Bethesda Wants Your Child (For Marketing Purposes)

This can't be real. And if it's real, I can't believe there's any prospective parent alive stupid enough to actually do this. Apparently Bethesda is offering every Bethesda game ever made, and any Bethesda game ever made in the future, to any parent whose child is born on November 11, the release date of Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim... if they name him 'Dovahkiin' (Dragonborn).

On the Bethesda Blog a couple of days ago, Vice President Pete Hines through down the baby name gauntlet, and apparently there are some people totally willing to do this!

So, think you have the stat points in you to produce the perfect eight pound dragon-slayer? Like the wizened wizard he is, Pete is throwing down with a casual quest, offering up an unknown reward to any couple adventurous enough to name their 11/11/11-born child “Dovahkiin.” While it may be difficult to play Skyrim from the hospital, just think of how many late nights you’ll have to lull your little Dragonborn with Jeremy Soule’s soothing music.

And with that, we have possibly doomed a child. I’d say this calls for a hefty disclaimer.

Disclaimer: Any reward for completing this quest will not ultimately justify the potential teasing your child could — and probably will — endure over its lifespan. Bethesda Softworks is not responsible for your parenting. You may gain experience points for completing this quest, but you will not care at 3am on a work night. Completion of this quest may also result in decreased desire to play video games and/or function as a human being. Consult with your friends before embarking on this quest; while it may not start in prison, it probably ends there.

A couple of things strike me as ridiculous. Firstly - the prize is just nowhere near big enough. If I'm going to give my prospective child a name that guarantees his head will be lodged in every school toilet from now until eternity, there had better be a substantial amount of money involved. Honestly - games on Steam? That's a rubbish prize.

Secondly - if I have a kid, he's getting called Naruto. That has already been discussed, signed and sealed. My wife just doesn't know it yet.

Anyone pregnant? Or have a pregnant wife. Actually - one of my sisters in-law is 'with potential Dovahkiin'. Maybe I can convince her to do it...


Comments

    Those poor girls on Tadmods O-week camp just don't know what there in for.....

      The timing is just right isn't it?

        They've obviously planned the timing nicely, yeah.

      AAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

      On topic: I love the disclaimer. Bethesda is way too awesome!

    Naruto, seriously!? "Believe it", even?

    Naruto Serrels. Has a nice ring to it... but...

    Imagine the day he discovers his name's forebear. That will be a day soaked in blood, I'm sure...

    ...He might even go Itachi on you? :P

    1: i have read some naruto fan fiction, you may wanna reconsider, esp if he ever meets someone with a like minded dad who called their kid sasuke =/

    I mentioned in a What are you playing this Weekend? post a couple of weeks back that I was baby shopping. Unfortunately, we're due two months early, but we do already have the name for both sexes.

    Alistair if it's a boy (Dragon Age) or Sylvanas if it's a girl (WoW).

    We met on WoW and the Banshee Queen is awesome but that's a story for another day.

    Im naming my second Final Fantasy Spider-man (surname).

    And the third will be Kractikuss P. Merryweather.

    I can appreciate you fondness for Naruto but I find Naruto himself to be a loudmouthed idiot.

    I would choose a different character. And that way he is not named after the show which would help avoid possible high school embarrassment.

    Kenpachi from Bleach is awesome and he can just go by Ken.

    im sorry but Dovahkiin is an AWESOME name :D

    Nerds don't need a name to be picked on. Even Harry McKickass will cop stick if he reads too much, wears glasses or even gets a bad haircut.

    Yes, he/she will have to spell the name on a regular basis, but how would you feel if your parents had named you Link or Zelda and you now owned every nintendo game ever made?

      http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zelda_Williams

      Robin Williams is awesome.

    didnt Acclaim try an do something like this with Turok back in the day? :D :D

      Acclaim went further over the line: http://www.guardian.co.uk/technology/2002/mar/15/games.advertising

      Paid advertising on tombstones that they claimed would "particularly interest poorer families".

    You know, I think if you were of maybe European or Russian descent, I feel like you could just pass it off as a name originating from there.

    I shall call him Mini-me...

    When I use an alias I generally go by Jax, though not the Jax from Mortal Kombat. At present, we are seriously considering the name Jackson as a potential for our hypothetical first male child.

    Dovahkiin isn't a bad name. He'd be king of the nerds as he grew up.

    Or you can just name him that, get the goods and change his name legally. That way, you can show the birth certificate every time a new Bethesda game came out.

    I so would do it, but it's unlikely I'll get laid any time soon.

    Thing is, something that is unique and inspired is so much better than the nine billionth Sarah or Matthew you're bound to meet in a day. I would never burden a child with a common name...

      Hey there hold up a minute! What is wrong with Matthew for a name?!? What did we ever do to you :P Also, my sister's name is Sarah, so yeah, I'll defend her in the process!

      On topic though, the name could be much worse. I agree that the name is at least unique. And I'd rather call my child Dovahkiin’ then most of the weird names kids get called these days. Oh, and worse than all of this is parents who name their child a regular kind of name but spell it retardedly to try and be unique, well guess what, its not...

        Hahaha, sorry man, I didn't mean anything by it. I was just making a point about all the common names that are around. Where are the inspired creative names?

        I mean, every second person you meet born in the late eighties/early nineties is named Justin. I hate it... Then right when people were finished calling me Justin Timberlake... that Bieber kid came along and messed it all up. If I was ever to have a kid, he would have a weird as fuck, but equally cool name...

    lol, Well me my girlfriend are gonna be busy over the next week.

    I wouldn't mind if my baby was named that, it sounds like a perfectly normal Filipino nickname.

    My Firstborn is Due in July! Too early! I will name my child Dovahkiin without hesitation on it's date of birth if Bethesda would still cough up the good despite not being born on 11/11/11. It's honestly not a terrible name.

    If I'm having a son It would be named Dexter, so Dovahkiin isn't too removed from than, could always call them Kin for short

    Did anything ever come of that Acclaim competition to name your child Turok?

    I know a couple who named their son after a character in Diablo 2.

    I think they're Bethesda fans so if only they had known about this! heh

    Nicholas cage called his kid Kal El.
    Frank Zappa called his Dweezil and Moon Unit.
    Shaniqua has become a common name somehow in cultures in America?
    What about Beckhams kid Brooklyn?
    Penn of Penn and Teller called his kid Moxie Crimefighter.
    Oddly the most normal names come from Ozzy Osbournes kids who are Jack and Kelly???

    In a day and age where we get names like that Dovokhin or however it's spelt sounds fairly normal. At least it can be nicknamed to 'Dov' or even 'Dave' at a stretch. One could merely pass it off as Scandinavian in heritage.

      I've been working on Odin for my firstborn. Long term GF isn't a fan - well you wouldn't be until he learns to straddle his world conquering eight-legged horse.

        Lets hope Odin doesn't ride it out of your gf or she's gonna be needing some serious stitches...

        I named my first son Liam. My second shall be Connor. Always loved those two names. Then my gf pointed out to me thats Angel and his sons names... GAH. Then she said she loved the names. WIN!

    If you're thinking of doing this I can gaurantee your kids nickname will be BenD-ova(khiin).

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