Liveblog: Nintendo E3 Conference 2012

Oh man, surely Nintendo will have a good conference — right guys? It has new hardware and stuff… right? Please! I believe.

Man, all this staying up and getting no sleep has genuinely given me a cold. Like I’m legitimately sick. I’m surrounded by one can of Pepsi Max (of course), a massive box of M&Ms and a massive roll of tissue paper. Man, I’m ready for some Nintendo bombs. Get out there and drop them guys!

1.45
Hey guy and girls, thanks for joining me for the third and final Liveblog of E3 2012. I think this will be the big one. It has to be. If Nintendo doesn’t deliver… this may be one of the weakest showings for the big three ever.

So come on Nintendo. The honour of 2012 is yours to restore!

1.48
While we’re waiting, let’s ask that question and have everyone answer it — what are you guys hoping for today/tonight/this morning/whatever everyone is calling this time?

1.51
It’s the PACH-ATTACK! Who is he attacking? Why does he sound like he has a cold? Does he have a cold? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

1.53
I like Sessler. I like the sound of his voice. It’s deep and burly. I’m just assuming everyone is watching this. You are watching this right?

1.55
Typically dull ‘no new characters’ complaint from Molyneux — but he, and everyone else, has a point. It would be great to see something new. I’m hoping that Miyamoto and that small team he was working with will come up with something completely new.

2.00
AND HERE WE GO PEOPLE! CHOO CHOO! ALL ABOARD THE HYPE TRAIN!

2.01
BAH GAWD IT’S PIKMIN! IT’S THE PIKMIN IN THE HIZZOUSE

Miyamoto, please be my new Dad. My new Ghost Dad. Like Bill Cosby.

2.03
Miyamoto blows the Pikmin whistle! And his translator comes out. This is already better than Sony and Microsoft combined!

Miyamoto holding the black Wii U. Looks delightful and also black.

Is it just me, or is is smaller than before?

2.05
Alright Here’s Pikmin…

I already love these new rock Pikmin.

Looks like the game controls with the Wii Remote and the nunchuck. Interesting or just plain shit. You decide. I’m not too fussed be honest. This Wii U tablet map functionality looks interesting. OMOSHIROI!

2.09
I like the strategic focus — Pikmin 2 lost a lot of it’s lustre from being too… easy and less strategic. No time limit killed it for me. I like the new focus on being as pragmatic as possible. That was what I love most about the original!

2.11
DAT MOONWALKING PURPLE PIKMIN REGGIE.

2.12
Yes Reggie. Talk to me. Tell me about these games. Teach me.

2.13
Nintendo gets it this year. There’s a time and a place for entertainment centre stuff. E3 should be about the games.

2.15
That’s good. Two Wii U gamepad simulataneously. That’s pretty big. Was a worry for me personally.

The Gamepad seems nicely designed. Liking it so far.

2.19
Mii-verse stuff now.

The don’t just substantiate, they elevate. And congregate. And estimate.

Oh this is cool, and integrated system for Mii-Verse: PC, Wii U, 3DS… Nice. Nintendo really is starting to realise the internet exist.

2.22
NSMBU looks sharp in HD. Looks great actually.

Not much to say really — it’s Mario. But yeah. It looks good.

2.24
Hmmm. Don’t know if I want to spend time discussing a game I’ve already played to death. Even if it does have new functionality. I guess the thirds really need to have a good showing here, but let’s look at new games…

And they’ve outsourced it to another studio. I don’t think that’s great news, I certainly don’t want to spend valuable time watching it on stage. All it does is make it look as though Nintendo is playing catch-up.

I guess the control functionality is nice though.

2.28
Ah Scribblenauts Unlimited. That’s cool. Are people still interested in this series? It was a bit gimmicky for me in the end.

PUNK ROCK! LOL!

2.31
Oh wow. Mass Effect 3 — that’s news?

Aside from that, not too much there. But still. Nintendo really wants the support of third parties here.

HAHAHA! REGGIE’S BODY WAS READY! I LOVE FAN SERVICE!

2.35
Just go FOR A JOG! GO FOR A JOG! Do some push ups or something!

Nah, I’m not a fan of this new integration.

Oh wait a minute — this new device is interesting. In all seriousness gamified exercise is happening. This might be cool I guess… since it actually integrates proper exercise into the whole experience.

2.38
Alright. Come on guys. Things are going downhill fast. DROP THE BOMB GUYS DROP THE BOMB!

2.39
A ‘few moments’ for 3DS. LOL! WHERE’S THE LOVE [awkward silence]

Okay this is great — Live webcast dedicated just to 3DS games. I’ll be there.

Mario flies. Crowd cheers. Hahahaha! Oh man.

2.43
Luigi’s Mansion by the looks of things. I actually never played the original.

2.44
Hahaha! Totally underwhelming 3rd party 3DS set of trailers there.

2.46
LEGO? Man, I’m falling asleep here. I stayed up for this? DROP BOMBS. One’s that go boom. This is starting to get a little bit underwhelming. Again, nothing we didn’t know about already here. E3 used to be about surprises — what happened? YOU USED TO BE COOL!

2.49
Yeah Ubisoft has had an absolute humdinger this E3.

2.51
Something about the Nintendo conference brings out the terrifying robot within every human being.

Seriously, someone speed up that auto cue!

2.52
Reggie is THE PUPPET MASTER. Oh man, the sugar girls in the office are going to LOSE THEIR SHIT over Just Dance 4.

2.54
Are they humans, or are they dancers?

2.55
I totally missed the first half of the Ubi conf — this is my first time watching ZombieU. Looks interesting. Love that Ubi is actually creating a proper Wii U exclusive. Looks nice.

2.56
Reggie really is like Clark Griswold for a new generation. I can’t get enough of this guy.

2.59
NintendoLand. WAT?

Here comes the totally weird thing that no-one understands. Seriously, Nintendo does this all the time. I still don’t understand what SpotPass is.

3.01
But yeah, this may actually be interesting. I’m still a bit confused though. And it has the worst name in history. It sounds like a place where you buy second hand cars.

3.03
BUT WHO WAS PHONE?

But yeah, if this is a pack-in game, this is a good idea. I’d like a series of mini games that take advantage of the tablet, I honestly would. I think that would be ideal.

The art style of this game is actually really charming. It looks beautiful.

3.10
Is this the wrap up? Where are the bombs! I DEMAND BOMBS!

Oh man. E3. This was not good.

Thanks again for sticking around. I’m off to grab some sleep.


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