Bethesda Wants Your Child (For Marketing Purposes)

This can’t be real. And if it’s real, I can’t believe there’s any prospective parent alive stupid enough to actually do this. Apparently Bethesda is offering every Bethesda game ever made, and any Bethesda game ever made in the future, to any parent whose child is born on November 11, the release date of Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim… if they name him ‘Dovahkiin’ (Dragonborn).

On the Bethesda Blog a couple of days ago, Vice President Pete Hines through down the baby name gauntlet, and apparently there are some people totally willing to do this!

So, think you have the stat points in you to produce the perfect eight pound dragon-slayer? Like the wizened wizard he is, Pete is throwing down with a casual quest, offering up an unknown reward to any couple adventurous enough to name their 11/11/11-born child “Dovahkiin.” While it may be difficult to play Skyrim from the hospital, just think of how many late nights you’ll have to lull your little Dragonborn with Jeremy Soule’s soothing music.

And with that, we have possibly doomed a child. I’d say this calls for a hefty disclaimer.

Disclaimer: Any reward for completing this quest will not ultimately justify the potential teasing your child could — and probably will — endure over its lifespan. Bethesda Softworks is not responsible for your parenting. You may gain experience points for completing this quest, but you will not care at 3am on a work night. Completion of this quest may also result in decreased desire to play video games and/or function as a human being. Consult with your friends before embarking on this quest; while it may not start in prison, it probably ends there.

A couple of things strike me as ridiculous. Firstly – the prize is just nowhere near big enough. If I’m going to give my prospective child a name that guarantees his head will be lodged in every school toilet from now until eternity, there had better be a substantial amount of money involved. Honestly – games on Steam? That’s a rubbish prize.

Secondly – if I have a kid, he’s getting called Naruto. That has already been discussed, signed and sealed. My wife just doesn’t know it yet.

Anyone pregnant? Or have a pregnant wife. Actually – one of my sisters in-law is ‘with potential Dovahkiin’. Maybe I can convince her to do it…


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