Talk Amongst Yourselves

This is where Kotaku readers go to talk about the stuff we’re not already posting about. Think of it as the official unofficial Kotaku community forum.


Comments

    TABTOL for week of TAY August 13, 2011: 3678 comments
    1: jamesmag 492 posts (13.4)%
    2: Blaghman 351 posts (9.5)%
    3: AnonymousPessimist 248 posts (6.7)%
    4: Trjn 198 posts (5.4)%
    5: Effluvium Boy 197 posts (5.4)%
    6: Harli 196 posts (5.3)%
    7: Bish 188 posts (5.1)%
    8: Jimu 110 posts (3.0)%
    9: Qumulys 100 posts (2.7)%
    10: Blaghman aka Gladys 92 posts (2.5)%
    11: dawdle! 82 posts (2.2)%
    12: NotoriousR 80 posts (2.2)%
    13: Tech Knight 79 posts (2.1)%
    14: PuppyLicks 76 posts (2.1)%
    15: Jo 74 posts (2.0)%
    16: Hugo the Hungarian Barbarian 73 posts (2.0)%
    17: jamesmacusedmyhandle 60 posts (1.6)%
    18: Sughly 59 posts (1.6)%
    19: Dr What? 57 posts (1.5)%
    20: lambomann007 54 posts (1.5)%
    21: Strange 52 posts (1.4)%
    22: Steve-O The Deve-O 51 posts (1.4)%
    23: Chuloopa 49 posts (1.3)%
    24: Aidan 45 posts (1.2)%
    25: Rocketman 41 posts (1.1)%
    26: The Cracks 39 posts (1.1)%
    26: Phoenix 39 posts (1.1)%
    28: PunishingHand 31 posts (0.8)%
    29: Andrew Burdusel 30 posts (0.8)%
    30: Gorzilla 28 posts (0.8)%
    31: Crazyguy1990 22 posts (0.6)%
    32: DAN! 21 posts (0.6)%
    33: Dire Wolf 20 posts (0.5)%
    33: Oberführer von Schtamperrific 20 posts (0.5)%
    35: Repneiras 19 posts (0.5)%
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    37: Mark Serrels 18 posts (0.5)%
    38: Plainview 17 posts (0.5)%
    38: N0NEoftheAB0VE 17 posts (0.5)%
    40: nightFlarer 16 posts (0.4)%
    41: BDKIAF 15 posts (0.4)%
    42: welbot 14 posts (0.4)%
    43: ♣TadMod♣ 13 posts (0.4)%
    43: #35 13 posts (0.4)%
    45: Grandmaster B-Funk 11 posts (0.3)%
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    49: Batguy 8 posts (0.2)%
    50: FatShady 7 posts (0.2)%
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    55: FamousOptimist 4 posts (0.1)%
    57: Eforthomyxoviridaevium Boy 3 posts (0.1)%
    57: bawble!/CrabJiffy 3 posts (0.1)%
    57: AnonymousPessimist'sCrotch 3 posts (0.1)%
    57: Braaains 3 posts (0.1)%
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    80: jimu 1 posts (0.0)%
    80: Blaghaman 1 posts (0.0)%
    80: Emporer Lambomann007 1 posts (0.0)%
    80: Lambomann007 1 posts (0.0)%
    80: Effluvium Boy's Reflection 1 posts (0.0)%
    80: Sam 1 posts (0.0)%
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    80: ExplosionsHurt 1 posts (0.0)%
    80: bawble! / Crabjiffy 1 posts (0.0)%
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    80: TAYbies Group Hug 1 posts (0.0)%
    80: Dopey 1 posts (0.0)%
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    80: Crono AKA Dr What? 1 posts (0.0)%
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    80: fallenangel0185 1 posts (0.0)%
    80: Darth Lambomann007 1 posts (0.0)%
    80: Jealous Melbourne TAYbie 1 posts (0.0)%
    80: Reavers ate my face 1 posts (0.0)%
    Post #1: lambomann007 at 08:30 08/08
    Post #1000: Bish at 11:50 09/08
    Post #2000: Blaghman at 10:36 11/08
    Post #3000: jamesmag at 11:27 12/08
    Post #3678: ExplosionsHurt at 19:20 14/08

      Nice!

      Mad coding skillz!

        YEAH! I'm 80'th!

        And yeah, I changed the name I go by.

      8! Like infinity on it's side!!!

      43: ♣TadMod♣ 13 posts (0.4)%
      Oh how the mighty have fallen...

      Dropped a rank and 9 posts shy from my original ranking.
      /o\
      I am clearly not unemployed enough.

        Also, totally awkward post #1000, wooo!

      Heavy

      Number 13 like Organization XIII, I approve of this :)

      ROXAS! :D

      I meant to say:
      3: AnonymousPessimist 248 posts >i>(declared)(6.7%)

      \o/

      Also, I loved that the last post for the week was actually way back on page 1. Wouldn't have found it without the sorting. Rock on ExplosionsHurt!

      Still some screwy formatting in there, but I'll fix it for next time.

        grumble html grumble
        3: AnonymousPessimist 248 posts (declared) (6.7%)

      HAHA! Nice, Batguy.

      KNOCKED OFF TOP 5?!?! HOW-what-omg. Must redeem myself.

      Awesome skills!! I see my cheating was to no avail! *hangs head in shames*

      Wow.

      Nice work Batguy, that's incredible.

      And back to wow. I mean really, wow. You are VERY chatty Jamesmag. Geez.

        I'm sorry :/ but not really sorry because I won muahahaha. I wasn't very chatty on teamspeak last night, but neither were you :p

          I just noticed, I managed to be both second, and tenth.

          ...

          I'm awesome.

            You are! Especially as 10th was just for Friday after my challenge to you :P

              I did keep the name through Saturday, so it's not indicative of solely my Friday text.

                Ah, fair enough then, this explains it then :P

      Not too shabby at #11!

      Equal 57th! I don't know what to say... what a moment.

      If only my old dad had lived to see this moment... he'd have been so proud. He always said I'd be the best at something someday. Who would have thought that it would turn out that I was the best at coming 57th in TAY.

      *wipes tear*

        Though he may have been less proud to know that you were actually tied with AnonymousPessimist'sCrotch for that honour...

          I dunno... that's a pretty impressive crotch from all reports I've heard...

    Wizz Fizz is breakfast food, right?

      The Breakfast of CHAMPIONS.

      Oh wait, apparently that's someone else's tagline.

      Anything can be breakfast food, if you believe in your heart that it is.

        BELIEVE IN THE HEART OF THE CARDS

          They talk as that game is like godly. THEY ARE PLAYING CARDS!!! Even if i rule at that game.

            Once you play me, Yu will be like: "Gi SteveO smashed me - Oh the humanity!"

      I had chocolate milk and pizza for breakfast. Wizz Fizz is what I aspire to. :)

      I does if a packet of salt & vinegar chips and a bottle of V count as breakfast.

        I used to almost always have chips and coke for breakfast because I'm too lazy to bother making anything else. This year I decided to try and eat healthier but I put on a whole bunch of weight so now I'm back to eating chips so I can be all skinny and hot again. :P

      Yes. Because then it doesn't make me feel bad about what I did on Saturday. Woke up at 1pm after I got back at about 2am, ate shapes for lunch/breakfast, wasted the day doing something, then my brother wanted to watch Transformers as he had free tickets, so i took a box of shapes to the movies to eat while I was watching the movie.

      So I literally only ate Shapes for the entire day of saturday. Minus the 1am kebab. I like kebabs.

      Only if you mix it with milk

      I once knew a kid who tried to snort Wizz Fizz. As I recall it didn't end well.

    Massive shout out to everyone for the birthday wishes at the weekend! Thanks guys!

    Also, a few people asked for the specs of the new rig.
    Case: Cooler Master Haf X
    CPU: Intel i5 2500K 3.3Ghz, 6mb
    GPU: MSI GTX-560Ti Twin Frozr OC
    RAM: G.Skill 2x4G Ripjaw 9.9.9.24
    Mobo: Asrock Z68 Extreme 4 ATX
    HDD: 120GB SSD & 1TB HDD
    Drive: BH10LS30 Blu-ray writer

      Oh, twas your birthday?
      Rad!
      Sorry i didn't know! lol :P

      HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

        No worries, mate! Thanks for the Birfday wishes.

      Nice rig bro. Man that sounded stupid. But anyway, still a nice rig hopefully you can play so awesome games now.

      Belated Spawning Day Celebrations dear Doc What?

      Y U STEAL MY COMPUTER SPECS!

      I have the same CPU/GPU/Memory combo. So you can play Crysis 2 with DX11 see all the prettiness! Though I don't have an SSD/Blu ray. So I am jelly of that. Also, a belated happy birthday!

        I R THEEF!?

        How's the specs working for you? I haven't had a chance to test any games yet. Still installing and moving files around.

          Works brilliantly. As I said, Crysis 2 looks beautiful. I have it running at 1366x768, with DX11, but not the high res textures. It's smooth enough for me to enjoy (anything over 30fps and I don't really care). But if I try and increase the res to my primary monitor's 1600x900, it chugs, or if I enable the High res texture pack, it also chugs. But yeah, in general, it's awesome. Probably will be good enough for BF3/Skyrim, which is all that really matters.

            I'm surprised the high-res pack chugs for you. I was looking at the benchmarks, and if you have a 1 gig card, then at most there was a 1fps drop, because newer cards can handle the texel calculations/filling/whatever at a way greater rate than we have need for.

              Yeah I don't know why. If I enable fraps it says it's running at 40 fps, but there is very visible chugging when you move the camera around. I have no idea why. I blame something that is not me.

                Yeah, that's a tad odd. I run it with tesselation disabled (which sadly also gets rid of the pretty pretty parralax) because as nice as it is, it runs like dog.

      omg! HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY! I apologise for my lateness and will now have to make it up to you.

      Also, NICE SPECS BRO!!!

        No problem broette. It was still technically my birthday in Scotland when you posted.

        Feel free to make it up anyway :)

      Ooops, Happpy Birthday *removes trousers and salutes while singing the birthday song*

        "Happy Birthday to What!?,
        Your birthday, it's not,
        It looks like we were late,
        so please put up with our rot!"
        :P

          That was... beautiful, guys. *wipes tear*

          I haven't been this touched since I was an little catholic Alter Boy.

      Happy B-day! Was your new rig your present?

        Kinda. It was my present to me.

        I always buy me the best gifts.

    Sign here if you:
    - Refuse to use potions just in case a boss is around the corner
    - Turn around said corner, come to the boss, and refuse to use the potion just in case you need it for a harder boss
    - Defeat end boss, finish game, and notice you're sitting on a hundred Super-mega-X-potions
    - For that matter, just never buying or selling anything during the game, but still have an absurdly full inventory of items you'll never use.
    - Get stuck in a boss fight which involves a boss killing off most of your party, your one remaining character reviving them, then the boss killing them all again, etc, and this continues for a half an hour before you figure maybe that this battle is going nowhere
    - Get to a branching path in a dungeoon, aware that most likely one path leads to treasure, the other to the boss, but you don't know which. You always manage to pick the boss path. And you can't go back.
    - A character permanently leaves the party, and then a minute later you check to see if they returned the gear they were wearing.
    - They didn't. And this is why you're peeved right now.
    - You go into a character's skill tree, and sit there for twenty minutes staring at the screen because you're paralysed by choice.
    - Alternatively, you look at all the skills, then proceed to Google each and every skill to see how useful they are as ranked by other players. This process of planning your skill tree for maximum point efficiency takes over 2 hours.
    - Or not do either of those two, and then you invested in the Shapeshifting ability in DA:O. (You poor thing.)
    - You create an awesomely balanced team. Then you get killed by an Insta-death spell, that only hits one percent of the time.
    - Get into hard boss fight. Whenever you die, it's faster to reset the console than to sit through the game over screen and load. You do this a dozen times, but can't seem to win, so you Google-Fu it. Turns out it was a scripted fight you were supposed to lose.

    Call 555-RPG-BROS now! That's 555-774-2767.
    We know that feeling, bro/bro-ette. And we offer hugs.

      ou had me right up untill googling.

      I try to stay as far away from guides until a replay or if I'm really badly stuck.

      I'm trying to relive the glory days of my youth when there was no guides.

        Me too! Or I'll go without a guide until the bit just before the final boss where you can finally go anywhere and do whatever you want and then I'll bust out a guide to try and finish everything. In the case of FFIX this backfired though and I ended up getting distracted and forgot to actually finish the game.

          NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

          I finished that full through doing everything 3 times...ahhh the days of being single with no child, I do not espescially miss you.

      Wow, I have done/continue to do, all of the above.
      I think I need a hug.

      So uh...where do I sign?

        Dotted line, right here.
        ________________________
        Okay, that's a line line, but anyway...

      /sighs dejectedly.

      Go on, my soul, you take.

      Guilty. But it wasn't my fault! You try supporting a family of capsule monsters! They're fussy eaters - I had to hold onto those Chopping Boards and Small Knives in case one of them wanted to eat one! I didn't even get any child support when Tia left the party! :(

      "Get stuck in a boss fight which involves a boss killing off most of your party, your one remaining character reviving them, then the boss killing them all again, etc, and this continues for a half an hour before you figure maybe that this battle is going nowhere"

      Screw you, Barthandelus.

      *Bro-hugs*

      *sign*

      Fire Emblem, even though it's technically not a RPG, it has the same frustrations.

    To set the ground work: not a troll post, not flame bait.

    I was curious if anyone had actually installed Origin yet and had a poke around, especially those who often call it crap because they once used RASCAL and state its the same.

    For those that have, how did you find it and is there anything it does that steam doesn't, or anything steam does that Origin doesn't (other than awesome sales)?
    Was hoping for a mature informed discussion, like KotakuAU regulars are known for

      RASCAL = EADC stupid autocorrect.

      It isn't that i hated it just because it wasn't steam i disliked it for a few different reasons. The first is the selection of games compared to steam is really small.I also didn't think the interface was easy. Mind you i did go on it recently this was like 3 months ago. I might check it out sometime this week.

      I haven't installed Origin yet, and chances are I won't until BF3 comes out. And I think I will wait a few weeks after BF3 comes out before I buy it. Why? Because Steam wasn't the awesome service it is today when it launched.

      Also, I'm sure the Origin probably isn't the worst thing in the world, but personally, I can't be bothered managing two game libraries, two sets of friends lists, etc.

      This is just hearsay, but, it functions as it's meant to.
      Integrating all your EA accounts can apparently be total arse (I don't know about you, but I apparently have a few EA accounts, because different games over the years wanted me to sign up for EA accounts and apparently I used different emails?), but everything else is... okay?
      I haven't heard any glowing reviews, but it's not often I read something that praises how amazing or slick the UI is, for example. It works.
      *shrugs*

      I have it installed - had the EADM since a while back because I wanted the digital signature edition of Dragon Age 2. Which I regret. And then when they gave away Mass Effect 2 to poor bastards that actually paid for DA2, you needed EADM for that too, so that's in my account. You can add EA games you purchased through Steam as well, so DA:O is in my list as well. And then when I entered my preorder code for Star Wars: TOR on Bioware's site it automatically added that to my Origin games list as well. It's surprising honestly how well it works, when it works.

      Trouble is, I can't see myself using it a lot. EA don't release that many PC games, and even less of them are games I want to play. For console games, I'll stick to console instead of a PC port. Also you don't need it to launch the games, just to download them, so I imagine I'll use it just for that. And add them to my Steam list manually.

      I can't even go on Origin.

      18+ only. Damn. And I don't want to risk lying and losing BF3.

      What now?

    Ok so i decided to re-write Fatshady's char for The chronicles.. I was trying to emphasise that he likes rap music, but instead i made him sound a little simple - so sorry shadester - io know you deserve much more as you are one of the scholars of the community... but anyway, i am about to repost part one and part 2 for those who haven't read them, and i will hopefully get a decent start or finish on part 3 - just depends on whether the boss comes in today or not haha

      Ohhh,
      "The Chronicles Special Director Chuloopa Cut Edition"
      Does it come with extra scenes and special features?
      :P

        Adult edition? uncut and uncensored?! >=D

          You should hope not...
          You're in part three, after all :P

          You sure you want to request that? I can already see what Chuloopa is going to put in and you won't like it :P

          Is that a doodle, dorter?

          Sometimes I wish I would think about something I write before I fling it out into the public space.

      Oh good, thought I'd missed these!

        Nope... i'm thinking of also starting a blog page just for these to make finding them much easier

      You have to make him a demanding tv-superstar with an unsolvable puzzle, like those damn rubics cubes, no one will ever solve them.

    Everyone see Rise of the Planet of the Apes. No one see Green Lantern. I took one for the team so you don't have to suffer.

      I'm not listening...LA LA LA!

      I have to see GL or my comic nerd card will be revoked!

        I'm not a fan of GL or DC but my mates were like HEY SEE THIS WITH US! So I did and now...I don't know what to think...

      SHIGGERTYNINNERTY!

      By two degrees of separation, I knew you before I met you!

    Hey mods, I posted TABTOL at the end of last week's TAY and first thing today, but it's not showing up in either place. Is this something you have to approve because of the length/HTML content? Or maybe I've broken the system?

      It's here now!
      Musta been spammed!!!

    The Kotaku Chronicles – Part One

    Eleven months in deep space, trapped on this god forsaken ship. The crew were starting to get anxious as rumors spread that perhaps our quarrel has escaped our grasp.

    “Not yet” Lord Marshall Serrels found him self saying aloud. “…Not yet…”

    The aging Marshall looked up from the reports laid out in front of him, his eyes strained from hours of reflection. The air was cold in the war room, and the gray adamantium reinforced walls walls did little to warm his spirts. But then again, he though to himself with a bemused grin, a war room isn’t designed with comfort in mind.

    He stood from his chair slowly, Field Marshall Tadmod – his second in command, looking up from a digitalised map of the Zetta Cluster as he rose.

    “Something amiss, my lord?”

    “No… no… i just grow weary of this cat and mouse chase” replied Serrels, stretching his back out as if he’d been sitting for days.

    “We’ll have them soon, my lord” Tadmod assured, “The Galactic Christian Lobby can’t hide forever, we will find the R18-Plus and bring it back home, for the good of the people. They can’t hide forev..”

    “Lord Marshall, we’ve found them!” the intercom system interrupted Tadmod just short of finishing and seemed to give him somewhat of a jolt, flustering him for a brief moment.

    Serrels strode purposefully across to the intercom system on the far wall, pressing a small green button to reply.
    “Report Lieutenant Dawdle”
    “An GCL cruiser has been appeared on the long range scanners, just 300,000 clicks from our current postion”
    “Is it alone?”
    “It appears to be sir”
    Serrels paused for a moment, this didn’t feel right. Not at all.
    “Sir?”
    “Set the ship on alert, we’ll meet this thing head on and anyone or anything the bastard holds. Meet me on the bridge and have Sergeant Jimu meet us there. Serrels out”

    Serrels turned to see Tadmod already rising from his chair. For all the years he had know the man, he still marveled at his sheer stature. The man was a leviathon, easily 7 feet tall, yet he moved with a grace unlike any had seen before. The man was no warrior, but as a great thinker he had come to rely upon him in even the most dire of circumstances. An expert tactician, an economical thinker and most of all an honest and resolute man.
    “Well then, sir..” started Tadmod as he strolled effortlessly toward the Lord Marshall, a smile cracking accross his face “…we best be off, duty calls and so forth”
    “That it does, old friend. That it does”

    The Dreadnought class starship Kotaku was a technological marvel, even by Allure Alliance standards. All the latest in military technology could be found here – rendered beautifully, yet functional. Her crew was 10,000 strong, all loyal to the cause. Armed with the advanced weaponry and a core drive powered by 3 flux capacitors, she was also the quickest and most destructive ship of her size.

    The bridge was abuzz with activity when the Marshall’s arrived. Sergeant Jimu and lieutenant Dawdle already present and quickly snapped into a salute upon their entrance.
    “Commander on deck!” Dawdle exclaimed loudly
    “At ease” Serrels said as he and Tadmod returned their formality.

    Never had the Lord Marshall seen an odder pair standing side by side. The lieutenant was a beautiful young woman, fresh from the academy, service in the family blood line for centuries. She was slighly off-centre with a happy disposition, and always seemed to have a cup of liquid stimulant in her hand. Serrels often wondered if that was all there was keeping that smile on her face, what with her extended hours over the course of their search.
    Jimu, on the other hand, was a veteran of countless battles, with a map of scars to prove it. While he was known to joke now and then, his constant stone expression made it hard to tell exactly WHEN it was that he was joking. That aside, he was a fearless leader of men and knew his soldiers thoughts and fears better than they ever could. He was one of the few men the Lord Marshall would trust with his life during the heat and chaos of a firefight.

    Lord Marshall Serrels took his spot in the command chair. The man was imaculate in his white officers uniform, only he didn’t wear his medals or flashy ranking pins like other Allure Alliance officers, and discouraged his subordinates to do the same. By his reckoning he and his men were equals, all entitled to their own thoughts and didn’t see the need to separate himself from them. They were, after all, his men and women.

    He ran his hand back through his thick fiery red mane of hair and sat back for a moment before addressing his crew.
    “How long?” he asked quite simply.
    “Two hours, sir” replied Dawdle.
    “Are we sure it’s on it’s own?”
    “Yes sir, there isn’t another ship in sight. Also, it seems to be powered down, with only basic life support operating.” Dawdle paused, somewhat troubled by the fact. “It’s quite peculiar, is it not?”
    “It’s a trap” Jimu said flatly
    “I am inclined to agree with you there, Sergeant” replied Serrels.
    “Then what do we do?” inquired Tadmod, already knowing the response he would receive
    “We spring it” replied Serrels, a wild grin spreading across his face as he rose, once again.
    “Jimu, gather ‘The Regulars’, you’re going in”
    Jimu’s face cracked something resembling a smile, and his eyes widened in anticipation. “It will be done, my lord”
    With that, Jimu snapped another salute to the Marshal’s before striding out of the bridge with an air of purpose about him.

    “Lieutenant Dawdle – full ahead, the R18plus will soon be back in Alliance hands”

    “SIR!” Dawdle said excitedly, almost spilling the black ichor-like substance of her cup as she twisted around and skipped off to her post, forgetting all formality in her eagerness to do something more than read over reports and scan systems all day.

    The atmosphere was electric. The old Marshall could smell the excitement on the air. Without a hint of trepidation, his crew went about their business….

    THE KOTAKU CHRONICALS
    Part II

    The soldier’s mess hall was a wall of noise and pungent odors. Dozens of rows of rectangular steel tables and benches spread out somewhat haphazardly throughout the room, with the kitchen on the far side looking as though a bomb filled with food scraps had gone off within it. Lunch time in the mess was not for the feint of heart.
    Hugo the barbarian sat at the head of one of the tables, wearing naught but his issued underwear, regaling the ‘green’ recruits with tales of his conquests in between mouthfuls of meat and beer.
    On another table sat the ships “Panzerkrank” squad, elite warriors who had been wounded in battle so many times over that their pallid and scarred flesh was fused with mechanical implants, enhancements and life support systems. The men, if they could still be reffered to as such, were walking mechanical gods among the regulars.
    On the opposite side of the room, tucked into a corner, a table of four soldiers played a game of 10 card suicide – a game spawned of boredom in deep space by pirates, smugglers and other unmentionables. Using regular rules it was a game of ‘last man standing’ with ten cards, numbered one to ten ,laid face down in a deck. Each player would try to trick their way into winning a hand, with a heavy emphasis on lying and cheating. The downside being that if one was caught cheating, all called out for lying and proven guilty, they were executed then and there at the table.
    The soldiers aboard the Kotaku, however, had a far more civil and less fatal version.
    If punching each other in the face could be called civil, that is.

    'I have an eight' Corporal Fatshady said, matter of factly, keeping his card concealed from the group.
    The heavy weapons specialist and squad leader was a behemoth of a man, easily a head taller than anyone else at the table, with muscles throughout his body that were surely wrought of iron. It was often joked that his mother had spawned him from an erotic late night encounter with locomotive.
    Private Blaghman stood up dramatically, hurling an accusing finger in the direction of Fatshady.
    “OBJECTION!!!”
    The small crowd that had begun to huddle around the table fell deathly silent.
    “This man is cheating!”
    Fatshady’s face cracked into a smirk
    “You want to put me through trials, private?”
    Blaghman threw his card down in a dramic display. An Eight.
    “Looks like he’s got you there, big guy” Private Strange interjected. “Dun dun dunnnnn”.
    Strange, one of the few enlisted female soldiers on the Kotaku, was like the ‘mum’ of the vessel. The soldiers always treated her with respect and admiration, if not for her caring nature, then for the foot-shaped imprint she’d leave in their cheek for crossing her.
    Fatshady looked over to Strange, still smiling.
    “Well it seems like we may have a problem” he said as his meaty fingers laid his card on the table. An eight.
    “I be inclined to figure” Fatshady started “that i aint the cheat here, private”.
    He stood and moved around to meet Blahman, who had suddenly turned pale and started to quiver.
    “You are as bad a liar as they come. Don’t for one moment assume i didn't know your game. I knew.”
    With that, Fatshady grabbed Blaghman by the shoulder and lifted him off the gound, shaking him with what seemed to be little to no excersion on himself.
    The smile returned to Fatshady’s face as cards began to spill out of Blaghman’s pockets and sleeves. He then lowered the quivering soldier to his feet again.
    “H… How???” Blaghman stammered
    “Look around, son, what do you see?” Fatshady inquired.
    “We’re all in singlets and you’re the only son-of-a-feth in a jacket!” Bish finally piped up from his seat at the table. “It’s gotta be at least 30 fethin’ degrees in here!”
    “Sorry love, we all knew” Strange added “we just wanted to see how long you could last”
    “Sorry pal, you loose” Fatshady said, drawing his ham of a fist back, readying his vitory blow.
    Blaghman closed his eyes and awaited his fate, but it didn’t come.

    “All right ladies, it’s time to stop playing house and get to some fighting!”
    Every soldier in the mess dropped what they were doing immediately and quickly scrambled into rank and file.
    “You all make me sick!” Sergeant Jimu said coldly as he walked down the line, looking at each of the men.
    Some of them were covered in their lunches, from a food fight that had broken out earlier, others were wearing little more than their underwear.
    One soldier even appeared to be wearing a ladies skirt.
    Jimu just shook his head, afterall he did pity the men in a way. They were trained killers, and they had been forced to sit around this god forsaken ship for months twiddling their thumbs. It was only natural for bordom to set in.
    Food fights and cross-dressing were welcome compared to an all out mutiny.

    “We’ve found a GCL ship not far from our position…”
    Jimu was cut off by a sudden wall of noise as the men cheered and banged their fists against tables. He raised hi hand to hush them.
    Once the men were silent, he continued.
    “This will be an all out assault, i want all of you geared up in five…”

    Jimu was cut off again, mid sentance, as his comms unit hissed into life.

    “Sergeant Jimu, come in”
    The Lord Marshalls coice was unmistakable.
    “What the feth now?” Jimu thought to him self as he raised the comms umit to his mouth
    “I read you, sir, go ahead”
    “Change of plans Jimu, there’s been a… complication”
    “what kind of complication?”
    “Round up a squad of 10 of your best, all geared up for close quarters combat and meet me in the war room, i’ll explain when you arrive”

    Jimu could already see the excitement fading in many of the soldiers eyes as they realised that they probably wouldn’t get to see any action, with such a small squad being asigned to whatever task the Lord Marshal had in mind.
    It wasn’t fair to any of them, they all deserved the glory of battle.
    “Yes sir” Jimu replied, obvious dismay hanging in his voice.
    “Serrells out” the Lord marshal replid. The comms unit fizzed back to silence.

    “You heard the man, lets get to work!” Jimu roared, suddenly all business again.
    With that, the old Seargeant went about the task of selecting ten men fit for the task ahead, whatever it may be.

      Once more I say,
      THAT WAS FETHING AWESOME!!!

      Dude, now I know what I'm doing at lunch time!

      Looking forward to part 3!

      Well done Chuloopa, that was actually quite a good read. Kudos to you.

        When they were originally posted Dr. What? did an accompanying graphic novel thingy. It was also awesome.

          This:
          http://edge.alluremedia.com.au/m/k/2011/05/KotakuManga.jpg

          Also, Sughly did this:
          http://edge.alluremedia.com.au/m/k/2011/05/kotaku-chroniclesv2.jpg

      Very cool

      Awesome read. Looking forward to part 3 :-)

    O, HAI.

      This is my 4th attempt at saying hello to you, please Kotaku just let me post in peace.

    This is a topic that I have often ranted about, so I am sorry for the constant repetition, but I am genuinely interested in whether or not other people often have an achievement not unlock, even though you have fullfilled all the requirements?
    This is something that really annoys me, because I have come across it several times, mainly on achievements that require multiple tasks to fulfill, and as the saying goes, "misery loves company".

      Starcraft 2 campaign achivements... Stupid internet always disconnects halfway through a match.

        That is why I don't like this "always online" DRM. Though I didn't have much trouble with AssCreed 2, but I was just lucky then.

        Ouch, now thats gotta hurt

      I read it happens a lot, sometimes it just glitches. I'm not a hunter of such things, just don't have the time. Man, I would be pissed if I'd spent hours earning one only to have it never appear...

        I only tend to hunt them when I only have a few left to get. What is most annoying is when you only have one or two left to get, but you would have to replay the majority of the game from the beginning again to be able to get them.

        Happened with me in HL2 Ep 2 on 360. Had to take his gnome
        through the entire campaign, place him in a rocket at the end. I did it exactly how I was suppose to but it never unlocked it for me. So angry man.

          Worked for me on PC, I felt so accomplished that I bought him through the entire game with me :)

          Did you shut the door to the rocket? I carried him all the way and didn't realise I had to do that. Figured it would just unlock after some later event. Nope. Just the door. Ended up replaying half the episode just to shut the bloody stupid damn thing.

          Great achievements though. HL did them right.

      All the time. Most recently in Ass:Bro. There's trophies for burning all Borgia towers down and discovering all Romulys Shrines that I should have but for some reason don't. Thankfully I don't really care but it's still a little bit frustrating.

    Does anyone here have any experience with running a hackintosh in virtualbox?

      The closest I can come to that is attempting to run a Hackintosh and then failing at the first hurdle.

      Also, why on earth does Chrome has a delayed input when typing? It's really starting to bug me. Can type up whole damned sentences before the text shows up.

        I think it must be your PC. Google Chrome isn't slow for me...

          I think it's the Mac version. Annoying.

            Are you using Lion? That's one of the known issues with Chrome and Lion.

              I am. So that seems like a handy explanation. I'll just tough it out until it's fixed.

                Yeah I'm hoping they get it all fixed fairly soon! Quite an annoyance seeing as Firefox has heaps of issues with Mac as well and I'm not a big fan of Safari.

    1 Darksiders Trophy left before I get the Platinum.
    Urgh... Have to start a new game (again) to get this one. Will be glad when I'm done.

      Why? Why would you do that to yourself?

        I actually really liked the game.
        Liked = Past Tense
        A bit over it now.

      I just started Darksiders, and am really liking it so far.

      Not gonna trophy whore it though, I'm just chasing the last combat challenge trophy in Batman AA.

    BUY THIS BOOK

    ---NOWWWW---

    http://www.amazon.com/Night-Living-Trekkies-Quirk-Fiction/dp/1594744637

    I finished reading it on the weekend and my god, was it ever awesome. So funny, so quirky, but just so damn excellent - and i'm not even really a trek fan (always liked star wars way more).
    The book, luckily, does a good job of explaining references without making you feel like a halfwit or taking away from the story

      That premise is so full of win.

        Seriously, i haven't been this happy with a book for a while lol
        It's just so brilliant!

      'Space, the final frontier'
      'Shut up'.

      The first two lines in this book, and I already love it.

      ...but...but, I don't read books, I only look at the pretty pictures.

        Just think of each word as a pretty picture.

          ooohhh, your right. I have now learnt to appreciate the shapes of the letters :P

          EXACTLY!!!

          It's really not a chore to read like some books can be :)

    Good morning everyone! I hope you all had a fantastic weekend. I got involved with LoL on Saturday, I'm finding the game very fun but I'm really, really bad at it. Have only played 6 or 7 matches, but in one of the games I played with Trjn, Jo, and Lucifer on Saturday, one of the guys on the other team congratulated me for "being such a good feeder" :(

    But I shall endeavour to redeem myself! I'm also getting very sick of my room mate and am now looking for another place to move.

      Everyone feeds a bit when they're learning. The trick is to find a character that is super hard to kill or can run away really well. Then when you manage to somehow get a lot of assists, you can just pretend that it's because you're doing well with that style of character and not because you're a coward that runs away constantly to prevent death.

        Bunny is correct, you're currently on par with Numbers, he's still feeding too but that's only cuz he's still tyring to find a champion he can really use and he gets dropped into the deep end with us as well.

        BTW I'm going to be posting our KotakuAU LoL 5 man team score screenshots later today as well as small official reports on how we all went based on our scores.

          Awesome! If you guys are on tonight I'm willing to give PvP another shot!

        I like the sound of that! Hide my cowardice with skill! I'm getting a little better. Hopefully give Ashe a try tonight and maybe Brand. I think I want to be able to just go in there and do a lot of damage.

      Try getting two boots - one for each foot. The extra movement speed will help you get away from ganks*

      *Won't actually help

        We all know that strategy is only OP when you do it.The rest of us aren't good enough to pull it off.

    Looks like the batwing will be in TDKR! :D
    http://www.gizmodo.com.au/2011/08/watch-the-batwing-fly-through-streets-for-the-dark-knight-rises/

      Also, at this rate I'm going to know everything that's going to happen in the film before it's even released! :O

        You realise you're part of the problem, right?
        I had no idea that was happening until you just blurted it out!

        *fist shaking*

        Yeah, after I saw the picture of bane and catwoman, i thought screw it, i'm only going to watch the trailers and the movies. Anything else, ignore.

        Why did I just watch that!?
        I'm banning myself from Batman until release.

    This song was stuck in my head all weekend
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BcfDxq8Zw5A

    so awesome

      That's weird, I had this stuck in mine.

      http://youtu.be/LFwoG2P-s6U

        That's pretty funny - i was actually thinking of that show just the other day lol
        So great :D

      I was whistling 'Last Friday Night' by Katy perry during a Saturday outing with the family (heading over to get some gelato) and my brother in law was like "Is that Ke$ha?" and I was all "Wat no, it's Katy Perry" and he was like "Eh, just as bad".
      HE IS DEAD TO ME NOW

        Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to say our goodbyes,
        Here he lies, no-one knew his worth, the late great brother of our friend Bish,
        On this day, when we celebrate the Earth.
        In a little town called Sydney, we raise our glass, you bet your ass to:

        Awesome Taste in Music.

    Bought Counter Strike Source over the weekend. Havent played in about 5 years and holy crap, I am amazingly bad at it.

      You and me both, buddy!

      We should get a game in and suck together!

      ...wait... shit...

        I honestly do not know how to respond to that...but sure Id be up for that! the counter strike i mean.

    4000 this week.

    I CAN FEEL IT, TAYBIES!

      Can you show us on the doll where Aidan touched you, Kotaku?

        deep into its server node

        I mean, what?

      I hope I'll get the 4000 milestone, then I'll get the money, then the fame.

    STRANGE!

    Did you see my reply about iView on PS3?

    You just need to re-enable them in My Channels to get them working again.

      Yes! I saw that but forgot to say 'Thanks'!
      So yeah, thank-you.

    Had a awesomely fun time saying res i'n teamspeak last night. Man magicka is awesome thanks bunny, bish and blaghman. Also I am keen to play again tonight.

      Also on that note, I noticed when I was going to sleep sometime after midnight that my netbook had reconnected to TeamSpeak, after I 'left' from my main computer, so if there was any awesome awkward silences and no replies on my part, I apologise, Blaghs and Gorzy.

        I had wondered at that, but when you didn't answer my first questioning "back already?" I figured you must have opened it accidentally somehow.

      So Magicka is worth a purchase? I'm broke at the moment but might get it with my next pay :)

        Magicka is awesome. Definitely worth picking up.

          Is it similar to any other games I may have played? And is it fine just getting the game, or do I need all the expansions as well?

            WE've got a solid six hours out of just the game so far. Expansions aren't necessary but probably worth it.

            As for what it's like, that's a tough one. There really aren't many similar games that come to mind immediately. Somewhat of a roguelike but with the whole magicks mechanic and constant death.

              Sounds like I'll have to pick it up. Constant Death is my thing!

    It's official - i've broken my willy!!!

    I just went to the bathroom, and my wee-wee was coming out at an angle!!! It was about 5-10 degrees off centre!

    ...I guess it gives me practice at aiming a carny gun the next time she show comes to town..

      As long as the angle dosent exceed 90 degrees you should be fine. It's at 170 where things start to get really awquward.

      I always enjoy "The Snake Tongue", pee pee shooting out in two directions at once!

    Dr who is coming back i'n September. Awesome mcawesome sauce. Such a good season so far!

      HELLS YEAH!! can't wait man. Saw the trailer, got super excited.

      araghrgahrghagrha it's DOCTOR WHO.

      Sorry. I'm bored. I have nothing to do. I don't want to ask for more work, because I know precisely what I'm going to have to do next, and it is going to be mind numbingly boring.

      Also, I'm very excited for more Doctor Who. Though I am still somewhat annoyed by them splitting the series into two parts.

      Doctor Who is so awesome. I wish they'd make the seasons 22-24 episodes instead of 12 (or is it 13?).

      Almost impossible to aim.

      Almost as bad as first-thing morning glory pee - you have to basically snap it to make it aim down!

    By all the gods, I am so up in the air about whether or not I should buy a 3DS.
    Game has one for 250 which comes with extra stylus' and Zelda.
    I don't know what to do, buy or not to buy?
    I look to you, my fellow TAYbies, for your words of wisdom or corruption.

      If you have the money, time to play it, then why not? I'm only going to buy it when I have the money and if they announce the english version of Layton vs AA.

        Help us, Level-5. You're our only hope for this translation.
        ;_;

      Sister's going to the US in September.
      ~$160AUD 3DS frick yeahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
      Yeah I'll have to import my games, but me and Play Asia can be best bros again. I once bought so much, they threw in a complimentary pack of Watermelon lollies (They're about $2. This was in a $400 shipment).
      I still have them!
      They're overdue by a year.
      But it will forever be a symbol of bro-ship.

        I've had >$400 shipments before and they never gave me any free sugary things. Just coupons that expire before I get a chance to use them. :(

      I think it's good. I mean the software isn't really there yet but I think it's just a matter of time. The hardware is good, and I never owned a DS so I have that game library to go through as well. So, for me, it was a good purchase and I still play it heaps on the train or in the car if my girlfriend is driving.

      I was in Toys R Us saturday and a woman was lay-buying a 3ds for her son.. $250 with no extras at all

      I wanted to say "hey! lady! they're ripping you off!"

      But then i thought "wait, i'm in toys r us.. that's what these people do!"

      So i left it.

      Silly parents

      Mmm, very tempting, I may wait untill pay day this week then see how the moolah situation is.
      The only thing really holding me back is the lack of games.

      Are there any games you can only get on the 3DS that you're dying to play? If so, buy one. If not, wait.

    Apologies to everyone on TeamSpeak last night. I wasn't very talkative, my girlfriend was in a bad mood and yelling a bit, so I didn't want to talk in case
    a) you guys could hear her
    and
    b) in case she got angrier because I wasn't paying attention.

    Hopefully tonight will be fine and I'll be able to get some quality game time in.

      Ah that's okay.
      (Yes, I know, I wasn't on last night...but still...(okay, I got nothing...)...)

        You were there in spirit, and that's what matters.

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