WIN! Mafia II Xbox 360 Gangster Pack

WIN! Mafia II Xbox 360 Gangster Pack

To mark the launch this week of 2K’s gritty and authentic open world crime sim, we have a host of Mafia gear to give away. Today it’s the Xbox 360’s turn.

Thanks to our friend at 2K Games, we have FIVE Mafia II “gangster” packs to give away. We’ll be giving away one each day this week. Each pack contains:

* Mafia II game * Mafia II t-shirt * Mafia II cufflinks * Mafia II artbook * Mafia II moneyclip

So how do you win today’s Xbox 360 pack? Easy. Hit us up in the comments below with your best mafioso-inspired limerick beginning “There once was a gangster named…” The limerick that makes me laugh the hardest will win.

You’ve got until midnight tonight to get your entry in. The winner will be announced at 10am tomorrow when we open a new draw. No multiple entries please, but if you don’t win you’re welcome to try again tomorrow with a new entry.

And yesterday’s PS3 winner is… Andy Pants 2000 for this unexpected gem:

There once was a gangster named Guido, Who trained killer birds in tuxedos, Despite quite a struggle, The budgies he smuggled, Fired prematurely whilst still in his speedos.

Shouts out to RufusLives, Setsuma Saigami, Sean, sam, Ben Dy, yikes, Luke, James C and Stevorooni (who nearly won it with his genius final line). You all made me laugh.

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Comments

  • There once was a gangster named Terrence
    Who had very little experience
    Pulled the trigger to shoot
    Blew off his own foot
    Demonstrating Police Quest common sense

    • Revision (if allowed):

      There once was a gangster named Terrence
      Who had not so much common sense
      Pulled the trigger to shoot
      Blew off his own foot
      T’was the Police Quest experience

  • There once was a gangster named Andy,
    With guns he was rather quite handy,
    But try as he might,
    in a fist fight,
    Turns out he was a just big pansy.

    Unrelated – Could we have sent the gangster to Nantucket? 😛

  • There once was a gangster named Bob,
    he was thrilled by his new mafia job,
    but as his first day did start,
    he let slip a toxic fart,
    now he’s no longer welcome by the mob!

  • There once was a gangster called Tony,
    with a solid girth, he was a typical crony.
    Shot in the head,
    through tears his Mum shed:
    “All he ever wanted was a miniature Pony”

  • There once was a gangster named Neville
    With the ladies he was quite the devil
    But only on dating games
    He’d get all the great dames
    In real life he couldn’t beat the first level

  • There once was a gangster named Seamus
    Who thought David was getting a little to famous
    Little did the public know
    He had it in for that so and so
    So he made him resign what a ignoramus

  • There once was a gangster named “Sue”,
    who knew just what to do.
    If his name got a laugh,
    the guy’s [crotch] chopped in half.
    “The girl here, was me, now it’s you!”

  • There once was a gangster named Wander,
    Though others called him Wanda.
    Sixteen colossi did he kill
    with oh so much skill
    But why no giant panda?

  • There once was a gangster named Betty
    Whose arm pits would get very sweaty
    The smell got so strong
    The mob couldnt bear the pong
    So they buried her under a jetty

  • There once was a gangster named tony
    whom loved more than just cannelloni
    for when the Don’s not around
    he plays, with the curtains down
    his headless “My Little Pony”

  • There once was a gangster named Ringo,
    He ate Big Mobs of burgers every Smoko.
    His waist got fatter and fatter…
    Ringo’s now an Armchair-Gangster,
    As he just plays GTA, Mafia and Saints Row!

    Well done Andy Pants, had a great laugh with your won, well deserved. I was so tempted to make Ringo hail from ‘Nantucket’ in this one! But that would be a cheap one, ha!

  • There once was a gangster named Salvatore
    His day job, though fun, was quite gory
    Armed with his Tommy, shooting mobsters left and right
    He quickly worked up a mighty appetite
    Which was satisfied with his mother’s chicken cacciatore

  • There once was a gangster called Reg

    Who Went with a Girl in a Hedge

    Along came his wife

    With a big Carving Knife

    And cut off his meat and two veg

  • There once was a gangster called *insert name*
    He was tough, a *insert level of fame*
    But I shot him dead
    Bam! Right through the head
    Achievement Unlocked – *insert much acclaim*

    I couldn’t think of a more generic gangster gaming limerick, alas.

  • There once was a gangster named Shirley,
    and although his name was quite girly,
    he would make tough demands,
    kill guys with his hands,
    and had a girlfriend who looked like Liz Hurley.

  • There once was a gangster named Bugsy,
    Who threw lame cream pies that were sludgy,
    He hijacked the Splurge,
    And now has the urge,
    To shoot off his load at Don Fugsly.

  • There once was a gangster named Harry
    That was indeed quite contrary
    Given his pardon
    To grow his garden
    For bodies to hide and bury

  • There once was a gangster named Tony

    What?, you don’t believe me? Who the F#@K do you think you are. I should come over there and rip your F#@king heart out and wear your skin as a blanket.

    Do you beleive this guy?

    (This is the toned down version of course)

          • Thanks Gents. I was thinking, what would a Mafia guy do when writing a limerick… and well, that about sums it up. Not sure if i’d be eligible for the win as technically it is NOT a limerick, and we have seen what happens when people go over the word limit etc in other comps.

            I will leave it up to the hand of ‘David’.

            But yeah, was too funny not to do it!

  • There once was a gangster named Fat Tony,
    Who was incredibly bony,
    He went on a heist,
    and cried “Jesus Christ”
    when he realized he had to carry a Sony.

  • There once was a gangster named Fluffy,
    Who woke up with his eyes all puffy,
    He’d been on the turps,
    And torched some flamboyant perps,
    Which made the pink mafia all huffy.

  • There once was a gangster named Skeet,
    who’s Street Gang could not be beat,
    ’till Alex and Ryan found him,
    and they gave him a good poundin’,
    until he barfed coins all over the street.

  • There once was a gangster named Gertrude
    Who seemed to always get screwed
    He’d hire a girl for the night
    But once his manhood was in sight
    He’d be locked outside in the nude.

  • There once was a girl named Bayonetta,
    A gangster wronged and on a vendetta,
    To win the comp of the century
    She rehashed an old entry
    By gosh Kotaku just LET HER !!

  • There once was a gangster named Slink
    Whose clothing attire was never in sync
    Washed his whites with his reds
    From where he had bled
    And then rock up to work wearing pink

  • There once was a gangster named Pete,
    Who couldn’t be beat With the heat,
    His enemies were many,
    He earned a pretty penny,
    His motto in life: ‘Rinse and repeat’

  • There once was a gangster named Ryan,
    Who killed with the help of his pet lion.
    The lion was great,
    A perfect buddy and mate
    Until he ate Ryan and left him a-dyin’

  • There once was a gangster that was so hot
    the boys all hope they’ve got a shot
    to meet in real life
    and make her their wife
    and each night blow in her game slot

  • There once was a gangster named Roy.
    Although he was never called coy,
    he missed the big fight,
    coz he was up all night,
    seeing how long he could read all his Playboys

  • There once was a gangster named Summa,
    who was as strong and fast as a puma,
    he beats on his wii,
    and shouts with such glee,
    when he splats the shite out of a goomba

  • There once was a gangsta named Fitty
    Who had a diamond skull, oh so pretty
    But when it got stolen
    His pride was swollen
    So G-unit bought him a kitty!

    Didn’t expect that, did ya?

  • There once was a gangster named Tom Schmit,
    He don’t like Small Tony, not one bit,
    “He’s a rat, he should die”
    I says “Tom, he’s a wise guy”
    Then Tommy’s all “aah forget about it”

  • There once was a gangster last named Tolkien,
    Who wrote books and was slightly outspoken
    Though his attempts at limericks were quite boring,
    And most often left people a snoring
    So thank god his stories were all smokin’

  • There once was a gangster named Munich
    Who wore a ridiculous tunic
    When he opened his coat
    The law went for his throat
    Nothing unsettles like a nude eunuch

  • There once was a gangster named Dug
    Had an aircompresser that was bane o’ th’ Bug
    He’d drill through the ground
    For carrots and fruits he would hound
    And anyone he came across he would mug

  • There once was a gangster named Sidney
    Who cruised around in his lamborghini
    There was room for his Ass
    And a gallon of Gas
    And even his hoes Cindy and Mindy

  • There once was a gangster named Andrew
    Who didn’t know quite what to do
    He wanted to be mean
    But his life was serene
    So instead he bought Mafia II

  • There once was a gangster, Andreau
    A Russian Mob man through and through
    To his victims he’d mutter
    With thick accent, “In Russia,
    Horses head wakes up next to you!”

  • There once was a gangster named Luigi,
    who’s kitchen was far from dingy.
    He was only the cook,
    but if you gave him the wrong look,
    he would rub you out with his squeegee.

  • There once was a gangster name Antoine,
    Who went on tv to threaten one
    he went on tv
    then started to speak
    and said ‘He’s climbin in yo windows he’s snatchin yo people up. Trying to rape em so hide yo kids, hide yo wife and hide yo husbands cause he rapin errbody out dere.’

  • There once was a gangster named Snookie,
    Whose deadly trademark was a cookie,
    The crumbs they did fall,
    As the shots hit the wall,
    And he proves yet again she’s no rookie.

  • There once was a gangster named Marcus
    Who was always confused near a carcass
    Couldn’t find a horse head
    To put in someone’s bed
    So chopped Sarah Jessica Parker’s.

  • There once was a gangster called Fitz
    Who was nervous about doing hits
    ’til Bad Bruno attacked
    He had what Fitzy lacked
    And ol’ Fitzy got blown into bits.

  • There once was a gangster named dink
    he always liked to wink
    he tugged and he pulled
    hit it with a tool
    and now he’s completely blind

  • There once was a gangster named Nick
    Whose manhood is 5 inches thick
    All the ladies in town
    Can no longer sit down
    And they’re dazed like they’re hit with a brick.

  • There once was a gangster named Bucket
    Who actually CAME from Nantucket;
    He had heard that limerick
    So much, it made him sick
    if you told it? A tantrum. He’d chuck it.

  • There once was a gangster named Bunth
    Who suffered a lisp once a month
    The fellas said “Hey!
    Is today the big day?”
    He said “Very funny… you cunth.”

  • There once was a gangster named Brad
    winning contests makes him glad
    but while others grin
    he never wins
    and this makes him very MAD!

  • There once was a gangster named Enus.
    who was very well known for his cleanness;
    His great punctuality,
    and originality,
    And you thought I’d use the word penis.

  • There once was a gangster named Capone
    Whose specialty was carving headstones
    He’s now six feet under
    Which is no wonder
    Carving “Here lies Capone”, he should’ve known

  • There once was a gangster named Buck.
    Who constantly wanted to have sexual intercourse.
    Bad luck someone said.
    Buck caried his head.
    “you’ve got the herpes buck”……





    “fuck”.

  • There once was a gangster named Daddy,
    Who once was a gangster named Diddy,
    Though that’s not how he was born,
    he began life as a Shaun,
    though I’m sure plenty just call him “shitty”

  • There was once a gangster called Jerry
    Who everyone thought was a bit of a fairy
    “Dudes, I’m all guy”
    He shouted with might
    Until 1 day he got caught t-bagging Dwight.

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