Fake Gamer Of The Week: Grandpa Just Saw Aeris Die

Oh, no. Grandpa. That look in your eyes. That clenched grimace. That loose, delicate grip on your controller's joysticks, as if you aren't really playing anything at all.

You must have just watched Aeris die.

Grandma told me not to lend you my copy of Final Fantasy VII. She said it might stress you out, that you've played too many JRPGs already this week. She said you were exhausted from fighting demons in Shin Megami Tensei III: Nocturne. And that you had just finished Ar tonelico Qoga: Knell of Ar Ciel. And that you can't stop grinding in the latest Disgaea.

But I couldn't resist. I had to show you Square's magnum opus. You love Japanese role-playing games way too much to not experience a game like Final Fantasy VII.

I'm sorry, Grandpa. It's hard to look at your face right now. You cared deeply for that poor little flower girl. I know how attached you get to your RPG characters. It's like I always tell Grandma, you're the biggest otaku I know. I'm really sorry. I know what she meant to you.

Wait a minute.

Hey. Hey Grandpa. I've got some good news. You can revive Aeris.

You just have to log onto this website. It's called GameFAQs. It's got a bunch of different walkthroughs for a bunch of different games.

You have to go get the underwater materia and then boost all of your characters to level 99. Raise 10 different Gold Chocobos. Then beat Ruby Weapon with everybody at 1 HP. Got your computer out?

Cheer up, Grandpa. You can save the flower girl. I know you can. I know you will.

Photos: Zsolt Nyulászi/Stockfresh


    I dunno first one to me is more like "That guy just stole my care package"

    My father (60 this year) plays games and looks nothing like this. He has a projector so he lays down on the couch and wonders why he's always got a sore neck.

    The dude's holding a 360 controller. Come on, Kotaku, I expect better journalistic standards!


    Man, his eyes... It's like he was forced to take these pictures at gun-point.

    I think it's more like he just played no more heroes

    His false choppers say "YAY!"
    But his eyes say "Dear God I hope nobody I know sees these pics".

    ".... or the vid from that night on Omeagle with those girls".

    First photo: God I hope the metamucil works..... so hard to push....
    Second photo: YES! So easy, so regular..
    Third photo: Why'd I post this shit to the net.... damn it...

    Seriously, that fits better than anything gaming....

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