Kotaku Kristmas Giveaways: Bastion Winners!

The Kotaku Kristmas Project has wrapped itself up, now all that's left is to announce all the winners — today we're announcing the winners of Bastion!

You may recall that the comp involved narrating a day in your life in the style of Bastion's narrator. We had some awesome entries, but these were my three favourites.

lambogirl99 Seven AM, the girl woke up in the morning. She had to freshen up then head downstairs. The girl grabbed her bowl and her cereal, and then proceeded to eat. Time was fast disappearing and everyone was starting to rush. The girl had to get to the bus stop to catch her bus before it drove off without her into the sunset/sunrise. But then, she saw her friends. Some were kicking the front seats, others were sitting calmly in the back seats. The girl faced a choice. A choice, that if chosen wrongly, could be the start of ‘The Calamity’.

Which seat should she take?

It’s Friday, Friday Gotta get down on Friday Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend, weekend Friday, Friday Gettin’ down on Friday Everybody’s lookin’ forward to the weekend Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah) Partyin’, partyin’ (Yeah) Fun, fun, fun, fun Lookin’ forward to the weekend

*ahem* Sorry, I don’t know what overcame me there…

Mazer LAX is the name of the place but that ain’t it’s nature. Bright lights and dim people, a big expensive waiting room. It’s a city of gates, and this one’s beeping. The Passenger’s got nothing to hide but guilt is a funny thing, a man can wear it like a mask without feeling it.

The guard of the singing gate calls The Passenger over. A wizard with a magnetic wand and a crewcut, he passes it over The Passenger, hands-on wherever the wand cries wolf. Seems this is the way of things since The Calamity.

Finally the groping ends, the wand falls silent, The Passenger moves onward into smaller and smaller rooms, ending locked away in a metal bubble high above it all.

Matthew K The Kermi stepped out of the elevator, fumbled around for his security pass. He kept looking. It must be here, he didn’t take it out of his bag, did he? Eventually it was found, and he grimaced as he looked at the photo of his waxen face, hair askew, tie crooked, the worst ID photo of all time. He stepped forward to swipe it, looking at his reflection in the glass door, his waxen face, hair askew, his crooked tie. What a handsome devil.

Moving into the office he rebounded off the wall once, twice, thr- no, he avoided the third bounce and preserved of of his dignity. Today Kermi’s BOSS would be back in the office and performance reviews are this week. Is Kermi late? No, can’t be. He can hear The Boss’ voice a couple of offices down from where he’s standing, his own desk just on the other side of the glass partition flaked with crusted on imitation snow left over from Christmas almost three weeks ago.

Kermi pauses, checks his phone. Sure enough, it’s 8:55. Sure, it ain’t gonna win any awards, but at least he avoids the Calamity – he’s not going to roll in at 9:15 like the girl at the adjacent desk. Man, she just doesn’t care about nothin’.

Damn, it’s 8:57 already. What was Kermi thinking, wasting this time worrying about. Just walk on over there. The Boss is on the phone, so Kermi can be logged in and checking your email before he knows what’s what.

Kermi sits at his desk, powers on his PC as he kicks his backpack under the desk. Damn place looks like a bomb hit it. Was all this work really here on Friday? Why was Kermi wasting that time on Twitter instead of clearing this stuff out? It’s possible we’ll never know. What’s in the past is best left there, there’s a long week ahead.

The login prompt. What was the password again? It was a gaming reference, but LotusNotes security is so picky Kermi had to scramble it something vicious to make it acceptable. Kermi was playing Gears of War 3 the last time there was a password change. Kermi types in jac1nt0#. No good.

No, there was a forced password change on Friday. Kermi had to come up with something new. What was it now Kermi, think! It was definitely still related to games. Deus Ex keeps floating into the forefront of the Kermi’s mind, and he remembers being inspired by the attempts at office security and his own shameless attempts at bypassing them. Kermi tries Deus3x!HR. Still no good.

Kermi fiddles with his coffee cup irritably, wanting to get that first dose of caffeine into his body. Instant coffee might taste like dirt, but damn, it can perk you up first thing, especially when you skip breakfast – Kermi always skipped breakfast.

There! Under the coffee cup, a note scrawled on a post-it. The password! It certainly is Deus Ex related, so he wasn’t far off. Kermi would’ve got there eventually, he assures himself. Kermi reflects woefully that this kind of behaviour would probably have made him easy prey for the office bandit in Deus Ex, and resolves to destroy the post-it as soon as he is sure he’s remembered the password. But not today. Not today.

And, as always, here are a couple that came close, but no cigar!

Jordaan Mylonas His business concluded, he began to wipe away all traces of the Calamity. Wipe away the dirt and indignation. Wipe away the smear of regret. But some things refused to just be wiped away; some stains are forever. PS: “The Calamity” can be views as being a particularly messy poo.

GentlemanJ Gentleman sits down, turns on his computer, makes a hefty sigh and gets to work. Now things never used to be like this, that is before the calamity anyway.

Life was simpler back then, no worries or cares, Just friends, goodtimes, plenty of drink and we could always hear song in our heart. These days however, all we can hear is the clickety clack of the rusty old keyboard sounding like some train that just doesn’t know where to stop. Yeah…the clamaity changed things alright.

Are we better off? Who knows, maybe. What we do know though is if that train stops it’s clickety clackin’, we’re gunna be left at that station drinkin’ nothing but dreadrum just waiting for another train to come. So he sits there and keeps on going like a train that never stops.

Monkey Butler Kid woke up late again. Too late, again. Stays abed for a spell, readin’ papers about the Calamities of the world: celebrity diets and who’s havin’ lunch with whom.

He can see the street out the window. Garbage truck’s just gone past, can’t reach it now. Guess he can live with the trash from the New Year’s party for one more week.

Walks through to the remains of the kitchen. Cockroach bombs just ain’t strong enough for this place: little fellas burrow up out of the ground, drawn to this place’s core of stale beer and half-eaten steak. Hunts around for a while, finds some spirits that he saves for later. Finds what he’s huntin’ for; some bread bought by an old pal, all turned to dust now. Squirts have got to it. Kid just ain’t strong enough for this kinda Calamity. Never see it written up in those papers, but it’s beaten him, good and proper. He goes back to bed.

Repneiras It was seven a.m., he was waking up in the morning. He had to be fresh and go downstairs. He felt it was necessary to have his bowl and his cereal, preferably Power Grain. Seein’ everything, the time is goin’. Where? He doesn’t no. He supposes it is tickin’ on and on, and notices that everybody’s rushin’. He needs to get down to the bus stop needs to catch his bus, but then he sees his friends so he decides to skip school and get wasted with his friends.

He’s kickin’ in the front seat and sittin’ in the back seat. He’s gotta make his mind up: Which seat can I take? (Even though there is only 1 remaining seat in the car, he still can’t decide). It was such a the calamity, being unable to choose a car seat, maybe he won’t be able to ruin his education and he might go to school :/


    Congratulations to the winners, all very deserving.

    Also, thanks for the mention. No shame coming in second to those winners.

    I loved Lambo's so mch when I first read it! So glad it won!

    All the winners are very deserving, congrats all around! :D

      See, there are benefits to having that song permanently stuck in your head! Repneiras, I didn't know my entry was similar to yours, sorry D: Made me lol though, I never realized there was only one seat available in the car XD

        Thought I would be the only person with a good idea, but I was wrong :D

    This was by far my favorite comp idea.
    It just had so much win in all the comments.
    Congrats guys, and thanks for the laughs :D

    The Kermi checks Kotaiku, refreshes. drums his fingers on his desk reflecting not for the first, second, or millionth time how annoying it is to work in an office in Sydney and have to endure this interminable lag when viewing a Sydney based website via a server based in New Jersey because he works for a US company.

    The page loads, and Kermi's heart skips a beat. The profile of the Kid graces the page, and familiar letters form a word. Bastion. Oh calamity, here is the moment of truth.

    The Kermi navigates his mouse cursor to the link and opens the article. Eagerly, he skims over the article to the first name. The Kermi's heart sinks. He taps Page Down and heaves a sigh. One more time, Kermi just can't leave that Page Down button alone today. The name looks familiar. Why, it's his name. Kermi reaches out, grips the screen, gives it some sweet love.

    Well naw, he didn't do that. But you believed it.

    Typical isn't it? Reference 9/11 to score cheap points.

    But still, sweet!

      I think it was the groping that got you across the line

      Congratz to yourself and the other winners

    Congratulations to the winners. I'm sad I didn't win but I had fun writing the entry and the other entries in the comments were hilarious

    Well done everyone! Somehow I missed entering this comp but that doesn't matter because the winners and runners up were well deserved and way out of my league!

    Congrats, really impressed by those entries.

    to the winners: get ready to have your ears tunnelled out by ron perlman's gravelly voice

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