Backhanded Box Quotes: ‘Keep This Piece Of Crap To Yourself’

Backhanded Box Quotes: ‘Keep This Piece Of Crap To Yourself’

Welcome to “Backhanded Box Quotes”, a collection of super pissed-off user reviews from people just like you! Whoa, whoa, don’t take that personally.

This week, Backhanded Box Quotes wrangles with the disappointment faced by diehard Kid Icarus fans upon the arrival of their long-awaited sequel — and an appeal for calm and reason by someone who sounds suspiciously like a company ringer.

Kid Icarus Uprising

Released: March 23

Critic: solidandrew (Metacritic).

“Okay boys, here’s the real lowdown on Kid Icarus: it sucks!”
“[An] embarrassment to Sakurai’s name”
“[Leaves] me worrying about the next Smash Brothers”

Critic: Reggie (Metacritic. Or is it this Reggie?)

“Don’t listen to the biased Nintendo haters that rate every game a 0 because they’re jealous”
“Support Nintendo for its original, fresh ideas like this. If this flops, it’s YOUR fault if Nintendo doesn’t take chances on new franchises.”

Score: 10

I Am Alive

Released: March 7

Critic: yigalzr (Metacritic).

“I will finish with a personal message for Stanislas Mettra, regarding his comment about ‘PC gamers are **** about there being no version for them,’ you may definitely keep this piece of crap to yourself, we (PC games) don’t need it.”
“4.5 is way more than this crap deserves.”

Score: 0

Critic: Iamthecell (Metacritic).

“The game is awful.”
“Bland looking and BORING.”
“Worst purchase I’ve made in a while.”.”

Score: 2

FIFA Street

Released: March 13

Critic: TheKerbinator (Metacritic).

“Don’t buy this game it will cause you anger.”
“The 1 out of 10 I [gave] it is in fact generous as it deserved more of a zero.”

Score: 1


  • and so continues Kotaku’s trend of mocking the gaming community, while blowing Publsisher to get scoops… which they publish a week behind everyone else.

    Hey, maybe you can use that for the next crappy article.

    • I agree, this is a lazy high-horsery at its finest. It’d be a lot easier to swallow if people round here respected the opinions Kotaku writers espouse. If they were (funny) critics, it would be permissible, but they’re not. They’re reviewers.

      • The gaming community deserves to be mocked with retarded “reviews” like this.

        You’re also both shit and I’m sure the irony of the fact you’re here, reading and commenting, is not lost on you.

  • I don’t understand. Do you people somehow confuse video game news and trivia for REAL news? And are you entirely sure that an article you don’t like entitles you to judge the writers’ entire existence and hurl profanity at them? The cynicism here is quickly getting out of hand. Especially by people who seem to return and view these articles just to insult people. I don’t need to explain how much that’s working against your cause.

  • Wait. You go to metacritic, copy the most sarcastic/fanboyish comments you can find, and them post them on your site and call it an article?

    Err… OK.

    Anyway, I am waiting for my copy of KI:U. Some people seem to hate it, while others insist that if you stick with the controls you’ll eventually get used to them and then you’ll actually enjoy the game.

  • On the back of the Jagged Alliance: Back in Action box, the best quote they could find was “I’m honestly impressed” – that’s the one on their own box!

  • I dont play games like these often but i enjoyed all of them! I really dont see why everyone has to be such a critic.I dont think you should say IT SUCKS, or anything like that let others decide for themselves! We all have the right to an opinion but don’t try to force it on others!

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