While You Were Sleeping

Sleeping can be fun - necessary even. But what if stuff happens when you're sleeping - game stuff? What are you supposed to to do then? Thankfully we have a solution - While You Were Sleeping, a quick round up of all the news that happened… while you were sleeping.

Did yo guys catch the premiere of the Gears of War 3 trailer? You can check it out here. Despite the fact I don't really imagine a Gears of War game could really surprise me at this stage, I'm still extremely keen on this. I'm not interested in the multiplayer at all, but I've always enjoyed playing through the single player.

The PSN story still lingers. Apparently now, finally, the PSN has gone online in Japan, and a Sony Exec will now have to testify before congress on the PlayStation breach. The ramifications of this story, it seems, is wide and and far reaching.

This is L.A. Noire in five seconds, and apparently Barack Obama has received a copy of The Witcher 2 as a gift in Poland. True story!

In Short Sony Exec To Testify Before Congress On PlayStation Breach War Pigs And Brothers To The End: Here Is Gears Of Wa 3's World Premiere Trailer Oh, yeah, PlayStation Network Is Back Online In Japan L.A. Noire In Five Seconds Poland Gives President Obama The Witcher 2's Collector's Edition


    Ahoy-hoy, old chap!

    Was out of town on (un)important business, you see.
    But, as it were, and henceforth, back in town, until such a date as that I am, in a manner of speaking, no longer in town, if you know what I mean.
    I’m going down to the park to pretend I’m not - all things considered - in the city. But that’s just the way it is: being in the city I mean; at least until my next assignment comes through.

    I couldn’t wait to get home and now I want nothing more than to be back out there again. But I guess you always want what you can’t have, and all that kind of business.
    The point is, and I think I made this perfectly clear in the preceding paragraphs, the word from Ma & Pa is that the television arrived and - from all accounts - it is a magnificent beast of splendourous marvel.

    When I am next home, I will take my favourite movie with me; and that I look forward to . . . with pineapple delight. Pineapple delight is a kind of dessert, but Meredith adapted it into the kind of 21st century milkshake that has redefined the genre; you’ve probably never heard of it. How could of you? LOL. You’re not a milkshake expert like me. To describe it? Hmmmm. It’s kind of like a tropical holiday; you know the kind, the one where you fall in love with a local girl and then she harvests your vital organs for sale on some kind of international human spare parts market. It’s like that, except the pineapple delight milkshake is refreshing and delicious; but that’s the only difference, everything else must be exactly the same.

    The main point is: the television is magnificent, Ma & Pa love the television, my bros loves the Playstation. I am excited just thinking about what movie I will watch on the big screen when I return on a more homeward bound trajectory pattern.

    “This is an insult." Sorry. I wasn’t talking to you, old sport. I asked this gentleman at the cafe for a pineapple delight milkshake. “I’ve never heard of it,” he said.
    Sometimes you experience disappoint in life. What I’m trying to say, if you’d only let me finish for five seconds, is that the tv is the complete opposite of that.

    I feel as though I can’t properly explain myself.

    The television is the opposite of disappointment, the television is the kind of happiness that you celebrate with a pineapple delight, in the park, with the friendly ducks that you name and point out to passers-by and explain to them the importance of the duck’s names and how they reflect the characters and personalities of each of the ducks. In time, the people in the park will come to better understand the ducks, but for now, as it appears to be the case, they will require instruction and I will hold their hands and tell them about the ducks and they will come to love them as I do. The duck with the crooked right leg: I call him, Ruby.

    Sometimes I bring Ma & Pa down to see the ducks. But they have their television now. Ma bought a new table to put the television on; did I tell you about that? That’s the kind of compassion projected unsparingly - from this day forward - at the television. Do you know a thing or two about consequence: I think it’s kind of something like powerful love gets projected towards the tv and somewhere, at some point in the future, I too feel the love like sunlight all around me, I’m running through open fields with Meredith to nowhere in particular. Just running because it feels like the right thing do until, of course, it isn’t. But you try telling that to Meredith.

    To be succinct and with clarity and conviction: Television is good time for people not looking elsewhere at the very moment of seeing everything within . . . colours of the world, captured and represented on impossible big screen dream of wonderful charm and magic times with happiness contained in mysterious exterior of unexplainable technology like movies but at home without having to go to movies to watch the stories because you can watch the stories at home. And here we are, full circle, everything is connected, back talking about consequence. I mean, in this particular sequence of consequence: events transpire or roll unchecked towards a distant rainbow, a pineapple delight, or a little something I call: "The Happiness Triangle."

    But I can explain that to you at another time, for now, it will only confuse things further.

    Tally ho, old chum & never look back and all that kind of adventure,


      You're like the Deli Llama of Kotaku.

      Llama's... man, I miss Sim City.

      Wow, I'd heard rumours of Plainview posts, but I'd never seen one with my own eyes.

      That.. That was incredible.

        The rumours are true.

          Thanks, chaps. The place looks swell. Good show and all that.

          And good to be back; that’s the main thing, in one piece, and so forth - so to speak, and by that I mean: there was literally no chance of me coming back in more than one piece, i’m sorry, it just wasn’t that kind of adventure. It wasn’t any kind of adventure . . . I mean, not even close.

          But there you have it: straight down the line, and no need for the canary in the cage, leave the poor chap above ground, let him see the open sky and breathe the fresh air. I’m not taking the canary, not where I’m going, forget about it. I’ll die before the canary; how do you like that?

          I’m sorry, all this canary talk has put me on edge. The little yellow sunshine bird, just all alone in the world with nothing but a song in his heart.

          That’s just the way it is. The world isn’t always fair: it wasn’t meant to be. Sometimes you’re the lion and sometimes you’re the canary. But the lion can’t save the canary and that’s some kind of falling down on behalf of the wolves running the show, a leaky faucet that keeps you awake at night, a suspects’ line up of injustice that no one ever happens to see because no one ever cares to look

          The canary and the lion,


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