I am so sorry. In the massive rush that was the lead up to Christmas, I somehow forgot to announce the winners for the Modern Warfare 3 Hardened Edition. Sorry about that. But I'm here to make it all right!
This was one of those comps that just had an absolute metric buttload of entries. Meaning that it took me a very long time to actually read through all the comments, create a little shortlist and then select a winner.
With that said, I felt like this was the best entry...
thejiveman Well this morning after my usual cup of tree sap that is assisting me in my transformation into a tree i rode my square wheeled bike down to my local prison. Once i got there i offered the prisoners freedom and threw a bunch of blank keys over the fence and stood there until a guard called the police and the prisoners mouthes frothed. I then went down to the emergency room at my local hospital and went from room to room taking a deep breath in each of them. I then went out the front of the hospital and got hit by a car, when the ambulance arrived i got up told the paramedics that i dont believe in health insurance and walked home. Then i got on kotaku in my mind and wrote this. I also write for womens weekly.
I can't really explain why I decided to go with thejiveman's entry — I guess I just loved the insane stream-of-consciousness and the fact that he doesn't believe in health insurance! Also — he writes for 'womens weekly' [sic]!
As per the ritual, here are some of the others that came close!
sarujin Starch, all kinds of starch. Add to clothing, food, paper. Everything will get slightly harder.
Almighty Booka Two words: Knee armour.
Argi I’d poke chuck norris and then close my eyes and wait for the inevitable…
Josh Josh used HARDEN. It’s Super Effective! Kotaku surrendered the Hardened Copy of MW3 to Josh! But Josh can’t move…he’s too hard.
Every day until the winner is announced i am going to tell my lovely partner:
her bum DOES look big in those pants
yes there IS something wrong – but i’m not telling
Parenthood is a rubbish show
i HAVE had better, and not necessarily with a person
She IS having a bad hair day
i’m cancelling Christmas. Only for her, though.
And i will do all of this WITH NO CROTCH ARMOR OR PADDING!
Mitch I will read every thread ever created on 4chan.
Batguy Go for a swim then sit in the freezer for a while.
Jordaan Mylonas I’d hook up a pair of video goggles so that the left eye plays the opening scene from “Up”, and the right eye plays the opening scenes from “The Land Before Time”. On loop. For an extra dose of hardness, I’d do all of this while Marley and Me plays in the background.
Congrats and thanks to all who entered.