7 Bad Dating Tips I Learned From My Xbox 360

Lonely? Unlucky in love? I used to be like you until I learned the secrets of love from my Xbox 360. Now I'm passing these pointers of passion, all delivered in actual Xbox 360 dating-advice video games, on to you.

  • Catch her off guard with your opening line.
  • A man walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting alone. Don't give her the traditional "hello" or offer to buy her a drink. She's heard all that before. Try mixing it up. Don't B Nervous Talking 2 Girls suggests "You're in my seat." Now you not only have her attention, but a place to sit.

  • Build them up, then knock them down.
  • The greatest advice I've ever gotten from my Xbox was from How to Get Girls. Gentlemen, I give you the "complimentative-insult" - or as I like to call it the back-handed compliment. Beautiful women hate being reminded that their very presence lightens up a room, so fulfil their deepest fantasies by slipping in an insult. Allow me to demonstrate:

    You have a beautiful smile for someone with such crooked teeth.

    Not only have you complimented her, but reminded her of her insecurities. Now there's a better chance she'll settle for someone like you.

  • You're not the man of her dreams, but you can hide that.
  • Look at yourself. Maybe you're not in the best shape, maybe your kind of a jerk, maybe you don't have a redeeming quality to your name, but that's OK. We can hide all that. According to How to Get Girls women like mysterious men. So try to hide anything that can give away any of your lesser tendencies and answer any questions with a vague response. Say she asks you if you come here often, give her a soft and sultry "maybe".

  • Women act purely on instinct.
  • Nice guys finish last. It's a jungle out there and if you want to find a mate you need to start acting like the alpha male you really are. As Xbox indie game Virtual Attraction Part 1 says, women might say they want nice guys, but all logic is thrown out the door when it comes to women looking for a man in their life. It's all raw instinct. Go get 'em tiger.

  • Don't do anything nice. Ever.
  • Thinking about buying the girl you just met flowers? Maybe take her to a movie? You might as well be buying a one way ticket to the friend zone. Instead of a little tender-lovin'-squeezin', you'll be spending all day helping her shop for a dress to impress the guy who took this warning from Virtual Attraction Part 1 to heart.

  • If all else fails, say you're a veteran.
  • Ladies love a man in uniform and just because most of us don't have one doesn't mean we should give up. If things turn bad, play the vet card. In Virtual Attraction Part 1 blaming your feeble pick up attempts on your time spent at war not only amuses the girl your with, but raises her attraction level putting you back in the game.

  • Now you talk the talk, but can you walk the walk (on the correct side)?
  • It's not just about what you say, it's about where you say it from. Girls love it when you talk to them from behind their right shoulder. So next time you see a beautiful girl out on the dance floor, circle round back and sneak in from the right. They love that stuff. How to Get Girls, which actually dispenses this advice, says it's science — or something.

Take these tips to heart my friend and if she hasn't slapped you yet, she is yours.

I do not actually endorse this dating advice. It is what I picked up from playing various dating advice games. You should probably not try this. Ever. Gentlemen, please treat women with respect. Ladies, don't tolerate scrubs.


Comments

    Damn right this is bad advice. Except for maybe the back-handed compliment... depending on what it is. It seems to be a common flirtation technique that us girls often let guys get away with. Because a compliment is still a compliment, whether it's a back-hand or a fore-hand hit.

      lol I can't help but imagine seeing you in a bar now, after a few drinks being picked up by someone like Quagmire.."You're hot and pickled.. Just the way I like my Kim Chi!"

    Heard most of this - problem is this advice can work. But it's not the content it's the execution.

    Fine line between being confident and being a dick.

    The behind the right shoulder thing is super-creepy.
    Also answer me this: Why were you playing these games in the 1st place??? They have an air of creepiness to them just by existing...

    The being nice is 100% correct. Besides that what is with a lot of ladies going for the guys that just treat them like crap? Never understood that.

    Haha. This stuff cracks me up. Mostly because I remember seeing a doco on these classes on how to pick up women. The guys running these things usually look and act either like they are yet to meet a woman in real life or that woman to them meens child to us.

    Most of this is actually good advice (for picking up girls in bars), atleast the first 4 sections.

    Its true that women don't want ONLY nice guys, and by nice I mean boring. You NEED to have the cocky/funny thing going to really work some magic. Ofcourse, there are many paths to picking up girls, and this is one of many. But truth be told, the top half of this article is very sound advice.

    The don't do anything nice comment is really true, well do some things nice, enough to not be a total asshole, but be mean and mess with her most of the time.

    Nice guys really do finish last, they never get the girl.

      This isn't so much a response as a general comment, but is it actually a satisfying accomplishment to confuse someone until they agree to sleep with you?

      /confused

    I think if anyone is actually taking advice on womens from an xbox, they're doomed from the start.
    (regardless of how good the advice is)

    Tad just made me watch an episode of Keys to the VIP on YouTube.

    *blinks*

    Don't make friends with the girl and don't msg or call her constantly. I see so many times guys fighting over girls and they never get anywhere and later just get angry/upset. Meanwhile I've just ignored her and when everyone else runs out of steam I ask her if she wants to go for a drink.

    Ugh, terrible advice. If a guy said to me "you're in my seat" I would reply "Who are you, Sheldon? Hm, judging by your clothes, you don't get paid that much so I don't think so.' And return to what I was doing.
    Girls prefer guys that are funny. There have been so many different studies and it always comes back to making a girl laugh.
    If any girl responds to the above tips, she has a problem.

    all this crap has been written time and time again in books like "the game" and a lot of other forms of media.
    the sad thing is, it works and it works well. BUT and its a big but. it works on girls with low self esteem, girls who are troubled, girls who will jump at anything that showers them with attention.
    i know a guy who uses this stuff a lot. and it works and works well but only on the kinds of girls ive listed above.
    whenever he finds a girl he's legitimately interested in it doesnt work because any girl with half a brain and a clue would see right through that bullshit.

    Here are my tips: Dress nicely; Tarocash or YD outfits aren't overly expensive and look good. Get a staff member to help you put together an outfit if you’re unsure and don’t be afraid to wear something you wouldn’t normally wear.

    Go to a club in the city rather than your local bar as women at your local bar usually go to catch up with friends and aren’t looking to hook up.

    Get in early! being at a club at 9:30 pm might sound weird but the girl to guy ratio is about even at that time and will usually start changing at about 11pm.

    Talk to a girl over her shoulder and it will freak her out! You just need dance near her for a few minutes if she's interested she will generally dance back THEN talk to her. Keep conversation light and NEVER say anything negative, it’s basically like a job interview situation.

    Make your place as neutral as possible think… display home. Don't leave anime/gaming stuff lying around. I know they are a big part of your identity but most women see these things as childish because they may not understand them. put them in cupboards when she comes over take them out when she’s gone.

    You can bring your stuff out once your more established.

    Always pay for everything but never expect anything in return. Think of it as an investment for a possible relationship.

    These are my tips they worked for me more often than not.

    HAHA, circle around them to the right shoulder. EPIC WIN! that shit will get you bashed brutally, recommended.

    Don't wear pants. That shows women that your confident and ready to go.

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