Jilted Boyfriend Hocks Engagement Ring For Halo Armor

When his fiancée suddenly dumped him, Eric Smith of Geekadelphia decided that simply selling off the engagement ring he bought her wasn't good enough. The cash from that transaction also had to be expurgated as well. Thus Smith used it to acquire a suit of badass Spartan MJOLNIR armour to shield his heart from the hurt of the world.

"No one ever sees the Master Chief's face. You're trying to disappear," say his friends. Smith doesn't disagree. Though his self-deprecating account is indeed humorous, this kind of cringe-inducing imagined dialogue with his ex is a little too specific to be simple parody: "I'm nailing the hell out this tool I met in karate class and while we've been driving in my car, you and I have been listening to the terrible mix CD he made me and now you'll never be able to hear Alkaline Trio without wanting to fucking kill yourself."

Yeah, after that kind of setback, I'd be buying a one-way ticket to Blackout Island with my friend Evan Williams, so it's probably good he's turned this loss into an emotional, if Pyrrhic, victory.

I'd wanted the suit for so long, and after such epic heartbreak, receiving each piece of armour — arriving in seven shipments, over the course of eight months-became an unintentionally cathartic process. As the shoulders, forearms, chest-piece, and helmet arrived slowly, one section at a time… well, with each part I got a small piece of myself back.

Much more of Smith's journey at the link. Please pay him the courtesy of reading it.

Master Grief [Bygone Bureau]


Comments

    epic man :) good 2 hear uve sorted your shit out and are happy again.

    From one ring to another. Tragically ironic.

    I think may in part explain why she dumped him...

      Yes, how dare he be a geek and have a passion for Halo.

      Yes of course Chazz, because everyone should have exactly the same likes, values and should be sensible at all times during their life.

      ....

        Think Chazz was being sarcastic towards the comment above him/her.

        Whoosh!

    That second paragraph either reads really badly, or I need to step away from my computer for a while.

      I had to read it twice... makes sense but yeah.... twas a mindfuck of words.

    Why didn't he just get like 20 hookers like a normal person? :D

      Or 10 hookers & a shit load of drugs, to go with said hookers.

        I like the way you think...

    Good to hear he's doing better now, whatever helps ease the pain eh? I'd probably do something similar haha. Can't imagine what it'd be like to get screwed over like that.

    In all honesty, that's totally pathetic. I'm a total geek, assured, but to use a MC suit of armour as therapy? That nigga be messed up, yo.

    "Eeeergh" whines all you woman repellent nerds, "What would you do?"

    Take that money, get a pile of drugs, and fuck six hot chicks until my dick died and I thought it was last century. How's that sound?

    Saddest fucking thing I've ever read. Dude doesn't need a SPARTAN suit no-one will ever see, he needs enough vodka to drown in. This is like people who lose their jobs and use WoW to distract them from real world problems. Which, is understandable, but it doesn't give you a thicker skin, it doesn't get you past anything, it just makes you more of a secluded weirdo who's even less dateable.

    Forget the vodka, drugs....lets think rationally the girl sounded like a slug, sounds like sensai did you favour

      Damn auto correct phone, slut*

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