The 10 Most Bogus Entries In The Guinness World Records 2012 Gamer's Edition

Growing up in the 1970s and 1980s, I remember being awed at when the TV specials based on the Guinness Book of World Records would show up on network TV. I'd see really big things! Really small things! Weird life forms out of 1950s monster comics! A guy who'd never cut his fingernails, like, ever! One after another, images and feats that seemed otherworldly burned themselves into my brain. That's what comes to mind when I see the words "Guinness" and "World Records". Sadly, the Gamer's Edition of the Guinness World Record franchise doesn't engender the same kinds of thrills.

Part of it's because actual living breathing human beings are in short supply in this book. Oh, they're there, but wind up shuttled into smaller blurbs and into an end-of-book appendix. Mostly, Guinness World Records 2012 Gamer's Edition is a compendium of company achievement or intellectual property achievement, sidelining the awe-inspiring feats of endurance that real-life gamers do.

Some of these things are so obviously set up as PR stunts ahead of time, as opposed to cool acts of skill or perseverance that the people do just to see if they can. Too many entries come off as overly specific, lodged in categories created specifically engineered to say that a title made it into in the Guinness Book. Here's one: "First Country Music-Themed Dancing Game". That goes to GameMill's Country Dance, which is as far as I can tell is the only (?) country-music-themed dancing game. Even if it's not, why is its mere existence worthy of a GWR nod? Gamer's Edition 2012 is rife with this kind of pandering.

When reached for comment, the powers-that-be at Guinness World Records had this to say:

"The Guinness World Records 2012 Gamer's Edition recognises video game records both large and small, from all corners of the industry. As the chronicler of all things superlative, it's up to us to diligently record all achievements in the interactive world to stimulate discussion and make sure we produce a book that is as comprehensive as possible. As with previous editions, this year's book also expands beyond records to include facts, trivia, interviews and features designed to engage all kinds of gaming fans."

Qualifying statements aside, take a look at the dubious accomplishments that made it into Guinness World Records 2012 Gamer's Edition.

First HD Stealth Game Remakes: Tom Clancy's Splinter Cell Trilogy (pg. 102)

A publisher takes back-catalog installments of one of its most popular franchises and spiffys them up for modern consoles. A money-making move to be sure. But a feat worthy of note? Not hardly.

First Use of Computer-Controlled "Help" Feature: New Super Mario Bros. Will (pg. 107)

I'm calling bullshit on this one. While the Super Guide feature that debuted in New Super Mario Bros. Wii is an innovative and welcome way of assisting players of all skill levels, I'm highly dubious that this is a first. Firstly, can an automatic playthrough of a level be called help? It's doing the job for you, not aiding you. Secondly, AI partners and dynamic difficulty algorithms have existed for years now, and they're more helpful than anything that removes control from the player.

Most Formats for a Handheld Open-World Title: Grand Theft Auto: Chinatown Wars (p. 99)

Yay, Rockstar! You've never met a handheld format you wouldn't port Chinatown Wars to. Let's get you a Guinness certificate!

Largest Range of Bombs in a Stealth Video Game: Assassin's Creed: Revelations (p. 97)

Why didn't they just give Revelations a Most Grey-Bearded Italian Sneaky Guy award?

First Downloadable Stealth Games Based on TV Show: Doctor Who: The Adventure Games (p. 103)

Another case of we-created-this-award-just-for-you!

Most Expensive Eye of Judgment Card: Dioskuri (p. 87)

When you see the words "most expensive" in the context of Guinness World Records, your thoughts turn to crazy riches. I'm talking Dubai money. Now, $US150 for one single card is pricey. But World Records-worthy? Someone needs to try harder.

Most Real-Life Mountain Ranges in a Video Game: SSX (p. 57)

This game isn't even out yet. What if some of these mountain ranges get cut? What then, Gamer's Edition? What then?!

Most Prolific Fictional Video Game DJ: DJ Atomika (p. 57)

Please note: this disc jockey from the SSX games is not a real person. This is a disembodied character voiced by an actor. His accomplishment isn't picking records or getting people to turn into a specific frequency. All he did was show up on time. Not "Tricky" at all, actually.

Longest Wait for the HD Remix of a Shooter: Radiant Silvergun (p. 46)

Yes, there was much rejoicing when Treasure's 1998 classic shmup got a shiny polish for its recent re-release. But was anyone marking time on a calendar for it to happen? Methinks not.

Longest Time Playing a Video Game While travelling in a Crate: Jordan Long (p. 155)

There's a lot to admire about Jordan Long's physical endurance as concerns cramming himself into a shipping container and playing Lord of the Rings Online as a piece of performance art. But, looking at Long's personal site, the gaming part seems incidental. And coming across it on the two-page spread for the MMO category, it feels incidental, too.


Comments

    they're stupidly specific.

    "First Use of Computer-Controlled “Help” Feature" there was something like this in ninja gaiden black whch if you died enough on the first mission it unlocked a "super easy" mode and as for "Longest Time Playing a Video Game While travelling in a Crate: Jordan Long " if he got up to pee once then it's insta-fail for that record

      Same with DMC3, if you failed hard enough then it unlocked 'easy mode' andwhen you've been playing the game for 5 minutes and are getting your ass kicked all over the shop is a fairly good thing, but once you get used to the game it's straight back up to normal.

      How many people have played games while travelling in a crate? Unless we count human trafficking cases where some kid has a PSP, I'm guessing Jordan Long is the single contender for that crown.

    I like how the PR rep says they are responsible for cataloguing achievements, when most of the records (these are actually pretty standard entries really) are anything but.

    Seriously, would anyone buy this piece of crap for themselves? It seems like exactly the sort of thing an ignorant grandma would buy for their gaming loved ones.

    Ok, so maybe I'm bitter...

    Help Feature? Are you freaking kidding? It wasn't even really AI, it didn't react to what was there! It ran a pre-programmed route through the level, and would stop when it told you to! You couldn't get in a real tricky spot and then activate it to see how the AI would cope, it was preprogrammed!

    BULLSHIT ON THAT ONE!

    Record for the creation of the most BS records of all time. Guiness Book of Records.

    Really... why does this book even exist? Those records are ridiculously pointless.

    It's not much worse than the standard Guinness world records.
    Such gems as furthest anyones cycled backwards whilst playin the violin, or the most snails someone has put on their face.
    Specific stuff nobody does or would care to do except the person desperate to get in the book.

    I can't think of any "gamer" that wouldn't sniff these bogus entries out pretty quickly. Who are they trying to kid? Someone's had an easy job putting that together full of BS and got paid for it. All filler and no killer, shame on you "Guiness WR"

    Guess we know how they financed the production of the book.

    One record that I'd like to point out, a legitimately worthy one, is the world record for highest score in Space invaders. For years, it was ~44k points, a score which I unofficially broke (didn't take a picture of the cab screen). In 2003, that was officially broken, with a score of 55, 200
    Then, in October last year, a new high score was posted of over 110k points.
    The new record DOUBLED the record on one of the most played arcade games of all time.

      Twin Galaxies is your friend. Though the basic rules are, that you need to be running an original, Space Invaders arcade machine, and have an camera set up filming you gaming, uncut with timer, date etc. Go Hard! http://www.twingalaxies.com/ (they are finally upgrading their site, so stay tuned to that channel) :)

    What about longest development cycle?

    Something... Nukem... Duke something...

    DYNAMITE DUKE!!

      I don't know... I'm dubious about what 3DRealms was actually doing all that time...

    "First HD Stealth Game Remakes: Tom Clancy’s Splinter Cell Trilogy (pg. 102)"
    Is it just me, or are they forgetting Escape from Butcher Bay? Or does that not count? Because I'm quite certain that it's an HD remake of a stealth game... Or are they using the technicality of the word "Remakes", plural, to ignore Butcher Bay? Can somebody please help me out here?

    I have the 2010 issue (no idea why I bought it), and I unofficially beat the record on top of page 79 by almost 6 seconds. I got a 31.12 or something on the first Driving Mission in Gran Turismo 4. Suck on THAT, Marc Cohen (USA)!!!

    Unfortunately this seems to be the trend with this series of books. I have the first two, and the first is by far much more interesting. The second seems to concentrate on too many novelty factors. Think I'll pass on the 3rd.

    DIRTY DEALING AT THE GUInNESS WORLD RECORD OFFICES

    Record for most worthless and pointless gaming awards: Guiness World Records!

    The "Most Real-Life Mountain Ranges in a Video Game" one got me,
    games not even out yet but they gave it an award. LOL!

    Seriously? Bogus? Definitely a 70's and 80's kid then.

    I lost all respect for Guinness World Records when they wiped a lot of the records just so they could have people break them on their crappy TV show.

    Most time spent playing video games while travelling in a crate!

    That sounds like my idea holiday. I'm gonna tell my wife when I take my next 2 weeks off she can ship me around Australia in a crate. No Wife and kids, no work, no human interaction. Just a sealed crate, a copy of Skyrim, a drip feeder and two of the best weeks of my life!

      I would rather see, 'Most time playing Videogames naked in an public place without getting arrested' :P Or how about, 'longest time playing an display console without being told to leave' or here's an good one - 'lowest trade value for an new released game I bought a couple of days ago' or how about 'Highest Retail price for an game that's been out for the longest amount of time' :P Man this is fun, I could go on forever...

      Last edited 01/12/12 11:48 am

        I like the idea of longest time playing a display console. If you went to a 24 hour department store you could be there a while.

    Guiness aren't a world record governing body. They are a simple pretty book.
    Record Holders Republic in the UK is the true governing body. Guiness will either borrow cool ones from RHR, or create their own 'world records' to make things seem cool.

    "But was anyone marking time on a calendar for it to happen? Methinks not."

    You've obviously never read the UK mag, "Retro Gamer" - they always bring up Radiant Silvergun. Hell, the Dreamcast version of the game still sells for a landslide in collector circles. Most of this stuff, you're right about. This one, though, can't say you are. In fact, it's weird to me that you went out of your way to diss the most "collectable" Dreamcast game.

      RetroGamer is the greatest magazine this side of Hyper>> and PC Powerplay ;)

    I remember Crash Bandicoot on the PS1 offered help if you died 5 times in a row. And that came out in 1997.

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