Porno Version Of Tomb Raider Is Actually Quite Well-Cast

Today, Exquisite Films emailed us to let us know that they've announced the full cast for Tomb Raider XXX, their upcoming porn parody of the Tomb Raider franchise.

We already knew that Chanel Preston was slated to play Lara Croft herself — and given the look of her (safe-for-work) publicity photos, she's actually a pretty great match for the character! Thanks to Die Screaming, I also now know that Preston has already taken on the role of Wonder Woman in The Justice League of Pornstar Superheroes, so she'll be no stranger to doing it on-camera while dressed up as a strong female icon.

The rest of the cast will include Lea Lexis as the antagonistic Jacqueline Natla, Kagney Linn Karter as Amanda, and Lee Stone as Larson Conway, as well as Gracie Glam, Nicole Aniston, Dani Daniels, Derrick Pierce, Anthony Rosano, Evan Stone, and Danny Mountain. Lotta dudes named "Stone" and "Mountain" in the porn industry, it seems. It'll be directed by Joran Septo, who helmed porny parody versions of both "American Dad" and "Saturday Night Fever."

There are so many ways to go with this… I think I'll just play it straight and say that it's nice that they've put so much thought into who will play Lara. I can only hope that the rest of the cast turns out to be as well-picked, though google searches for promotional photos of the other cast members have proved... less than illuminating. At least when it comes to answering the question "Does this guy look anything like popular video game character Larson Conway?"

Tomb Raider XXX is only now beginning production, so it doesn't have a trailer yet. But given the hilarious nature of, say, the Iron Man XXX trailer, we here at Kotaku are expecting great things.

Chanel Preston to Play Lara Croft in Tomb Raider Parody [Die Screaming]


Comments

    sexism shitstorm imminent.

    ...really?

    Up next on Kotaku US Edition: detailed examination of a shoot in a hardcore pornography magazine that has a TV in the background.

    "Sometimes people hook up consoles to TVs, and then play games on consoles," the author writes, "So here's fifteen articles showcasing the choicest photos from the shoot"

    When questioned about the flimsy link to gaming and gamer culture, the author replied "Cosplay wasn't pulling in the big bucks any more. What? No, I'm not chasing page clicks. Wait...what do you mean you never mentioned page clicks?"

      Hence i always access kotaku now from me Mmbile, no ads clicks for them if they keep making shotty piece of junk like this

      How is this less relevant than movie adaptions of games, like say Prince of Persia? Did you complain about all the Kotaku articles re: chesty Jake?

    So where do i pre-order this from?

    You know you've made it big in mainstream media when there is parody porn of your content o_O and you know you've made it even bigger when that parody porn actually promises to be good.

    Aah what a time to be alive, eh?

    Womb Raider?

      Unfortunately, the current trend is away from awesomely punny titles and more towards ": An XXX Parody".

      Kind of a shame - some of the titles that were used really were quite good.

        Without asking where Zap gets his details, I'm gonna agree that it's sad if there are no more punny porn titles, or as I like to call them, purn titles.

      We searched this on IMDB and it has actually already been made. It was a 2003 production.

        How sad is it that I knew that without having to look it up?

        Never actually seen that one, just knew about it

    "so she’ll be no stranger to doing it on-camera while dressed up as a strong female icon."

    *head explodes*

    But I mean, shit. well cast?! what the fuck.
    1. as if that is anything for a porno
    2. as if it would be hard to get a brunette with tits for the role.

    why did I even click this fuck stupid link to a attention seeking article.

      She better also have a british accent otherwise it's a no go for me!

    Looking at the advanced scripts of todays pornography you have to ask two questions

    Is Lara Croft going to deliver ther Pizza?

    or is Lara Croft going to order the Pizza?

    I can imagine people getting boners when playing Tomb Raider next year and expecting the porno music to start playing every so often

    "Porno Version Of Tomb Raider Is Actually Quite Well-Cast"

    "though google searches for promotional photos of the other cast members have proved… less than illuminating"

    So the title should actually be that Lara Croft is well-cast. These frigging articles...

    Screw it, I am now removing the Kotaku RSS from my bookmarks. Farewell, my fellow disappointees. Especially you McGarnigal. You're off the case!

    Whats better, Womb Raider or Poon Raider?

    She's tanned, not white!
    If they want to do a porn parody of Tomb Raider, they should do it right!

    me and the wife have a huge collection on parody porn, we are so getting this.

    Seriously?

    Your worried about casting... in porn?

    -100 Faith In Humanity.

    shame she couldnt do legitimate acting and do a proper kickass tomb raider movie if she's that good a match

    ps. this article gets a big fat WTF

    Would've been more interesting if they were casting Danni Daniels instead.

    "We already knew that Chanel Preston was slated to play Lara Croft herself "

    :P We did? I am not intimately familiar with lara croft porn movies I'm afraid

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