Fake Gamers Of The Week: Saving Friends From Sickening Scenes

In the horror game Dead Space 2, there is… a scene. This scene.

It’s the sort of scene that once you see it, you can’t un-see it. Even if, say, a machine were to jam a giant metal needle into your eyeball? That would be less traumatic than watching that Dead Space 2 scene.

Fair warning, this might get a little gross. Or a lot gross.

I mean, OK, here:

Does that give you an idea of what I’m talking about? DOES IT??

Once someone sees this scene, once they take control over the needle, stick it into Isaac’s eyeball… not too far now! Wouldn’t want to drill into his brain and kill him or anything…


Once you’ve experienced this scene, you’re changed forever. Your life can never go back to the way it was. The brightest June afternoons are cast under a pall. Open meadows have a faint sulfurous smell. Your morning bowl of Honey, Bunches of Oats seems flavorless and bland. You are a husk of a person, doomed to wander the earth without joy or respite, your restless nights haunted by eyebally nightmares.

But there is one thing you can do. You can save others from the same fate.

And so thank god for this sister, who jumps on the grenade for her brother, even though it appears that he may have already seen too much:

And three cheers for this girl, who, despite her boyfriend’s protestations, surely has his best interests at heart:

He may be annoyed now, but once the scene is over, he’ll be able to get on with his life unscarred. He’ll never know how close he came.

And high-five to Doofy Pageboy Guy, who does his best to save his Blonde Sister-Friends from sharing his fate:

We know so much about you, Bored Blonde Teenagers with Mismatched Controllers. But we didn’t know it had gone this far. If only Blonde Sister #2 would listen to Doofy Pageboy Guy and let him protect her! Clearly Blonde Sister #1 is beyond saving. She has the dead eyes and soulless affect of one who has already seen The Horrible Eyeball Scene in Dead Space 2. But maybe her sister isn’t beyond saving…

No matter how hopeless life may seem now, it’s not too late to save others. Not everyone needs to see that scene. Not everyone needs… to know…


what am I doing….

why am I…

putting this image into the post…


Images: Shutterstock

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