Talk Amongst Yourselves

This is where Kotaku readers go to talk about the stuff we’re not already posting about. Think of it as the official unofficial Kotaku community forum.


    I started playing DA2 again on the weekend. Is more fun after my many months break. Maybe I will finally finish it?

    Thanks to that dood for mentioning the DLC last week and reminding me I had it.

      Where are you up to?

        Kirkwall...Ha HA HA!

        I live in hightown? Me mam just kicked the bucket?

    Humble Indie Bundle 3 all Sunday... best 8 bucks i ever spent!

    I just fried up some 'lean' bacon.
    Who tries to get non-fatty bacon!? Why would anyone do this???

      Fat-free bacon would be like Alcohol-free beer. What's the point?

      For guilt-free bacony goodness. Now soy-bacon (NotBacon), there is a nasty thing.

    So how'd the Sydney Meat go?
    I hear Harli ruined everything :D


        Well, based off of AP's blaming everything on you over twitter anyways.

          yes yes, I got the whole guilt-trip thing and all yesterday..

      I was only told about it once it was already underway when Blaghs mentioned it over TeamSpeak. :I

        I thought you were helping your sister move.

          This was the "excuse" he used, yes.

          Helping her move on Team Speak, eh?

          Nahhh, that's sometime later.

          It's okay though. I'm like Macaulay Culkin in the Home Alone movies; comically forgotten in possibly a horrible case of parenting, in which in then use my natural cunning and wit to lay ingenious child version of MacGyver traps to capture 2 bumbling prisoners who have managed to escape from jail.

          ...I think this metaphor has gotten lost somewhere along the way.


        We've missed you!

      Funny story, I walked around Sydney. Then I met up with the gang, then I walked around sydney again.

      Feet hurt.

        You forgot the bit where Effluvium Boy left, then came back!

        And yelling out "Itadakimasu" before eating Japanese food.

          Who could forget that! Or trying to get on the fighting animal game? OR MY BRILLIANT DEAL OR NO DEAL SKILLZ?!

            Also that whoopie cushion provided hours of hilarity.

              Also that yes. I wanted the Wolverine one but she gave me Spider-Man abd then the Hulk?! What an outrage I tells ya.

                Then you fixed it by saying. "THE YELLOW ONE!" and all was good.

                  Shiggy, you almost beat the make-the-red-lights-stay-in-the-centre machine (I don't know what's it called :\), but I think these things are rigged anyway!

      Oh also you guys went to Galaxy World?
      Did Hippo Barry get a new friend?

        We couldn't even get on the damn thing. So many kids man...

          I thought you were going to the FreePlay thingy at the Opera House?

            Me, AP and What did...for all of 5 minutes. Just a bunch of indie games we already own and that was it.

          It was basically the same horde of kids on Animal Kaiser the whole time we were there...

      There was another Sydney meat?

      I'm really struggling to keep up with TAY these days. Didn't even hear about it until after it was over. Though it doesn't sound like I'd have been likely to make this one anyway.

      And yes, that stacker machine is a massive troll.

    Cant wait for two independent games, Hard Reset and Red Orchestra 2 coming next month, who's with me?

    Also who's getting Deus Ex?


      Totes pre-loading on Steam as I type.


      Pre-loaded on Steam and ready!.. Now to get out of work on Thursday and Friday.. hmmm

    Knocked Borderlands off my pile of shame on the weekend. Yay \o/

    Also saw Rise of the Planet of the Apes. Brilliant film. The CGI is outstanding. The apes look more like apes then real apes (wait what?).

      Gotta love these gorillas

    I've been trying different characters in LoL. I can't get the hang of Jarvan outside of kill-stealing etc with Cataclysm. I like using Caitlyn though :) With the build I use she takes a bit of warming up but eventually she's quite brutal! The one game I tried with Sion crashed so will try again later.

      After our game the other night where that Fiddlesticks was owning us, I decided to purchase him. I've only played the one game so far, and it was against AI, but I got 3/2/16. Would have gotten more if the rest of my team (bar one person) was any good, but they were really bad, one of them died 8 times within the first 15mins of the game, just kept charging these two champions. *sigh*

      I do really like Fiddlesticks though.

        Man I hate Fiddlesticks.

        I had a similar situation with a guy in one game last night. I think he was TRYING to feed the other team. Died to a turret in the first minute then died 10 times before he got even an assist. I don't think he got a single kill in the end and was something like 0/15/2.

        We won though!

    This was to be the week of the Barbarian.
    This was when I was to unleash the Horde of Hungarian Barbarian Comments.
    There was to be no rest.
    No safety.
    All Hugo, all the time.
    Then my Aunt found out I am holidays;
    "Oh good, I am moving house so you can come and help"
    Brought down, by an aunt too cheap to hire removalists.

    Started palying Just Cause 2 over the weekend after picking it up ridiculously cheap at JB Hi Fi last week. I'm not far in but that's mainly because I restarted it. I almost hate to admit it, but I'm playing it on Casual after not doing very well on Normal difficulty. The problem is, the game is almost insultingly easy on Casual but the step up on Normal is rather punishing.

    That aside, I'm really enjoying it. It seems like Avalanche looked at the sandbox genre and said "well, people just run around blowing shit up anyway, what if we make that the point of the game?".

    The island the game takes place on is bloody huge, something I was able to appreciate after my second faction mission when I found a nearby air race challenge and was able to fly a light aircraft over the island and take in the scope of it. It was quite amazing, I guess similar to the first time I played Assassins Creed and realised that anything I could see, I can climb. Same deal here, except I can whiz around on grappling hooks, hijack an enemy helicopter in mid-air then jump out of it and parachute to the ground.

    Other than that, I played Minecraft and fell into lava, losing all my diamonds, so we're on a little break from each other. Meanwhile, my wife has made an extensive network of powered rails so that she can ride a minecart between each of her vast mineshaft/caverns.

      I think that games greatest strength is also its greatest weakness. The screwing around is undoubtedly the most fun thing to do in the game. First thing i did was spend hours just wandering around Panau. But it means that (for me anyway) everytime the the game asked me to do any mission, it felt boring.

      If they make a part 3, they should just go all out, no compulsory story just madness.

        Hmm, if that's the case I might try and stay reasonably focused on missions to avoid that kind of burnout.

        Yeah they should go a saints row path and just embrace the silliness of the game!

    Bought Infamous 2 and No More Heroes: Heroes Paradise on Friday. Spent the weekend playing Sonic Colours. . .

    So my whole "play LOL this weekend" plan failed, as I instead played hockey, went to 1st birthday parties, worked, and then went to university open days...

      I know all about holding off the LoL train, but trust me, once you board, you'll find it hard to get off at the next stop.

        LoL is fun in its own right, but is Awesome when you're running around in a Kotaku team coordinating attacks in teamspeak.

        My LoL name is steveothedevo if you ever want a game once you get into it.

          I love LoL'ing and Teamspeak. I'm going to be so devastated when I move and don't have internet for a couple of weeks :(

    It's TABTOL!
    TAY August 20, 2011: 2361 comments
    1: jamesmag 211 posts (8.9%)
    2: Blaghman 186 posts (7.9%)
    3: Harli 163 posts (6.9%)
    4: Bish 152 posts (6.4%)
    5: Effluvium Boy 147 posts (6.2%)
    6: Tech Knight 120 posts (5.1%)
    7: Chuloopa 101 posts (4.3%)
    8: Strange 96 posts (4.1%)
    9: Jimu 91 posts (3.9%)
    10: Rocketman 80 posts (3.4%)
    11: jimu 78 posts (3.3%)
    12: NotoriousR 70 posts (3.0%)
    13: Steve-O The Deve-O 67 posts (2.8%)
    14: lambomann007 63 posts (2.7%)
    15: Hugo the Hungarian Barbarian 57 posts (2.4%)
    16: dawdle! 51 posts (2.2%)
    17: The Cracks 48 posts (2.0%)
    18: Trjn 47 posts (2.0%)
    19: Dr What? 38 posts (1.6%)
    20: Aidan 37 posts (1.6%)
    21: PuppyLicks 34 posts (1.4%)
    22: FatShady 32 posts (1.4%)
    23: Gorzilla 24 posts (1.0%)
    24: jamesmacusedmyhandle 23 posts (1.0%)
    25: Dire Wolf 22 posts (0.9%)
    26: DAN! 20 posts (0.8%)
    27: Shane 19 posts (0.8%)
    28: Batguy 18 posts (0.8%)
    29: f4ction 17 posts (0.7%)
    30: nightFlarer 16 posts (0.7%)
    31: bawble!/CrabJiffy 14 posts (0.6%)
    32: Jo 13 posts (0.6%)
    32: Grandmaster B-Funk 13 posts (0.6%)
    32: PunishingHand 13 posts (0.6%)
    35: Qumulys 12 posts (0.5%)
    35: Qumulys the Builder 12 posts (0.5%)
    37: welbot 11 posts (0.5%)
    38: ♣TadMod♣ 10 posts (0.4%)
    38: Chuloopa Molyneux 10 posts (0.4%)
    38: NegativeZero 10 posts (0.4%)
    41: ShiggyNinty 8 posts (0.3%)
    41: Phoenix 8 posts (0.3%)
    43: BDKIAF 7 posts (0.3%)
    44: Repneiras 6 posts (0.3%)
    44: Mark Serrels 6 posts (0.3%)
    46: Whiplash 5 posts (0.2%)
    47: Crazyguy1990 4 posts (0.2%)
    47: Velnica 4 posts (0.2%)
    47: 202halffound 4 posts (0.2%)
    47: SuperFred 4 posts (0.2%)
    51: sarujin 3 posts (0.1%)
    51: Lucifer9783 3 posts (0.1%)
    51: VGP 3 posts (0.1%)
    51: ThaJman 3 posts (0.1%)
    55: RoninX 2 posts (0.1%)
    55: Evil Dr What? 2 posts (0.1%)
    55: Superfred 2 posts (0.1%)
    55: PMac 2 posts (0.1%)
    55: Braaains 2 posts (0.1%)
    55: The Reply Button 2 posts (0.1%)
    55: Woodze 2 posts (0.1%)
    55: Effluvium Boy's brudda 2 posts (0.1%)
    55: The Right Person 2 posts (0.1%)
    55: Sughly's Brudda 2 posts (0.1%)
    55: Luke 2 posts (0.1%)
    55: Rocketman is actually worse than hitler 2 posts (0.1%)
    67: Klutar 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: The Left Robot 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: Mysterious impartial bystander 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: GRAWP 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: N0NEoftheAB0VE 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: Food Poisoning 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: Steve-O The Deve-O Steve-O The Deve-O Steve-O The Deve-O Steve-O The Deve-O Steve-O The Deve-O Steve-O The Deve-O Steve-O The Deve-O Steve-O The Deve-O Steve-O The Deve-O Steve-O The Deve-O Steve-O The Deve-O Steve-O The Deve-O Steve-O The Deve-O Steve-O 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: More like Qumulys the Accident Prone 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: Jordaan 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: Steve-O The Troll-O 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: Rocketman is actually worse than Hitler. 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: Jared 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: Pixel-Ferret 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: jamesmag's girlfriend 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: The Report Button 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: Crazy Lady Who Frequently Interrupts Conversations Then Runs Away 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: Doc What from the future? 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: Ruen 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: The Right-Wing Duck 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: The Wrong Cat 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: AnonymousPessimist 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: The RPGers Support Group 1 posts (0.0%)
    67: Evil Dr What from the mirror universe who has a goatee to show how evil I am. Possibly a top hat too? 1 posts (0.0%)

    Post #1: Batguy at 08:32 15/08
    Post #1000: dawdle! at 16:09 16/08
    Post #2000: jamesmag at 11:53 19/08
    Post #2361: Strange at 22:01 21/08


        You know what this is?
        I've now inherited AP's god-dammit-I-keep-getting-beaten-by-Harli curse.
        *shakes fist*

      Up to #7
      Marked improvement indeed!

        I was 50th to 22nd... Im back baby! Not really.

      What the..but I was all busy and stuff last week. How did I post the most again? D:

      I had fewer posts yet still climbed higher up the rankings.


      I've been split by a CAP!

        Hmm, good point. Boy is my face red! Thought I was doing case-insensitive comparisons but apparently not. How insensitive of me.

        Sorry everybody, top 10 should actually be:
        1: jamesmag 211 posts (8.9%)
        2: Blaghman 186 posts (7.9%)
        3: Jimu 169 posts (7.2%)
        4: Harli 163 posts (6.9%)
        5: Bish 152 posts (6.4%)
        6: Effluvium Boy 147 posts (6.2%)
        7: Tech Knight 120 posts (5.1%)
        8: Chuloopa 101 posts (4.3%)
        9: Strange 96 posts (4.1%)
        10: Rocketman 80 posts (3.4%)

        All hail #3 Jimu!


          I had a spot on the podium.. for a few brief moments I could grasp the shining light of victory.. only to have it snatched away from me much too quickly.

          /drowns sorrows


      From the top twenty to the top fifteen! I feel like I'm moving up in the world :P

      47... I was only 5 off 42.

    So glad I'm moving soon..we had a huge storm in Perth last night, and the apartment I'm currently in has a window that leaks, so we have to put a towel there to soak up all the water. Underneath the window is where the powerpoint to the loungeroom is, which has the TV, Xbox, PS3, my media computer and modem plugged into it. Seeing as the water was coming through faster than I could replace the towels, I thought it would be prudent to unplug everything from the wall so it didn't short out if the water got to it. I then went to bed, I woke up this morning, everything was plugged back in and there was a massive puddle on the floor and the power socket was soaked. I have no idea how everything didn't short out, but I'm very angry at my room mate, especially as it was after midnight when I unplugged everything and he is meant to be at uni in 20mins.

      Did you leave a note there? He might not have got the hint...

        I left one this morning. I would have thought it was obvious last night seeing as you had to yell to be heard in our house, it was raining that hard. And the plug is in a place where you can't accidentally pull it out so it must have been unplugged for a reason..

      Lucky indeed. When do you move into your new place?

      Yeah, it got somewhat wild last night, didn't it?
      But what kind of fool plugs things in again under a leaky window after they were unplugged?

        My roommate is completely lacking in common sense.

      Why don't you get the landlord to fix the leaky window? It's clearly a safety hazard if it's over an electrical outlet. Withhold the rent until its fixed.

    DUBSTEP GUNS!!!!!!

      That last dubstep Assassins Creed ad actually made me want to buy it. I hate when marketing works on me, I always thought i was immune.

    BLAAAAH work has kept me too busy for TAY last two weeks.. hope I didn't miss any sudden twists or crucial plot points!!!

    The only big gaming news I have is I'm 500 points (about) off 30,000 gamer-points!!! Not that I'm a 'chievie whore, but it's a nice feeling to be almost out of the 20k
    Between Ass:Bro and FFXIII I should knock that over this week...

    What's the haps, TAYbies?

      Went camping with some friends. This is a favourite spot of ours, and burnt down in the Black Saturday bushfires, so this is the first time we went back. To celebrate our return, we did it the only way we knew how. Nachos. Lots and lots of nachos. (I wanted more, but we were out of cash.)

    We lost our final yesterday and my football season has came to an anti-climatic end. We started off well (with yours truly scoring the first try :D) but lack of fitness/training and too much binge drinking took its toll in the midday sun. At one point we recieved an unfair call and our halfback swore at the ref. He didn't know who it was and demanded they own up so he could send them off. Our entire forward pack, as tired as they were saw this as an easy way to get a rest and began arguing that it was them and that they should be sent of for a rest. Luckily the ref was overwhelmed and played on, but talk about team dedication :P

    I only made it halfway through the second half before pulling a muscle in my back, essentially rendering me as usefull on the field as tits on a bull. We ended up losing by 8 points, so at least it wasn't a flogging, but man am I sore today...

    While no-one wants to lose a game, I'm kind of relieved that the season is over and looking forward to some time to myself for video gaming/drinking. Going to sink some hours into Lord of the Rings: 3rd Age courtesy of Shane and hopefully join in for some more lol's on LoL with the Kotaku team.

      Sounds like something of an interesting final game for you dude. Hope the back injury doesn't present too much of a problem for you. 8 points isn't a flogging at all!

        Thanks Harli - Yeah we have some interesting characters on our team which make for some interesting games. We had to change captain mid-game once as the ref refused to talk to him cus he 'smells like a brewery, and I (the ref) could get drunk just by talking to him' :P

      Damn, that sucks.

      I played in a soccer semi for our second placed reserves team (because they were short on players and our second-last placed firsts team is on a "well-earned" off-season). We won 1-0 and they want me back next week. So I get to play in a grand final this coming Sunday :D

        Nice, I've only ever played in one but gotta love Grand Finals! The atmosphere, the tension and that extra distance you go for your mates. Good luck next week man! Enjoy it!

    Jimu, have you read We3?
    Looks interesting.

      Looks mad, a mate owns it and has supposed to have been lending it to me for a long time.

      So no, no I haven't.

      He loved it though, he's a big Grant Morrison fan...but I trust his judgement.

    Woooo! Once again TABTOL is stuck in approval limbo, where I can see it and none of you can. Wow, looks fantastic. Yep. You're missing out.

    Hey mod-like peoples, reckon you could add the old "The message is awaiting approval" message when this happens? I only know it's hidden because I looked at the page in another browser!

    The Kotaku Chronicles – Part 3
    The war room was alight with red flashing lights, warning signals, and rather strangely, a disco ball which must have mistakenly been wired into the emergency system when the ship was built. More puzzling, to the assembled soldiers, is why the room would need a disco ball in the first place. The only one amongst them who didn't seem concerned was Private Puppylicks.
    "What the hell are you singing, Puppylicks?" inquired NotoriousR, as he watched the volatile weapons expert sway side to side.
    "How can you not know this one, Notty?" Puppylicks upped the volume of his voice, which seemed to throw his voice even further out of tune.
    "I've got the torch!" he sang and he lofted his flamethrower into the air "I've got the poweeeeeerrrrrr... YEAH!"
    "Oh hey, yeah i do know that one, what's it called again? That's right - you're a crazy bastard"
    "Hey, no need to be Jealous there Notty. You know what they say - can't handle the heat, get the hell outta my kitchen"
    "That doesn't even make a lick of sense" Jamesmag interjected.
    "You're face doesn't make a lick of sense" snapped Puppylicks.
    "Easy boys". Dr. What had snuck up behind the trio, causing Puppylicks to jump, much to the delight of the others. "I wouldn't want to have to waste any of my supplies on you lot before we even get to the fight"
    "Thats enough from all of you" Sergeant Jimu intereupted.
    "Fall into line, the lot of you. I don't want to hear another word from any of you sorry sons of Feth. The Lord Marshall is on his way and something big is up. I can feel it."

    The men knew better than to question the sergeant's inklings. They'd kept them alive on more than one occasion. It was like a sixth sense. It was only two years ago that he'd pulled a squad, helmed by Fatshady, back from a firefight based on a bad feeling. The men argued and wanted to push on, but reluctantly fell back. Moments later the area they were to charge into was carpet bombed from unnoticed orbital auxiliaries the enemy had brought forward in an attempt to wipe out half of the Allure strike force in one fell swoop.
    From then on it became almost codex for the men to listen when Jimu spoke. His feelings were often the difference between glory and having your remains jettisoned into space in a pretty box.

    He looked at the men from left to right. Just a few of his best. Trjn , Jamesmag, Sughly, Strange, Expendibleguy, Plainview, Dr What, Puppylicks, NotorriousR, and Corporal Fatshady, his second in command.
    He was indeed a lucky man to have such a reliable crew.

    "I don't like this, Sarge" Said Trjn, matter-of-factly, shifting uncomfortably under his plasteel armor.
    "Indeed. The air is thick with the incandescent reek of perpetual destitution and anal rape" Plainview added, in his own colorful way.
    The pair, though sharing the same ill boding as their sarge, couldn't be any more different to each other. Trjn was born a soldier, he'd seen fighting from Nar'Shaal to Abrose IV. He was relatively tall muscular and used few words to belay his thoughts. He could find his way in any battlefield and had a natural knack for spotting traps before they were sprung. For that reason, he was Fatshady's second and the groups pointman.
    Plainview on the other hand was born into money. A scholar born and raised, joining the marines to better understand the complexities of battlefield trauma, and to perhaps meet a glorious doom that could be written of in tomes and emblazoned across pillars in the hall of warriors. All things considered, however, he was an excellent fighter. He was meticulous and mathematical in his approach to death. While most soldiers would shoot the closest thing to them, Plainview would toy with his enemy, putting them at the greatest disadvantage as a unit, rather than trying to take them down one by one. It was a macabre art, painted in blood, sweat and tears of the fallen.
    "Well, i'm sure we'll find out soon enough" Jimu replied, almost to himself, whilst toying with the ornate bronze Eagle-headed hilt of his vibro-sword.

    Another voice came from the doorway behind Jimu, along with several footsteps. "Soon enough often comes sooner than you think".
    Jimu didn't have to turn around to see who it was.
    "Officer on deck" Jimu bellowed, the men immediately tightening formation and snapped to attention as Jimu span on his heels to salute the Lord Marshall.
    Serrels was closely followed by his loyal puppy, Tadmod, as per usual - but a third robed figure walked along side the Lord Marshall. Someone he was not familiar with, nor any of the men for that matter. How was it possible to be at crusade for so long and not know almost everyone aboard the ship? Especially this individual. Something about him just wasn't right in the most soul-chilling of ways .
    "At ease gentlemen" Said the Lord Marshall
    Strange cleared her throat
    "And gentlewomen" Serrels said with a grin.

    The Lord Marshall and Field Marshall both walked around to the head of the table, whilst the stranger stood to the side of the room just behind them, hood still covering his face and bodily features. A walking rug, Jimu mused to himself.
    The sergeants gaze was quickly snatched away when Serrels began to speak.

    "We have a problem" he began as he picked up a remote control from the table and started to manipulate the buttons.
    The GCL ship came into view on the wall-sized screen behind them. It was a floating hulk. Derelict and scared from a battle perhaps not that long past.
    "The ship has been positively identified as the GCL Cruiser Lords Grace. As you can see, she is a mess. The fleet she was with has abandoned her, no other vessels are in the vicinity."
    "Easy Pickings" replied Jimu. "We can just go right in and come out with the information we need from the ships computers without any problems"
    "If only that were true" Interjected Tadmod. "Shortly after coming out of ludicrous speed, we intercepted a distress signal originating from the ship. Audio only"
    Tad hit a switch on the table in front of him.
    The Message came through. Static only at first, then the message came clearly.

    Order more guns with the funds brought by queens
    Order more guns with the funds brought by queens
    Order more guns with the funds brought by queens

    The assembly of soldiers all listened keenly, intensely confused by the message. It made no sense to any of them. What could it possibly mean?

    Sughly was the first to get it. "O.M.G.W.T.F.B.B.Q - ahhhhhh feth it!"
    "What the hell is that meant to mean" NotoriousR said, perhaps even more confused than he was a moment ago.
    "Fething Trolls, that's what it means" Jimu snorted. "Feth them all to hades!"
    "What, as in 'i live under a bridge and eat your goats' trolls? Who gives a rats tail, we'll smoke whatever gets in our w-OUCH!"
    NortoriousR was cut short by Fatshadys meaty hand clipping the back of his head. "Shut up and let the Marshall continue"

    "Thank you corporal" Serrels said as the line quitened down again. "Yes, Trolls."
    "For those of you that are fortunate enough to have never come across a Troll before, they are despicable space faring creatures that float through the void and consume whatever they come across. They are a minor annoyance to our cause, but still they are not to be underestimated. All it would take is for one to get aboard and we'd be soon overrun. They quickly self-reproduce and are both vicious and quite insane. Combine that with the fact that the average Troll is six feet tall and practically raw muscle and claws and you have one mean adversary."
    "Isn't standard protocol for Troll nests to purge on sight? We have more than enough firepower to vaporise them safely from here" Inquired Jimu, already knowing what the Lord Marshal was about to say
    "Usually, but this was an important ship to the GCL. It has a data library on board with information on the fleet, destination and cargo."
    "Of course it does." Jimu's scarred face twisted into something resembling a smirk. "If it's so important why didn't they destroy the ship themselves to prevent us from getting the data?"
    "They know how much closer we're getting. Their ships outnumber ours 10 to one, but don't have the long range firepower we do. This means they would have had to have spent time on a sustained and concentrated attack on the cruiser, which in turn would have put the rest of the fleet exposed to infestation by the Trolls"
    "Ok, i get it now - so we're the suicide squad that has to go in and get that data before the new occupants accidentally trash the systems too much?"
    "Sounds like a party to me, what do you say, men?"

    A wall of sound that the reverberated off the war room's walls as the soldiers cheered and clanged their weapons against their armor and the steel grating of the floor.
    The Lord Marshals face remained as stern as ever as he raised his hand for silence. "There's more"
    "Feth it, there's always more" Puppylicks exclaimed.
    "More's fine by me - more to crush beneath my steel" Fatshady said, stroking his massive Two-handed Electro-hammer
    "Hmm.. yes.. and more opportunities for me to have to sew an arm back onto one of you sorry sons of Hasslehoff" sighed Dr What.
    Serrels ignored them and continued "Ships of importance in a GCL fleet always carry a Preacher on board, as a guardian"
    "What in Hades name is a Preacher?" asked Jamesmag
    "It's a Psycher. You know, a human born with special powers. Only instead of being born into normal society, they're born into the company of fanatics and are taught to believe they hold the powers of Christ and are anointed to use these powers to fight the enemies of their God for the good of human kind. Or so they say" Explained Sughly.
    "Sughly always delivers. But man i hate Psychers. Mutants and scum that's all they are" Trjn said, spitting at the ground, as if it were all his pure concentrated hate.
    "I have to agree, sir" said Strange, finally adding her own voice to the fray. "I'm as much up for a fight as any of these mouth breathers here, but how are we means to fight a Preacher? Even with our numbers it'll fry us all for sure."
    "I have a feeling that's where our unknown friend in the robe comes in" Jimu said, eying off the stranger, whom had yet to move even an inch or mutter a single word since entering the room.
    "Perceptive as ever, Sergeant" Serrels said, cracking a slight smile for the first time. "Lady and Gentlemen, allow me to introduce Zorine Te, an agent lent to us from the ASO group"
    The Lord Marshall motioned the figure to come to his side.

    Through the robes it was hard to make out, but there was no mistaking the grace with which the figure moved, looking almost as if it was floating on air rather than walking.
    "Wait. ASO? As in the Allure Special Operations Groups? But they're... they're..." Trjn fumbled over the last words.
    "Psychers" Jimu snarled. It would seem the feeling he had gnawing at the back of his neck wasn't the ship they were about to board, but rather their secret passenger. "How long has he been among us, unknown, strolling the corridors and invading our nightmares?"

    The Lord Marshall was about to answer the sergeant, but Zorine Te got in first. "She, Sergeant, how long has she been a burden upon your very living soul"
    Slender hands slid from within the figures sleeves as she began to remove her hood. It fell back along with the rest of the robes revealing a tall and slender black clad sihloette of what was most certainly a woman, only accentuated by the flashing red lights and shimmer of the disco ball that still slowly spun, suspended from the ceiling.
    Her hair was black as raven night and tied back in a ponytail, as if daring her enemies to grab hold of it and strike home the deathblow. Her black body suit had thin slits in it in certain spots over her body, exactly where the main arteries would be contained under her pale skin, as if to tempt blade to draw blood and bleed her dry. The top half of her face was covered by a mask as black as her body suit, except for a red line the went across both eyes from top to bottom. Her lips bore no make up, yet were almost as distracting as her eyes. Her mis-matched eyes. One hazel, one a deep brown, both centered with pits of pure black that if you stared to long could transfix you and draw you in. You could look upon her face and soon after be dead where you stand and never even know. A belt around her waist carried two blood-red daggers and a wicked looking pistol none of them had seen the likes of before. But perhaps most striking were the two katana fastened to her back. It too was jet black, minus for the edge of the blade which was green and looked wet with venom.
    "Not really practical armor, is it?" Said Puppylicks, not really realizing what she was.
    Jimu, however, knew exactly what he was looking at. So did Trjn, and he was the first to get a word in.
    "Fething Soul Consumer!" He said drawing his own knife from his waist, as if it would do him any good.

    Before anyone else could even move, Zorine Te seemed to vanish into thin air, only to reappear behind Trjn. Before anyone could say or do anything she has already kicked a leg out from underneath the private, bringing him to his knees as she brought her own dagger to bear at his throat. Everyone was stunned and frozen on the spot in sheer shock of the haste of her attack.
    "I much prefer the term Harlequin" she whispered in his ear, her lips close enough to his ear that he could feel the warmth of the blood the flowed beneath their surface. "You'd do well to remember that..." She trailed off for a moment, almost seemingly lost in thought. She moved her face around in front of his
    "But i suppose i'll let you call me Harli. As a token of my appreciation for your warm welcome"

    "Enough!" Lord Marshall Serrels finally interrupted. "I will not have squabbling aboard my vessel!"
    Te smiled and let Trjn go and slowly walked back to the Lord Marhsals side, still moving calmly and elegantly as if nothing were amiss.
    Jamesmag tried to help Trjn to his feet, but he angrily shrugged him off and stood up himself.

    The assembled soldiers were right to feel trepidation at this new development. Harlequins, or Soul Consumers as some had come to know them, were indeed dangerous creatures. Perhaps more so than the Preacher they were moments ago so loathe to face. Not only were they powerful weavers of psychic energies, they were master assassins, spies and combatants. Everything about a Harlequin spoke death and disarray.

    "She has been with us for the entire journey, in stasis to conserve her strength." Serrels explained. "She will be of no harm to any of you, and i expect her to be treated the same as any other member of my crew."
    "Man, there's always got to be SOMEBODY in stasis. If this were a movie some strange Alien creature would burst out of her right now" Said NotoriousR, trying to aleviate the tension.
    "Hey.. watch what you cann strange" Strange said, shooting him a look.

    "So what's the plan, then?" Jimu said, seemingly just wanting to get back down to business.
    "You will be using a breaching vessel which we will launch from a distance safe for the rest of us here. About 5 standard clicks out. " Serrels began.
    "We'll be sitting ducks at that distance, they'll blast us back to Hades" Fatshady interrupted.
    "Not so. Trolls are simple beings and wouldn't be able to work out how to use any of the ships batteries even if they tried. Besides, long range scans show that the weapons systems are severely damaged, possibly from the initial Troll attack."

    Tadmod stepped forward, punching a sequence into the table console. The disco ball disappeared into the ceiling and was replaced with a projector. A 3D image of the Lords Grace appeared between the officers and the soldiers, all of it's corridors and inner workings laid out in before them, section by section.
    "Once you make hull breach, you will work your way down the main corridor before splitting into two groups. The corridors are far too small for a eleven man squad to be effective in onc concentrated area. You will then proceed in a pincer maneuver towards the cathedral located here"
    The bisection of the ship zoomed and highlighted several elements. Blue for the path the two squads will make, and red for the destination area.
    "I won't lie to you, but as you can see it will be quite a hike to the cathedral from your breach point. Almost a kilometer. Expect to meet heavy resistance from the Trolls."
    "Why not just drop us closer to the Cathedraln then?" Jimu asked.
    "The ship is unstable in most areas - if you do not make break within ten metres of your designated point, you run the risk of breaking completely through the ships hull and starting a chain reaction. Needless to say the resulting fireball would be quite spectacular and fatal."
    "Of course. We wouldn't want that, would we?"
    "No. I assure you, you wouldn't" TadMod replied, not sensing the sarcasm in Jimu's tone.

    Trjn raised his hand rather than talking out of line again. He seemed a little more sheepish, yet equally defiant when he spoke.
    "Sir, you said eleven man sqaud. Where does Sir-Eats-Alot over there fit into this?"
    "Glad you asked, private." TadMod answered. "She will be your support. Once you make breach, she will move separately from the rest of you. Te will have a 20 second head start and will be traveling through the ducts in the ship to locate any Preacher that may or may not be aboard before any of you have the unpleasantness of finding it yourselves."

    With that the schematic disappeared and the Lord Marshal stepped forward again.
    "Alright, are we clear on the plan?"
    "Yes sir" Jimu answered for his men.
    "Good - prepare your men. We launch in twenty minutes precisely"

    With that the Lord Marshall turned and left, followed by both Te and TadMod.

    "Alright soldiers" the Sergeant exclaimed, turning to face them. "Do you want to live for ever!?"
    The assembly roared their reply. An incomprehensible rabble of grunts, screams and woos.
    "Then suit up, prime your arms and get your fething asses into gear! We've got some killing to do!"

      Oops - forgot the title.. hey tad, or Mark - can you please edit that and put the following at the top:

      The Kotaku Chronicles - Part 3

      duh lol

        Thank you!

        Enjoy guys and gals!

        I gotta admit, I laughed my ass off at your use of the word feth. Sadly I have actually used it in its proper curse form and not realised until my wife asked what feth meant..thankyou Gaunt's Ghosts.

          Exactly where i picked it up from, my friend.
          In fact i have the first omnibus sitting in the car waiting to be read.
          I've read one of the standalone books and it was phenomenal.

          And yes, i too have used Feth as a curse on numerous occasions lol

            Just finished the third omnibus myself...what an epic journey! You'll not be disappointed!



          Dude - it can only be positive. That shit was hilarious. The characters are great, sort of reflect posting style, but fit into the overall yarn. I loved it man.

            Fo' realz.

            Especially loved the random bits, like the disco ball. That was flippin great.

              Who knew brilliant writing was as simple as a disco ball? lol

      Bookmarked. Will read in lunchbreak. Y MUST U MAKE IT SO LONG!

        Told you it took a lot to write and that it was going to be much longer than the last 2 lol

      You are a talented bastard.

      Honestly - this is gripping stuff. The dialogue is brilliant:

      “More’s fine by me – more to crush beneath my steel” Fatshady said, stroking his massive Two-handed Electro-hammer"

      I lol'd heartily.

      Plus, was so intrigued about the hooded figure - couldn't wait to find out who it was.

      Genius. And the trolls thing makes sense, because we HAVE TO DEFEND AGAINST THE TROLLS!

      They called that intertextuality in my fancy (but ultimately usesless) English degree.

        Man having a English degree would be rad for writing - i used to love writing so much when i was younger then just stopped having the time or interest in it.. it feels good to be rushing out something again lol.

        I'm also really excited with the Q&A i've done with the guys at Humble Bundle. I think i've thrown some questions to them that are a bit left of field, so hopefully it should be compelling when i hear back from them.

        But yes, thank you, Mark. Means a lot to me that you like it. The next one will be the big battle scene, which should definitely be interesting.


      The troll reference. Soul consumer. Trjn. Poor Doc What. Jamesmag. EVERYTHING. It made me laugh, it made me feel slight embarrassment (I still can't believe my entire name made it in there), and it was an AWESOME read.

      Chuloopa, you've outdone yourself once again. This is turning into a tale of epic proportions. I am SO reading this again and again!!

        I hope you don't mind having your name there.. it's just that it was pretty much consensus that your name is fracking epic!

        In fact, the awesomeness of your name was the entire inspiration for starting the Chronicles, believe it or not.


        Awesome job loops - you certainly have a flair for writing. The only way I could see this getting any more awsome is to end the next chapter on a cliff-hanger with a choice that TAY vote on in the comments ala Choose Your Own Adventure. That would probably complicate the writing too much though, not to mention we could end up with another North Kotaku VS South Kotaku civil war when opinion splits on which way to move forward :P

        tl;dr - Great work man! Love it!

          Ok to show my ignorance.. what the hell is TL;DR?

          Also that idea had never occurred to me.. it could be a bloody great idea.. Probably not in the next one because i have a set story in my mind and i want the battle to end in a certain way, but once they're back on the ship it could definitely be an option.. thanks for the input :)

            tl;dr = Too Long; Didn't Read


              HE DIDN'T READ IT!!!?!?!


                no no, if you didn't read HIS comment is what he was referring to.

                Nah Loops, TL;DR is used at the end of a REALLY long post, where the author expects a certain element of his audience not to read but skim the whole thing.. so the text after TL;DR - becomes a summary of your really long paragraph.

                He was TL;DRing his own post, not da Chronicles :)

                  Oh... well after my post, i'm revoking everyone's right to say that, as no post is too long comparatively, anymore.


                  Man i feel dumb now

      HAHAHAHAHA! ludicrous speed! Love the spaceballs reference. Absolutely fantastic writing loops, I LOVE my character, he says the darndest things :p I can't wait to read the next instalment. That was hilarious! And really good writing! I love it!

        Glad you liked it, mate :)

          Totally awesome man! I was also gonna mention the awesome Spaceballs ref but was beaten to it! You really have a knack for this writing thing, its like a Douglas Adams novel! :-) Hopefully I get to be in it at some stage? *on hands and knees*

            I already have something planned for you.

            I can say you will be accompanied by Tech Knight and Welbot - so that will give you a clue

      I have cut and pasted into word....will read and comment.

      Holy wall of text, Batman. I can see why it took you so long to write. Nice work.

      I thought I was doing well this morning, working around the house and making a cake but no, I almost missed Kotaku Chronicles III! I'm so glad I decided to give myself a quick break to catch up on online happenings, nice work Loops, looking forward to seeing what happens next!

      And I totally thought the hooded person would have been Plainview! But when you made the big reveal it all made sense, and I couldn't see it being anyone other the amazing Harli.

        Totally stoked you enjoyed it, milady :)

      Wow, that was awesome man, good stuff. Your dialogue is spot on and your character personalities certainly reflect my lurking observations.


        WOO! :D

          I'm just going to add that I'm still disappointed by my appearance. I think the whole thing should be pages upon pages of dedicated text to just how amazing I am. :P

          Also, gotta love ExpendibleGuy. I think he'll have a long and fruitful career.

            The Blaghman scrolls?

            Careful - Bethesda might sue!

      This is epic!

        sort of.. more cadian imperial guard...

      Brilliant, and after what I heard, Welbot, Qumulys and myself as a team? Look out humans, we're coming to blast ya! :P

    Just a question about ozgameshop. When you pre order a game does it often arrive before, on or after release date?


      Copying from below (d'oh):

      Nope, you’ll be waiting 2 or 3 weeks. So the only way this could happen is if Australian release date is several weeks after the UK one!

      To expand a bit, I've noticed they usually send them out as soon as they have stock, and delivery times are sure to not break release date. So basically, at least with some of the pre-orders I've had, if they've got stock a few days before release, they'll send it out early, because there's no way it's going to be delivered in 3 days.
      So yeah, you will be waiting, but my experience is that they try to ship it out as soon as they can.

    Nope, you'll be waiting 2 or 3 weeks. So the only way this could happen is if Australian release date is several weeks after the UK one!

    So I was watching Star Trek last night, and I was talking to a friend about Scotty and Simon Pegg and he was all "How about that Simon Pegg", and then I was all "Serrels is a pretty cool guy who doesn't afraid etc etc" and then he was confused and then I was confused as to why he was confused and then I realised what I had done and that was really awkward.

    tl;dr I've managed to confuse myself into believing Mark and Simon Pegg are actually the same person.
    Maybe it's them video games. Can't distinguish between reality and whatnot.

      I almost watched Paul last night, but decided against it. It's too weird.

        At least you don't get called Hamish (Blake, from Hamish and Andy) :(

        At least once a week I get some hooplehead come up to me and go "OH, you look like that guy from that radio show.. you know, the guy with Andy!"

        I'm bemused and more than a little sick of the comparison, don't REALLY see it...

    Can someone please post a detailed write up of Marks snow trip. Either Mark writes it up or someone else on here make a comical 'dramatisation' of the trip. Also include my twitter picture as an illistration if you can, I was pleased with that pic. At work so can't really do any of this... but there is a funny story in here im sure of it.

      Forget the chronicles - i just want o hear about it.. did i see something about mark bumping is head on twitter, too?
      I was studying to kinda just glanced over it

      On it!

        As soon as you tell us what happened i can start my photoshop picture.

    "At the recent "Ask Capcom" video Q&A session, Capcom's Christian Svensson was asked "is Ace Attorney coming to the U.S.?"

    Svensson responded with, "I assume that means Ace Attorney Investigations 2. The answer is 'no.' Sorry about that." "

    God dammit, Capcom.

      Damn-it, I want to play AAI2. The first 5 games are my favourite DS games.

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