10 Achievements I'd Like To See In The Final Fantasy VII Re-Release

Yesterday, Square Enix confirmed that it will re-release Final Fantasy VII on PC at some point in the near future. What's most interesting about this re-release is that it adds new features to the seminal role-playing game, like achievements. But Square hasn't shared any details on exactly what these achievements will comprise. So I'm offering a few suggestions. Free of charge. You're welcome, Square Enix.

Here are 10 achievements I think Final Fantasy VII should have.

Why Would You Even Bother? She's Gonna Die In Like An Hour Anyway

Get Aeris's ultimate Limit Break.

Animal Cruelty

Attack and capture harmless chocobos in the wild. Imprison them in a cramped stable. Force them to breed with one another. Throw out the ones that don't turn black or gold. Use them to make yourself more powerful. Whip them into shape on the race track.

Stop Trying To Break Our Game

Equip one character with the following materia: Mime, MP Absorb-Master Summon, Final Attack-Phoenix, MP Turbo-Knights of the Round, Slash All, Mega All, HP Plus. Equip your other two characters with Mime. Enter combat. Press the A button once.

Nostalgia Overload

Realise that Final Fantasy VII isn't as good as it was when you were 12. Deny this to the grave.

Get A Lifestream

Level all of your characters to 99. Master all Materia. Kill Emerald and Ruby Weapons. Brag about these accomplishments to all of your friends. Lose all of your friends.

Physics? What Are Physics?

Use Tifa in combat.

Hey Foo

Go on a date to watch fireworks with Barret. Have a lovely time. Give him your number. Wait a day. Wonder why he hasn't called yet. Wait another day. Stare at his Facebook. Hit refresh. Wait a third day. Cry. Eat Haagen-Daaz. De-friend him on Facebook.

You're A Douche

Re-name Aeris to Aerith.

You Got Got

Spend over 50 hours travelling the world of Final Fantasy VII in search for the fifth Huge Materia which you can then use to unlock a secret colour of chocobo that will allow you to travel into Sephiroth's cocoon and find a key that opens the door to Sector 3 in Midgar, where you can revive Aeris for real guys seriously you read it on an AOL message board!

Square Enix

Convince a shopkeeper to pay you five times for the same item.


Comments

    pfft, Break the game the cool way.

    Equip Counter-attack and keep getting new ones by levelling them up. Put on 2x/4x Slash for the final materia piece. Bam. =D

    Oh man that 'you got got' achievement. I remember spending hours in the game to get Serphiroth as a playable character following a guide from a game mag. It was in a gaming magazine! It had to be true!! Also the Aeirth comment, nice touch :p

    Well done, I liked that.

    Hahaha! Number 8 and 9 are my favourite.

      But they're not numbered, i had to count them

    Nostalgia Overload
    Realise that Final Fantasy VII isn’t as good as it was when you were 12. Deny this to the grave.

    This. Good god just redo FF6 already. Christ.

      This time 1000.

      Final Fantasy VII is one of the few games from my youth I still think is awesome. I used to think Perfect Dark was the best game ever, played the remake; terrible. I used to think Conker's Bad Fur day was similarly good; wrong again.

      I play Final Fantasy VII every few years and it still amazes me with its characters who are actually "cool", nuanced, mature plot, and superior equip / materia / leveling systems to everything Final Fantasy that came after it. Jobs have never been fun, and the characters never feel like your own, just like they're filling a role for the time being. And don't even get me started on the sphere grid and all the versions of it used since.

      The reason why is because the gameplay doesn't age. It's not like a 3D platformer or shooter where the environments and graphics (Goldeneye) become laughable, or the controls (Goldeneye) become completely unwieldy. It has a truly great villain, one with actual layers (Kefka) and a fall from grace (which is the most compelling narrative there is) that means we get to experience him transforming from the mentor to the enemy.

    Achievement Unlocked :Common Sense
    Try to use a phoenix down on dead Aeris

      Pheonix Down isn't part of the narrative of the story. It's just a gameplay element.

    You’re A Douche: Re-name Aeris to Aerith.

    Fantastic! I hate people who call her that. It's only acceptable if you're Japanese, and you played the Japanese version.

      Not really. Aerith was always the intended spelling, but because Squaresoft outsourced the english translation it got mistranslated as Aeris. Considering that all Final Fantasy 7-related media after VII call her Aerith, and that, if you look at the actual programing of the game you'll see that prior to getting the option to name her the game refers to her as Aerith.

      Aeris is just a mistranslation, she's been called Aerith in more English games than Aeris.

        It's a moot point anyway; the English website for the re-release is calling her Aerith, so get use to people calling her that.

    Achievement Unlocked: Manic-depressive Narcisism 101
    Name Barrett "Shinra"

    Achievement Unlocked: Manic-depressive Narcisism 201
    Name Aeris and Cloud "Sephiroth"

    Achievement Unlocked: I KNOW YOU'RE CALLED NANAKI, DAMMIT!
    Name RedXIII "Nanaki"

    All of these I consider absolute requirements for all replays.

    I really hope they DON'T make "go out with aeris/tifa/yuffie/barret" 4 different achievements, because that's artificial longevity and fuck that.

    I want an achievement for stocking up 99 mega elixirs. And I also want them to keep the W-Item glitch!

    FFVII is the greatest RPG of all time so stop the hating, no matter how many RPGs come out in the next 100 years, nothing will ever top it,

    Achievement unlocked: New Playable character Zack!
    Mini-game unlocked: Crisis Core!

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