Fake Gamers Of The Week: A Couple Too Beautiful For This World

Joy. Bliss. Serenity. It's difficult, almost impossible to believe that two human beings could achieve such eternal happiness, such unequivocal euphoria. Such... perfection.

But the truth, dear readers, the truth is that this couple -- this beautiful, radiant couple -- is no couple at all. These two ecstatic video gamers died a long time ago. And now they're in a place that we dare not dream about.

Now they're in hell.

Your first clue? The background. Black. Pure, unadulterated black, only penetrated by the blue outlines of the boy and girl in front of it.

You know what else is black? Hell.

You know who else is blue? Ghosts.

This is no fun-loving couple. This is a horrible glimpse at the devastating fate of two tormented souls, forced to spend the rest of eternity battling one another on the virtual battlegrounds of Ridge Racer and Twisted Metal.

"But this couple looks like they're having so much fun," you might say, your hands quivering in desperation as you pray, wish, hope with all your strength that these two lovely people are as lovely as they seem. "They're not in hell! They can't be!"

Oh, how wrong you are.

See those looks of horror? Those stunned visages, pummelled with the realisation that they'll never escape this eternal prison in which they're sequestered? Those short shorts?

"What... what is that?" the man asks, stifling a scream. Nothing is recognisable in this place. Nothing is human.

"No," the woman says, her voice shaky. "Don't look. Please. Please just don't look."

"This... this is true suffering."

Photo: Arema Foto/Stockfresh)

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Comments

    Who do these image sell game too? Seriously, my missus just glanced over my shoulder and sniggered at them.

    Thank you Jason, this is super excellent.
    I really like the way you wrote this, I ALMOST cracked up while everyone else in the room was in pure silence.

    I am yet to play a game that has made me do any of the things in those pictures.

    Maybe they're on GHB and LSD?

    I don't think the advantage of covering someones eyes is worth losing the ability to use the left hand side of the controller.

    The fact that they are both using the D-Pad leads me to believe they are playing a fighting game meaning having your eyes covered wouldn't be a massive issue.

    Or perhaps I'm reading too much into it.

    Go to bottom picture....
    Rotate mans arm 90 degrees...
    ENHANCE....
    ..... ENHANCE
    rotate mans arm 270 degrees..
    and we find he has a barbwire tattoo and an affection for men.

    In hell they use wired controllers for all eternity.

    Do Kotaku US pay to use these pictures? And how big is their tv? In the first one they're looking straight forward, then further down it's like they're looking out the window!

    The guy doesn't look very happy in any of the shots. Especially in the ones where she cheats. Probably wondering if cheating at video games is a predictor of cheating on him with her smarmy co-worker Greg.

    "Man I hate Greg". He mutters to himself.

    "What was that?"

    "Wow, you are so awesome!"

    "Awwwww. By the way, Greg is taking me out for dinner tomorrow. He is so nice."

    "What...? Can I come?"

    "No."

    Ok. Maybe I'm working on some issues.

    Dear God.

    That's pretty much me and my wife when we play Rayman Origins. Don't believe me?

    Go play Rayman Origins, and then we can nod knowingly together.

    Which TV are they playing on? The one in front of them? Or the one to their right?

    Well, at least the girl's pretty cute even if that's some really unflattering lighting.

    Everyone is now dumberer for having read this. I only read this in hope i would see more female gamer bewb., which i was still disappointed in the lack of.

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