To mark the launch this week of 2K’s gritty and authentic open world crime sim, we have a host of Mafia gear to give away. Today it’s the Xbox 360’s turn.
Thanks to our friend at 2K Games, we have FIVE Mafia II “gangster” packs to give away. We’ll be giving away one each day this week. Each pack contains:
* Mafia II game * Mafia II t-shirt * Mafia II cufflinks * Mafia II artbook * Mafia II moneyclip
So how do you win today’s Xbox 360 pack? Easy. Hit us up in the comments below with your best mafioso-inspired limerick beginning “There once was a gangster named…” The limerick that makes me laugh the hardest will win.
You’ve got until midnight tonight to get your entry in. The winner will be announced at 10am tomorrow when we open a new draw. No multiple entries please, but if you don’t win you’re welcome to try again tomorrow with a new entry.
And yesterday’s PS3 winner is… Andy Pants 2000 for this unexpected gem:
There once was a gangster named Guido, Who trained killer birds in tuxedos, Despite quite a struggle, The budgies he smuggled, Fired prematurely whilst still in his speedos.
Shouts out to RufusLives, Setsuma Saigami, Sean, sam, Ben Dy, yikes, Luke, James C and Stevorooni (who nearly won it with his genius final line). You all made me laugh.
There once was a gangster named Terrence
Who had very little experience
Pulled the trigger to shoot
Blew off his own foot
Demonstrating Police Quest common sense
Revision (if allowed):
There once was a gangster named Terrence
Who had not so much common sense
Pulled the trigger to shoot
Blew off his own foot
T’was the Police Quest experience
There once was a gangster named Andy,
With guns he was rather quite handy,
But try as he might,
in a fist fight,
Turns out he was a just big pansy.
Unrelated – Could we have sent the gangster to Nantucket? 😛
There once was a gangster named Bob,
he was thrilled by his new mafia job,
but as his first day did start,
he let slip a toxic fart,
now he’s no longer welcome by the mob!
There once was a gangster called Tony,
with a solid girth, he was a typical crony.
Shot in the head,
through tears his Mum shed:
“All he ever wanted was a miniature Pony”
There once was a gangster named Neville
With the ladies he was quite the devil
But only on dating games
He’d get all the great dames
In real life he couldn’t beat the first level
There once was a gangster named Seamus
Who thought David was getting a little to famous
Little did the public know
He had it in for that so and so
So he made him resign what a ignoramus
Here is the visual proof of my conspiracy
http://www.kotaku.com.au/2008/10/competition_saints_row_2_giveaway_wannabe_gangsta_stylez/
There once was a gangster named “Sue”,
who knew just what to do.
If his name got a laugh,
the guy’s [crotch] chopped in half.
“The girl here, was me, now it’s you!”
There once was a gangster named Wander,
Though others called him Wanda.
Sixteen colossi did he kill
with oh so much skill
But why no giant panda?
There once was a gangster named Betty
Whose arm pits would get very sweaty
The smell got so strong
The mob couldnt bear the pong
So they buried her under a jetty
There once was a gangster named tony
whom loved more than just cannelloni
for when the Don’s not around
he plays, with the curtains down
his headless “My Little Pony”
There once was a gangster named Ringo,
He ate Big Mobs of burgers every Smoko.
His waist got fatter and fatter…
Ringo’s now an Armchair-Gangster,
As he just plays GTA, Mafia and Saints Row!
Well done Andy Pants, had a great laugh with your won, well deserved. I was so tempted to make Ringo hail from ‘Nantucket’ in this one! But that would be a cheap one, ha!
There once was a gangster named Salvatore
His day job, though fun, was quite gory
Armed with his Tommy, shooting mobsters left and right
He quickly worked up a mighty appetite
Which was satisfied with his mother’s chicken cacciatore
There once was a gangster called Reg
Who Went with a Girl in a Hedge
Along came his wife
With a big Carving Knife
And cut off his meat and two veg
There once was a gangster called *insert name*
He was tough, a *insert level of fame*
But I shot him dead
Bam! Right through the head
Achievement Unlocked – *insert much acclaim*
I couldn’t think of a more generic gangster gaming limerick, alas.
There once was a gangster named Shirley,
and although his name was quite girly,
he would make tough demands,
kill guys with his hands,
and had a girlfriend who looked like Liz Hurley.
There once was a gangster named Bugsy,
Who threw lame cream pies that were sludgy,
He hijacked the Splurge,
And now has the urge,
To shoot off his load at Don Fugsly.
There once was a gangster named Harry
That was indeed quite contrary
Given his pardon
To grow his garden
For bodies to hide and bury
There once was a gangster named Tony
What?, you don’t believe me? Who the F#@K do you think you are. I should come over there and rip your F#@king heart out and wear your skin as a blanket.
Do you beleive this guy?
(This is the toned down version of course)
‘Shady.. you effing rock! haha
that was brilliant! 😀
Yeah, this totally should win today, sorry loops, FS just stole the show. 🙂
i know.. and i thought my one was pretty good until i saw this 🙁
Thanks Gents. I was thinking, what would a Mafia guy do when writing a limerick… and well, that about sums it up. Not sure if i’d be eligible for the win as technically it is NOT a limerick, and we have seen what happens when people go over the word limit etc in other comps.
I will leave it up to the hand of ‘David’.
But yeah, was too funny not to do it!
There once was a gangster named Fat Tony,
Who was incredibly bony,
He went on a heist,
and cried “Jesus Christ”
when he realized he had to carry a Sony.
There once was a gangster named Fluffy,
Who woke up with his eyes all puffy,
He’d been on the turps,
And torched some flamboyant perps,
Which made the pink mafia all huffy.
There once was a gangster named Shirly
The others found him quite girly
But he real was tough
And he’d had enough
So he shoot the boys in their pearlys.
There once was a gangster named Skeet,
who’s Street Gang could not be beat,
’till Alex and Ryan found him,
and they gave him a good poundin’,
until he barfed coins all over the street.
There once was a gangster named Gertrude
Who seemed to always get screwed
He’d hire a girl for the night
But once his manhood was in sight
He’d be locked outside in the nude.
There once was a girl named Bayonetta,
A gangster wronged and on a vendetta,
To win the comp of the century
She rehashed an old entry
By gosh Kotaku just LET HER !!
There once was a gangster named Slink
Whose clothing attire was never in sync
Washed his whites with his reds
From where he had bled
And then rock up to work wearing pink
There once was a gangster named Pete,
Who couldn’t be beat With the heat,
His enemies were many,
He earned a pretty penny,
His motto in life: ‘Rinse and repeat’
There once was a gangster named Ryan,
Who killed with the help of his pet lion.
The lion was great,
A perfect buddy and mate
Until he ate Ryan and left him a-dyin’
There once was a gangster that was so hot
the boys all hope they’ve got a shot
to meet in real life
and make her their wife
and each night blow in her game slot
There once was a gangster named Roy.
Although he was never called coy,
he missed the big fight,
coz he was up all night,
seeing how long he could read all his Playboys
There once was a gangster named Summa,
who was as strong and fast as a puma,
he beats on his wii,
and shouts with such glee,
when he splats the shite out of a goomba
There once was a gangsta named Fitty
Who had a diamond skull, oh so pretty
But when it got stolen
His pride was swollen
So G-unit bought him a kitty!
Didn’t expect that, did ya?
There once was Gangster named Patrick
Who caps three pigs in a hat trick,
He would have got nine but run out of time
As a shotgun tore out his gastrics
There once was a gangster named Tom Schmit,
He don’t like Small Tony, not one bit,
“He’s a rat, he should die”
I says “Tom, he’s a wise guy”
Then Tommy’s all “aah forget about it”
There once was a gangster last named Tolkien,
Who wrote books and was slightly outspoken
Though his attempts at limericks were quite boring,
And most often left people a snoring
So thank god his stories were all smokin’
There once was a gangster named Munich
Who wore a ridiculous tunic
When he opened his coat
The law went for his throat
Nothing unsettles like a nude eunuch
There once was a gangster named Dug
Had an aircompresser that was bane o’ th’ Bug
He’d drill through the ground
For carrots and fruits he would hound
And anyone he came across he would mug
There once was a gangster named Sidney
Who cruised around in his lamborghini
There was room for his Ass
And a gallon of Gas
And even his hoes Cindy and Mindy
There once was a gangster named Andrew
Who didn’t know quite what to do
He wanted to be mean
But his life was serene
So instead he bought Mafia II
There once was a gangster, Andreau
A Russian Mob man through and through
To his victims he’d mutter
With thick accent, “In Russia,
Horses head wakes up next to you!”
There once was a gangster named Keith
Mislaid his set of false teeth
They’d been laid on a chair
He’d forgot they were there
Sat down, and was bitten beneath
There once was a gangster named Luigi,
who’s kitchen was far from dingy.
He was only the cook,
but if you gave him the wrong look,
he would rub you out with his squeegee.
There once was a gangster name Antoine,
Who went on tv to threaten one
he went on tv
then started to speak
and said ‘He’s climbin in yo windows he’s snatchin yo people up. Trying to rape em so hide yo kids, hide yo wife and hide yo husbands cause he rapin errbody out dere.’
There once was a gangster named Snookie,
Whose deadly trademark was a cookie,
The crumbs they did fall,
As the shots hit the wall,
And he proves yet again she’s no rookie.
There once was a gangster named Marcus
Who was always confused near a carcass
Couldn’t find a horse head
To put in someone’s bed
So chopped Sarah Jessica Parker’s.
There once was a gangster called Fitz
Who was nervous about doing hits
’til Bad Bruno attacked
He had what Fitzy lacked
And ol’ Fitzy got blown into bits.
There once was a gangster named dink
he always liked to wink
he tugged and he pulled
hit it with a tool
and now he’s completely blind
There once was a gangster named Nick
Whose manhood is 5 inches thick
All the ladies in town
Can no longer sit down
And they’re dazed like they’re hit with a brick.
There once was a gangster named Bucket
Who actually CAME from Nantucket;
He had heard that limerick
So much, it made him sick
if you told it? A tantrum. He’d chuck it.
There once was a gangster named Bunth
Who suffered a lisp once a month
The fellas said “Hey!
Is today the big day?”
He said “Very funny… you cunth.”
There once was a gangster named Brad
winning contests makes him glad
but while others grin
he never wins
and this makes him very MAD!
There once was a gangster named Enus.
who was very well known for his cleanness;
His great punctuality,
and originality,
And you thought I’d use the word penis.
There once was a gangster named Capone
Whose specialty was carving headstones
He’s now six feet under
Which is no wonder
Carving “Here lies Capone”, he should’ve known
There once was a gangster named Buck.
Who constantly wanted to have sexual intercourse.
Bad luck someone said.
Buck caried his head.
“you’ve got the herpes buck”……
…
…
…
…
…
“fuck”.
There once was a gangster named Daddy,
Who once was a gangster named Diddy,
Though that’s not how he was born,
he began life as a Shaun,
though I’m sure plenty just call him “shitty”
There was once a gangster called Jerry
Who everyone thought was a bit of a fairy
“Dudes, I’m all guy”
He shouted with might
Until 1 day he got caught t-bagging Dwight.