Win! A Collectable Darkness Statue, Need for Speed: The Run, The Best Hat Ever (And Weird USBs)!

We're running a competition every day this week at Kotaku and today we're getting super random with the 'stuff'. A hat that looks like Simba from the Lion King? Check. Need for Speed: The Run? Check. An awesomely rare Darkness statue? Check. Would anyone actually make a checklist with those distinct items on it? Um... check?

Now that I've totally ruined the rhythm of my own writing, we'll get into the mechanics of how you can win the stuff populating this imaginary check list of mine.

I'm going to make entering this comp a little weird and different. Every month I get bizarre array of novelty USB keys — with screenshots of games, press releases, video content, etc. I have so many of these now. In order to enter and win this competition I want you guys/gals to come up with a crazy idea for a novelty USB key. The winner gets all the prizes. You will also get the USB sticks in the below pic! Drop your answers in the comments below and I'll announce the winners a week from now!

Terms and conditions can be found here.


    First off, we'll need a computer tower that's shaped like a man's leg, from foot to thigh, with the USB slots right around the patella. Then, we need a USB key in the shape of an arrow.

      i was going to vote for this post, but I took an arrow in the knee...

    A USB Stick, that has is connected to a vial of cheese, (which you can refill with ice, chocolate or any other meltable substance), the USB stick heats up the vial, melting the cheese, which means while at work you can put some hot melted cheese (or water or chocolate) on your sandwich! It's a perfect idea which has no flaws whatsoever.

      Why would you put ice/water on a sandwich?

        Why would you melt cheese in a vial, which would get sticky and hard to get out? Why would you bother to melting ice in a machine? Why would you put water and chocolate on a sandwich? Because it's a damn great product that's why!

    A mini-lightsaber that turns on when you plug it in.

    Sure, it'd be a pain to remove and you'd lose a finger more often than not. But that wound wouldn't bleed (unless you're in the Cantina bar on Mos Eisley but I'm fairly sure that got shut down by the health department) so you're probably still going to come out ahead.

    Because you have a mini-lightsaber.

    You could probably use it to instantly toast bread as you slice.

    It's a USB stick, but it changes colour when it's in either hot or cold water. But it's not waterproof.

      I have a usb drive that has managed to go through the wash about 5 times and it still works!

    There needs to be some kind of stealthy hidden blade USB wrist strap device, for stealthy USB port assassinations. It may take some practice to swiftly insert the USB into the computer, though.

    A USB stick that looks like a leg/foot is sticking out of the computer. It flails gently when the computer is powered on, and emits a low level wail of distress/pain.

    A stick in the form of an etch-a-sketch. Every dot on the display corresponds to a bit of data. See what your videos look like in static form. You can even draw pictures on it to generate your own data. Awesome! Fun for the whole family!

    Please be advised that you should take care to never ever shake your etch-a-USB. This will wipe all your data instantly.

    A Skyward Sword!

    How about a USB stick with a small segment of an obscure 90's video game screenshot on it? A portable Remember This? USB. Probably works best if the game depicted is The Dig.

    A usb key that sits flush with the usb port, and has a pattern printed on it that looks like an empty usb port. StealthKey!

    I'd like to see a USB drive that looks like a high-calibur round entering the front of your computer/side of your tv/back of your console, with the inner light lighting up a crystal explosion.
    A series of USBs could also be done on various Starcraft buildings or even a mule which looks like its mining, blue sparksignighted by the light.
    Not enough USBs make use of the flashing light, despite the fact they all have it.

    A dog in its legendary hump position (you know what I mean), usb connector is its naughty bit!

    A dildo USB that comes with 128gb of porn loaded on it.

    You guys are all going for novelty in the physical design! Me? I want a write-only USB. I could put all the documents on there I don't want anyone to see.

    A sandwich USB, with a side of chips.

    I have two. (1) A USB stick with an LED counter on it that tells you what percentage of the space is available - imagine big blue numbers like the ammo counter on Aliens' pulse rifles. (2) A USB stick that has a big red panic button on it. Press it and something happens. I'd tell you what, but that would ruin the surprise...

    How about a USB drive that makes R2D2 noises as you access/copy files.

    A USB stick of Serrels Head Grinning madly. One of his teeth fold out backwards as the connector. His head faces outwards from the computer with a creepy grin missing one Tooth. Its also a Keychain so you can see him Grinning normally while you drive.

      Replace the grinning madly bit with the "Serrells stare" and you're on a winner there, I reckon.

        I assumed they where one and the same? maybe...
        If I win you can have the statue

    I created a mock-up of mine.

    A USB that looks like a piece of chewed gum. It would be really secure, not because of encryption, but because nobody would be game to touch it!

    I would eat children for that Darkling statue.

    The Nathan Drake USB: every time you stick it into the port it either falls into the port below (haven't worked out how this would happen yet) or explodes.

    USB Key that looks like a companion cube from Portal, with a cylinder hollowed out of it, with each end of the hole outlined in blue/orange. The connector part retracts/extends on a button that's in the middle of the hollowed out cylinder, so you put your finger in the hole with the blue outline, and the USB connector pops out the orange end, because you've pushed the button in the middle with your finger.

    A solid black/white stick figure, from waist to head (including arms) with the USB connection from the waist down. Make it looks like he's slowly getting eaten by the port. Make it bendable, to allow for various poses.
    A scale model double-decker bus, covered in stars, and full of cereal.

      Give him pants, that and the legs will be the cap. So you have to take off his pants everytime you use him :P
      (cause we all know no-pants is best)

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