Star Wars Could Only Be Gayer If They Gave The Millennium Falcon Had A Handlebar Moustache

Publisher Electronic Arts has taken a bit of flak lately over the fact video games let you be, or even be around, gay people in space. Said flak has mostly come from homophobic arseholes, but still, flak is flak.

It's an argument other media has had to deal with for years and will for years to come, but the finer points of the struggle aren't what I care about today. I only care about Charlie Brooker (former game journo and he of the amazing Gameswipe) and his latest piece for Britain's The Guardian, called "Some people are gay in space. Get over it".

It's a wonderful piece, not because it tackles an issue that almost anyone can tackle (given the opposition's weakness towards images of clashing genitalia), but because it tackles it by, in part, providing the single greatest summary of the plot of the original Star Wars I have ever seen.

They also claim "there were no LGBT characters in any of the Star Wars movies". I don't know which wacky re-cut version of Star Wars they've been watching, but I saw the original when I was about six years old and even then I was struck by how outrageously camp C3PO is. He was a gilded John Inman in space. And what about Luke Skywalker? Apart from briefly kissing his own sister, he shows no interest in women whatsoever. The first film is a tender gay parable in which Luke falls in love with Alec Guinness and gradually "comes out" as a Jedi. The final scene oozes symbolism: having penetrated the Death Star's trench in his phallic spacecraft, he closes his eyes, submits to his true inner instinct and triumphantly blasts his X-Wing's seed into an anus-like aperture, causing an orgasmic eruption that changes his universe for ever. It's hard to see how they could make Star Wars any gayer, unless they gave the Millennium Falcon a handlebar moustache.

I will never watch those movies the same again. Ever.

Some people are gay in space. Get over it [The Guardian]


Comments

    Is it just me, or does that heading make no sense?

      No, it's been plunketted

        THE PLUNKETT EFFECT

        It's not a true plunkett unless the headline is the entire story.

      lol yup.

      "If They Gave The Millennium Falcon Had A Handlebar Moustache"

      I normally don't comment on grammar stuff and leave it to worse people (yeah I said it) but where did this guy learn to structure a sentence?

    So Star Wars is gay. But is it lesbionic?

      How can it be when theres only one girl in the galaxy?

    I agree we should go for tolerance, and I've got nothing against homosexuality. I'm also pro gay marriage. But that dude's article extract isn't a good quote for homosexual rights. It's just childish and stupid.

    Ah, Charlie Brooker. Always the high priest of snark.

    I am sick to death of reading articles about racism and homosexuality on Kotaku every day. I come here to try and escape from all that bullshit. I get enough of that when I read the "real" news.

    Is Kotaku Core any different, or do they post these worthless articles there too?

    The highlights of the Star Wars franchise are the parts where characters fight with a giant, long, glowing phallus.

    How come theres only one gay character C3-PO and he doesnt even have any junk?

    So luke, you wrote an article about an article. And by "wrote an article" I mean you hilight what the other article is directly addressing then you quote said article.

    Article Could Only Be Weaker If They Gave Luke Plunkett Had A Cut And Paste Entire Articles.

    "Star Wars Could Only Be Gayer If They Gave The Millennium Falcon Had A Handlebar Moustache"

    ...Keep up the good work Kerplunkett.

    Now that you mention it, those prequels did seem pretty gay..

    I had can had bad had cheesburger?

    Well Hutts are hermaphrodites but it's not mentioned anywhere in the movies (except maybe hinted in the Attack of the Clones movie).

    I came here because I was hoping for an awesome photo of the Millenium Falcon with a moustache.

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