Rant: Trials Evolution's Soundtrack Is So Bad It's Like They're Kidding

When a game gets as many things right as Trials Evolution, it's all the more noticeable when it gets something wrong. And man, this game's soundtrack is all wrong.

It hits you in the face before the main menu has even loaded. This conflagration of spitty, grunted vocals, dry audio production and slightly distorted, overly-clear lyrics. Let's listen to the opening track.

It just... sucks. It's the video game soundtrack of the red-faced guy sitting behind you at a baseball game screaming "F**king Giants!" over and over. It sounds like a human scalp boiled in gravel-water. It sounds like a hot cinderblock sitting in an Arizona mall parking lot.

Very few types of music are just inherently entirely unappealing to me. More often than not, I can find some redeemable quality in whatever I'm listening to.

Limp Bizkit/Disturbed-style rap-metal is almost irredeemable — at least, I count it as one of my least favourite genres of music. So yes, the Trials Evolution soundtrack was coming in with the deck stacked against it.

All the same, there are bands in that genre that I don't mind or even kinda like — if Faith No More qualifies, I dig them. I even like some stuff by Linkin Park. (What? They have some cool videos.)

But man, the stuff in Trials Evolution's soundtrack is just plain bad. In fact, saying it's "plain" doesn't do it justice. It is exuberantly bad, to the point that it's almost charming... but no. It's not charming at all.

Let's listen to another one:

Just... it's like ear-demolishment. It's like listening to a blender after what was blending is done blending. This song grates like a Frieling stainless steel electric.

These are actual lyrics from this song:

Vroom vroom!

I'm ready to go!

Time to let the muh muh muh muh monday night-ro!

Bloody hell. Is this an edited version? Was it originally the motherf**king monday night-ro? Actually wait, it doesn't matter.

This is where we start to get to this article's headline — this stuff is truly so wretched that it's almost like they're kidding. But even if they are... like... you know when someone blasts you in the face with a cream pie and it gets all over your shirt, which you then have to wear for the rest of the day? It's like that kind of joke. It's not funny because it's happening to you.

Here we've got another one that supports the idea that this whole soundtrack as a joke, what with the rap-skit style "And now it's time for a breakdown" announcer voice at the beginning. But again I ask… how funny a joke is it? Not very funny.

Somewhere along the way, the direction for this thing really went off the rails. Some basic, thick-ass rock would have sufficed. We didn't need lyrics. We didn't need attempts at so-bad-it's-good-no-wait-it's-still-bad rap humour. We didn't need personality. Trials Evolution has so much going on on the gameplay side that its soundtrack doesn't even need to be that incredible (though it would've been nice!) It really just needed to get out of the way.

And yet personality is just what we got. Grating, shouted, amelodic, wretched personality. I will forever mute it and listen to Highway to Hell instead.


Comments

    Woohoo subjectiveness!

      I belive that this site is based on one mans opinion, your opinion sucks ass! The soundtrack on trials hd and trials evo kicks ass, but not when your trying for gold for like an hour.then 'maybe' they get a little annoying, such is life, to much of a good thing is bad for you :)

    I started up the demo because I haven't played a Trials game before. When that song just started playing I cringed and turned off my Xbox. Played the game later and it's ok.

    I have to admit, I laugh at that intro song. It sounds like a fan-written rap or something, which I like to believe.

    Are you kidding? It's supposed to be over the top, cheesy and stupid... it's awesome!

      High five! I love it. Fits the attitude of the game like a glove.

    Kirk wins the award for missing the point 2012

    Its supposed to be stupid and over the top. Just because you don't like a certain type of music doesn't make the soundtrack bad.

      Indeed, even before Trials HD this absurdness was a part of the original Flash game. Beside that I think it has some nice grooves despite bordering on satire.

      I can understand how it would make newcomers to the series cringe...

        I'm pretty sure its supposed to be bad in a hilariously over the top way. If you don't like it (and nobody doesn) you should just put on a custom soundtrack.
        I'm certain its supposed to be a joke though.

        Also thats a pretty broad stroke to include Disturbed, Limp Bizkit and Faith No More in the same sentence. I'm not going to bother agruing with something that stupid but they are all very different (especially Faith No More).

          Describing Faith No More as "rap-metal" is about as accurate as calling them a "Lionel Ritchie tribute band".

          Disturbed and Limp Bizkit are both in the numetal genre, although at different ends of the spectrum I would say. Faith No More are not even close though...however I guess if you're not much into punk/metal/rock than perhaps they don't seem as different.

      I agree with Kirk. If they got rid of the lyrics it would be fine.

    I don't care about this either way because the stupid-heads at the studio didn't release it for PC after Trials 2 (where all music and announcers must be turned off too to save sanity)

    Christ, this is fine mate.

    Thanks for the point of view, kindly fuck off.

    Custom soundtracks baby. They exist for a reason.

    I thought the soundtrack was mad, aye.

    Yeah, I freakin' love the sound track. More to the point, isn't it supposed to be over the top, in your face, etc.?

    At least it's not shit step.

    But yeah, sweet missing of the point.

    Lol, what the hell were you expecting? A coma inducing masterpiece by Uematsu?

    Someone who enjoys Linkin Park writing an article on music. rofl.

      Yeah, I thought that was lulz worthy too.

    That is an extremely long rant that makes you look like an idiot.

      Oooh! Lookout! Music elitist snobbery! :D

    Kirk Hamilton put Faith No More in the rap metal genre?

    Methinks someone has only heard Epic...

    Either way, if it is ever needed, this article further proves that KotakuUS staff should be serving people fries, not writing down and publishing their thoughts on the web.

    It's a game about dudes riding dirt bikes over ridiculous obstacle courses, what would you expect the music to be? A nice soothing orchestral piece?
    Like it or not, the music suits the game.

    I actually think it suits perfectly myself. And anyways, much better than some techno bullshit looped endlessly like a lot of other games.

    Get over it.

    Love the game.. having to listen to that shitty rap nonsense every time I want to play the game is not cool.

    Everyone knows in game soundtracks reached perfection in Burnout: Revenge.

    I just find it astounding that all these commentators completely ignored your very valid point that even if "that's the point" or the intended "joke", it's still funny for a few minutes, and then annoying immediately after that. true comedians know when to end the joke.

    And don't worry about these dudes above me Hamilton, they probably like Metallica and Led Zeppelin.

      You honestly think a guy who places Faith No More in the rap metal genre is capable of making a valid point? That's like thinking the UN is capable of helping anything or that Telstra has it's customers' best interests at heart.

      Also, I'm a Metallica fan (not a fan of Zeppelin though) but what does being fans of two of the most influential and pioneering bands of all time have to do with anything?

        There is a difference between playing music well and playing good music. Many nerds aren't aware of this.

        Isn't it a bit of a cliche though? Liking the least "cool" music just to fulfill society's perception of people who play videogames. Give some other genres a whirl, and no that doesn't mean Doom Metal instead of Sludge.

        Metallica aren't even Metallica fans anymore Chazz.

    At this point I have to say Wtf are you on about? I love the soundtrack. It suits it really well. And furs nicely with those moments where your fist is close to connecting with the console. I loved the original soundtrack for Trials HD but this is just awsome. The main theme song Shadows by Mike Reagan is awsome both musically and lyrically and the intros set you up perfectly for what the game is about. I personally prefer to listen to some form of death / hardcore metal whole gaming anyway but I always make an exception on Trials cos it wouldn't be the same if not :-)

    Also I am pretty certain David Dramain from Disturbed doesn't rap... Metal yes, rap no.

    I love the soundtrack.

    I was actually wondering where I could get me a copy.

    Cool story though bro...

    Holy shit those songs are terrible. Quite a stupid article, but I tend to agree so whatev. The music on Call of Duty games is what irks me most - like when you level up there's that grating shitty metal guitar with double kicks. Oh great.

    You know what, i played the demo and i didn't think it was that bad. Laughably bad yes but not terrible bad. Though you wont catch me listening to this sort of music ever, i thought it suited the game. If it thats bad then just load your favorite Suicide Silence (or whatever) from your 360 and play that.

    "Time to let the muh muh muh muh monday night-ro!"

    It sounds like a..MOTORCYCLE ENGINE. Sneaky and clever censorship for the win.

    "Limp Bizkit/Disturbed-style rap-metal is almost irredeemable — at least, I count it as one of my least favourite genres of music."

    So you've written an entire article about how you personally don't like this kind of music, so therefore Trails Evolution completely ruined their soundtrack? Of all the things you could have written about, you chose to focus on this?

    This shouldn't be a post on Kotaku, it should be a YouTube comment, because that's where everybody else rants about how crap something is because it doesn't fit their personal tastes.

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