People Petition To Round Up All Copies Of Skyrim, Outlaw And Burn Them

A Tennessee man kicked off a White House petition on Thanksgiving urging the President of the United States to ban The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim for "the safety of America's youths".

So far he has five backers, and only 24,994 more digital signatures to go to meet his goal.

Confused? Let me explain. The official website for the White House now includes the ability for anyone 13 or older who lives in the US to start a petition about literally anything and try to garner the President's attention with it. The result has been... interesting?

While there are legitimate petitions about legitimate issues on the site, there are also plenty of out-of-left field, and downright crazy ones. Maybe even some jokes. I'm not sure where this one falls, but I'm hoping it's just a joke. Heck, maybe it's linked to the christian satire article that Luke wrote about earlier today.

Here's the full petition in all of its glory:

WE PETITION THE OBAMA ADMINISTRATION TO:

Immediately Ban the Deadly video game Known as "SkyRim" for The Safety of America's Youths.

Whereas videogaming has proven to cause social, ethical and health problems in people of all ages,

Whereas sexual perversion and homosexuality are threatening to destroy the Christian foundations on which this nation was built,

Whereas a new video game has just been created that far exceeds any others in the psychological and spiritual damage it does to teens,

We, the American people, today ask you,

1) To enact an immediate ban on the video game known as "SkyRim" produced by Blizzard Entertainment.

2) To seize and destroy all copies already in public hands and erase its presence on the internet.

3) To prosecute the players of "SkyRim" to the fullest extent of the law.

4) To create a national database of video game avatars and "screen names" so that teenagers can be better monitored.

Immediately Ban the Deadly video game Known as "SkyRim" for The Safety of America's Youths. [We The People]


Comments

    They really think Skyrim was made by Blizzard Entertainment? Wow.

      haha the moment i read that bit, i burst out laughing, paused, and actually googled it.

      Lucky for me though, i was right - bethesda are still the developers.

      LOL......you snuck a WoW reference in there! had me laughing for a bit :)

      You mean SkyRim right?

    I question the legitimacy of the signatures:

    S. Ass
    Criminal Scu. M.
    Dragon B.
    Dicks. M.
    Pee-Es-Three N.
    Samus. A.
    The Lusty A
    dovahkiin X

      I liked 'The Lust Argonian' from Morrowind.

        and Oblivion, and SkyRim

    To that guy, I say this:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IeZWqlBN5jA

    Is this guy from ChristWire?

      May as well be x.x

    maybe he's confusing Skyrim with Fable 3, the game where your dog digs up comdoms for you, you earn an achievement for a menage a trois and it's totally cool to marry people of the same gender.

    Translation; I'm a bible thumping dickhead who doesn't understand the separation of church and state, nor the notion of free speech.

    to the guy who made this petition.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5hfYJsQAhl0

    I don't know what Kotaku would do with themselves if Skyrim was banned.

    http://christwire.org/2011/11/urgent-sign-the-white-house-ban-on-the-dangerous-video-game-skyrim/

    Yeah it's fake

    He be trolling.

      This. Can't remember where it was a read it but yeah it's a bit of trolling from one of those spoof Christian sites.

      A question about that link... WTF are there GIMPS parading?....

    M'aiq the Liar signed this too. AKA M'aiq the Liar. a character from skyrim, hahaha.

    Sheesh, at least least the kids are staying off his damn lawn....But seriously monitored?, database?, prosecuted? - these are some of the words I'd associate with extremist religous nut-jobs than Skyrim players or WoW players or hoever he's ranting about.

    Skyrim and Blizzard Entertainment,.......

    " STOP YOU'VE VIOLATED THE LAW!"

    Meh, i got my copy and that's all it matters:) (snooty look on face while sip a glass of wine)

    If i were Bethesda, id act upon this by hiring some medieval mall guards to hang out near any video game store and if someone purchases skyrim they will chase them going STOP RIGHT THERE CRIMINAL SCUM

    Just performed the black sacrament......this man must..suffer for the trolls he committed!

    what a crock, this is obviously a publicity stunt.
    this is like lady gaga trying to get attention.
    Young kids buy into this reverse psychology crap. The game company invents a story like this, it goes viral on the net, and they sell an extra 50 thousand copies to young kids who think it's cool/naughty to have the game.
    Good marketing technique.

    There's no way Skyrim is getting banned. The internets won't allow it

    Pretty sure this is the Christwire guy. He referenced Blizzard as being the developers too, and labeled it "SkyRim" with the capitalisations

      heh. Just read the site, most the signatures come from Elder Scrolls characters, too :P

    why is it; that before even opening this article I knew straight away the founder of the petition would be a christian?

    Time to invoke Poe's Law

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poe%27s_law

    gotta love some of the signitures on that one

    hahaha this guy is so clueless. You would think that anyone sending a petition to the White House would have checked his facts first. Blizzard? i burst out laughing and stopped reading as soon as I saw that.

    Good news. It takes 2500 signatures to even be considered, this one has about 500 with a lot of obvious fakes. A petition that the admin actually pay attention to petitions blew by the 25K limit.
    I don't like video games but I despise censorship. Promotes homosexuality is in the petition? Pray tell how a video game could do that. If that were possible would the Jesus squad be out there writing video game code to promote celibacy. I love the Christianity/Muslim debate....or should that read war? My imaginary friend is better than your imaginary friend. Is not...Is so....Is not.....
    I'm gonna kill you with your own plane.....
    I'm gonna kill you with drones...they are so much more moral. ARGHHHHHH

    Sorry first number in previous post should have one more zero. 25000

Join the discussion!