It’s that time of the year again — the parties, the forced mingling with co-workers, the Christmas Party Committee (CPC) that decides that it’s a good idea to mark the end of the year with lawn bowls (man, has anyone stopped to wonder why it’s the chosen sport of retirees?) and, most tediously, the Secret Santa gift buying. To take some of the pain out of shopping for people you would rather not give anything to, we present you with the Kotaku Secret Santa Gift Guide, where everything is below $20.
First, a disclaimer! All these items are gaming-themed, so if the colleague (or school mate (or play mate (or friend mate))) you have been assigned as your Secret Santa happens to strongly dislike video games, then too bad for them!
Every office worker needs their own mug, and a well-designed 15oz beverage holder that also has a thick handle is the key! Some people might argue that there is nothing wrong with communal office mugs, but my mother would shout such people down and make it known that sharing anything with anyone will only lead to the spread of disease and, eventually, death. This is the same woman who believes that wearing second-hand clothing will, without doubt, lead to the wearer contracting scabies. I bet she’s at least a little bit right.
PAC-MAN VENTRILOQUIST HEAD
Ho ho, I kid. This is not a thing used for Pac-Man ventriloquism at all! (Although if one were to have a Pac-Man ventriloquist doll, it is hard to imagine that it would look too different from this.) This novelty silicon oven mitt is perfect for anyone whose hand is capable of getting burnt by metal that has just come out of a used oven, which is basically everyone, which basically makes it The Perfect Gift. Man, I sure am helpful.
I often wonder what kind of message the gift of bandages sends, especially gaming-themed bandages. The dark recesses of my brain are quick to jump to: “Hey there, DWEEB. Since you WILL hurt yourself at some point in the future, you will probably NEED bandages. In fact, this gift is only useful if you do manage to hurt yourself, so why don’t you go FALL RIGHT ON OVER, OK?” The nicer part of my brain says: “Hey, here are some cute bandages. I hope you like them! :-3”
Think about it.
SUPER MARIO BROS MUSHROOM CANDY
On a recent trip to the US, I brought back a whole bunch of these tins for the Kotaku/Gizmodo/Lifehacker teams. Boy did it make me (temporarily) popular! These tins are filled with little mushroom-shaped sweets that come in red flavour and green flavour. Mark told me that they are delicious but they also cut up his tongue. This made me image ninja star-wielding candies slinging themselves around his mouth. Well, that was unfortunate.
PAC-MAN COOKIE CUTTER
Hey, these are neat! Although, here’s a thing: a few years ago I received a baking kit as a gift because the gift giver had seen me post photos of cakes on the internet. This year I received another cake baking kit from a friend who said that she’d seen that I’d been baking. It was incredibly sweet for these two individuals to pay some attention to the things I do and respond accordingly with gifts. What these people didn’t realise is that I was baking cakes not because I like baking, but because I like cakes. I like putting them right into my mouth hole and chomping repeatedly until the delicious is in my tummy. Screw baking. Baking is for chumps. What I am trying to say is if you give someone a cookie cutter set they might really hate it!