Kotaku Kristmas Giveaways: Orcs Must Die

Christmas is long gone, New Year is but a memory. But the festivities continue on Kotaku, thanks to Chuloopa and his band of Kotaku elves. Today he's giving away copies of Orcs Must Die!

Take it away Chuloopa!

So now we come to the last of our community prizes before the majaor prize tomorrow. It's hard to think it's almost over, but it is! It's been a crazy month or so, that's for sure.

'Loops here, in case you didn't already know, and i have a fantastic prize up for grabs, and this one is DEFINITELY a bigun'.

The Team over at Robot Entertainment have given me, to give to you, 3 sets of Steam codes, not just for their over-the-top-awesome game, Orcs Must Die, but also for all the DLC and a couple of exclusive costumes that aren't available for purchase anywhere!


Lets have a closer look at Exactly what you get:

-Orcs Must die - Core game -Artifacts of Power DLC -Lost Adventures DLC -Knight of the Order Pre-Order Costume -Cardboard Tube Samarai PAX '11 Exclusive Costume


Man these guys have been generous!

What do you have to do to win?


I want you, in 25 words or less, come up with a reason why Orcs should die? They seems friendly enough. Drop your entries in the comments below!

Terms and conditions can be found here and we'll announce the winner next week!


    hey mark - you said i'm giving away copies of bastion.. and none of my links seem to be present in the article?

    I think Orcs Must Dye because their roots are showing.

    Orcs must die because im the only filthy slobbering animal that's meant to be on Kot au! Let the slaughter begin!

    Tee Hee.

    Stupid Orcs in their stronghold east of Windhelm, you sit on top of the only damn ebony mine in Skyrim. Screw your fetch quest, Die.

    This is a fantastic game. Loads of fun!

      I concur!

    One can never slay too many green beasts!

    Orcs should die because I just rolled a critical hit with my +8 rod of purple frivolity!

    Look, I'm not racist or nuthin' but those Orcs are a bad sort. It's in the blood.

    They show up out of nowhere, in their feeble imitation of a horde and start destroying everything in their path.

    That's our job dammit!


    The Shambling Masses of the Zombie Nation

    P.S. Took our jerbs!

    Orcs must not die. They are to be detained by taxpayers in orc detention until we can verify their names and orc clans.

    I'm jealous of their huge muscles, their radiant green skin, those perfectly brown teeth, that matted, greasy hair


    I mean, Kill them all!!

    Orc's Must Die because 10,000 orcs now stand between Frodo and Mount Doom.

    Orcs should die with an arrow to the knee. All because they are selfish and green

    For the Emperor.

    What do you know of orcs, Billy?

    No, not the stories you have heard, nor the tales of their slaughter told around the campfire. What do you, Billy, know of orcs?

    You are young, I would not expect you to know the whys and wherefores of the Orc, nor the circumstances leading to their deaths.

    Orcs are not so different from you and I, Billy. They care for their young, and for the first few years of their lives, Orclets are playful and carefree. They would not be out of place playing with your baby sister, truth be told.

    Have you ever seen an Orc, Billy? Have you seen their defining features? Their dark green, hardened skin; their heavy brows and deep set eyes; their enlarged snouts and protruding tusks? Yes, you have seen all these things - but have you ever asked why?

    I've done a lot of research on the whys for Orcs, young Billy. Their green skin is resistant to the sun, yes, but it is not a blessing - oh no, it is slowly ticking timebomb of a curse. Have you heard of the greenhouse effect? It is when heat enters a planet and is trapped, unable to escape. Orcs suffer from a malady known as the "Greenskin effect", where their bodies, a few years after birth, slowly start to absorb heat and are unable to expel it like you or I would. Their snouts enlarge to provide some comfort, their mouths widen, their bodies become squat - all natural defences to try and expel as much heat as possible while absorbing less.

    But it is never enough, Billy. Never enough.

    Over the years, the heat builds up, mutating their bodies and slowly driving them insane. Have you ever been in a tent on a roasting hot day? Ever felt irritable due to the heat? Ever felt like you would tear off your own skin for a brief escape from the heat? Imagine that, only tenfold, slowly building over the decades, and what effect it would have on you.

    This heat madness drives the older orcs. In their irritability, they find fault with us and our kind, not through jealousy, but through a desperation for a release from their eternal torment. They breed, they rut, they increase in numbers because that is the only joy that remains in their poor, unfortunate lives.

    And they hunger. Not for food, not for war. For death.

    And so they come. They throw themselves at us, longing for the sweet release that death can offer them - the cool grip of the grave, finally providing mercy from their biological hell.

    The Orc is a proud beast - they feel their rational minds slipping over the years due to the heat madness, and they try to stave off the inevitable. But eventually, death is the only solution - but they would not see themselves slaughtered as cattle, oh no. The only noble death they can obtain is through battle, and it is the least we can do to provide them a dignified death.

    And so they come. To die.

    Do not hate the Orc, young Billy. Do not decry his brutish visage, nor scorn his intellect. In truth, they endure more than any of us could, or could ever know. Were they not to die, they would slowly overrun the fruits of nature, and kill every last living thing on the planet - not by design, but as an effect of their growth.

    And so they die, to protect that which scorns them and fears their presence. Praise the Orc, Billy, for his sacrifice.

    And so, young Billy, the Orcs must die....

    *cue dodgy C-grade sci-fi movie crescendo, camera zooms in on speaker's face, showing determined, respectful, but remorseful eyes*

    ...so that we might live.


      And in order to make your entry valid (25 words or less) I've taken the liberty of editing for you:

      "....snippety snip...something so amazing if people read it they'll explode into stardust....the Orcs must die...
      ...so that we might live."

        It was fun to write!

        Hmm, if the edit doesn't work, I can say that *technically* my entry is the part starting with "Orcs must die...." and the rest is preamble!

          I looked at that first, but it was too long.
          I think you should win, regardless!

      I though he said 25 words, not 25 paragraphs!?

      Can I count each 25 words as an entry and hope one of the segments wins?

      Also, Strange is now my official editor!

    tell you what, how bout 'you' tell me when they shouldn't? i can't think of one time that they in fact 'don't' die.

    Case made

    Orcs SHOULD die because I put a crossbow bolt through their chest. As for why they sometimes don't... well, I'm not sure.

    They should die because THEY'VE TAKEN THE HOBBITS TO ISENGUARD!!

      Damn it someone beat me to a LOTR reference :(

    Orcs must die because the title of the game says so? I don't understand the difficulty of this question.

    Orks should die, like all Xenos, for the survival of humanity and the glory of the Imperium. For the Emperor!

    Orcs must die because they make it difficult for one to simply walk into Mordor...

    Because they explode out of wine bottles, and hit people in the face, which is hilarious, but could hurt someone... wait, you said orcs?

    Orcs must die because those monsters killed my partner when he was just 3 days away from retirement.

    i think orcs must die because the bringing down the economy taking money from hard earning people with there black markets yes i get my games cheaper from them then eb sure they have some blood stains of eb staff

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