Excuuuuse Me, Princess, Would You Like To Fulfill Link’s Freaky Fantasy?

OK, let’s get something straight first. Many of you know I live in the Oregon area. Longtime readers remember I got bored and trolled the Craigslist personals in this 2009 post. But I swear to crap I am not the weirdo who posted this.

On May 27, some lonely heart in the Eugene area decided to take his longtime Legend of Zelda fantasy to Craigslist’s infamous personal encounters board. It requires two other cosplayers to play the role of Ganon and Princess Zelda, and the ad begins innocently enough — a recreated sword duel in which Link (the poster, one assumes) emerges victorious.

Then our Link actor says what’s really on his mind.

“I know some “lost woods” outside of Eugene. Basically I want to dress up as Link, come out to the woods and search around for a while until I come upon Ganondorf fucking the shit out of Zelda,” he says. “We then swordfight with boffer swords for a while, I defeat Ganon and then I get to fuck the shit out of Zelda.”

And then it really gets freaky.

“Then if we feel like getting kinky, we can go all super smash brothers in this and jigglypuff jumps out from hiding (it could be watching the whole thing) and do a battle royale on eachother.”

Sound interesting to you? Can you take a bus or hitchhike to Eugene? Here are the requirements.

• “We all have to dress up true quality cosplay style.”

• “We all have to be hwp to our characters roles.” (Ed. note — this makes the Gannon/Ganon/Ganondorf role quite variable.)

• “MUST be gendered correctly, not that it’s not OK, but I want it to be as true to the game as possible.”

• “You have to make your costume, not buy it off some website.”

• “And you have had to at least play the original or ocarina of time.”

In case the ad is removed, here’s screenshot proof.

INTO Zelda? – m4mw – 23 (Eugene) [Craigslist via Regretsyh/t David B.]

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