Quick Fire Competition: Assassin’s Creed

Quick Fire Competition: Assassin’s Creed

Quick Fire Competition: Assassin’s CreedI’ve already got a copy of Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood, so when a Codex Edition of the very same game arrived on my desk this afternoon, I felt a little bit guilty. So I thought it might be a good time to do a quick and nasty competition!

So who wants a Codex Edition of Assassin’s Creed Brotherhood? Quick Fire Competition: Assassin’s Creed

All you have to do to enter is head across to our facebook page and answer this question by commenting on the top post on the page before midnight tonight.

If you could assassinate any videogame character in history who would it be, and how would you do it?

The funniest answer gets the codex edition, and the runner up gets the snazzy Assassin’s Creed t-shirt that came along with it.

And… GO!

Terms and conditions can be found here


  • The Purple Tenticle from DOTT…evil whiny bitch! I’d shove a sausage down his throat and sic starving dogs on his butt!

  • I would assaninate Lymle from Infinite Undiscovery. I would do so by reading to her, and ending every sentence with “Kay?”. This would eventually drive her insane (like it did me) and hopefully cause her to self implode

  • It would have to be Roman Bellic. “Cousin, how bout we go see beeg American tee-tees?” Good god that got annoying.

    And how? Well, I recall Packie having remote car bombs… Just wire one up, then change Niko’s number in his phone to the detonator. Then he can see his “beeg American tee-tees” in heaven. More likely hell though

  • Sonic the Hedgehog… I’d hide near one of those Checkpoint poles and just as he lets his guard down, enraptured by his achievement of reaching the next Checkpoint safely… BAM I’d pop out, clothesline the little blue midget, snapping his fragile neck and stealing all his precious rings! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH!!!!

  • Navi! Navi the goddamn fairy, you know who I mean! I would shove her in a jar and shake it as hard as I could, screaming ‘Who’s listening now, huh?! WHO’S LISTENING NOW?!”

  • Stryker from Burnout 3!!! You remember, the DJ who WOULD NOT SHUT UP. EVER.

    “Hey guys, this is Stryker, coming at you live from the bayside, and this stuff is in-saay-aaain!”

    Augh, I would come up with an ingenious way of killing him, with a complicated network of weights, pulleys and ropes, but screw it, I’ll just break into his studio dressed in a full face helmet and racing gear, and just beat him to death with a clublock.



    Once again, my choice in not signing up to that ridiculous website is costing me a chance at entering this competition.

    That being said, is Mark Zuckerberg in any videogame yet? If so, that would be my choice, he would die from the “Harvard Gun”, which shoots out former friends/students that he completely pissed off from making this website.

    Those people would finally get a piece of him as they jump him and start tearing him various ‘new ones’.

    Once the almost lifeless corpse was laying there bleeding out, I would stand alongside him bend down to him and ask quietly, “Where’s your Social Network now to save you!?”, with that I simply kick him in the head which would by now only be hanging of by a thread and watch his head sail between the posts!


    oggob wins it on the buzzer! 🙂

    Disclaimer – If you allow posts on Kotaku for this comp, then this won’t be my real entry and will make a brand new and better one!

    • But Mark, Facebook is evil…a tool of the devil (Mark Zuckerberg, Idi Amin, etc) and I feel it is Facebookist (Facebook racism) to make it a Facebook only competition.

      *The real and horrible truth is I have no friends and therefore Facebook would only publicly shame me even further if I started an account. Or would it because by having no friends no one would know! I’m off to sign up!

    • You had to ruin my post match celebrations didn’t you… Here I am, the youngest ever World Champion of the the traditional sport of Headkicking and you go an continue to ruin my buzz!

      Well I’ve got news for you pal *points at Mark*…

      You. Are. NEXT!! *gestures throat cut*

      Damn you English (yeah, I went there! :p), watch your back, because one day it will happen and when you keep looking over your shoulder, you’ll be even MORE surprised when let loose my pet Dropbear onto you!

      You’ll never see it coming! Muahahahahahahaha…

      *gestures eye watching you with hands, pivoting into a deathly evil eye squint whilst quietly nodding*


  • Very sneaky way to build up Kotaku’s Facebook following, Mark! Happy to ‘Like’ you guys. 🙂

    But if you were (or had ever been) a videogame character, you would have been in for a big can of whoopass in my entry. (jk)

  • I would assassinate Snake from Metal Gear Solid series. Heres how…

    Create a giant paper mache exclamation mark. Stick on the top of my head. Follow any noise/foot prints, corner him. And shoot him a couple of times while he tries to run around the corner. Its pretty damn easy.

    I would personally hear the cries of:

    “Snake! Snake! SNAAAAAAAKE!”

  • The rainbow bridge stretches before us, seemingly into infinity when all of a sudden the end is in sight. At the same moment I draw slightly ahead of my opponent and at the last moment, at the last bend, I drop my fatal bounty. An incongruous item, who would think such an item would affect a high performance cart like his, and yet the irony is delicious. The wheels slip and fumble looking for purchase on an already slippery road. My now former opponent tumbles endlessly into the void forever falling his single item of clothing a tie fluttering in the breeze for all eternity. “Oh it’s off, like Donkey Kong”

  • I am the duck.
    The duck that you hunt.
    Your shots all miss as I perform my zigzag flight stunt.

    I escape to the clouds.
    Freedom is mine.
    Until my prey appears below and I quack ‘Killing time!’

    He points at you, laughing.
    Your manhood is deminished.
    But with one fell swoop, he soon will be finished.

    His back is turned.
    He is totally unaware.
    I drop like a bomb falling out of the air.

    Will a THUD and a gargle the laughter does stop.
    No one has ever survived my homicidal drop.

    Your face is awe struck and would remain so all day.
    If you didn’t instead reload and blow me away.

    HI – SCORE

  • I remember a time when Facebook was for communicating with friends, and not a marketing tool… I’ve got Kotaku right here 24/7, why on earth should I ‘like/follow’ it on Facebook as well!?


    • So that you can enter the competition! There’s nothing stopping you from ‘unliking’ it tomorrow afternoon, right?

      • I was speaking more generally, why does Kotaku need a Facebook page when it has it’s very own website? (and to answer my own question, it wouldn’t, if Facebook hadn’t become so much of a marketing portal.)

        If I want to tell my friends about something new that I like, I’ll tell them, I’ll link it to them, or I’ll use a status update if it has to be via Facebook. Otherwise, they’re my friends, so they already know what I’m interested in! (yes, my Facebook is just wall posts and photos).

        Personally, I’m not too interested in this particular competition, I just wouldn’t like to see this become a trend.

        (I realise the whole promotion via people ‘liking’ stuff only works because a lot of people like doing that… but I don’t so I’m going to complain on the internet! )


  • I would have conspired to have Duke Nukem killed via a fatal STD years ago. This way, not only would gamers have not wasted so much time and emotion waiting on vapourware, but Duke’s death would have also taught an entire generation of yong gamers the importance of playing it safe.

    Public Health Awareness, Hoorah!!

  • I was going to say I’d suffocate duke nukem with bubble gum but now I’m tempted to find the person who made facebook and papercut him to death

  • After logging into Facebook the option to comment on Kotaku’s post disappears!

    Anyone know what setting I need to change to allow this?

  • Why on earth do I need to answer this question on your Facebook page? I’ve got better things to do with my time (like read Kotaku’s real page).

  • I would definitely assassinate Robot Hitler from Wolfenstien 3D…

    This is how I would do it:

    I would first form a group of elite Nazi Killing soldiers.

    I would then find out when the fuhrer is attending a movie premier and rig the place up with explosives.

    I would then blow up the place only to see Robot Hitler come out half burnt, missing two of his miniguns.

    I would then befriend a talking pitchfork and use him to hit the giant button on his back.

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