'Banking': Why It's The Way Of The Future, And Why You Must Do It

Anyone who has ever lived in the same space as another human being or, more specifically, shared a single television with a loved one, understands the situation. A brand new game comes out. You want to play that game. Your partner/sibling/parents want to watch TV. All hell breaks loose. I'm here to tell you I have a solution - and that solution is 'banking'.

I will now illustrate the practice of banking via a simple example.

MARK'S WIFE: "Gossip Girl! I love Gossip Girl. I've just discovered this terrible, terrible show and I want to watch my DVD until Blake Lively's face is permanently and gruesomely burned onto our Panasonic Plasma!"

MARK: "Gossip Girl. What an interesting concept. This does not sounds like a culmination of Dawson's Creek/Beverly Hills 90210/The O.C - watching this show seems like a fruitful endeavour which you should engage in. Watch away darling.

Days pass...

More days pass...

MARK'S WIFE: Are you sure you don't mind me spending another Sunday watching yet another entire season of Gossip Girl? Are you sure?

MARK: Of course not darling. That's totally fine. You are the love of my life, the song in my heart. I could never forsake you for watching such an engaging piece of modern television.

This, my friends, is called banking. Banking is all about maximising your time, and choosing your moments wisely.

For example - I recently finished Portal 2. This was a game I enjoyed thoroughly. Post-Portal 2 I began scrambling through my backlog, searching for older games I wanted to finish/begin. This was because I have a learned urge to play games constantly, even if I don't have anything I particularly want to play.

This is a fruitless exercise. You must fight against such instincts.

This period of time is a gaming dead zone. If you are in a situation where you have to share a television, you must choose your moments wisely and bank.

If your husband wants to watch the game, let him watch.

And bank.

If your mother wants to watch Dancing With The Stars, let her watch.

Then bank.

Now that I've allowed my wife to spend the last week powering through Gossip Girl marathons, she can do nothing but acquiesce to my demands to play L.A. Noire (or 'Alien Water', as she has mistakenly called it) which was released this week.

I have sacrificed one week of playing games for the sake of it and in return have received pure uninterrupted time with a game I've truly been anticipating. My wife's Gossip Girl addiction has allowed me to bank an incredible amount of time. Now she has absolutely no right to ask me to stop playing, no right to even suggest it.

She can't even give me the silent treatment.

This is banking in action. Banking is the future. You must learn to bank, and bank well. Think about your gaming schedule, time it with releases you truly care about - sacrifice the time you know you don't need. You must learn to be an efficient, intelligent banking machine.

Happy banking folks.


    I have found with this banking institution that it has a negative interest rate. 2 hours banked watching rubbish tv show when cashed often does not add up like you hope.

    On a side note Mark you have the "It's for work" card to play. Surely you pull this out ocasionally.

    I don't need to bank, because I live alone, and...



    I'm so lonely. :(

      *offers a hug*

      Wait, that makes me a creepy person from the internet now...

      I also live alone. SO RONREY

      On the plus side, can do whatever I want. Whenever I want. Except for during the winter because it's too cold to dance around in underwear ala Tom Cruise in Risky Business.

        I just enjoy being able to crap with the door open, play games when I want and fart loudly.

        God, the farting. So good.

          It is funny, when your single you fart loudly, then you get a girl then a wife and have kids and it all goes quiet... until your son gets old enough to join in and then WE ARE BACK BABY!

        All those hookers should keep you warm.

          1,2,3,4,5,6,7.. 7 Hookers.

          "Peter, you and 5 of those Hookers get outta hurr"

            "So... is there any tread left on the tyres at all? Or at this point would it just be like throwing a hotdog down a hallway?"

    Well said.

    Although having two formats in the house has worked well for me so far (eg, PC and console).

    And this is why I keep coming back here. *salutes*

    No need for this, when you have your PC setup with a digital tuner with HDMI and massive monitor :D
    I get to play Mortal Kombat and my missus gets to watch... what ever the hell she wants.

    Win win without banking :D


    How the HELL will planking help my game ti.... OHHHHH *B*anking... gotcha...

    This is why if I ever get married, there will be two TV's at the end of the bed + Wireless headphones. Everyone's happy.

      on a side note.. there is only one show i could think of that would be worse than Gossip Girl... Offspring.. the previews for that make me lose all faith in the female gender... *shakes head*

        I assure you my fellow, there are many worse shows on television...

        Parenthood (why Ron Howards... why?)
        Brothers and Sisters
        Jersey Shore
        True Beauty
        Home and Away

        Also, Mark... buy a second tele.
        The end of financial year is coming up, they should be going cheap and you can claim it on tax.

          I received (for reasons I can't comprehend) a pre-release episode of the show on DVD yonks ago.
          Reading the synopsis on the back was the worst 10 seconds of my life and it never left the packaging.

          The ads are ghastly; they seem to revolve around some vacuous, insecure creature spending her every waking moment trying to dry-hump coworkers, strangers, livestock and furniture.

          She really needs to get a handle on that libido.
          Or grow a life.

          I'm not sure that any high-interest banking account would be compensation for the inanity of this show.

            Totally agree, I cannot believe that such a horrible show with such pathetic characters is still going. I cannot hate this show enough

        I hate those ads too. Why do they have to end every ad break with the same stupid trailer ad for the month leading up to it's return.

        I had to mute it every time to stop me punching the tv.

      I kid you not when my wife and I bought our house, the main requirement was that it had two living rooms. We both bought a leather couch each and a plasma 106cm each. We can both do whatever we like!!! My wife rocks!

      Now my wife has a laptop, I use a PC monitor and my son has Dora playing on both TV's and just walkes between the two.

      In hindsignt it did not work out as good as I expected.

    Banking seems like a nice idea, but banks like to screw people over. Have you considered investing outside of the banking system? A small purchase of a second TV (say a cheap 32" LCD in the bedroom) or setting up your computer desk to play console games through the monitor could pay very large dividends.

    My girlfriend LOVES Gossip Girl so I feel for you Mark. Also I totally agree, she gets to watch her show and movies and then in return I get to play my games! The only downside is being infected with the poison of Gossip Girl. XOXO

      You know you love me.


      Gossip Girl.

        So, UNSW's 2009 CSE (Computer Science Engineering) revue was called Gossip Geek. It was, more-or-less, the story of Gossip Girl but with poor nerd humour and (also poor) parody songs.

        Regardless, the only solid detail I really remember was that the send off of the blogger character was:

        Gossip Geek

    It's for this very reason that my wife and I made sure we bought a house with 2 living areas. She sits out in one room watching her MasterChef and My Kitchen Rules and various other shows where people apply heat to animal/vegetable material and then cry about it afterwards.

    Meanwhile I'm out in the other room collecting dogtags in Bad Company 2. Win win.

      "shows where people apply heat to animal/vegetable material and then cry about it afterwards"
      First your "digital soup-kitchen" remark, now this!?
      You, sir, are a genius.

      See my post above, you are also a smart couple.

      Banking fails when you have selfish bastards all around you!
      I refuse to put up with Masterchief, in it's various formats for half the year, and Biggest Looser for the other half. Talk about yoyo effect.
      4 people, with vastly different viewing, gaming requirements.
      To Counter this you need: -
      3 TVs, 1x BR, 2xDvds 2xPVRs, 2PC, 1 WII, 1 X GCB
      (Xbox/PS3 optional)
      My electricity bill is sending me broke!

    Hahaha, this is so good. It's good because it's true, oh so true...

    Or you could man up and assert yourself for a couple hours to play your games.

      But some games, such as a long awaited L.A. Noire, need more than mere hours. And a puffing out of chest for time that extends into these sorts of hours = end of relationship.

    As mentioned before you've not mentioned that all banks have interest.
    I've tried banking... as a rule of thumb they collect every second hour as interest.

    Solution...2nd tv or switch to a less demanding bank.

    This does work and it works well...
    I like the idea of a second lounge room/TV room however that all falls apart when you get the "Come sit with me and cuddly me and love me while we watch "
    In these cases the Banking method works perfectly...
    I also like the "I'm tired and going to bed early" (when she is really tired and not... well you know 'Snu Snu' time tired then gaming comes a long 2nd) When she has retired for the night you can game without touching your Banked time... :)
    Thanks Mark

    Funny article Mark, yet also practical!

    I gotta say though, if you really have that much trouble getting access to the TV, you should buy a full HD HDMI enabled monitor for $200 or so. Then you can play what you want AT THE SAME TIME as the missus is watching Gossip Girl. On the same lounge, even. Madness!

    Sure, you probably don't get sound - curse the lack of headphone jacks on modern consoles - but it's better than nothing, and I guess it means you can still pay some attention to the plot on the "awesome" TV show.

    I suppose the author is trying to maintain a level of well-ness in his relationship. Banking is good on paper.. but you had to watch horrible TV for a week. You will never get that week back.

    Alternative to banking: Present balls. Tell her how "things" are going to go this week. Proceed to live on diet of beans and toast til it blows over.

    Cold shoulder gaming is actually pretty good!

      Plus, all that time your sleeping on the couch means more games too.

    Banking only works if your gf is rational, fair and open minded during arguments. In other words, it doesn't work.

      This also applies to wives as well.


          Here here,

          I worked out recently that a sound logical argument ('can I play games now, you always watch tv, it's my turn') can easily be defeated by a passionate but nonsensical stance ('I just don't like them!').

          Sad face.

    Thankfully I live with a friend and between us there is 4 tv's, 3 pc's, 2 XBox, 2 laptops and an iPad.

    I have 4 TV's in my home. Problem solved.

    A married friend banks in a different way - two big tellies set up in the lounge and a good set of noise-cancelling headphones.

    +1 for the multiple TV & Computer household

    Banking still does occur from time to time, but overall there are enough monitors to watch the content on something whilst the other person is doing something else.

    So, so glad that my wife is both a geek and a gamer.

    Of course, this does lead to quarreling over who gets to play things like L.A. Noire /first/. Small price to pay, though. ;p

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