Hail To The King Baby - I'm Kotaku's Guest Editor

So, Serrels has gone home early. Because he's a pussy, and I hear that he wears a skirt on weekends. Since he's gone home to drink herbal tea and watch Gossip Girl reruns, I'm taking over the site for today.

So I've been making a few comments here and there. EB broke street date early like a bunch of chumps. I'm not too pleased about that -but Duke has plans for those no good bastards, and that plan mostly involves me sticking a fist up their collective asses.

See you guys very soon.


    Duke, I hope you do a better job with the site than you did with your game! I don't want to be browsing Kotaku AU with a framerate dropping into single digits and with outdated graphics (if I wanted that, I'd play DNF... or browse Kotaku US!).


        Hail to the King baby!

      I'm really not getting any framerate issues. You know this isn't a release for your megadrive, right?

      There is a big difference between having an opinion with a bit of wit and being a sarcastic tool.

    Duke - can i have a free copy of your game?

    If you would like it in a more manly tone:

    Duke, give me a free copy of your game before i stomp your face in so hard that you'll be smiling through your arsehole!


    PS. Hail to the king, shake it baby, and this is my bookstick etc..

      PPS. I like what you've done to the site

      PPPS. Yes, Bookstick!

        What the hell is a bookstick, and where can I get one?

          I think he means Boomstick

            Of course he intended boomstick, but you capitalise on mistakes wherever you can :P

      I think I like this guy - do you have a sister?

        I do.

        AND she's a lesbian.

        Means she has friends too ;)

    Target broke the street date Duke, should make them easier to shoot...

    Hey Duke

    First, thanks for being so awesome

    Could you give us some tips on how to get the babes like you do?

      Sure I have some tips for ya.

      1. Bleach your hair.
      2. Buy some badass sunglasses.
      3. Inject yourself with copious amounts of steroids
      4. Repeat until Duke.

    Today was over hyped
    Today the editor can only approve 2 posts at a time
    Today the images posted will be in low resolution
    Today the editor will contribute crude jokes
    Today nobody will get the editors humour in this day and age
    Today will destroy your memories of older posts

    Today I don't care, I'm still going to love today.

      Ha! Exactly what I was thinking (about nobody getting the humour in this day and age). I told the missus exactly this last night and then she reminded me she doesn't care.

      Also, this: I have nothing witty to contribute.

    Hey Duke, I found your throne. I took a dump on it.

    Have a nice day

      And let me guess - now you want mumma to come and wipe your shitty ass? Get the hell offa my chair son!

      What the hell have you been eating? You gotta go easy on the burritos buddy!

    Hail to the king baby, Duke, I bought your balls of steel yesterday for PC and could not even install until midnight, hence I could not start the game, a bit too late for a pussy like me! Keen as to play duke on the proper platform, theoriginal for yourself to debut on, the PC but need this shitty friggin work-day kicked in the face or hot schoolgirl strippers to pass the time. Need your help mate, im sure you are all out of gum!

    Got Balls of Steel yesterday and it rocks! This game was totally worth the wait. It's old-school pure fun. Prob not for those that didn't play DN3D, and I think the hype actually assisted this game in the end because putting the disc in my PS3 I never had the thought "I hope this lives up to expectations with all the hype", I only had "I cannot believe I actually own and am playing the final version of this!"

    You seem grumpy Duke. Have you checked your vagina for blood?

    I don't know what everyone is complaining that you can only carry two guns at once. I mean, that must already be hell on your manicure.

    Hey Duke, what happened with you and your macho weapon handling?

    Duke Nukem 3D, 11 weapons.

    Duke Nukem Forever, 2 at a time.

    Don't tell me you've become a pussy.

    What happened man?

      11 weapons? Surely you mean 12 once you include the Mighty Foot. Oh, and what the **** happened to your Mighty Foot, Duke? Then again, considering that you can't run more than 20 metres without panting like an asthmatic I'm not surprised you can't kick anymore...

    Hey Duke, it's not too pleased, not not to pleased.

    If Serrels wears a skirt, maybe you can get him in your next game as one of the babes.

    Hey duke. Firstly, could you pay a visit to the people at zavvi.com and australia post and make them hurry up and give me my game.

    Secondly, what do you think of Serious Sam Stone? Would you two ever fight side by side or do you hate his guts?

    Personally I think Serious Sam 3 is gonna be better than DNF.

    *Waits for impending rage and subsequent ban*

    Cool. I like a man who knows how to handle a gun and is literate.

      Uh... just wanna check - you're a chick, right?

    Hey Duke, if you can find some time in your day, how bout giving a little bit to that poor soul Whatserface McDuthie! She needs a good pokin I think. Bitch is having a horrid week by the looks of it ;)

    Well I was told to always bet on you Duke. Therefore you better not disappoint me when I get home tonight.

    Hey Duke, I've been listening to Grabbag nice and loud lately and waving around an oversized gun cuz I thought it'd make me more manly like you. All I've succeeded in doing however is bursting my ear drums and contracting a severe case of RSI. Guess I'll never rake in the chicks like you.

    It feels like the 90s again, brilliant.

    Duke, did you know Dick Smith only thinks you are worth $79.94 unlike EB who think your worth much much more?

      I'd really like to know what 90s game you played that incorporated the very worst "innovations" in FPS games from the 2000s...

    Could you please enlighten us readers on how you coped when you were sold by your Dad (3D Realms)to your new Step Dad (Gearbox Software).

    Because I peronally feel you have some major Daddy issues (explains the anger) and should be stripping in Kings Cross as opposed to working in video games.

    Kotaku AU >> Kotaku US

    In so many ways.

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