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I can’t help but notice that your so-called ‘Editor’ Mark Serrels forgot to put up his own ‘Ask Me Stuff’ this week. What kind of a slacker is this guy? I don’t give two dogs’ buttholes that it was E3 week – he’s neglecting you guys. Good job I’m here. So any questions you guys want to put to the Duke is a-ok with me.
Let’s get this thing started.
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Three things.
1. Bleach
2. Sunglasses.
3. Roids
Before that combo I looked like Shia Lebouf in Even Stevens.
Hey Duke,
Why is your game so over priced? i thought i could pick it up from the app store for $1.19?
I’ve left myself open to a really obvious “your mum” joke, Let’s see if Duke still has it after all these years on the sidelines.
Haahaa
Hey Duke, What’s your opinion on those space marine types that seem to be everywhere these days?
Space Marines?
None of them can kick alien ass quite like the duke. Also – I’m calling out the Masturbating Chief. That guy is green in every sense of the word.
Two things,
1. Why are there no Duke Burgers out here? I wanna get my food on in the manliest way possible.
2. Have you stocked up on brooms? You know, to break the handles off in everyones asses who are gonna hate on you and your game?
1. Re: the burgers. Don’t know man – that’s a good question.
2. Haters gonna hate. Then they’re gonna have my foot up their ass.
What is the better reference to They Live, your existence or the cripple fight scene in South Park?
The cripple fight in South Park was pretty co-
Wait a minute wiseguy? You bustin’ my chops? Rowdy Roddy Piper gonna be choking on that shitty ass skirt of his by the time I’m done with him.
Duke – when’s the Ico / SotC collection coming out in Australia? Do you think we’ll get it about September the same as everybody else? Serrels owes me a copy of it personally signed by Fumito Ueda – can I count on you to make sure he gets it for me? Thanks.
What in the shit?
What is Ico? Do they sell contact lenses or something?
Get the hell out of my face!
Dear Duke, If you hurt my Mr Serrels in any way, look out buddy! He’s my cuddle bear, and is just the right fit for me. I don’t want you stretching any parts of him.. understand???
You are one sick puppy.
Sadly, Serrels only has eyes for Blake Lively. He hasn’t come out of his bathroom since he discovered those nude pics.
hahahaha amazing. Ok…
Where the heck was LO WANG during the second invasion of the Octo-alien-motherf*ckers?
Duke, what kind of sick motherf*cker plays with wet feces?
Hi Duke, at the risk of being completely alienated on this site from now on.. why have I never played any of your games and why should I care who you are?
Hey Duke
Why don’t you have any facial hair? You’d be more kickass with it. You wouldn’t believe how many women get turned on my my beard. You know that chick from the show with the dude and the car and the explosions?
Yeah.
I totally hit that.
So yeah, where’s your beard?
The Duke secretly has ginger hair. Ginger beards don’t go down too well with the ladies.
Which blows, because I have to shave once every three minutes to keep this bastard in check.
Can you lick your own elbows?
Also I never played any of your previous games. Should I give a rats ass about your latest one or is it a game only Duke fans who have been waiting 14 years will be able to enjoy?
Also:
Why the hell was your game released early yesterday and yet it couldn’t be activated till today? That was friggin’ rude.
HEY! What the friggin hell do you think your doin’? Your not the Duke, ass-face, I’m the Duke!
Hail to the King, baby!
Hey Duke,
1. Are your balls really made of steel?
2. If yes, how do you walk?
3. If yes, how do they work?
4. If yes, don’t they hurt your “lady friends”?
Hey Duke, why can you only carry two guns now? You haven’t been working out have you?
My mum told me that you are so well endowed that you had to use a shrink ray on your own junk just so you wouldn’t kill her when you “gave her a piece of your mind”.
Your thoughts on this?
And the possibility that you’re actually my father?
Is it true you knocked up Sarah Palin’s daughter Duke? And when she claimed she shot a moose, she was really referring to a some intimate action with your local member?
What do you think about the removing of the console commands from the PC version of Duke… Seems like there is more enjoyment to be had from the Demo than the finished product.
Hey Duke, I’ve seen you use 3 whiteboards, sign 3 autographs and every seperate time you have drawn a penis.
Is there something you aren’t telling us?
Maybe all the babes are just a cover.
Also, why don’t your arms move when you jump.
When your guns are made of pure muscle and testosterone, you lose a bit of flexibility. Comes with the territory.
Duke. Have you ever given any consideration to the far reaching ramifications of your actions? Certainly your actions in retrieving the women of earth and temporarily repelling the alien invasion are commendable, however surely after such a thorough beatdown, the alien forces may eventually decide to opt for a ‘scorched earth’ policy, and nuke us out of existence. What about the possibility that life under alien rule may actually be preferable to mass extinction?
Also, has any attempt been made to treat with these alien invaders? There is a significant amount of space on this planet that we could offer in exchange to access to advanced technology. And as there are all sorts of oddball fetishes out there, surely there would be plenty of women actually willing to go to the aliens as slaves, and plenty more out there who would be willing to be paid handsomly to do so.
Surely this constant back and forth of aggression is a significant drain on resources, not to mention the tax-payer. Who do you think is ultimately footing the bill for these weapons you find lying around so conveniently. It should be obvious that these are specifically coded for your DNA. Do you ever see a pig cop pick up one of the shrink guns that are lying around? No, these are all for you, sent by our own government!
I think that it’s about time for you to appear before the Senate, to show cause as to why your budget should not be cut completely, and why sanctions should not be placed against any further actions. Your activities may have cost countless human lives, trillions of dollars, and any chance of peace we may have had!
What say you?
Hey Mr Nukem,
In your time consulting with Piranha Games for the multiplayer of DNF… did you happen to see any Battlemechs wandering around their compound?
Ah James Mac – I heard of you.
Do I look like an Anime character? Do I have abnormally big eyes and giant jugs? I wish I had, but I don’t.
Therefore I don’t know jack shit about any Battlemechs.
BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS BALLS
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Duke, if your new game starts you off with a 12 round pistol (like the last one did) after 12 long years of waiting for your game to come out, I will kick your ass from here to the factory that makes the 3 barrelled machine gun!
Duke, have you noticed the similarities between your latest game and the Half Life series? I don’t know if it’s just me, but the platforming sections are very reminiscent of Half Life, and particularly the Mighty Foot monster truck scenario where the action is split up between driving and shooting are very Half Life 2. This is a good thing, though, I’m not complaining =D
And wow, I think my question was just answered when I got to a mine blocked off with boards… “A crowbar would come in handy right now…”
Hey Duke – did George Broussard get a hold of my competition copy of Crysis 2 – thereby explaining why its taking so long reach me?
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