Twitter's Got Those Better Mass Effect 3 Endings You've Been Looking For

Fan outrage over the ending of Mass Effect 3's been boiling over since the week that BioWare's hotly anticipated threequel came out, with charity protests, complaints being made to the US Federal Trade Commission and noises about closure from BioWare. People want to something else for their Shepards, even if they don't know what it is.

Apparently, all that collective disgruntlement has become sentient and signed up for Twitter, where an account named BetterME3Ending's been spooling out funny and faintly absurd denouements to the video game space opera trilogy. Tweeting in both BroShep and FemShep personas, BetterME3Ending's riffed on various pop culture phenomena like Harry Potter, Parks & Rec and Star Trek: The Next Generation.

Below you'll find a few standouts from the stream of imaginary conclusions. Hey, if BioWare says they're listening to feedback, there may be hope yet that Commander Shepard and Master Chief may get into a spaghetti-eating contest.

[View the story "\"Does My Ending Look Big?\"" on Storify]


Comments

    These aren't all that clever, I was hoping for something in the same vein as Star Trek TNG season 8. I'm convinced the only people who could find these amusing are people who will laugh at anything that mocks BioWare on principle.

    I giggled at the Montell Jordan one, and now it's stuck in my head.

    My mind is blown after reading the first one, do Turian females exist?

      Yup, one turns up in the comic that shows the illusive man's backstory during the first contact war.

    here's an ending "turn off game, have sex with hooker" BRILLIANT!!!

    The following three twitter accounts are far more amusing;
    https://twitter.com/HarbyTheReaper
    https://twitter.com/MarauderShields
    https://twitter.com/3_Husketeers

    Reporter:
    "Shepard, you've done it: the war is over, the Reaper's are all dead (nice job on figuring out they were giant cicada's by the way; master stroke with the huge bug-spray can), you've met and loved pretty much every species in the known galaxy and now is the time for peace... Sooo... What do you think you'll do with yourself?"
    Shepard:
    "Well, i mean i went a soldier for the first few months, you know, fighting Sarren and then the whole Collector thing, but then i thought 'Hey now Shep, daddy didn't raise no fool, and i'm gonna need to do something after this crap is over, right?' So I got my Doctorate in Engineering somewhere between all the stuff that was going on - hey do you wanna see my probe? It's got a tazer!"
    Reporter:
    "... No thanks. There you have it folks - the savior of the Galaxy has a probe, and he wants me to touch it. This is-"
    Shepard:
    "Hi mum! Hey-hey look over here! Hey joker, check it out i'm mooning the Alliance Network!"
    Reporter:
    "Sigh"

    youre all pathetic stop bitching about a game find a girl make love

      And not a single punctuation mark was given that day.

      I did, but she played the ending, now she isnt in the mood any more.

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