Ask Me Stuff

I can't help but notice that your so-called 'Editor' Mark Serrels forgot to put up his own 'Ask Me Stuff' this week. What kind of a slacker is this guy? I don't give two dogs' buttholes that it was E3 week - he's neglecting you guys. Good job I'm here. So any questions you guys want to put to the Duke is a-ok with me.

Let's get this thing started.


    Duke, how did you get to be such a badass?

      Three things.

      1. Bleach
      2. Sunglasses.
      3. Roids

      Before that combo I looked like Shia Lebouf in Even Stevens.

    Duke - why are you so great?

      Selling your own book again, Duke?

        This is ask Duke Stuff - not ask wise-ass stuff!

    Hey Duke,

    Why is your game so over priced? i thought i could pick it up from the app store for $1.19?

    What have you been doing these last 12 years Duke?

      Kickin ass and chewin bubble gum.. in quasi 3d!

        I've left myself open to a really obvious "your mum" joke, Let's see if Duke still has it after all these years on the sidelines.

    Hey Duke, What's your opinion on those space marine types that seem to be everywhere these days?

      Space Marines?

      None of them can kick alien ass quite like the duke. Also - I'm calling out the Masturbating Chief. That guy is green in every sense of the word.

    Two things,
    1. Why are there no Duke Burgers out here? I wanna get my food on in the manliest way possible.
    2. Have you stocked up on brooms? You know, to break the handles off in everyones asses who are gonna hate on you and your game?

      1. Re: the burgers. Don't know man - that's a good question.

      2. Haters gonna hate. Then they're gonna have my foot up their ass.

    What is the better reference to They Live, your existence or the cripple fight scene in South Park?

      The cripple fight in South Park was pretty co-

      Wait a minute wiseguy? You bustin' my chops? Rowdy Roddy Piper gonna be choking on that shitty ass skirt of his by the time I'm done with him.

    Duke - when's the Ico / SotC collection coming out in Australia? Do you think we'll get it about September the same as everybody else? Serrels owes me a copy of it personally signed by Fumito Ueda - can I count on you to make sure he gets it for me? Thanks.

      What in the shit?

      What is Ico? Do they sell contact lenses or something?

      Get the hell out of my face!

    what sort of gum do you run out of?

      Whatever they got.

      Although I am partial to hubba bubba.

    Dear Duke, If you hurt my Mr Serrels in any way, look out buddy! He's my cuddle bear, and is just the right fit for me. I don't want you stretching any parts of him.. understand???

      You are one sick puppy.

      Sadly, Serrels only has eyes for Blake Lively. He hasn't come out of his bathroom since he discovered those nude pics.

    what ever happened to that kick ass grenade launcher in Duke 64?

      Shit made killing aliens too easy. The Duke needs a challenge.

    hahahaha amazing. Ok...

    Where the heck was LO WANG during the second invasion of the Octo-alien-motherf*ckers?

      haha yeah! Bring Back Lo Wang!! DO WANT!!

    Hi Duke, at the risk of being completely alienated on this site from now on.. why have I never played any of your games and why should I care who you are?

      [Duke Death Stare TM]

    Hey Duke

    Why don't you have any facial hair? You'd be more kickass with it. You wouldn't believe how many women get turned on my my beard. You know that chick from the show with the dude and the car and the explosions?


    I totally hit that.

    So yeah, where's your beard?

      The Duke secretly has ginger hair. Ginger beards don't go down too well with the ladies.

      Which blows, because I have to shave once every three minutes to keep this bastard in check.

    Can you lick your own elbows?

    Also I never played any of your previous games. Should I give a rats ass about your latest one or is it a game only Duke fans who have been waiting 14 years will be able to enjoy?

      Never played a Duke game.. and you call yourself a gamer!! FOR SHAMEE!!!!


    Why the hell was your game released early yesterday and yet it couldn't be activated till today? That was friggin' rude.

      Save it for Randy Bitchford!

    I've never played a Duke Nukem game before.

    What should I do?

      Play a Duke Nukem game.

    Hey Duke, what's your email address?

      What's an email? This is 1997, right?

    HEY! What the friggin hell do you think your doin'? Your not the Duke, ass-face, I'm the Duke!
    Hail to the King, baby!


    Hey Duke,

    1. Are your balls really made of steel?
    2. If yes, how do you walk?
    3. If yes, how do they work?
    4. If yes, don't they hurt your "lady friends"?

      It's a metaphor - do I look like a robot, you jackass?

    Hey Duke, why can you only carry two guns now? You haven't been working out have you?

      Halo can suck my balls of steel. That is all.

    My mum told me that you are so well endowed that you had to use a shrink ray on your own junk just so you wouldn't kill her when you "gave her a piece of your mind".

    Your thoughts on this?

    And the possibility that you're actually my father?

      You're like the son I never had. Or wanted.

        And you're like the father that never pays the child support

    Is it true you knocked up Sarah Palin's daughter Duke? And when she claimed she shot a moose, she was really referring to a some intimate action with your local member?

      Nailin' Palin.

      It was an experience. But I was the one doing the shootin'.

    What do you think about the removing of the console commands from the PC version of Duke... Seems like there is more enjoyment to be had from the Demo than the finished product.

      I don't understand any of this mumbo jumbo.

Join the discussion!

Trending Stories Right Now