dawg, all like BLAM BLAM n shiz…
There was once was a gangster named Sheamus,
Who planned to point the finger and name us.
So we put out the word,
to silence this turd.
It’s our way of life, can you blame us?
there once was a gangster named lil wayne
left a gun on his bus now hes in pain
he dropped the soap in the crowded shower
even tupac can hear him holler
now hes known as lil jane
There once was a gangster named Desmond,
A veteran mobster, a reverend,
With god by his side,
He commited genocide,
And continued his life as a legend.
There was once a gangster named Heather
Who liked to don black leather
But the Don gave her a slap
So she called the cops
You have gone too far Paul! screamed Heather
There was once a gangster named tHe Go0se,
Notorious for limerick misuse.
Saying there were prizes to be won
Though he’d secretly just make fun
Of the poetic aberrations let loose.
There once was a ganster named Mary,
A cutie, but not very scary,
Her horsey named Toff,
Had its head cut clean off,
Toff’s a table now under the telly.
There once was a gangster named Mitch,
who really wanted to get rich,
He went round the enemy town,
Running a protection shakedown,
And now he sleeps wit da fish.
There once was a gangster named Tony,
though everyone knew he was phoney,
he had a tommy-gun,
he smuggled in rum,
but he never ate mommas macaroni.
There once was a ganster named Robotnik
Whose Chaos Emeralds would enslave the planet quite quick
But his defenses for his plots
Suffered rampant weak spots
That could be spotted by a mutant marsupial called Sonic
There once was a gangster named Fred
Who liked to shotgun people in the head.
One day he dropped all his shells,
When startled by a herd of gazelles
So he bludgeoned him with a crowbar instead.
There once was a gangster called Isaac,
Who went in after a planet crack,
His poor wife was bled,
The whole ship was dead,
And then his poor mind went snap.
There once was a gangster named Fat Tony
Who was so feared he was kind of lonely
He Loved a good meal
Was eating the veal
When he choked to death on a macaroni
There once was a gangster named De Niro,
for De Palma and Coppola he could show,
a great mafia kingpin,
sadly his recent roles have been,
way below even todays status quo :'(
There once was a gangster named Chopper,
his occupation could not have been rougher,
he cut off some toes,
made some murderous foes,
but it was on himself that he inflicted ‘Chop-ear’
There once was a gangster named Bill
Who found it hard to get a thrill
He threatened developers with a hit
To make the PS3 version look like shit
Job is done,grass is gone as is all freewill
There once was a gangster named Fred
Who claimed he was in the wrong bed
but the don was irate
and yelled ‘its too late’
you would rather him than me on your head
There once was a gangster named clent
Whose love for you came and went
It is such a drag,
That you are a fag,
‘Cause now your feet are cement
There once was a gangster named Molyneux
Whose own fate he was determined to sow
With his twisted, forked tongue
Many false truths were sprung
Now all the fuzz could find was his big toe
There once was a gangster named joe
who rose up with that drug they call blow
While Paulie had clout
Joe whacked him right out
and now he’s running the show
There once was a gangster named Henry
Who thought all these rats “can’t touch me”
He schemed with his ma
Drew his rivals to a bar
And filled em with holes not so gently
There once was a gangster named Bjorn
He loved to play his new trumpet horn
The mob did not take a shine
To his cover of Cheap Wine
So now hes fertiliser for the lawn
As far back as I can remember,
I’ve always wanted to be a gangster.
As a gamer i’m no slouch
but due to sitting on a couch
I’ll have to settle for being a Mafia Pretender.
There once was a gangster named Cody
Whose pride and joy was a cup winning pony
He refused to be led
Went defiantly to bed
If you don’t know the rest you can phone me
Can I just get a clarification. Is it just PS3 packs or will it change each day?
It’ll change each day. I have two PS3, two 360 and one PC.
There once was a gangster named Lynch,
who helped his friend Kane in a pinch,
as the story went on,
and everything went wrong,
they both found killing a cinch.
there once was a gangster names paulie
who really did like the canoli
when the don ordered some
he brought back none
now he’s gone someplace fishy.
There once was a gangster named Brawler.
Though he wasn’t much the aggressor but the staller.
He was really short, skinny and white.
Spoke with no italian accent or with bite.
I guess being gangster is alot easier with a controller.
There once was a gangster named David,
Who’s passion for crime never waivered,
Some called him Wildgoose,
Others just footloose,
For he’d kill you with dance if he favoured
There once was a gangster named Bob,
Who was in real deep with the mob.
He wore tonnes of bling,
Tortured guys to make ’em sing,
And really loved corn on the cob.
There once was a gangster named Matt
He didn’t like crime and he was fat
He’d pretend to hassle shops
But preferred to eat lamb chops
At least he got to wear a sweet hat
There once was a gangster named Pelvis,
Who struts like Elvis,
He went to vegas with his guns,
but ended up being a bum.
There once was a gangster named Bend
Who started this inapproriate trend
If forced to confess
He’d quickly undress
And respond ‘Say hello to my little friend!’
inappropriate… aah.. notepad has no autospell feature…
There is a small city in Tuscany,
who are peved at the portrayal of Italy,
Sony say its a game,
but they’ll sue all the same,
and delay the game more than a month you’ll see.
Sorry, that was suppose to be:
There once was a gangster named Tuscany,
who were peved at the portrayal of Italy,
Sony said its a game,
but they sued all the same,
and delayed the game more than a month you see.
oh very topical, I like 😀
Thanks :)!
There once was a gangster named K1llsen,
who railed and LG’d like a demon,
he outplayed strenx,
then topped the best,
beating rapha at gamescom twenty-ten.
Was some good games to watch this weekend just gone 😀
There once was a gangstar named David
Whose writing was the weapon he favoured
Through posters a-glut
His articles would cut
‘Twas the gory o’ text that he savoured
There once was a gangster named Luigi
Who was awfully fond of the Ouija
The Don he found out
And because he’s devout
He beat him to death with a squeegee.
There once was gangster named Orange
……
……
……
……Dammit nothing rhymes with orange!
There once was gangster named Orange
But because of his red hair he was called Ginge
There are a few more words that rhyme
But I just don’t have the time
As I’m watching the show called the Fringe
Well played!
I would have also accepted ‘Minge’…..actually I almost always accept ‘Minge”
LOL! Reminds me of the South Park episode.
Hmmm, orange, ginge, minge…… we may have something here… 😛
Door-Hinge?
There once was a gangster named Bobby Kotick
Who many consider to be a prick
It’s human nature to rip on the biggest CEO
As probably most of you may know
Many used to call Larry Probst a dick
There was once a gangster called Green
Who rubbed his penis in some gelatine
He then gripped his cock
And used it to clean his Glock
Unfortunately he won’t be passing on his genes
The once was a gangster named Frank
His friends all called him the tank
When he drank booze
He’d take off all his clothes and shoes
Which was a sign there was too much beer drank
There once was a gangster named Capone
Who was afraid of being alone
So on Valentines Day
He made his enemies pay
And since then has always been well known
There once was a gangster named Jabba
Who cornered Han Solo at the ships hanger
Han stepped on his tail
And told him the cheque’s in the mail
But that only made Jabba madder!
There once was a gangster named Greedo
Who had the complexion of a leprechauns speedo
He finally caught up with Han
But wasnt watching his hand
Who shot himUnder the table with a torpedo
There once was a gangster named Fonz
Whose ineptness makes him such a Stronz.
His hands turn to Jello
when whaking a fellow,
Can’t beleive he’s the son of the Don’s.
There once was a gangster named John Smith,
He would hit you with a +10 Walking stick of Walking
Wear a paper mask and a pink balaclava
Never ever seen with laughter
He has seen his master.
There once was a gangster named Blaster
with no tolerance to gluten or pasta.
The Don came for a meal,
a two for one pizza deal,
Which turned to a gastro disaster.
There once was a gangster named Rabbit
Who wouldn’t learn how to cohabit
Though no fluffy bunny
He had one fine honey
A violent den he had to inhabit
There once was a gangster named Bob
Who was given a really tough job
He wanted that game
But his limericks were lame
Looks like he’ll just have to rob
There was once was a gangster named Freeman,
Who in the end was saved by G-man.
Not once did he talk
All he did was walk.
Now the fans ask, where is episode 3 man?
there once was a gangster named Cherry
who traveled only by ferry
when they asked him why he’d been given
the least fortunate name in prison
cherry winced, “forget abou’ it, it’s too scary.”
There once was a gangster called Vito
Who was mates with a badass called joe
They both shot eddie
Who wasn’t even ready
Cause they needed the $2,000 dough
There once was a ganster named Raynor,
after loosing his girl he became a drainer,
a revolution he lead,
to sever Minsks head,
in a hailstorm of blood and gore
THERE WAS A YOUNG CHAPPY NAMED EARL,
WHO LIVED ALL HIS LIFE IN A WHIRL.
HE LIVED IN THE FAST LANE,
HAD HIS OWN PRIVATE PLANE,
WITH A PILOT, AN EX BUNNY GIRL!
there once was a ganster called vito
the digital representation of mafia life meant to be incognito
the americans say hey
that was never our way
gritty mafia ka peshko!
There once was a mobster named Lou,
Who despite the protests of his peers still read Kotaku,
For the latest goss on games, be it console or system,
Was more important to him,
Than knee-capping blokes and smacking bitches!
There once was a gangster named Tony
Who loved to eat cannelloni
The cops all said “freeze”
But one bite of cheese
Put him on ice like Zamboni
There once was a gangster named Mack.
Who moments from now would be wacked.
In his bathroom he should have looked,
His goose would soon be cooked,
And all he could could do was say “quack”.
there once was a gangster with hairy tits
which were also riddled with nits
he tired to wash them out
but all they did was shout
“screw you stupid twit!”
There once was a gangster named Rob
Who seemed to be a bit of a snob.
“Nintendo is gay,”
he often would say
and he caused all the fanboys to sob.
There once was a gangster named Frugal
Who sat at his computer and mu-sed
On a cold August night
“This Week in Games,” gave a fright
Many games without funds to afford them
With Kotaku’s giving demeanour
I’ll have it all without touching the Visa 🙂
There once was a gangster named Vito Corleone
Who spoke not in words, but in grunts and moans
No one could understand a word that he said
So they accidently put a horse’s head in his bed
A stupid mistake he won’t ever condone!
There once was a gangster named Atkinson
In his game-free office he garrisoned
“Michael!” cried gamers,
Armed with lazors n’ tazors,
They charged into his office and shocked him.
There once was a gangster named Guido,
Who trained killer birds in tuxedos,
Despite quite a struggle,
The budgies he smuggled,
Fired prematurely whilst still in his speedos.
There was once gangster named Alma,
He’d go around causing lots of drama,
Driving around in a Hummer,
All day throughout the Summer,
AK’s in the trunk, and Glocks in the back,
Mutha-f*cker this gangster is whack!
Dayuummm…
There once was gangster named Bob
Who got caught by the pigs on the job
He was locked in a cell
cursed right down to hell
And reconsidered his life with the mob
There once was a gangster named Don Vito
He was Italiano
In his tomato garden,
His heart seemed to harden,
Then he was no moar.
There once was a gangster called orange
…
The end.
Already done
There once was a gangster named Denzel
Whose pencahnt for smuggling was swell
His girl bought him a chinchilla
The cops found their Atilla
Now he’s turned states to prevail
There once was a gangster named Donnie
Who had all the roll he could want, see
Got caught and turned fink
For the FBI you would think
Before being minced like Baloni
crap i got overzealous before reading the rules abou multiples .. dang word games .. take my first?
There once was a gangster named Tony
His accent, though thick, was not phony
Do as he wishes
Or you’ll sleep with the fishes
Assisted, of course, by his cronies
There once was a gangster named Birdie,
he looks like a certain somebody,
he carries a tool,
and pities the fool,
a British born blonde Mr T.
There once was a gangster named Bazza
Who grassed on his mates for Susanna
Unfortunately for him,
He’d had to much Gin
And Susanna was really Sir Dazza.
There once was a gangster named Dwight,
Who always got into fights,
He thought he was 2pac,
You should see his bling rack,
If only he wasn’t white.
There once was a gangster named Finch
Who worked on the side as a snitch
He ratted out Max Payne
Got deathrow for Kane
And was inmate 88 killed by Lynch!
There once was a gangster named Lars,
Who liked to throw piss jars.
Making a hit,
On his boss: a Crit,
Now he’s top singer in gay bars.
There once was a gangster named Tony
While in jail was feeling a little lonely
So he rat on his crew
They’d soon join him too
For his safety, Tony is held in solitary only
There once was a gangster troll on a forum
Who whined that the posts always bored em
so all the others said
get it into your head
that nobody asked you to score em