The Week In Evil DLC

The Week In Evil DLC

Downloadable content. Everyone hates it — but everyone buys it. Yes, even you in the comments, smart guy. Here’s a look at the latest package of extensions and pre-order bonuses designed to crowbar the last dollar out of your wallet. Can you still respect yourself if you buy it?

Far Cry 3 Pre-Order Bonus DLC

Available: September 4, when the game releases. Price: Free with a pre-order through GameStop What You Get: The ‘Monkey Business Pack’ which offers “four missions hosted by the Hurk and his bomb-carrying monkeys.” And in multiplayer “two bonus ways to humiliate your friends.”

Why It’s Evil: Four missions hosted by the Hurk? Well, plainly they held content out of this game as a lure to go get you in bed with GameStop. Then, after the complaining gets loud enough, they’ll sell it to everyone. “Two bonus ways to humiliate your friends?” This sounds like cosmetic-only animations, akin to Prototype 2‘s butt-bomber, which is singleplayer only.

Evil Score: 4/5. It’s Ubisoft, which means the judge always adds a full point to the degree of evilness. The missions are said to add about an hour to the gameplay, which is an hour they lopped off of the main game and set aside for the preorder drones.

Tiger Woods PGA Tour 13: Collector’s Edition Content

Available: March 27, when the game releases. Price: US$10, the difference in price between regular Tiger Woods 13 and the collector’s edition.

What You Get: A Green Jacket ceremony when you win the Masters, access to Augusta National’s practice facility and five additional courses, all of which either are new or were DLC in previous editions of the game — except for Augusta National’s Par 3 course, which was included in all versions of Tiger Woods PGA Tour 12: The Masters.

Evil Score: 5/5. For a sports video game, especially, taking content that was included in a past edition and selling it in a subsequent version is evil, evil, evil. Also, reserving an animation for one of the game’s principal goals is a little shady.

While making collector’s edition content available to all for a price is a decent option for those who decide they want it later (or were given the base version when they wanted the deluxe), it really means the only thing distinctive about the collector’s edition is its box. But what the hell do you care? A) It’s golf, who the hell plays that? And B) anyone who wants to buy this stuff is already rich, right?

Final Fantasy XII-2 Mass Effect Armour And Big Arse Tentacles

Available: Australia: Unknown. Japan, it releases Tuesday. Price: Unknown. What You Get: Mass Effect’s signature N7 armour as a character costume and the Final Fantasy VI villains Ultros and Typhon, who will be Colosseum fights. Beat them and they can be added to your party.

Why It’s Evil: Because it involves Mass Effect.

Evil Score: Not knowing what this costs, if anything, this rates pretty low, like a 1/5. But you can’t just dump something like Mass Effect armour into this game without some kind of explanation as to how it crossed into this continuity. Whatever it is, I hope it’s hilarious.


  • Wait, we need an explanation for Mass Effect armour as a DLC bonus cosmetic skin yet nobody looks twice at Serah in a bikini?

      • But… but… how will I choose between them?

        Penis: “I know! Let me decide!”
        Brain: “No! He decides EVERYTHING. When will it be MY turn?”

  • I wonder if the FC3 content is anything like the bonus missions in FC2, because they literally added no gameplay content besides some collectibles and extra dialogue. Not to mention the unlock codes were reusable so everyone could get the missions anyway.

  • I forget why the FC3 content rates 4/5 evils. The missions don’t sound like anything core to the game (exploding monkeys, really??) so your not missing anything but not getting it. And it seems like a good preorder incentive to offer them, so I think it’s a great ploy and should be encoraged.

    • I don’t see how withholding content from people and forcing them to pay EB’s exorbitant prices is a good thing.

      • exorbitant? its $79 dollars dude. Do some research before slandering a perfectly fine company. I don’t understand the hate on EB. If someone has it cheaper than them you can either A. price match or B. buy it at the cheaper store. Either way you aren’t paying an “exorbitant price”. Plus EB has a cool rewards card. senseless hate on EB is senseless.

  • Guys, you PISSED and RANTED at mass effect 3 when it held back stuff at release, when it was announced what, 1 month before release? Maybe two? FC3 is announcing this SIX WHOLE MONTHS in advance!!! This is clearly on disc content, there is no way its anything *but*. Why are you not just as pissed????

    • I think the difference is that the ME3 DLC includes a character that deals with a significant part of the lore. That sounds like it’s essential. A little different from exploding monkeys.

    • At what point does it say the DLC is clearly already done? The initial game may be complete but what’s to say it’s the same for the DLC? Darksiders 2 DLC isn’t done yet but is being offered as a pre-order bonus.

      • To put it into context with the whole 6 months thing, the new TMNT live action film isn’t even in proper pre-production stages yet, but we still know the turtles are going to be aliens. So yeah, there is NOTHING to guarantee this will be on-disc, even if it is likely.

        Also, wasn’t the ME3 dlc story-centric?

        • chazz bad analogy given the changing of the turtles is a situation no fan would want and is anti to the result of the finished product. For something like this to be announced six months out plus, before the game has even gone gold, you can bet your ass it will be capcom style unlockable dlc.

          • WHAT? Alien turtles? But but but…

            Donatello, why has thou forsaken me?

            Oh, wait, no. I get it now. The turtles ARE the protheans.

Show more comments

Log in to comment on this story!