Even Cracked Hated The Nintendo Conference

Even Cracked Hated The Nintendo Conference

When your E3 conference was so bad that a mainstream media outlet actually dedicates a massive diatribe discussing precisely how bad it was… well, you know you had a bad conference. Cracked just posted a piece titled ‘5 Ways We Know Nintendo Has Lost Its Mind’. It contains five reasons why the Nintendo conference was pretty terrible, and a lot of creative swearing (which I enjoyed).

It’s pretty brutal, and I don’t agree with all of it, but in amongst the hilarious rage is some pretty worthy points.

I kind of feel bad for being this skeptical about a game system, because I’ve never really been the type of guy to just unload on a product without trying it. The Internet is full of those dipshits, and I didn’t want to be one of them. But goddamn, you have to agree that what they’ve presented so far has painted a pretty dismal picture of their understanding of what we want as customers, and on a more basic scale, as humans. Surely they can’t be that far up their own asses. Can they? I keep expecting them to show back up at another press conference, announcing that they were just setting us all up for a huge April Fool’s joke next year, but decided against it. Or at least pulling some huge surprise announcement out of their asses that makes all of this make some sort of sense. But every hour that this doesn’t happen makes me lose a little faith that it ever will.

5 Ways We Know Nintendo Has Lost Its Mind [Cracked]


  • Read it just before this post came up actually. John Cheese is a funny bastard.
    Unfortunately, he made a few good points. Since it was announced last year, i just haven’t gotten my head around the whole WiiU ‘concept’ and i have played and owned videogames for more than 30 years. Also i consider myself an oldschool Nintendo fanboy. Maybe that’s the problem???

    • Funny aint the right word, i busted myself laughing on the floor at work just from this line.
      “Nintendo showed up at E3 and cock-punched the entire planet with stupid.”

  • Am I the only one feeling a bit of deja vu about the whole Wii U thing? People seem to have forgotten that when the Wii was first announced and previewed it’s controller everyone said the exact same thing about Nintendo. A single white stick you wave around in the air??? How could that possibly work??!!!! It was a running internet joke for ages. Until it came out, sold a bazillion consoles, invented a new “casual gamer” market and forced all the other companies to play catch-up.

  • I remember at the end of the last console generation most pundits were pretty sure that Microsoft and Sony would be fighting it out for top spot and nintendo (continuing on from a poor gamecube era) would carve out third place with a kid friendly angle. Yeah, wrong. Point is when you’re in the scene looking at core interests its easy to inderestimate how nintendo manage to sell to people that aren’t core gamers.

    • That’s great if you’re a Nintendo shareholder. If you’re not a Nintendo shareholder and all you are is a gamer then yeah, Nintendo finished a very distant third behind PS3 and 360.

      • Opinions, man. I’ve enjoyed my 80-strong Wii library far more than my ~20-strong 360 library, and there isn’t much on the 360 shelves that holds any interest for me.

  • I am so waiting for a year until i touch the WIIU fool me once with wii shame on you fool me twice with wiiu shame on me.

  • the nintendo conference was horrible… i downloaded and watched it last night and i was amazed by how lifeless and scripted it felt… very bad presentation and then at the GTTV All Access interview afterwards that Reggie guy was SOOOOO defensive when it was put to him that one of the “biggest launch titles” is a game we’ve all already played and that it isn’t any different apart from the controls and few tacked on features…

    screw off nintendo!

  • I’m just glad that I’ll be able to play Mario with ‘standard’ controls.

    Last night I decided to fire up New Super Mario Bros Wii and I HATE the controls for that. The dpad is too tiny to use comfortably with the remote sideways, and the remote/nunchuck combo just feels awkward.

    Bring on the standard button layout of the tablet, and the pro controller I say! Then we can all quietly forget that motion controls ever existed…

    • The nunchuk configuration is awkward? I find the lack of a need for side-by-side hands great, you can sit however you please.

      Sideways remote is just shit though, with that worst ever d-pad (or maybe second worse, after the DS Lite).

  • The thing about Cracked articles is that their humour, yet are more often than not more truthful, accurate and informative than any serious article on a given subject.

    I don’t know if its a good or bad thing.

  • Being a bit of a Nintendo Fanboy i must admit i was a little depressed immediately after the conference.
    Admittedly i was hoping for a lttle more umph from both the presentation and the software that was presented.
    There should have been a diplay of the WiiU power! It was not forthcoming.

    Having had time to calm down and review what games are going to be available on release. After reading Kirk Hamiltons pre-view hands on of ZombiU, other hands-on reviews and trying to get my head around why Nintendo showed only release period software, i am feeling a lot more optimistic for the Wii U’s future.

    • I know what you mean. I don’t remember feeling like this after the Wii announcement. I watched that conference and came away absolutely desperate to get my hands on it.

      After this years conference, I didn’t feel anything and kind of tried to find positive hands on experiences to get me excited. I’m actually starting to doubt buying this day one which has frankly NEVER happened with a Nintendo console.

      Something was off about the conference, and I think they thought ports of existing games to WiiU was going to wow people, but it just didn’t…..

      I hope there’s a big Nintendo AAA title yet to be announced…..

  • Pretty simple really,

    -The only single thing missing from Nintendo’s E3 was the reveal of a jaw droppingly beautiful full HD FIRST PARTY launch title…The centre point for a launch of a new console – basically they needed a Halo.

    To – 1. show off the graphical prowess of the machine
    2. Give an actual killer title must have launch title
    (ZombiU and Pikmin look fine but pikmin isnt the best to show off HD and zombiU while nice isnt a killer app like halo for xbox and zelda for nintendo and uncharted for sony etc)

  • Nintendo doesnt need to do anything but bring out the Wii U. It’s obvious that they are trying to promote third party software first this time around. This Xmas season the Wii U will be the only next/same gen system out there. The holidays will push sales and have four systems ( Wii U Wii 3DS DS) out there also. Next E3 they can bring out the big guns because MS and Sony will be showing their next gen systems. Momentum when their competitors systems release is more important. They did the same thing with the 3DS.

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