Downloadable content. Everyone hates it — but everyone buys it. Yes, even you in the comments, smart guy. Here’s a look at the latest package of extensions and pre-order bonuses designed to crowbar the last dollar out of your wallet. Can you still respect yourself if you buy it?
Far Cry 3 Pre-Order Bonus DLC
Available: September 4, when the game releases.
Price: Free with a pre-order through GameStop
What You Get: The ‘Monkey Business Pack’ which offers “four missions hosted by the Hurk and his bomb-carrying monkeys.” And in multiplayer “two bonus ways to humiliate your friends.”
Why It’s Evil: Four missions hosted by the Hurk? Well, plainly they held content out of this game as a lure to go get you in bed with GameStop. Then, after the complaining gets loud enough, they’ll sell it to everyone. “Two bonus ways to humiliate your friends?” This sounds like cosmetic-only animations, akin to Prototype 2‘s butt-bomber, which is singleplayer only.
Evil Score: 4/5. It’s Ubisoft, which means the judge always adds a full point to the degree of evilness. The missions are said to add about an hour to the gameplay, which is an hour they lopped off of the main game and set aside for the preorder drones.
Tiger Woods PGA Tour 13: Collector’s Edition Content
Available: March 27, when the game releases.
Price: US$10, the difference in price between regular Tiger Woods 13 and the collector’s edition.
What You Get: A Green Jacket ceremony when you win the Masters, access to Augusta National’s practice facility and five additional courses, all of which either are new or were DLC in previous editions of the game — except for Augusta National’s Par 3 course, which was included in all versions of Tiger Woods PGA Tour 12: The Masters.
Evil Score: 5/5. For a sports video game, especially, taking content that was included in a past edition and selling it in a subsequent version is evil, evil, evil. Also, reserving an animation for one of the game’s principal goals is a little shady.
While making collector’s edition content available to all for a price is a decent option for those who decide they want it later (or were given the base version when they wanted the deluxe), it really means the only thing distinctive about the collector’s edition is its box. But what the hell do you care? A) It’s golf, who the hell plays that? And B) anyone who wants to buy this stuff is already rich, right?
Final Fantasy XII-2 Mass Effect Armour And Big Arse Tentacles
Available: Australia: Unknown. Japan, it releases Tuesday.
Price: Unknown.
What You Get: Mass Effect’s signature N7 armour as a character costume and the Final Fantasy VI villains Ultros and Typhon, who will be Colosseum fights. Beat them and they can be added to your party.
Why It’s Evil: Because it involves Mass Effect.
Evil Score: Not knowing what this costs, if anything, this rates pretty low, like a 1/5. But you can’t just dump something like Mass Effect armour into this game without some kind of explanation as to how it crossed into this continuity. Whatever it is, I hope it’s hilarious.
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