I could tell there was a sex scene brewing in The Witcher 2 when Geralt of Rivia and his comely redheaded sorceress companion Triss stumbled upon this ancient Elven bathhouse, and I wasn’t planning on sharing the resulting NSFW video. Then Triss tapped into the vast mystical forces of the universe to remove her clothing.
For the sake of those currently playing through the game, you’ll avoid spoilers by not reading this article or watching the video. You have been warned.
I was impressed. Very impressed. So impressed that I called my fiancée over to witness the spectacle, reloading my last save to start the scene over.
She was disturbingly jealous. She called it, I believe, the “ultimate drunk-and-just-want-some party trick”. She’s a keeper.
I felt bad for Geralt, fumbling with his clothing for lack of magical stripping powers. I too have trouble removing my clothing gracefully. Most of the time I leave on the socks. Perhaps I can reallocate my skill points later.
But that’s not why I am sharing this video either.
It’s not the energetic polygon sex, with its clumsy kisses and puppet-like clashing of virtual skin on virtual skin. It’s not entirely Geralt’s brilliant dialog (Mmmhmm). It’s the fact that after the sexing begins, the story still continues.
Before falling into their current predicament, Geralt and Triss had engaged in a battle with a trio of thugs that aimed to steal a priceless Elven statue from a sacred garden. After their abrupt downward departure, another trio arrives, mistaking Geralt’s handiwork for that of another witcher.
Then comes story time.
It’s an example of a mechanic often used in adult-leaning action movies, I’m assuming to make awkward sex scenes slightly more bearable for a varied audience. Sitting next to your best friend or one of your parents during an extended sex scene is an extremely uncomfortable situation, but nothing a burping Dwarf with excellent hearing can’t fix.
Yes, there is definitely some full-on sex going on in the clip, but that’s not the main reason I’m sharing this. Anyone can make polygons bump together to the sounds of splashing and moaning. I’m certain many gamers would have been satisfied with just that, but CD Projekt has gone the extra mile to add life and light to the world of The Witcher 2. It shows in the game’s humour, it shows in the game’s engine, and yes, it shows in the sex scenes.