Talk Amongst Yourselves

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    Morning everybody.

    As some of you may know Steve-O, Dr What and myself have been working on a little project, and I am proud to announce that its finally ready for a reveal.

    I present...

    Tales of TAY !

    Tales of TAY serves as a deposit for all the awesome story length posts that have appeared in TAY over the past. The idea came to me one day as I became increasingly annoyed at having to repeatedly trawl through a lot of posts to locate an epic read.

    It will also serve as a central place for information about Meats and Events. I hope that makes organising stuff a LOT easier!

    A huge thanks to Steve-O for his coding expertise and fixing stuff that I have broken, and Dr What for contributing his artistic skills.

    Any feedback/queries direct them at either myself or Steve-O or alternatively, hit the email linked on the site.

      Very nice, you went to effort and stuff.
      I would have just commandeered the TAY picture link.

      amazing job, well worth spending my entire afternoon printing these off and selling at the street corner for credit...

      also WHAT HAPPENED TO PAGE 6? one minute we were there and now we're here... thing are moving waay to quick these days

        I spammed a little bit so Harli could do the big reveal on the new page. We failed that anyway lol XD

          Don't remind me. I'm not going to sleep easy tonight. /wrists

      I just noticed that it's called Tales of TAY, but the email is Stories of TAY.
      :I

      I am almost tempted to go through every TAY In the past 6 months to see what other stories can be dug up.
      Maybe later this afternoon.

        Harli wanted Stories of Tay but I went ahead and made it Tales of Tay. I was going to change it to stories of tay but never got around to it.

        haha yeah... that.. will probably stay.

        I tried to find your short story, you know the one where you made Rocketman squeak, but couldn't track it down.

          Rocketman squeaked?
          I do not remember this.

      That's sooooo awesome guys - stoked to be a part of it all! :D

        Hopefully seeing all of your awesome creations in one spot will inspire you to pump out the next Kotaku Chronicles quicker :P

        I need it man. I need it. Just a little fix, to tide me through.

        *shakes*

          haha as i said to harli i have a bit of writers block... i never write KC unless i know it will be absolutely perfect.

      Side note - did you put it on tumblr so you guys can all look at copious amounts of porn?
      Nasty people

        There's porn on tumblr????

        Hahah nah the main reason we chose tumblr was for the custom CSS.

      That's awesome.

      One thing though. The "look behind you it's a three headed monkey" picture needs to be resized and lowered a bit. I keep getting the feeling I'm not at the top of the page and need to scroll up more but I can't.

      Needs more DAN! :P

      Good work though guys, what a great idea.

        Let's be honest, there's not much in this world that wouldn't benefit from more me.

      Finally! I can read all the TAY stories on my phone without having to backtrack through all the past comments and getting lost.

        yes it also supports mobile browsing :)

      Yay, my work can finally be given the recognition it deserves.*

      *deserves no recognition.

      As a suggestion, I feel like some of Plainview's posts should be added, if we can find a way to get permission from the man himself, particularly the story that inspired the Sughly drawing. Also, in the interest of milking it some more, feel free to add the adventures of Cole Phelps, the ham-fisted investigator, although, that would require finding all of the different parts, and that would require effort...

      And I'm sure there's more things which would benefit from being added, but I can't think of any off the top of my head.

        Yeah, I had thought about Plainview but it would be difficult to get a hold of him and get permissions etc. I've been trekking through a whole bunch of old TAY's this past week to locate anything I might have missed. I know Jeeves had another great story but I can't seem to find it.

          Convince Bish that it's his job to go find it, hes one of the few people better than me at trawling through old stuff to find things. And he does so love to earn the helper badge.

    18th October 1-2011
    Lots happened.

      For instance, Moby Dick was first published 18/10/1851.
      So...
      For your birthday...
      I hope you have a whale of a time...
      (That was too easy)
      Happy Birthday Lambo!

      do tell

      *grabs popcorn, throws in 2 yankee bars, pops it in microwave*

      mmmmvrroooooooooooooooooooom **DING**

      this is going to be good, i can tell

        Well, Cnut the Great basically reclaimed England for the Danes.
        He defeated the English King, Edmund II, in the Battle of Ashingdon 18/10/1016. This led to an agreement that the Danes would rule a massive chunk of England, and that when one of them died the other would score the whole kit and caboodle.
        Edmund died first, so Cnut became King of England.
        If that's not badass enough Edmund II was known as Ironside.
        So not only did Cnut become ruler of England, he defeated a freaking Autobot in the process!

      Happy Birthday Lambo!!

    I've had barely any sleep and still wish I was at home playing Arkhman City right now :(

    (7 pages and 1300 posts!!!!! Y'all CRAZY!)

      No, I'm a robot, the rest are human

        I don't believe in robot discrimination :)
        And a top 20 place in TABTOL suggests otherwise...

          Work has kept me from commenting as much as I used to, sadly

      Not me, this time! :D

        While I have your attention...
        Ain't nothing wrong with a credit and good on you for getting a distinction!

      you aren't lacking sleep till you hallucinate and that only makes gaming more fun...

      in other words NO EXCUSES!!! :P

        the psychedelics don't help either :)

    In a bid to do my part to relive the glory days of last week's 4000+ pot TAY, in which I failed to contribute, I have elected to stop reading the regular news articles and simply write my own.

    Breaking
    ACTIVISION CANCELS CALL OF DUTY FRANCHISE

    Amid concerns raised today that they were making too much money for too little effort, Activision today announced that they would be bringing the hugely popular Call of Duty franchise to a close.

    In a press release, Robert 'Bobby' Kotick stated "Every year we re-release the same game with slight updates, and we sell more copies every year. We anticipate 21 million copies cold of the upcoming Modern Warfare 3 by the end of the year, and that's a bit silly, don't you think?"

    He added: "It's time for us to return to our roots, and put some of our ludicrous profits back into the industry."

    Many industry analysts are hoping that this bold move by the publishing giant will result in some actual innovation and creativity returning to gaming, after a long period of stagnation where the slightly-brown first-person shooter market is the only path to financial stability.

    When asked to comment, Wedbush-Morgan analyst Michael Pachter was quoted as saying: "Who are you? Why are you in my house?", but declined to elaborate further despite being tied to a chair and threatened with a pair of needlenose pliers.

    More on this as it develops.

      I hate when people don't seem to understand the concept of being threatened at plier-point.

      I'm not sure what you won, but you won it!

      I think... yes... I think you won everything.

      You've won a brand new car*!!!

      *Car is fiurative, you have won nothing, other than our admiration

    i honestly pictured Mr Hugo wearing something like this http://cache.gawkerassets.com/assets/images/9/2011/10/boba_fett_viking_helmet_2.jpg when he posts in TAY... and nothing else but a loin cloth and clubby.

    im gonna let that marinate for a second...

    yep i picture hugo in a loin cloth ;)

      I always pictured Hugo like this http://images.starpulse.com/Photos/Previews/Dave-the-Barbarian-ds01.jpg but with a talking club instead of a sword.

      Artist's impression of Hugo:
      http://www.kramsdesign.com/misc/kotaku/barbarian-rain.jpg

      I picture this http://screenrant.com/wp-content/uploads/conan.jpg

      AND NOTHING YOU SAY WILL CHANGE THAT!

      I would just like to say one thing...
      You are all correct and I love you all to little pieces with my Barbarian Bear Hugs.
      Also, this may be alittle more accurate.
      http://lh5.ggpht.com/_fZ7TvbeRp2A/TESD6mwyoQI/AAAAAAAAETU/vgsvVeRn2hs/s800/volstagg%20what.jpg

        I'm fairly sure it's more like this:
        http://www.movienewz.com/wp-content/gallery/conan-the-barbarian/conan_the_barbarian_3d_05.jpg

          Awww, all I can see is a blue screen telling me to visit movienewz.
          Therefore, I imagine you see me something like this.
          http://icanhascheezburger.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/funny-pictures-village.jpg?w=418&h=466

    Man, f*ck Dark Souls. Played it for 2 hours last night & didnt get anywhere.

    ...i love it

      It's so fun but frustrating at the same time.

      But now I have Batman...

      Five hours in, you'll be all
      I HAVE MADE MINOR PROGRESS \o/ !

    I think I might install BuildCraft on my MC server. Sound good? Good.

      Does this involve any effort on my part?

        Nope!

          I might have to jump on again at some point. Maybe when people are actually playing...

            WAS IT YOU
            DID YOU MAKE MY HOLE WET???

              I NEVER WENT NEAR YOUR HOLE!

              I built my own hole!

              And it's water free!

              I think...

        I'm guessing that once I install it we will have to start a new map (or survive without any oil).

      If you start a new world, do we keep the items we are currently holding, or do we lose those too?

        We would lose them. I am happy to /give them once we get a new world started.

        The alternative is to just not bother with a new world. If BuildCraft is anything like most other mods then any new land generations would take into account things like oil and other mod additions.

          Can you take a backup of the player data folder in world? I think I did that when I started a new server and it kept everyone's items. That way if people have good stuff - ie. diamonds then they can take it with them.

            I'll have a look when I get home. If it's an option then maybe I wait until tomorrow before I do it to give people time to deconstruct things etc :)

    1. Configure and install.
    *Fail*
    2. Change Options
    3. Install.
    *Fail*
    4. Go to 1.

    I love my new job.

      Gynaecologist?

        "Alright Meg, let's take a look at that burgina"

      in this scenario, it is always best to apply a gentle pat with a sledgehammer to the given object...
      if that works: coffee
      if not: coffee

      win/win the way i see it

    RE: My post on the previous page

    Sorry if i sounded like a complained with semi-decent results.

    It's only because i was a REAL underachiever in Primary School and High School (flunked out of year 11) - and i kind of want to prove to myself i can be the best, like no one ever was...

      "...i can be the best, like no one ever was…"

      That thing you did.

      <__>

      *whispers* I see it...

      shoot for the stars because even if you miss you will land in the clouds

        wait dammit its "shoot for the moon because even if you miss you will land among the stars"

        my mum used to say that everynight before i went to sleep

          Nice sentiment but it is still a failure in a way and you will never be satisfied because you wanted the moon not the stars.

          I say set no goals, do not try to compete or compare yourself to others. Just give it your all and go as far as you can.

      To catch them is your real test. Not these silly paper things.

      Loops face it... you're awesome...

      i know a few people in here* would give their left nut (the big one) to have the abilities and talents you have...
      don't get too down over marks, it's theory and you'll rock at the relevant real world application of it

      *me

      I'm in the same boat. I ended u finishing my high school, but year 11 and 12 i was basically on auto pilot. It wasn't until the last month or so that i actually thought getting into uni may be important. But when you spend 2 years basically doing nothing and waiting for school to be over, it's hard to turn things around.

      I'm not sure how the marks work at every uni, but at mind the HD mark is 85. And they left me on 84 for Management of Change. That's just cruel.

      ***sings***
      You're the best!
      Around!
      Nothing's gonna ever keep you down
      You're the Best!
      Around!
      Nothing's gonna ever keep you down
      You're the Best!
      Around!
      Nothing's gonna ever keep you dow-ow-ow-ow-own

      It's okay to have one or two things that you don't do as well in. My marks in university were all 75+ except for one subject that just didn't click for me which I only got a 53 for. I think everyone is going to have one or two weaker areas, and if they don't then they generally have more fundamental issues than academia!

    BETHESDA vs MOJANG vs THE OXFORD UNABRIDGED DICTIONARY

    As the courtroom drama between Bethesda and Mojang intensifies over the appropriate usage of the word 'scrolls' in two upcoming but non-competing game franchises, the gaming community has been divided. Bethesda insists that 'Scrolls', a game planned by popular Minecraft developer Mojang, infringes on their Elder Scrolls trademark.

    Many, including Markus 'Notch' Persson, counterargue that Scrolls is a generic term and commentary has come forth from many corners. Jerry Holkins of the web-comic Penny Arcade, who has in fact undertaken some of the writing duties for Scrolls, has satirically remarked via his webcomic persona Tycho Brahe (not to be confused with the well known Dutch astronomer) that Scrolls effectively equates to 'rolled parchment'.

    A representative from Oxford University has stepped forth and claimed that 'scrolls', and indeed all words everywhere, belong to Oxford. Oxford has since filed injunctions to prevent the usage of 'scrolls' by both Bethesda and Mojang, regardless of context.

    The Oxford representative then proceeded to confiscate more words as arguments arose about the legitimacy of the legal action. Unfortunately counterclaims could not be filed against Oxford, as the University Chancellor presented a cloth bag of brown tweed with the word "restricted" embroidered in gold silk. Upon presentation to the court, the chancellor was able to demonstrate that "civil" and "suit" were among the restricted words, preventing the undertaking of and legal action with Oxford's express permission.

    However, the arrogance of Oxford may be their downfall. As they consider themselves the indusputable master of all words, they have lad down an open challenge to release the restrictions if any interested party can defeat them in a rap battle.

      At first I laughed.

      Then sadly realised that Oxford (based on Bethesda's logic) probably could do this.

      And then I laughed harder.

        Tomorrow always has the potential to be a brand new world. The more I blur the line between reality and fiction, the closer we are.

      Hey Matthew K, do you want this on Tales of TAY? Granted, the style isn't a narrative but still makes for a hilarious read.

        If you think it's suitable I have no objections. :)

    Any Linkin Park fans in the house?

    http://i.imgur.com/63Fc4.jpg

      I used to be... everything they have done since meteroa has been pap, though.

      Also - this has been my favorite Linkin Park joke of all time - OF ALL TIME!
      http://www.vgcats.com/comics/?strip_id=181

      Isn't that Papa Roach?

        I was about to say the same thing...

        Ain't it this??
        http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gd9OhYroLN0&ob=av2e

        LP fanboy ;)

          Reply fail thought you meant Loops.
          i'm pretty sure the Dr's is Papa Roach...

      Either you're wrong, or you have just performed a very subtle trolling :D

      Obvious troll is obvious :P

      It's Papa Roach foo'

    LoL Summoners! This week's rotation!

    http://na.leagueoflegends.com/board/showthread.php?t=1375325

    Xerath! Jarvan IV! Corki!

      wow thats a lot of 'cheap' (IP) champs this week. Wonder why?

      6 of them this time... getting closer and closer.

      Xerath! I can't find his abilities anywhere :/

        http://www.mobafire.com/league-of-legends/champion/xerath-84

          Looks pretty good! Think I'll have to give him a try!

      Well Annie can be fun and maybe I will try out Jarvan

        Just watch out when you use Jarvan's ulti. If the enemy has flash they'll just jump out and then you've wasted it (bar the initial damage). I have been using him a bit more lately and was actually going to focus on him but now that he's in the rotation... meh.

          Not to mention that many heroes can get out of it. I'm pretty sure that Vayne can with a roll, and I know I managed it by mashing buttons as Riven one time, and then any other character with a jumpy-teleporty thing can too.

    SONY INSIDER SPEAKS OUT ABOUT THE TRUTH BEHIND THE PS2

    In a shocking statement released today, Sony insiders have revealed the truth about the Playstation 2, last known to have sold over 120 million units worldwide.

    "It never existed." our source said, choking back tears of frustration as he buried his face in his hands and added "It was all completely marketing. We wanted to start a viral ARG to promote the PS3, and it just went on longer than we planned."

    In a bizarre case the "The Emperor's New Console", fans of the original Playstation became so enamoured by the marketing and hype surrounding the Playstation 2, that they joined in on the ARG.

    ARGs (Alternate Reality Games) are a popular viral marketing method in modern times, used to create a fictional world overlaid on our own, engaging everyday persons in alternate personae.

    "Normally when you start an ARG people adopt a new identity to take part, and at the end of the day they can shed that identity like a snake skin, and return to normal." our source explained. "We made the mistake of marketing the PS2 directly to consumers. We even held launch events, cordoned off entire sections of retail outlets for the sale of the PS2. It was supposed to be a bit of a laugh!"

    Instead, Sony's mass-market appeal led to unit sales unparalleled by any other home console to date and an incredible following of people who would sit down for hours upon hours to complete games that were never created on a console that didn't exist.

    We asked our source how he felt about delusional gamers worldwide still playing "games" like Dragon Quest VIII and Meat Gear Solid 3 on their "Playstation 2" units.
    Hours later, after the sedatives wore off, he just shook his head sadly, his lip quivering as he mumbled: "Final Fantasy. So much Final Fantasy...".

      I believe the TAY stories site is going to need a section devoted to Master Matthew, and this is NOT a bad thing.

      *mumbles something about people outdoing him*

      lol - that's awesome - you're on fire today, mate! :D

        Hey if you check on tales of TAY you'll see that Kotaku Chronicles is tagged as 'the original and the best'. thats right. Cuz only yours is the original and the best.

          What about that product?
          I forgot which one it is..

          Advertises that it's the original and the best??

    Happy Birthday Lamboman!

    Hope you have a great day!

    This week's LoL rotation doesn't have a lot of uncommon characters, does it? :P

    Well my Ikaruga artwork didn't win the Artboy competition at the EB Expo this weekend. It didn't even place in the top 4. Oh wells, better luck next year.

    Here was my entry if anyone wants to check it out :)
    http://a.yfrog.com/img877/4080/27ecl.jpg

      Having it displayed for people to see is still pretty cool though :)

      wow - i really love that - it's awesome!

      Sorry you didn't place, mate - do you do stuff like that often?

      Sooo much talent!

        I make stuff like this every now and again, usually these Artboy events are a good motivator to get off my arse and make something awesome :D
        (or try to at least haha)

    Xerath looks pretty awesome! think I'll have to give hima try this week!

    This took wayyyyy longer than i thought..
    The dice rolls are all 100% honest, i have made nothing up, which makes it all the more hysterical. - enjoy.

    KOTAKU ROLEPLAYING GAME
    TAYMING THE BEAST

    Round 1
    Divine Intervention roll(d6) – 2 – Nothing extraordinary happens

    Trjn, the Cleric, complains to his god – (D6roll result) 5 - the gods have listened and allows Trjn to make his peace.
    Trjn follows up, inspired by his own voice, by mocking Rocketman – (D6roll result) 6 - Critical Hit!. The slur is so horrible that Rocketman is hit by a wave of grief and self-question – he sits out this round as he contemplates whether or not it would be better for the group if he just made himself lunch for the oversized arachnid.

    Hugo, the Barbarian attempts to bellow his way cry – (D6roll result) 6 Critical hit! Hugo cries “Spoon” at the top of his lungs, bestowing him with supernatural power. Hugo will roll wounds from successful attacks on a d20 for this round.
    Hugo swings his mighty axe at the spider – (D6roll result) 3. The Spider leaps back at a blinding speed, Hugo has missed.

    THE SPIDER ATTACKS
    Spider uses Web Shot - (D6roll Result) 6 Critical Hit! The web covers (D12roll) 12 people in sticky web – they are unable to move. The following people are affected: Hugo, Noobheadshot, Splicer, Jo, Blaghman, NotoriousR, Pixel Ferret, Rocketman, Tech Knight, Steve-O, The Cracks and Lucifer9783 - Ensnared party members will need to roll a 6 to break free or will remain stuck until someone uses and action to free them.
    Spider uses bite on (random) – Steve-O - (D6roll Result) 5 - Hit. The spider Bites Steve-O doing (D6)6 damage! Roll for poison(D6) 3 - Steve-owas not poisoned.
    Steve-O Has 1HP remaining

    Blaghman is ensnared and tries to free himself. (D6roll result) 4. he can’t free himself.

    The Cracks is ensnared and tries to free himself. (D6roll result) 2. he can’t free himself.

    THE SPIDER ATTACKS
    Spider attacks (random) Hugo. (D6roll result) 1Critical Miss! The spider miss-steps with one of its many legs, tripping and hitting a wall beastly-face first doing (D6) 3 damage to itself.
    Spider gets up quickly and attacks (random) Jamesmag. (D6rollresult) 1 Critical Miss! Obviously disoriented, the spider misses a step again, falling to the floor, doing itself (d6) 3 damage!

    Tech Knight is ensnared and tried to free himself. (D6 Result) 2. He can’t free himself.

    Splicer is ensnared and tries to free himself. (D6 result) 2. He can’t free himself.

    THE SPIDER ATTACKS
    Spider uses bite on (random) Puppylicks. (D6 result) 2. Puppylicks dodges the foul beast.
    Spider attacks (random) Fatshady.(D6 result) 5. The spiders massive front leg sweeps the room, hitting Fatshady for 5 damage.
    Fatshady has 2 HP remaining

    Noobheadhsot is ensnared and tries to free himself. (D6 result) 3. He can’t free himself.

    Jo is ensnared and tries to free himself. (D6 result) 4. He can’t free himself.

    THE SPIDER ATTACKS
    Spider uses Web Shot - (D6 Result) 4 Hit! The web covers (D6roll) 3 people in sticky web – they are unable to move. The following people are affected: Hugo(Hugo is already affected), Jo(Jo is already affected), and Puppylicks - Ensnared party members will need to roll a 6 to break free or will remain stuck until someone uses and action to free them.
    Spider attacks (random) Splicer. (D6 result) 4. The spider leaps forwards, swiping out at Splicer, doing him (D6) 2 points of damage.
    Splicer has 4 HP Remaining

    Harli attempts to move out of the Spiders attack range(D6 Result) 6 Critical Hit! Harli is invulnerable to the remainder of this turn.
    Harli searched for a weak point on the Spider. (D6 Result) 3 Miss. Harli concentrates all of her focus on the terrible foe, but fails to spot any obvious weak points.

    Steve-O attempts to throw his soiled undergarments at Spider. (D6 Result) 1 - Critical Failure. Whilst Steve-O tries to pull off his soiled undergarments, he slips on a stray morsel of fecal matter. The fall does his (D6) 6 Points of damage.
    Steve-O Is Dead, laying in a pool of his own filth.

    THE SPIDER ATTACKS
    Spider uses bite on (random) Jo Jo is ensnared and cannot Dodge, any roll of 2+ is a hit. (D6 Result) 3. Hit. Spider does (D6) 6 damage to Jo.
    Jo is killed by the Spiders massive fangs.
    Spider uses Bite on (random) The Cracks. The Cracks is ensnared and cannot dodge, any roll of 2+ is a hit. (D6 Result) 4. Hit. Spider bites The Cracks doing (d6) 2 damage. Roll for poison(D6) 6. The Cracks is poisoned, doing an additional (d6) 6 damage.
    The Cracks has 4 health remaining.

    Jamesmag attempts to leap on the spiders back. (D6 Result) 3 Miss. Jamesmag can’t climb on the beast.
    Jamesmag cannot perform his second action. His turn is over.

    F4ction attempts to cast Paralysis. (D6 Result) 4. Hit! f4ction successfully casts Paralysis on Spider.. Spider will miss (d6) 2 Attack rounds.
    f4ction attempts to open the ashen door, but is too far away.

    THE SPIDER ATTACKS
    Spider is paralyzed and cannot move

    lambomann Attempts to summon kangaroos. (D6 Result) 4. Hit. The Kangaroos listen, and take a 24 hour flight to the battle, with a small layover in Thailand. They have come to your aid, and brought some souvenirs. lambomann has (d6) 5 kangaroos at his side.
    lambomann attempts to lead kangaroos against Spider. (D6 Result) 6 Critical hit! All six kangaroos leap into action, attacking the Spider, each doing (d6) damage.
    Kangaroo 1 -6 damage
    Kangaroo 2 – 3 damage
    Kangaroo 3 – 2 damage
    Kangaroo 4 – 3 damage
    Kangaroo 5 – 2 damage
    Total damage to Spider - 16 Damage

    Tigerion attemps to flank spider. (D6 result) 4. Hit! Tigerion swiftly moves to the left hand side of the Spider.
    Tigerion swings his sword at Spiders leg. (D6 result) 2. Miss! Tigerion swings at the spider, but one of its eyes spots him, mid swing, and deftly moves before the blow connects.

    THE SPIDER ATTACKS
    Spider is paralyzed and cannot move.

    Lucifer9783 uses Ninja stealth to appear behind the spider (D6 Result)2 Miss. Lucifer9783 gets a little lost in his own stealth and reappears on the opposite side of the room, no closer to the spider.
    Lucifer9783 is out of range for his subsequent attack

    Grandmaster B-Funk attempts to revive Michael Bolton. (D6 Result) 6 Critical Hit! Although he is is not dead, Michael Bolton rises from the dirt in front of Grandmaster B-Funk. His magic’s were so powerful that he has even managed to revive Bolton’s career. Michael Bolton will roll damage on a D12, in celebration of this momentous day. All trapped party members will also receive a +1 modifier to escaping as they struggle to witness the greatness of Bolton.
    Grandmaster B-Funk commands Michael Bolton to sing “go the distance”. (D6 result)2. Miss. The spider is obviously more of a Patrick Hernandez fan, and ignores Bolton’s song completely.

    THE SPIDER ATTACKS
    Spider is no longer paralysed!
    Spider uses Arachno Break-Dance. (D6 Result)1. Critical Failure! The Spider leaps onto it’s back, executing a deadly spin with crunk amounts of flair. Unfortunately for the Spider, it doesn’t take into account the recently poo-slicked floor. It loses it’s composure and breaks off one of it’s legs in the resulting crash, doing (d6) 6 damage to itself.
    Composure check – (D6 Roll) 1 - Critical Failure! The Spider is left dizzy and momentarily dazed. It loses the remainder of its turn.

    Puppylicks is ensnared and tries to free himself(+1 modifier to D6 Roll) 6+1=7. Success! Puppy licks bursts free and continues his attacks unrestricted.
    Puppylicks throws sword on ground. (D6 result) 1 Critical Failure! It would seem Puppylicks, in his excitement, has thrown his sword down, directly into his own foot. He takes (D6) 4 Damage.
    Composure check – (D6 Roll) 6 - Puppylicks pulls the blade from his foot, wincing, and can continue undeterred.
    Puppylicks attempts to punch the stupid Spider right in his stupid fucking face. (D6 Result) - 5. Hit! Puppylicks seemingly enraged by being ensnared, coupled with stabbing himself in the foot, marches straight up to the spider and yells “Chew on this” before smacking that stupid spider right in his stupid fucking face, doing (D6) 6 damage.
    Puppylicks has 8 health remaining.

    Pixel is ensnared and tries to free himself (+1 modifier to D6 result) 5+1=6. He breaks free and carries on as normal.
    Pixel attempts to throw his hammer at the chandelier. (D6 result) 4. His hammer hits home, severely weakening its hold in the roof, but failing to make it fall. It teeters back and forth lazily. His Hammer lands midway across the room, on the left hand side.
    Pixel uses Mighty roar. (D6 Result) 1. Critical Failure. It would appear that Blacksmiths don’t have the vocal abilities of warriors, knights and barbarions, as mid-way through his own roar, Pixel ruptures his vocal chords, coughing up blood and doing (d4) 4 damage to himself. Pixel will not be able to engage in any other vocal activities for the remainder of the battle, nor will he be able to join Michael Bolton’s sing alongs.
    Pixel has 3 HP remaining

    THE SPIDER ATTACKS
    Spider attacks (random) Pixel. (D6 Result) 1. Critical Miss. In Pixels distressed state, he trips over just as the spider lunges at him for the killing blow. Lucky for Pixel, not so lucky for the spider. Spider fumbles past and hits the wall again, doing (D6)4 damage to himself.
    Spider attacks (Random) The Cracks. (D6 result) 5Hit! Picking itself up, it lunges for the kill, once again. This time direct at The Cracks. It’s Barbed leg lashes out dealing (d6) 2 damage to The Cracks.
    The Cracks has 2HP remaining.

    Rocketman is ensnared and tries to free himself. (+1 Modifier to D6 roll). 4+1=5. he can’t break free.

    Strange, Dr. What?, Fatshady, and Notorious R have done nothing this round, choosing to prepare tea and pick their noses instead. What a bunch of maroons.

    This concludes Round 1.

    The spider still lives! What will you do next?!

      Note - if you are dead, wait for a cleric to post a revival on you - then post your actions after it.
      If the cleric succeeds, you carry o nas usual.. if they fail.. well... you're dead, aren't you? lol

        Do we get revive potions?

          you rely on clerics for all healing and reviving - it's more of a team game, that way.

            Sir yes sir! I will plan my next step strategy carefully.

      Cast paralysis on spider again
      Cast touch of death on spider

        Oh man, Steve-o your death was amazing.

        Also, I predict a terrible failure for my touch of death and can see me killing someone else outright...

      AHAHAHHAHAHA!! STEVE-O'S VALIANT DEATH LOLOLOLOL

      Oh man this game is sooo fun!!

      This needs to go up on Tales of TAY. What say you, Chuloopa?

      Now, to carefully ponder my next set of actions...

        Thanks to me the spider slipped over on my filth - you can all thank me for my heroic sacrifice by rezzing me!

          Amazing thing is the spider hurt itself FAR more than any of you did lol

            I blame your die, it's as unfair as Neverwinter Nights' dicerolls or Pokemon White/Black!

        1) Lift flail to defend head
        2) Charge at spider. FOR THE HOOOORRDE!!!!

      Wow. That hurt.
      Also, HAHA STEVE-O!

      Actions:
      1) Pray for the Emperor's guidance
      2) Charge attack!

      1-Try to break free from the webs.
      2-Resurrect Steve-O as a zombie. I'm sure he'd like that :)

        As you can see the web thing is an auto roll, so you don't have to include that - i'll alow you to change your actions

          Ok then, resurrect Steve-O the zombie.
          Then doombolt the chandelier on to the spiders ugly head. That works.

      Headbutt Spider in an attempt to get away...

      might also be a good idea to pick up my hammer again considering i have the vocal abilities of a trout

      Hahahahaha! AWESOME! Steve-O Died in his own filth! What a way to go mate!

      Stab spider in eye with sword.

      Hide behind Puppylicks

        Very chivalrous of you :D

          Well I'm guessing that from that, I'm somehow going to die a horrible death and you will be saved, so I'm helping! :P

      (If I break free, repeat of my last)
      Shift position to be behind spider
      Swing Mace underarm to spider's belly

      1.Heal the spider
      2. Use my awesome karate skills to kill the spider in one shot.

        You crazy sonofabitch!

        Also, I cannot imagine you without thinking of Malphite

        By Murphy's Law, I can see a critical hit on your first action, and a critical fail on the second...

          Haha
          Is everyone on the quest going to hate me!

            No, we'll all just use our subsequent turn to exclaim
            'Oh, Rocketman...'

        ohhh mannnn.... this has bad written all over it.. i can't wait to roll for this one

          I'd love to be surprised by Rocketman karate-murdering the spider. That would be pretty awesome.

      This is godlike, and luck is on my side it appears.

      My next move is to jump on the spider's back and attempt to force it to submit and become my noble steed.
      If successful I will name him Petey.

        EVERYONE STOP ATTACKING THE SPIDER I WANT IT AS AN 8 (oh wait, 7) LEGGED HORSE

          It puked webs on me, it dies, try to stop me human, and you'll be next

            Tell ya what, if I tame it, I'll let you have a go at riding it :D

      I'm not in this sadly, but just wanted to say I had a blast reading it :)

      Get kangaroos to throw souvenirs at spider (I assume they all had at least one each, right?)
      Lead kangaroos in attack against spider again. (I do get to keep my kangaroos, don't I?)

      I'd just like to take a moment and claim full credit for Steve-O's death :p I asked for him to roll a 1 and so it was.

      As for actions, let's see if I can be as awesome a Cleric as I was last round...

      Pray that the party becomes less squishy.
      Pray that the spider becomes more dead.

      Yeah... prayer, that'll work.

        Credit where credits due.

        Also, updated moves:

        As Zombie-SteveO:

        1. Eat Micheal Bolton's brains.
        2. Eat Trjn's brains.

          Worth it.

            I'm so bringing you back as a Zombie as well Trjn. I'm gathering a small army here :)

      Well I am a warrior so

      DEMACIAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!

      Follow up with an attack on the spiders rear leg or nearest if the rear happened to be the one that fell off

      Join Michael Bolton's song(as a ninja, yes), and then attack the spider.

      If health regenerates, I choose to hide under a pile of used leather aprons... if not, then i use my blacksmithery powers and throw a freaking huge anvil at the spider!!!!

      1. Try to demoralize the spider by implying that it's mother is easy

      2. Swing weapon at the spiders mouth to try to knock out its poisonous fangs

      1. Bandaids for Puppylicks
      2. Attack spider with Katana

      Action 1- have Michael Bolton instead sing "silent night" from his Christmas album
      Action 2 - attempt to revive Michael Jackson using raise zombie

    How did you know I was picking my nose?!! *shuts the blinds*

    I already told you yesterday I had to bow out of this game due to being a Mum and stuff. I did run off with my inappropriate armor and battle-axe though, because I loved them so much.

      Complete and utter reply fail. /o\

        lol- that's ok... i had to have you in there anyway.
        How you managed not to get hit by the beast is just astounding

          If inappropriate armor is true to form, it usually goes with inappropriate chest size size. So it probably happened a bit like this:
          1: Tried to swing battleaxe but unbalanced and fell, scraping face with battle-axe and leaving a sexy scar.
          2: Attempted to pick oneself up off the ground but stoopid ginormous chest made it impossible so lying there and hoping nobody noticed seemed the next best option. :P

    Remember a few months ago a video game out saying an new technology was in the works called "Unlimited Detail" that apparently let game developers have as much graphical freedom as they want.

    Did we ever get an update on that? Was is a hoax? The CEO's name is "Robert Dell", and his accent changes from English sounding to Australian sounding from video to video.

      The official video for the unlimited detail site has an english sounding guy claim to be Robert Dell. And the Euclideon site has an Australian guy claim to be Robert Dell.

    Get kangaroos to throw souvenirs at spider (I assume they all had at least one each, right?)
    Lead kangaroos in attack against spider again.

      D'oh...

        I was going to snicker and mention how I was glad it wasn't just me the reply button hated...but then I remembered it's your Birthday, so I didn't. Aren't I nice? :P

          Yes, you are. Besides, the Reply Button hates everyone. Even if it is that person's birthday...
          :P

            By the way Lamb, let me take this opportunity, seeing as it's your birthday, to point out how impressed I am with your level of maturity and groundedness. I feel like we've seen you grow up a lot over the past year, too. And next year I won't be able to call you Lamb anymore, I'll have to call you Ram. Eek! :P

              Mary had a little lamb;
              she took it to her bed.
              That lamb turned out to be a ram,
              so Mary had a little lamb.

    Happy Birthday Lambo!

    Nice work Harli/What/Steve-O with the tales of TAY!

    Loops: You got a *great* result, and that's what counts. When people look at candidates, they'll see the degree and move on, and not be terribly concerned with individual results. 68 is a great result, I've got a few of them in my time and breathed a sigh of relief.

    smaáaaaaart. foooooooooon

    twitter
    PestiDurden

    if it dont work. email me

      Wooop!
      I've got no excuse now...
      Will get onboard shortly.

    Matthew K, your news articles are up on Tales of TAY now. Let me know if you have any q's or stuff.

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