Alyssa Bereznak Just Reminded Us That Women Can Be Predators Online Too

Alyssa Bereznak Just Reminded Us That Women Can Be Predators Online Too

Alyssa Bereznak is making us females look bad. I’m ashamed on behalf of our sex that she said those bitchy things. In her article, she accuses a world champion of Magic: The Gathering of being a liar and a creep. In reality, her predatory and trollish behaviour makes her the creepy one.

First of all, let me say up front that I totally buy the stigma associated with online dating. I know online dating sites like RSVP have been around for yonks now, but I can’t help but think that it’s for desperados — a last resort. Alyssa’s piece about her OKCupid experience serves as a reminder that there’s a good chance you’ll end up wasting your time on someone like her, whose elitist attitude you would have not been interested in from the get-go had you met her in a real-life situation.

Earlier this month, I came home drunk and made an OKCupid profile. What the hell, I thought. I’m busy, I’m single, and everybody’s doing it. Sure, I’d heard horror stories, but what was the worst that could happen?

The fact that you don’t know when you’ve had too much alcohol already says a lot about you. Any guy will tell you that there’s nothing more unattractive than a drunk girl falling all over the place and having no idea how stupid she looks. The fact that you don’t know your limits when it comes to alcohol — and that you’re using being drunk to justify your actions — doesn’t make you look very credible.

There’s no point wondering what terrible things could have happened. The worst that did happen in this situation was that you joined OKCupid and f**ked with some poor guy’s head and then publicly humiliated him. You talk about OKCupid being like “the online equivalent to hanging out alone in a dark, date-rapey bar”, but you just made yourself out to be the predator. You were obviously desperate enough to continue trolling OKCupid well after you sobered up and realised and you had no legitimate reason for being on there. It’s no wonder men always complain about women playing mind games. You managed to reinforce a stereotype that some of us have worked so hard to disassociate ourselves with.

I’ll readily admit that if he’s anything remotely like how Alyssa described him (which I doubt), I probably wouldn’t be interested in him romantically myself. That doesn’t mean I don’t think he’d be a cool friend to have — the people I hang out with the most are nerds of some kind, but I’m only really sexually attracted to blokey blokes. You know, the manly types that look good without trying too hard and aren’t fussed about having a bit of a belly. In any case, everyone has an ego, and crushing someone’s modest expectations of themselves is unnecessary let alone damaging to the self-esteem.

That’s why I find it so appalling that you laughed when he said he was the world champion of Magic: The Gathering. Why would you do that? Any other person would have been genuinely curious, and I would have been nothing less than excited to learn more about a game I’ve heard so much about, yet know so little of. It’s not easy to be good at something, let alone be the world champion at it.

It really is a shame you forgot to Google him before you had dinner with him. Perhaps then you might have given him the respect that he deserves. I agree that disclosing your marital status and any kids in an online dating profile is mandatory, but calling him a liar for not putting down the fact that he’s a world champion at something is unfair. I call that being modest — a highly desirable attribute, and one that you seem to lack.

As you suggested, being so shallow that you couldn’t see past his world title led you to make the truth look like fiction. If you walked away from the second date thinking that he was nothing more than “a champion dweeb in hedge funder’s clothing”, then that’s your fault. Did you ever stop to think that maybe he was in hedge funder’s clothing because he actually, you know, works for a hedge fund company. I doubt that a guy who’s intelligent enough to be in a job like that is so socially retarded that he’s unable to make conversation about anything other than Magic: The Gathering. And if he was, I’m sure you wouldn’t have hesitated to make a point of it in your slanderous article. Sometimes, guys need to be prodded into speaking about themselves. From what you’ve written, it’s clear that you failed completely at making proper conversation with him.

You not only accuse him of lying in his profile, you also accuse him of “infiltrat[ing]his way into OKCupid dates” with two people you know. Yes, it is strange, which is why I would have gone out of my way to ask him about it rather than make nasty assumptions about him online. You judged him so harshly and publicly without giving concrete reasons as to why we should believe you.

So what can we all learn from Alyssa’s rant? She’s a narcissist who you would probably not want to date, women can be predators online too, and be assured that her experience is the exception rather than the rule.

To the Magic champ: I’d love to hear your side of the story. Dinner?


  • “women can be predators online too”

    Does this then technically count as a victory for gender equality? After all equally bad is still EQUAL…

  • Alyssa is a twat.

    Now that that’s out of the way, the one thing that has been bugging me the most is the “infiltrat[ing] his way into OKCupid dates” line.

    I can’t work out if that is a bad attempt at wordplay (the M:TG card based is called Shadowmage Infiltrator) or if she genuinely thought that his “lying” by omission was that severe.

    Also, online dating really is weird. I’ve done it, been on the odd date and it always just feels like a strange way to meet someone. Maybe it’s the whole profile thing, you essentially write up something to advertise yourself and that’s a pain in the rectal cavity.

    • I wouldn’t use the word Twat personally Trjn…

      The word I’d use means the same thing, has four letters and starts with…

      Nevermind 🙂

    • “I can’t work out if that is a bad attempt at wordplay (the M:TG card based is called Shadowmage Infiltrator) or if she genuinely thought that his “lying” by omission was that severe.”

      Sounds like the latter. It would appear that Alyssa is a dumb bimbo, and that she thinks that anyone who’s the world champion of anything simply lives, eats, breathes, and bathes in it. So the fact that he wasn’t displaying he’s the world champion of Magic on his profile clearly meant to her that he was lying, when she should have realized that Jon has his head on straight, and leads a normal life OUTSIDE of Magic. You know, like working for a hedge fund company and trying to go out on real dates with girls where the conversation ISN’T always Magic. Maybe the guy wanted to try and find a girl to date who without her immediate judgment (whether good or bad).

  • Hopefully Alyssa will not get many dates now because anyone she’s interested in will google her. Like, hardcore.

  • Wow, it seems Alyssa is not that apologetic about it. She just added this little sentence to the end of her ‘article’.

    “Also, for all you world famous nerds out there: Don’t go after two Gawker Media employees and not expect to have a post written about you. We live for this kind of stuff.”

  • What a total bitch. Seriously. World championship status is impressive, and Magic is a huge card game. Sif not be impressed at world champion status of ANYTHING.

    She just sounds like a shallow prissy jerk. The article should be pulled, she’s clearly an idiot.

  • While I mostly agree with this article, I take issue with this part:

    “The fact that you don’t know when you’ve had too much alcohol already says a lot about you.”

    …which is a value judgement that makes you look equally as shallow and narrow-minded as the lady you attack.

      • Stand by it, I still find that statement pretty judgmental. I’m not sure her drinking says much of anything about her, as plenty of people (I’m throwing out figures like 100%) have been drunk before.

        Judge her for her bad behavior, which was predominantly done sober.

        • Nineteen, here. Grade eight drop-out, budding game developer, and heading out to the prairies to work on oil rigs for quick funding.

          I have *never* been drunk, or high for that matter. I am of legal age to drink, I have no religious obligations (atheist through and through), and I live in Canada (there is no social stigma regarding the act). Never been high for that matter either.

          I have had a few beers over the years, a couple of drinks. But I always stop well short of impaired judgement or physical capabilities. Perhaps by the end of my day’s I may have been drunk a few times, but I’d argue saying things like “everyone’s done it a few times” when it’s not strictly true is just tipping the scales to justify doing it oneself.

          Note; it wouldn’t be the deciding factor about you, or anyone, but everything someone does *does* say something about them.

          Keeping the above in mind, I think Elly made a solid point. Getting wasted for the sake of being wasted isn’t always the defining point of a bad character, but often the defining point of a bad character is doing something agreeably pathetic like just getting wasted for the sake of being wasted (or writing up pointless, incendiary, and most of all undeserved articles about people you consciously chose to spend time with in the first place).

      • I think it was more her way of giving an excuse for the “shame” of signing up – several people I know who have happily used online dating originally claimed they “had a few drinks” or ” a friend ‘forced’ me to sign up” – Ms Hart’s reference to it only being for desperados explains why people feel the need for the justification.

        I otherwise agree with this article 100% though.

      • I agree with you. I don’t drink and I understand people get drunk, but I think that Elly has a point.
        “The fact that you don’t know when you’ve had too much alcohol already says a lot about you.”
        I have seen it so many times where girls will purposely drink in excess because they think that only being able to lie on the side of a street is fun. I think that says a lot about the person. It tells me they have no control.
        Also I’m pretty sure we can tell what kind of person she is from the article =/

    • I agree. Seemed unfair and petty in light of the real issues.

      Every once in awhile I get drunk deliberately. I take exception to the idea that it means anything about me.

    • Hmm, gotta say I kind of agree. This made you look like a bit of a judgemental jerk. “Any guy will tell you that there’s nothing more unattractive than a drunk girl falling all over the place and having no idea how stupid she looks”. So having a few too many drinks for a chick and doing something lame makes them “un-attractive”? Man, girls and guys do stuff like this all the time. Too me it’s generally funny (depending on what they do obviously, lol). But to make a point, if chicks do this it makes them “un-attractive”. I dunno… But yeah, she does seem like a jerk regardless.

      • Personally, drinking to excess and then using it to justify dickish behaviour is the only thing less attractive than the socially accepted suicide/murder cult that is smoking. Tells me a lot about the woman in question even before I read the details.

        The problem isn’t that she’s a drinker, it’s that she’s a drinker who doesn’t know when to stop. It’s kind of like telling a joke, really – jokes are funny, but if the joke makes you look like a twat, you’ve gone too far.

        Of course, the best part of this whole article is in the little girls post it’s mentioned not once, but twice that the company publicly disowns it. She doesn’t even have the excuse of being the attractive cheerleader type and such never learn table manners during high school, if her g+ profile is anything to go on.

        I have to say, in the interest of fairness, her twitter says “Former intern”, so this could very well of been a revenge piece, but I doubt it based on her conversation methods between ‘friends’.

        Either we all just got trolled something hardcore, or she’s a shallow crazy cat lady in the making, and it’s just sad and pathetic either way.

        • That’s your opinion, that’s cool, just feel that singling out “women who have too much to drink” is lame and judgemental and kind of makes her argument lose a lot steam. A lot of people do dickish things when they drink. A lot of people do dickish things when they’re sober. Just saying in most cases people can have a bit of a laugh about it. But to say that “I’m ashamed on behalf of our sex” by what she said I think is being really overly dramatic. I did say that Alyssa came off as a jerk but don’t know if implying “women who can’t hold their liquour are pathetic” really wins any points 😉

  • I couldn’t have said this better myself. This is pretty much my thoughts exactly. GET OUT OF MY HEAD, ELLY!

    Let’s all remember though, this piece (and others like it) isn’t (or rather shouldn’t be) about “oh snap!” and getting just as snarky as Alyssa. Elly has made some valid points about unfair stereotypes and trying to get away from prejudice and petty judgmental comments which goes beyond simply pointing out how shallow and vain Alyssa has demonstrated she is.

    • I see your point, we shouldn’t judge her for being judgemental. But one of the key things that irks me with this is that what she has done is outright unprofessional.

      If it was a personal Tumblr or blog that would be fine, but this was on the front page of Gizmodo, painting a humble and nerdy world champion as a creepy weirdo. And she still thinks she’s in the right! Gah!

  • Oh man. That’s full of win.

    And Miss Hart, I’m sure you just inadvertently won over the hearts (no pun intended) of many red-blooded male with a paunch while you were laying the smack down too. 😛

  • ” Any guy will tell you that there’s nothing more unattractive than a drunk girl falling all over the place”

    I don’t know about that, I think some guys might disagree! 😛

    Great article though, she sounds like a real piece of work

  • While I think of it: Alyssa mentioned that we should all “Google” people we are about to date. I wonder how she thinks people successfully dated before the Internet and having your “real” identity online became popular. But there’s more things I find wrong about her article than just the few things we’ve had a chance to discuss here.

    • Googling people you find on dating sites is a touch easier than googling people you know only by their real name.

      Google my real name, you’ll find nothing of value. Google my handle and you’ll be able to find out a lot about me. So if someone uses the same handle on a dating site as they do elsewhere on the net, you can do a fair bit of stalking.

      One girl on a dating site mentioned that she had a Deviant Art profile and played WoW, a quick search of her username found the DA page and had I wanted to, I could have searched further (I really did only want to see what her art was like, I’m not that stalkery even if I do have the ability).

      It’s pretty terrible advice, really the most amusing thing about her recommendation to google your dates is that if someone she courts on OK Cupid follows it, they’ll find her little tirade.

  • The best thing about what Alyssa did is that anyone who googles Alyssa Bereznak from now on will know what a P.O.S. she is and knock back any dates with her.

    Enjoy single life with a house full of cats Alyssa. You deserve it.

  • One of the first things I thought after reading the original post was it seemed a bit odd that a writer for Gizmodo — a technology site! — would complain about geeks and nerds. It would be like if any Kotaku writer said “Ew, gamers!”. It makes no sense. :-/

  • Wow, that article really shows a lack of morals. That’s what you get for taking this girl out on a date – being humiliated on the internet?

    As others have said, I hope people take her advice and google her before they take her out – that way they’ll realise how much of a megabitch she is.

  • Reading that original article was depressing. To think that people are so shallow saddens me.

    I used to play Magic too. I’m still a mega nerd and my wife loves me for it.

    I’m with all of yall, Alyssa Bereznak is a cat lady.

  • Alyssa’s whole post just reeks of blogging.

    Not journalism, just out right, teenage-read-my-tumblr-blogging.

    How this ever got posted on a once reputable tech news site is beyond me.

    Sure Gawker might want traffic, but get it the way the AU sites have, with well written, researched articles by great journalists.

    As for the woman, or as she’s made abundantly clear, girl, who wrote this ‘article’, I can’t see her seeing this backlash and using it well to reassess what kind of person she is.

    I would love to see her reply to Elly, or just write a follow-up article to the original, but I won’t hold my breath.

  • Kudos to Elly for taking the time to write this. What Alyssa did was pretty horrible and I’m glad someone took the time to professionally call her out on it.

  • As I said in my gizmodo post:

    “This story sounds mean”

    No, sorry, it is mean. You publicly berated a person who has a hobby playing a card game – a well paying one, from the sounds of it, and act like a shallow, judgemental sack of crap. Which is exactly what I’m going to do now.

    I can imagine other dates you will have:

    “He’s stunning, but he works as a system administrator and owns a Microsoft Server 2008 book bigger than a dictionary!! DUMPED.”

    “He’s amazing, but he has a commodore 64 gathering dust in his garage! DUMPED!”

    “He’s dreamy, but I then found out he does video editing on a computer! DUMPED!”

    “I didn’t find porn on his computer, but a collection of MAME roms and King of Fighters as his most played game! RAPE!”

    “He has a DVD collection of 1970′s exploitation films! DUMPED HARDCORE!”

    “He has a collection of (insert anything here)!! DUMPED.”

    “He’s a journalist on Gizmodo, a gadget site! DUMPED!”

    “He had something unexpected about him I don’t like, and can’t look past because I’m a gigantic black hole of ass! D-D-D-DUMPOBREAKER!”

    “He isn’t a vapid, shallow asshole who has no hobbies other than calling his friends “brah!” DUMPED-DO-KEN!”

  • As I said in my gizmodo post:

    “This story sounds mean”

    No, sorry, it is mean. You publicly berated a person who has a hobby playing a card game – a well paying one, from the sounds of it, and act like a shallow, judgemental sack of crap. Which is exactly what I’m going to do now.

    I can imagine other dates you will have:

    “He’s stunning, but he works as a system administrator and owns a Microsoft Server 2008 book bigger than a dictionary!! DUMPED.”

    “He’s amazing, but he has a commodore 64 gathering dust in his garage! DUMPED!”

    “He’s dreamy, but I then found out he does video editing on a computer! DUMPED!”

    “I didn’t find porn on his computer, but a collection of MAME roms and King of Fighters as his most played game! RAPE!”

    “He has a DVD collection of 1970′s exploitation films! DUMPED HARDCORE!”

    “He has a collection of (insert anything here)!! DUMPED.”

    “He’s a journalist on Gizmodo, a gadget site! DUMPED!”

    “He had something unexpected about him I don’t like, and can’t look past because I’m a gigantic black hole of ass! D-D-D-DUMPOBREAKER!”

    “He isn’t a vapid, shallow asshole who has no hobbies other than calling his friends “brah!” DUMPED-DO-KEN!”

  • She tries to justify it by saying that they would have nothing in common.

    She didn’t even try to establish anything in common with him, she just threw him aside the instant she learned that he has a hobby she’s unfamiliar with.

    If he was a world famous actor or athlete she would have been all over it.

  • Found on Gizmodo, the best comment from her original article:

    daveywest @Masiaka
    I went on to an Online Dating site and was set up with a nerd …

    so I ran home and wrote a post about it on a gadget blog. Which one are you today, Alyssa; the pot or the kettle?

  • As a World Champion of Magic: The Gathering, I find Alyssa’s comments prejudiced.

    To be the champ of M:TG requires intellect and hard work — traits that are worthwhile in a potential mate.

    Mr. Finkel has those traits in spades, but from the writings of Ms. Alyssa Bereznak, it is obvious that she lacks them.

    She slapped together a half-rate article with very little thought or effort. Sad. It is she that is not worth of him, not the other way around.

    There are numerous successful M:TG champions that have gone on to loving, happy marriages. I just had my ten year wedding anniversary, and my wonderful daughter just turned three years old. Matthew Place is married, as is Brian Weissman. Even Jack Stanton is engaged.

    But Alyssa? Just an intern and a journalism major. No future there. So she lashes out at someone that has a bright future.

    Looking at photos of Alyssa, it seems obvious to me that he is out of her league. Maybe that’s why Alyssa wrote the article… she wanted what she can’t have.

    Reading examples of prose from each of them makes it abundantly clear who has the brains and who is lacking.

    Good call to ditch the MTG groupie wanna be. Wait for someone with enough brains to realize what a great person you are, and with enough class to not kiss and tell.

    Zak Dolan
    1994 World Champion, Magic: The Gathering.

    PS Go ahead and Google me all you like Ms Alyssa. You won’t be getting a date with me.

      • Journalism is an over-represented major in a dying industry. Interns are the lowest rung on the job ladder. Agree or disagree?

        Sure there are exceptions. Good journalists. That’s how bell curve distributions work…. some exceptional journalists and some substandard ones, just like in any field.

        Not necessary to pre-judge Alyssa when it’s possible to judge her from her writing. She’s not likely to win any Pulitzer prizes any time soon.

        But yet…that’s what Mr. Finkel has ALREADY DONE in his chosen field. The gaming equivalent of the Pulitzer prize.

        I am highlighting the contrast between Mr. Finkel’s achievements (exceptional) and Ms. Bereznak’s distinct lack of achievement, career or otherwise.

        Sure I have some minor prejudices against journalism majors. But after reading this article, can you blame me?

  • I kind of want to make a M:TG joke about tapping that, but can’t manage to put it together without it sounding crass 🙁

  • ALYSSA uses Journalism!
    It’s not very effective…
    INTERNET uses backlash!
    It’s Super Effective!
    ALYSSA has fainted!
    1208 EXP Gained!

    .. What? INTERNET is Evolving!
    Congratulations! INTERNET has evolved into HATE MACHINE!

  • Apart from wondering how the hell anyone like that ever gets anything published on that site it also leaves me with a sad wonder as to why I can’t find myself a female who would take me to a one-man show based on serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer’s life story?? 🙁

  • I just want to thank you for this well written piece Elly, I can’t believe it came from Kotaku of all places! It’s deserved and he really dodged a bullet there from this shallow twit using his name to get page hits. Unfortunately, that’s succeeded so far with over a thousand comments all aimed at her. She doesn’t seem to be taking the hint either, as she made another swipe at him on twitter.

    Great work, I may start reading Kotaku Australia!

  • Christ. Alyssa’s most recent tweet reads: “dudes, i don’t think it’s bad to be a dweeb. i just dont want to date someone i can’t relate to. not an attack. more a cautionary tale.”

    What a mealymouthed backtracking pile of shite. She was EXPLICIT in her adamant belief that this chap was subhuman purely because he was a “dweeb”. Even in her article it certainly doesn’t sound like the poor man kicked off every damn conversation with “of, course, being World Champion of M:TG”.

  • Alyssa belongs in trash gossip magazines like New Women, not Gizmodo.

    Her article pissed me off because it perpetuates the image that having a hobby that is considered social suicide will make girls laugh at you.

    Goddamn I’ve always wanted to play Magic: The Gathering but I don’t know anyone to play it with. He sounds like a bro and he should keep playing because it makes him happy.

    Alyssa will die a lonely bitch because she makes her decision based on shallow judgments that should only exist in high school.

    • He’s the top Magic the Gathering player in the world and has a book written about him, his own card and a bank account full of money. On top of that he was nice and picked things that weren’t the norm for a first date. Alyssa did everything wrong here and now everytime Googles her name they’ll see this. That’s the only positive I can see coming from this article that she’s making major money on (their writers get paid on a per hit basis).

  • you go girl! It kind of means more because you’re linked to her professionally. Dude didn’t seem so bad that he should become an expose piece.

  • Kotaku AU needs to break free of the Gawker network somehow. I’m sick of having to defend people like David and Mark because of the downright dumb fucking stunts that the US contributors pull.

    • How on God’s green earth did you read the original article, then Elly’s response, and come to the conclusion that it was “two female writer’s disagreeing over a male”? I mean… you did read them, right?

      • Edit: “Disagreeing over what has been said about a male”, better?

        Either way, I don’t absolutely disagree with this response post, just mainly the trashy first one.

  • Elly,
    It’s good that you stood up for this dude and rightly criticised the original author for her post, but there was one element to your article that was similarly distasteful.

    Attempting to discredit her for being drunk, as if anybody that has ever been drunk is somebody that we should judge negatively. That was stooping to the same judgemental level as her. You should be able to criticise her actions getting to that level.

    • Fair call, but I stand by it as someone who’s been there. I was being honest and and pointing out that it looked like she was using being drunk as justification for her actions.

      • Indeed. It would be different to call her ‘a drunk’ but in this case, it’s highlighting a pathetic excuse in the article. Infact, she’s glamorising the fact she was drunk and that it all stemmed from ‘one night when I was drunk’ basically.

        So basically, all this bullshit stems from her getting wasted one night… way… to… go.

        • I agree with Elly and Weresmurf. When the first line introducing your entire article consists of “Earlier this month, I came home drunk and made an OK Cupid profile,” you’re using ‘hey, I was drunk so you can’t judge me because it was all for fun anyway LULZ’ as your excuse. That’s totally unacceptable and, in reality, whether you were drunk or not prior to creating the profile is completely irrelevant; it adds NO value.

      • I absolutely agree with you, because she absolutely was. Her “article” made it seem like her multiple dates and resultant trashing of a perfectly respectable guy were a culmination of registering for OKCupid while drunk, as if everything stemming from that one thing is somehow excused and she doesn’t have to accept responsibility for those actions.

      • Thanks for the response Elly.

        I agree with that point, but I don’t think that the paragraph where you talked about her drinking conveyed that. It came across as a personality judgement, rather than one related to the situation.

  • Thank you for posting this and calling her out for her incredibly unprofessional, and flagrantly hostile and judgmental behavior.

    I feel just horrible for Mr. Finkel, who didn’t deserve the treatment he received. I hope that he doesn’t pull away from meeting new women because of this ridiculous situation. There are women out there who can appreciate him for who he is – in fact, I sincerely hope that something good can come of that woman’s ridiculous behavior and he meets a truly compassionate woman who loves him just for who he is.

    I also hope the so-called “author” of the article is reprimanded in some way.

  • You drink to get drunk and when you’re drunk you’ve had enough to drink. Yes, wine can be enjoyed with a meal and beer can taste awesome but if you’re out and about with your friends at night…you’re drinking to get drunk. Duh. This is common knowledge. You’ve completely invalidated your whole article with this idiotic duely-paragraph self-righteous rant illustrates your antiquated early twentieth century-esque view of alcohol consumption. What? Got shunned by the cute guy at the bar in favor of a slightly more attractive and slightly inebriated option. Hell i’d be jaded too if that happened to me.

    Being drunk doesn’t mean you had too much and same goes for drunkenly making an OKCupid profile. That actually sounds like the drunken ideal or the sweet spot if you will, drunk enough to make mistakes but not life altering ones.

    Unless you’ve had a horrible past experience with alcohol. Then I’m intensely apologetic and you may disregard this post.

  • Elly,

    online dating might not be for you but i have used it several times and its been great.

    dont think of it as a last resort so much as geared more toward people who are not as likely to meet people in their normal day or looking for a partner that shares their niche hobby.

    a lovely young lady such as yourself in journalism has the oppurtunity to meet a lot of people in your work and social life.

    but i have dated many girls i met online who work rough hours(nurses, students with casual jobs, waitresses), their traditional gamers who dont “do” social gatherings anyway. so they dont have those oppurtunities to meet guys the “traditional” way.

    and i am looking for a girl who shares or supports my hobbies, and putting them out there in my profile and searching for girls who do the same lets me skip girls not intrested in dating a gamer.



    • Hey Ryan, it’s always good to hear stories like yours to help me see the bigger picture. My prejudice is just that – my prejudice – and it comes from growing up in an environment where online dating was frowned upon. Times definitely have changed and I’m warming up to the idea – slowly but surely! 🙂

  • He actually started the hedgefund and works there. He got the money from playing cards professionally (blackjack or poker not Magic).

  • Sorry, I don’t get either article.

    Firstly Alyssa’s article does nothing but show her own immaturity and, while good intentioned, this article only highlights something that should be just left for what it is. Maybe Elly could have just dropped a quick one saying “mind you don’t step in that…..” but that would only have drawn attention to it.

  • Elly,

    Brilliant article. I’m sure that I’m not alone in being one of countless scrawny ubergeeks who empathize with the champ.

    I think you justify your alcohol comment by continuing to say that the same level of reckless lack of judgement appeared present after she sobered up and realized she need not slander this bloke. However it does also take the sting out of the attack somewhat. Almost renders the alcohol (IMO) argument irrelevant due to the fact that lush or no, she is quite obviously a b!tch leaning closer to a sociopath than an alco-ditz.

    Great stuff! Feels good to think.

  • So this means I can put that I play WoW & Magic and I’d get a date? (Yes I’m serious, I have a somewhat unsed OKCupid account that is in serious need of an update)

    But it’s very distasteful of the website and the writer to publish something like this. Thanks to shows like The Big Bang Theory, being a geek/nerd is becoming a lot more acceptable in modern society. To see backwards and shallowed minded people like this thing (it shouldn’t even be recognized as a memeber of its gender) puts out this hate filled article.


    • BBT is having a counter-effect in that the show is perpetuating a really negative outlook to the geek culture. I’ve had people asked if I watched BBT because I just happen to know how to troubleshoot basic computer problems. I’ve also had people wonder whether people who play video games act like the people in the show: lonely, socially awkward and lacking fashion sense.

      If the geek/nerd stereotype is based on this show, then I’d rather the culture be kept subdued. Also the show is incredibly unfunny to begin with so I question the intelligence of the people who watch it.

  • Well at least it is easy to see why she is single.

    For her to go on tech website and start criticising a gamer is pretty poor form. Gizmodo is not her own personal blog, and the people there aren’t reading her articles for her dating advice. Hopefully her boss reads the article and gives her the boot. She’d be much more suited to writing for a trashy magazine.

  • I’m really glad that Ellie wrote her article, although someone should write an article in praise of Geeky guys sometime.

    I am the beneficiary of a very happy geeky marriage. My husband and I have been married for nearly twelve years. The joy of having a Geek husband is that he fully supports my obsessions because he understands how much pleasure it gives me.

    Someone pointed out to me early in our marriage that my (then partner, now husband) doesn’t drink, doesn’t smoke, doesn’t smack me around and I know where he is when he’s out at night. The majority of Geek guys are incredibly gentle and considerate.

    For me, geek is all about joy and an all-embracing love of things that others sometimes don’t understand. Anybody who’s been anywhere near Supernova weekend anywhere in Australia understands how fabulous Geek culture can be. Alyssa doesn’t know what she’s missing.

  • ‘The worst that did happen in this situation was that you joined OKCupid and f**ked with some poor guy’s head and then publicly humiliated him. You talk about OKCupid being like “the online equivalent to hanging out alone in a dark, date-rapey bar”, but you just made yourself out to be the predator. ‘

    That is a perfect summation, good job calling her on it.

  • What a vapid, shallow girl this Alyssa seems like. I feel nothing but pity for a woman who is so insecure with herself that she can’t accept another human being’s passions as valid. So what if she doesn’t think they’re good enough?

    Thank you, Elly, for this article – I feel like on behalf of women this guy needs an apology like hell.

  • Awesome article! I am married to a magic player, he isn’t a world champion but hey I am sitting pretty damn happy in my 5k square foot house…while we play magic together…Her LOSS lol. The woman seems pretty self absorbed to say the least!

  • I wonder if this chick is going to come down with a terrible case of the 4chan.

    You just can’t tempt fate like this.

  • Alyssa Bereznak quite clearly is monumentally shallow.

    “What? You have a socially unpopular interest? I’m sorry, I can’t date you! You aren’t normal enough! You’re a total NEEERRRRRDDDD and I’m waaaay too popular to be seen around someone like you!!!”

    That is Ms. Bereznak’s thought process (I’m using “thought” loosely) in a nutshell.

    If all women were like Ms. Bereznak, I’d be gay.

  • The comments calling her out as a bitch afterwards made reading her original article worth it…

    What a Psycho-Hose-Beast…

  • This seems just a tiny bit misogynistic… Yes, women can be misogynistic. Especially transmisogynistic. Not to mention the ableist language. Let women f’ing get drunk, a-hole!

    Anyway, yes, women can be assholes. Especially cis women. Can you f’ing believe that on a cis lesbo comes and starts giving me shit? Yeah, I’m lesbian, too! My being a trans woman shouldn’t be a f’ing issue. Cissexist a-holes.

  • Women like Alyssa make me appreciate my gf even more. Not only does my gf appreciate my nerdiness, but she even actively wants to participate in my nerdy hobby. Thank you, Elly, for making sure that vapid degenerate doesn’t speak for my lady.

  • She must not be very good at google, ‘cos the dude made over a quarter million on MtG alone, he’s a pro gambler, and probably makes mad bank as a venture capitalist.

    But then again, maybe she did, and decided money isn’t everything so … y’know, point for Alyssa I guess.

  • the author of the original article says that she’s just reminding us that judging people/being shallow is human nature. but we already knew that. what we don’t understand is her atrocious manners.

    hopefully the dood will find someone with higher expectations of personal conduct than a pop journalist.

    kudos on the article, miss elly.

  • Nothing against online dating whatsoever. I met my current boyfriend on OkCupid, and I’ve had no issues with being upfront. Sites like OkCupid have sections where you can answer questions about key issues so you know BEFOREHAND what you may be getting into. Not only that, but it’s silly to think people are automatically desperate for turning to online dating. The town I live in is full of douchebags ,why would I want to date any of them?

  • This is awesome. How stupid is this woman? I don’t think that’s been discussed enough. She’s too stupid even to see what the hedge fund thought about the “Magic geekiness,” isn’t she? You think he just sent in a resume and they called him, Alyssa? Try it sometime.
    But then again, this falls into a rich tradition of young-woman-comes-to-New-York-and-writes-something-awful-to-get-a-journalism-job. Started with that Playboy Club article, now it’s “I had anal sex with another straight girl” or “I live in a threesome with my boss.” Tired trash, and morally repugnant.

  • I had no idea someone that stupid could write at all. I can only assume someone, presumably one of the staff at the group home which cares for her, must be her ghost writer. Shame on that person. She shouldn’t be on the internet at all, let alone without supervision.

    I could, as someone who suffered through various levels of geek+nerd persecution throughout high school and college, take profound offense at the article. I choose not to, as bad feelings tend to feed themselves. She is doomed to a life chasing suits, one of whom will likely infect her with a lasting reminder of how shallow and feckless her outlook on life really is.

  • She’ll probably come back all “I proved my point, because everyone else got judgemental of me! Psych! HAHAHA!”

    Bitch. >_>

  • I’m note surprised by her reaction really as the real world reacts to nerds and geeks like they’re some kind of disease. I used to play Magic and (don’t laugh) Pokemon cards when I was young. But I enjoy taking my decks out and having fun whenever.

    I play TF2 a lot and that requires a lot of team-work and trust. With a team that has all that, you can practically steamroll (pun intended) many people that play selfishly for themselves. And ironically, it is those qualities that the real world desires so much. True the servers are sometimes infested with rage-inducing mic-whores but on a server where everything clicks and the fun is everywhere, that’s priceless.

    I’m single and I go out with friends to have coffee or lunch. Not everyone is as creepy as you say Alyssa. I am one of those ‘potential stalker that has no life’ in one of your tweets and guess what? This is who I am and I make no apology for it.

    I know several girls but do I make a move on them when I first see them? No. I enjoy friendship and getting to know them first before committing.

    In your case, you envy what geeks and nerds have which is that sense of long-term thinking and intellect. Your degree might speak on some of the qualities you have but in the end, your comments and the dribble you spit out doesn’t deserve that degree. I hate to see you try and date anyone that has an internet connection now.

    And Google me all you want on my handle. That’s only a part of who I am.

  • Whats funny is if i google myself all the references point to some profesor in america who has done some paper on something or another

  • Alyssa is an arsehole, or at least made herself out to be one with that awful article, but I don’t think you need to be embarrassed for your whole gender, Elly.

  • You know, the article was a tasteless, but I don’t think that it deserves the vitriol it’s getting here. The guy’s primary interest is M:TG, which means a lot of social activities he participates in are going to revolve around that, as well as a lot of what he thinks/talks about. I’m not saying that he can’t or doesn’t talk about other topics, but a HUGE portion of his life is taken up by this one activity that she has absolutely no interest in. And as for going out on a second date with him, rather than leading him on don’t you think that maybe she was testing the waters and trying to see if there was some other interest he had that she could have shared with him? Like, I don’t think that you necessarily need to be advertising that sort of interest on you OKC profile, but at the same time, shouldn’t it come up in casual conversation before the date?

    Also, impeaching her character because she was drunk is just as tasteless, since 1) probably half the accounts on that site were started the same way, and 2) if it was a guy admitting the same, the author would have completely overlooked it. Judging her because she is a woman and is drunk is just as tasteless, and more than just a little sexist.

    I’m not trying to completely justify the things she’s said in her post (since quite a bit of it was tasteless and rude), but still, you all shouldn’t be attacking a girl as a “predator” just because she went on two dates with a guy then decided they have nothing in common. Really, this article probably scores a bit higher on the tasteless slander score card than hers does.

    • And just to be clear, I have nothing against nerds. Every guy I’ve dated has played WOW or Magic or Dungeons and Dragons (or some combo of the three). The fact that they play games that can be challenging and imaginative is a bit of a turn on for me

      • While agree with you on the drunk stuff, MTG was his main interest… 10 years ago. He talks quite a bit in his reddit chat that he was last active on the MTG scene in 2000 and has dropped off since then (aside from getting some cards in 05 for getting inducted into the Hall of Fame). So it’s not that huge of a part of his life, not so much that a girl would need to be into it to enjoy a relationship with him.

  • Elly, I can not thank you enough for such a delightful and well-written commentary. After reading the original author’s piece, I felt pretty down about human beings for a bit.

    It’s one thing to say that you aren’t really into card games and don’t want to date someone who is so entrenched in them, the same way I probably wouldn’t date a girl who was heavily into MMOs. (Because I’ve known more than one who was and just found them miserable). And you know what? That’s entirely fine.

    Acting offended that some poor guy (who apparently not only spent the time to go on two dates with her, but PAID for the two dates including dinner and a show, mind you) dare have an interest that she doesn’t care for and then making link-bait fodder with it is another. Shaming him by name takes it to another very abhorrent level. Then, positioning the commentary as if the guy was “hiding” something and was shady and deceitful is beyond abhorrent. I mean, her article could have simply substituted the “Gathering…” part with “child molester” and the rest of the content would have fit just as well at the same level of bile.

    All because a seemingly nice, successful, professional, well-rounded guy has a hobby she is up-tight about.

    I also like how she acted offended that he didn’t warn women on his profile about liking the game and the insinuation that he had “infiltrated” the site to date two other women (who, maybe, are simply not as narrow-minded as she is?). I somehow doubt that *she* warned *him* that she was a wannabe-internet-journalist that was going on the dates to gather dirt to write a scathing article that tens of millions of people would read.

    I couldn’t help but think that if a man had gone on these dates and found something equally as trivial to complain about and then used his position writing for a widely-read internet site to permanently shred her on the internet, he would be labeled a misogynist and possibly even accused of some sort of “hate crime”.

    There are a lot of awful people out there. You often end up dating them. Sometimes having long term relationships with them. You just have the decency not to exploit it on the internet and even the worst of them usually don’t deserve to be torn apart publicly for it (by name, no less). I truly hate some of my exes, but no amount of potential hits could convince me to treat them that way in some article. Almost nobody deserves that.

    The author of the original article is a decent example of one of the reasons I just stopped bothering to date. I make a really swell living and spend my time enjoying my success by doing things I love with people I dig and it’s just not worth filtering through the uptight, the self-involved, the ignorant, the angry, the mean, or those looking to ride on your coat tails (if you ask me what I do for a living or what kind of car I drive within the first five minutes, we’re done).

    Seriously. Elly is awesome for a great article. I stopped reading Kotaku for many reasons. I’ll add Elly’s content to my RSS feed. What a cool person.


  • “That doesn’t mean I don’t think he’d be a cool friend to have — the people I hang out with the most are nerds of some kind, but I’m only really sexually attracted to blokey blokes. You know, the manly types that look good without trying too hard and aren’t fussed about having a bit of a belly.”

    Interesting article, Elly. This little confession of yours is the fly in the ointment, though.

    If I, as a male, publicly stated that fat and plain-looking women are good enough to be my friends, but that I’m only sexually attracted to slender, beautiful women who are very feminine (an appropriate equivalent to “manly” perhaps), I have a feeling I’d catch a lot of flak for it.

    Basically, you’re saying that you friendzone nerds, and only bed manly men… yes, there are manly nerds, but you yourself referred to said qualities as though they were exclusive.

    Well, at least you weren’t being cruel to one specific person, as Alyssa was, but from where I’m standing you’re no less shallow.

  • This reminds me why I love the Australian Gawker journalists. The American ones I don’t really like, but you guys actually have credibility. Kudos! 😀

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