Final Fantasy XIII-2 Soundtrack's Descent Into Self-Parody Is Audio Metaphor For Series

Oh hey, there's a new Chocobo song in Final Fantasy XIII-2! I do so love hearing the new arrangements of Nobuo Uematsu's whimsical theme that arrive with each new iteration of the series. Let's give it a listen! Oh. Oh god.

While I've been a bit more forgiving than most concerning the quality of recent entries in Square Enix's celebrated role-playing franchise (I still like XIII and X-2!), I have to admit that one aspect of the franchise that's definitely on the decline is the music. I had thought that it was just me; that the classic music was so ingrained in my being that I couldn't accept say, lyrics in the Chocobo song from Final Fantasy XIII.

And then I heard this.

At first I thought it was a fan creation, something a clever group of metal-minded Final Fantasy players had mocked up on a lark. But no, this is "Crazy Chocobo", a real track from Final Fantasy XIII-2. The lyrics are a little hard to make out, but here's a little of what I can make out:

"Saddle up if you think you can ride in this rodeo / Are we in hell? I don't know..."

Yes. The answer is yes.

The rest of the soundtrack isn't quite so bad, with the possible exception of "Invisible Invaders (Lake Bresha Rap)", a seven minute long lyrical nightmare as written by a thirteen year-old torn between her love for fresh rhymes and JRPGs.

"Waking up in a world where the warriors reign / The pressures of life drive you literally insane"

You know, as opposed to figuratively insane. The pressures of life do not simply make you drink from a cracked teacup or wear a silly hat. That shit will fuck you up. Not sure if I should add "yo" there or not, so I'll play it safe.

This hasn't broken me. I'll still play Final Fantasy XIII-2. I'll just play it with the sound turned down and the Chrono Trigger soundtrack playing in the background.

It does, however, bode ill for the direction the series is heading in. At this rate we'll wind up with Final Fantasy XV with a soundtrack by Justin Bieber and Sepultura.


Comments

    But the thing is, the music can't be the same as what it used to be with the older games. One of the aspects that made the music so easily ingrained wasn't just the melodies, but the technology that went with them that produced the distinctive sound. The music has to develop with the technology. Sure, there are a couple of weird tracks in there, but that doesn't mean the music is on the decline at all.

    Oh god.

    P.S. FFXII's soundtrack rocked.

      I agree. Very Much.

    the music composer must've been like HUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRR DERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!

      That's an understatement

        I remember sentences. Good times.

    My copy of the XIII-2 OST will be arriving some time today. It's going to make for an interesting listen.

      I've got it now. LE packaging on this OST is NICE! :D

    A Golden Saucer-like location for FFXIII-2 has been alluded to, and I think one of the lines in this song mentioned "chocobucks" so my theory is that in this place, Chocobo Races are like Monster Truck Shows, and that's why the song is so deliciously cheesy.

    FFX was the last FF game that had an awesome soundtrack.

    This is hideous, why did they even bother including the melody? It's so forced and cheesy.

      "This is hideous, why did they even bother including the melody? It’s so forced and cheesy."

      Uhh.. its supposed to be. I cannot believe people think this is a serious song. Just listen to the lyrics. There are three other chocobo themes in the game, this one is just for the mischevious red chocobo.

        I personally don't understand why so many people think that it's so terrible, or that it's a parody. I personally see it as niether. To me, it's actually good enough of a song that I would actually consider getting the sound track even though I don't even like the genre of any of the other songs.

    FF's been poppy since 7, don't act like this is anything new.

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