Win! One Of 15 Double Passes To See Expendables 2

Win! One Of 15 Double Passes To See Expendables 2

How can this movie even really exist? If you travelled back in time and told my 12 year old self that Sly, Arnie, JCVD, and Bruce Willis would star in the same movie together, I’m pretty sure my brain would have started leaking out of my eyeballs in disbelief. Then I would have done the moonwalk for five hours straight. But yeah, that movie is happening — it’s in cinemas this Thursday — and we have tickets to give away.

To win one of 15 double passes, all you have to do is answer this question in the most imaginative way possible…

If you took The Expendable 2 back in time and showed it to your 12 year old self, how would you react?

Entries close 4pm (AEST) this Wednesday, and we’ll announce the winners before the week is out.

Good luck and don’t forget to watch the movie at
Event Cinemas VMAX for the best action!

Full terms and conditions here.


  • I’d probably call the Police and inform them that a creepy looking guy claiming to be me from the future wants to take me to a room and show me a ‘ really cool movie’.

  • I would say to my future self . you have a F-ing time machine and you bring back this??? How the hell does it fit into the VHS and where is my jetpack!!! What everyone doesnt have jetpacks!!! You didnt bring the lotto results either? you are useless future self.

  • I would lose my shit that Arnie was back to the good days of shooting guys in the face after he took a hiatus last year to get himself pregnant and have a baby.

  • I’m sure I would look on in shock & awe at my 12 year old self as, after sharing the news of the wonder that is the testosterone fuelled epic called The Expendables series, my 12 year old self is suddenly infused with said testosterone and starts sporting a chin beard the likes of which even Chuck Norris would tremble in fear of.

    I now continue to live out my days in fear that Chuck Norris may read this post and promptly roundhouse kick me into oblivion as punishment.

  • If you took The Expendable 2 back in time and showed it to your 12 year old self, how would you react?
    My first reaction would be why are these currently popular actors so old, my second reaction would be who the hell are you and how did you get in my house

  • I would finish puberty in an instant. and sprout hair all over due to the massive amounts of testosterone that will be pumping from that movie.
    Then I will ask WTF happened to Stallone’s face
    And then I would ask future self to buy me transformers as i was a huge fan back when I was 12.

  • I would say to myself, I could watch a silverback gorilla snatch a great white shark out of the water and throw it like a spear through the side of a rampaging bull elephant and I’d still think, Well, that was manly, but it wasn’t as Manly as the Expendables 2 is going to be. Kotaku “YOU SON OF A B*TCH”

  • Past me allows the weird adult standing at his doorstep into the house at the promise of doughnuts and a good movie. The movie is excellent and enjoyed by both parties involved. I then relay the following information to past me:
    -There will one day be a new Jurrasic Park movie
    -There is never a fourth Indianna Jones movie
    Who reacts by promising to hold this information dear to his heart, yet promptly forgets the next day. Forcing me to sit through the horrors of “the Kindom of theCrystal skull”

  • I was 12 in 1995. Arnie’s most recent movie was Twins, Stallones was Judge Dredd and JCVD had just brought us Street Fighter: The Movie. Meanwhile Bruce Willis was responsible for both 12 Monkeys and Die Hard: With a Vengeance. The only sane response would be “Gee, Bruce Willis is really slumming it here…”.

  • I’d stare at me in amazement, then pull up my Vanilla Ice dancing pants and go back to my TMNT pogs. Because Ninja Turtles are awesome, and pogs are awesome, and if you put them together NOTHING could ever be more awesome.

  • 1993-SRG would probably flip out and start punching and kicking random things out of pure exuberance! When you’re a pre-teen, destruction is a sign of _love_.

  • He would be pretty impressed. Less impressed that I had failed at my childhood vow to be in the same movie with them. I would have to put the blame on that lazy kid for not studying acting and/or martial arts.

  • Past me would do the “Gangnam Style” dance with me (since Present me taught my past self how to do the dance) while we watch the movie and quote a Chuck Norris joke every time he appears because the jokes were new back then

  • I would say HOLY ASS what wasted potential, and then proceed to predict an ok movie that prob doesn’t quite add up to the sum of its parts. Never the less friends would be invited round for the strangest movie night ever, and quickly get annoyed as both me and my future self still mooch all their food off them.

  • If I showed my 12 year old self?

    Hit puberty 2 years earlier than what I did. Also probably would’ve grown an instant beard.

  • I would’ve been excited for about a year, dressed in camo gear, waiting for the VHS video to come out at my local video store.

  • If I tried to show it to my 12 year old self, he wouldn’t be interested. Sure, time travel would be cool, but I’m not a terminator and at 12 years old it was impossible to peel me away from watching Terminator 2. My parents tried and failed dismally – maybe it was the fact that they tried to use The Sound of Music to stop me watching Terminator 2, I’m not sure.

  • HOLY CRAP now skynet is sending the T-eXpendables back to kill john conner…… but why does the new T800 Look so old?!!!

  • Knowing my youth, firstly I would probably be amazed that we have the same birthday and name. After continuing to not recognise that he from the future, I would likely watch the film and enjoy it, especially since it would have an all star cast action heroes. I would also be amazed by the special effects and how the film studio made my favourite action stars look older. This is all before he told me that I look like a twig and I should eat more.

  • Given that my childhood consisted of movies like ‘Demolition Man’, ‘Universal Soldier’ and the first few ‘Die Hard’ films, I’d have been blown away at the idea of a cast consisting of all of my childhood heroes! The mere idea that Stallone and Schwarzenegger would star in the same movie would be enough to have me pen to paper drawing concept designs of Rambo standing next to Arnie’s ‘Commando’ character (‘John Matrix’), armed to the teeth with oversized machine guns and explosives. It was only recently (at the age of eighteen years) that I saw ‘The Lion King’ and ‘Beauty and the Beast’ for the first time, which emphasises just how much movies like ‘Predator’ and ‘Cliffhanger’ played a part of my childhood viewing material – and just how much I’d have been ecstatic at the idea of a film like The Expendables 2!

  • My 12 year old self loves pointless explosions and violence as much as my current self.
    So i’m guessing we’d spent the whole time hi-5’ing while watching it, making aggressive dog sounds at the tv and growing killer beards.
    Because nothing goes better with explosions; than beards.

  • If i time traveled back to my 12 yo self, screw the movie, I’d give him the plans to build a time machine, tell him to invest in Google & Apple, and finally, stop watching movies, and ease up on the popcorn: the only movie worth your time is still years away, but be glad you’ll get a free Double pass to go see it

  • Without a doubt, I’d rush to describe this unfathomable ensemble of a cast to all three of my older brothers with some sort of sense of pride or achievement (since I have them to thank for my appreciation of classic 80’s action flicks). I’d be thrilled that a movie like this was even made!

    And the idea of ‘Rocky’ fighting the ‘Kickboxer’..
    I wouldn’t be able to suppress my hysteria!

  • Panic and call the police on me. What the hell is this 30 year old man doing in a 12 year olds bedroom in the middle of the night wanting to show me his Expendable?

  • I would probably lose my shit, then I would wonder what the hell a dvd is and how the hell do I play it. If I did find a way to play it in a magical vhs player, I would then freak out at why everyone looks so old.

  • If I showed my 12 year old self the Expendibles 2 I know exactly what the reaction would be. Exactly the same as when I saw an ad in 1995 at the cinemas. I was 14 at the time. The as was showing all the stars together. Arnuld, Stallone (lol), Van Damme (double lol). It blew my mind at the time. People were starting to get excited and started to get vocal while the ad was running. Then right at the end it came up ‘see all your favourite stars on foxtel’. I could have burned down the cinema I was that angry. I wasn’t the only one feeling that way judging by the howls in the cinema.

  • I would simultaneously shit and piss my pants, then proceed to spew lava and shoot rainbows from my eyes in pure excitement.

  • If I showed it to my 12 year old self he would probably say, “Sorry, my parents don’t let me watch those kinds of movies.”

  • I think the younger me would be pretty shocked. Why would I go back in time to show young me a movie. I think he’d disregard the movie for the most part and instead ask me questions about where he’s heading, what being an adult is like, how I got so fat, and all those sorts of questions. To which I’d respond: watch the damn movie and love it, or else kotaku won’t give me free tickets. At this point, I’m sure young me would cooperate and be amazed by all the old heroes still fighting it out.

  • If you took The Expendable 2 back in time and showed it to your 12 year old self, how would you react?

    OMG THAT WAS AWESOME. When is the video game coming out?!!!!!

  • The movie would excite my 12 year old self that the bubble I resided in would burst leaving me exposed to the cruel world around me – about then I begin to fade….

  • The only interaction I’ve had with time travelers so far is a guy in a hazmat suit claiming to be Darth Vader as he blasted music in my ears, he left a video tape of The Sixth Day and now I don’t watch movies anymore

  • I think at first, I’d think I was lying, then I would probably laugh at how old they all are, Then when that’s done I’d die of pure joy when my future self showed my the Avengers right after.

  • Reaction:

    “Future dude…you do realise I’m 12 right !?!?
    Why are you showing me a movie full of 11 muscley blokes , when all I’ve recently been doing is discovering and perfecting the art of depositing my 1 million ‘Expendables’ in a dry sock or tissue”

  • 12 yo me: “Who the hell is Jason Statham? And why is this “Terry Crews” in this and Carl Weathers isn’t?!!!”

  • I wouldn’t really react at all (at least not in the way Mark would have), since I was pretty sheltered/clueless as a kid. Wouldn’t recognise half of these guys, let alone be familiar with their work. I’d be certain to make sure the trip wasn’t a total waste though – I’d be giving myself a shopping list of gaming gear that needs to be picked up before it becomes too rare and expensive.

  • I would ask Who is this Liam hems worth and what did he do to get in a movie with all these old action stars. Upon finding out about the hunger games I would ask my future self if they had neuralizers from men in black in the future.

  • I would react thinking:
    Li: Why didn’t they put Jackie Chan?!
    Willis: Lul. Why is he bald??
    Schwarzenegger: Lulz what happened to the Terminator’s face. Nice eyebrows.
    Stallone: Old grandpa still fighting.
    Others: Who da fork are they??

    (goes back to playing Bomberman 64)

  • Possibly fight it because all it is doing is trying to taunt your past and trying to make yourself weaker.
    It is all about being strong and being able to combat your fears, being confident and staying in control.

  • I would probably say to myself that this Jason Statham is going to have a really diverse acting career. Also I would think that “I know pronounce you man and knife” before stabbing a guy is the single greatest line uttered in cinematic history… much like my 29 year old self does

  • I’d ask who else could be in it.

    Future me would reply Chuck Norris.

    Then being sensible I would ask if there’s anything else I should know about the future

    Future me would then send me on a year long mission to the us to kill some kid called Justin Beiber….

  • My 12 year old self would react the same way to seeing ‘The Expendibles 2’ as it did to any other action movie: “can’t wait for the Mega Drive game!! I’ll go to my local Tandy store to buy it, and then drink Mellow Yellow”.

  • I would be shocked that mr tough guy Sylvestor Stallone will undergo so much plastic surgery that he is deemed officially ugly!

  • Call TMZ n pretend to be psychic and sell your story about Arnie’s love child, Bruce Willis’ ex future marriage to Ashton n make big bucks on the exclusive story.Also write a letter to Sly n state, age gracefully dude.

  • After the flash I approached the door and was greeted by my mother who in her physical prime brought odd feelings of nostalgia, I called myself Frank Hander from the high school and asked if I could see my past self who I feigned was a student.

    When I saw him I was shocked, he was a bit chubbier than I remembered but neverless I shunned the woman out of the room and spoke to the boy who was me. I told him of Sonic 06, Final Fantasy XIII and Terminator Salvation and how many dissapointments he would face… before telling him of the expendables 2.

    And at that moment the universe entered a singularity of time, for, as scientists and philosophers had theorised and contemplated a paradox began. My past self twisted into a contorsion of matter and space and from oblivion a hand grabbed my present self and sent me spiralling into the court room of the council of time to explain my tresspass upon the year 2004. My 12 year old self forever trapped in a cerebral dance of something between enthusiasm and fear, for in his heart he knew that a great concept very rarely meets expectations and there was a chance the film could suck. It was the worst feeling… and it was eternal…

  • I saw the first one the other day, and you couldn’t pay me to see the sequel. I couldn’t even finish the first one, I switched it off halfway through – and I even managed to sit all the way through Melancholia, for God’s sake.

  • First and foremost I will first of all lock the family car in the Garage with 18 Gauge Titanium Chains and then before I even start the Movie I will ban all statements using the Movies Cliche’s.
    Then having done all that I would hand the twelve year old a Airline ticket to Europe. Now I know i will have the kids on its best behaviour out of pure fear. lol

    As for me? You will find me locked in that shed with the car!!!

    • First and foremost I will first of all lock the family car in the Garage with 18 Gauge Titanium Chains and then before I even start the Movie I will ban all statements using the Movies Cliche’s.
      Then having done all that I would hand the twelve year old a Airline ticket to Europe. Now I know i will have the kids on its best behaviour out of pure fear. lol

      As for me? You will find me locked in that shed with the car!!!

      Then! I will go back in time to myself LOL
      Now I am Looking for Dads car to try out some of them stunts on Grandpas Farm

  • If it were possible to pry my twelve-year-old self away from the screen while watching/acting out one of the Rocky films (as I did so often as a kid, much to my shame), I’d be jumping up and down just to see Stallone and Arnie on the front cover! I think my twelve-year-old self would go into a catatonic state after realising who else was on that front cover. Was always a huge fan of the old action films as a kid, and used to always conceptualise a big group action scene with all the action superstars. Quite literally, my twelve-year-old self would have given the expression of a boy whose dream had finally come true!

  • The first time I saw Rambo First Blood part I, I was 11 and I absolutely loved it. If I was 12 again and saw Sylvester Stallone in another gun totting movie I would:
    a)Love the movie and watch it countless times to the disgust and apprehension of my parents
    b) Buy the movie much to the shock of having a MA15+ movie at home that I would be watching
    c) Wet myself every time because I would not move from my seat while watching, even if I had to go to the batrhoom

  • Knowing my 12-year-old self, I’m sure that, as soon as I heard the news, I would run to my room and start to collect up every VHS copy, every Betamax, every related figurine that I could find, and get ready for a trip to the cinema. I did the exact same thing for Batman Forever…

    Only difference is, this time I’d need to bring a whole storage crate with me to carry every JCVD film, not to mention all those Rocky Betas. And for the record, 12-year-old me thought Rocky V was GREAT!

  • I’d be all like
    “Really? That guy from Moonlighting is making films with Rambo and John Matrix from Commando? Who’s that other guy, and why isn’t Crocodile Dundee in it instead?”

  • I would probably cry in disbelief . Then i would use all the techniques I would imagine these guys using to fight my way to the front of the line at the cinemas.

  • I imagine my reaction to consist of jumping up and down in pure excitement, attempted backflips, excited theory proposals as to what will happen in the film, followed by further arrays of jumping up and down. I think the part that would excite me the most is Stallone’s role as the leader of the group – in my eyes, always being number one (even above Scwarzenegger) in terms of action films.

    I think I would make a childish attempt and identifying myself with Stallone’s character, quoting lines from what I had seen on the trailer – accompanied by claims to be able to take a revolver and ‘fan’ it as Stallone does in signature style. A little immature in nature, but hey, I’d have been twelve! And this is an honest response!

  • If I showed it to my 12 year old self I’d have the exact same reaction, crazy awe mixed with ecstatic anticipation for in my heart I am still that 12 year old boy who absolutely goes crazy for his hard as nails action movies!

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