Wow, The New Achievements For Final Fantasy VII Sure Are Boring

When I heard that the PC re-release of Final Fantasy VII -- which came out yesterday -- would have achievements, I thought maybe we'd see some cool challenges. Maybe they'd have a sense of humor. Or ask you to do crazy things, like beat the game with no materia or solo Ruby Weapon.

But no. These achievements are just straight-up dull.

Here's the full list of 36, 18 of which involve Limit Breaks:

  • End of Part I: Complete the first part of the game
  • End of Part II: Complete the second part of the game
  • End of Game: Complete Final Fantasy VII
  • Master Materia: Reach the maximum level of any Materia
  • Master of Gil: 99,999,999 Gil
  • Top Level: Reach level 99 with any character
  • Knights of the Round: Get materia Knights of the Round
  • Omnislash: Get Cloud's last Limit Break
  • Catastrophe: Get Barret's last Limit Break
  • Chaos: Get Vincent's last Limit Break
  • Great Gospel: Get Aeris's last Limit Break
  • Highwind: Get Cid's last Limit Break
  • Final Heaven: Get Tifa's last Limit Break
  • All Creation: Get Yuffie's last Limit Break
  • Cosmo Memory: Get Red XIII's last Limit Break
  • Slots: Get Cait Sith's last Limit Break
  • Bahamut Zero: Get materia Bahamut Zero
  • Ultimate Weapon: Defeat the Ultimate Weapon
  • Diamond Weapon: Defeat the Diamond Weapon
  • Ruby Weapon: Defeat the Ruby Weapon
  • Emerald Weapon: Defeat the Emerald Weapon
  • Vincent: Get Vincent on your team
  • Yuffie: Get Yuffie on your team
  • Materia Overlord: Master all Materias
  • Battle Square: Start a battle in Battle Square
  • Golden Feather: Get a Gold Chocobo
  • Won First Battle: Win your first battle
  • Braver: Use Cloud's first Limit Break
  • Big Shot: Use Barrett's first Limit Break
  • Galian Beast: Use Vincent's first Limit Break
  • Healing Wind: Use Aeris's first Limit Break
  • Boost Jump: Use Cid's first Limit Break
  • Beat Rush: Use Tifa's first Limit Break
  • Greased Lightning: Use Yuffie's first Limit Break
  • Sled Fang: Use Red XIII's first Limit Break
  • Dice: Use Cait Sith's first Limit Break

Gee, I can't wait to brag to all my friends that I used Cloud's first Limit Break.


    what were you expecting?


        Something playful and fun? There are so many great little characters, oddities, strange things to do and optional exploration scattered through that world to work with

      Agreed what did you expect. 360 and ps3 follow the same format. Dead Aries achievement lol

    Chill out nerdzilla.

    I thoroughly enjoyed your article on why trophies/achievements are superficial wank that don't add anything of substance to a game and exists solely as metaphorical treadmills for the masses much like the gear treadmill of mmorpgs.

    At least that's what I read whenever I see trophy lists >_>

      Poorly designed achievements are superficial wank.
      Properly designed achievements can be used to improve games significantly. They can be used to provide cool but not essential challenges, give players an idea of what a good score range is, show off the non-core gameplay elements the game/engine is capable of.

      Also, for a game like FFVII, which is all about grinding, surely other metaphorical treadmills should be right up their alley?

        Which of course can be implemented without an 'outside of the game arbitrary score.'
        see: Practically every generation prior to this one, the first that comes to mind is Timesplitters 2, that game some freaking awesome optional challenges.

        So technically yes, and I almost typed out a disclaimer for this exact response, but the achievement systems we have are entirely irrelevant and unneccessary for everything but 'Look at my rock hard e-peen' and if you've known any trophy hunters, are quite often a negative for the fun of video games. The sheer amount of times you hear/read
        '*groan* I've gotta work on getting my platinum on [insert game here] *sigh*' like it's a second job.
        just boggles the mind, if it's not fun why in the hell are you doing it? (disclaimer: This is different to simply enjoying the challenge even if it's quite difficult.)

        You don't need to grind in VII at all unless you want to beat the emerald/ruby weapons, I wouldnt say its 'all about grinding' :)

    Uhhh, doesn't ruby weapon make you solo it to begin with? Also, it would be difficult to program "beat the game with no materia" as there are points in the game where you have materia and can't remove it.

      Soloing Ruby Weapon actually makes the battle easier... It means you're choosing which character fights so you can prepare better, rather than having a random character taken out of the picture.

        That's exactly how I did it.

          Ruby Weapon from memory will instantly whisk away one of your party members at the start of the battle so you can only fight him with two. Easiest way to beat it is just choose three powerful characters so you aren't too handicapped when one is gone. Or alternatively, reload the battle if a character you don't want gone is taken out. If you fight him with the characters you want to fight him with, he's actually pretty easy.

            Or kill off one of your characters, then revive him at the start of the fight, so you're fighting him with three party members. It's been a long time since I did it, but I'm pretty sure that trick works.

              When i was doing it years and years ago i figured out Ruby punts the team member with the most Materia equipped. That's the way i remember doing it.

              Just jump in with multi KotR and Mime equipped and hope i get my shot off before Ruby does.

    I don't see anything wrong with this achievement list, a lot of those tasks are pretty involved. Mastering every Materia is a pretty huge task, I think it's a lot more work than you remember. If you're like me you probably first mastered every Materia back when you had a lot more free time in your life. And getting every final limit break is a bit of work that involves a good few side quests, and Aeris's final limit isn't something most players would be likely to find on their first playthrough.

      I think the point is meant to be how arbitrary they are, how they don't actually add anything to the game. Why do you need a little pop up to say you've unlocked every limit break? (Hint: you don't) Was the accomplishment/fun of doing it not why you embarked on it in the first place? If no, then why? There's literally no reason for achievements like that to exist other than as an epeen measure that generally measures time spent rather than actual penis size, or as a virtual checklist for people with addictive tendancies, which is something you shouldn't feed.

      Then again that last sentence of the article suggests I find them lacking for a very difference reason to the author, notsureifsarcasm.jpg and all that.

    Has Any one even been able to buy this in Australia?
    It was giving errors when it was released saying Australia was not a supported country, even rhinitis listen in the terms of service.

      Oh god typos oh phones are shocking, should read
      "even tho it is listed in the terms of service."

    Shame she Squeenix store wont let anyone in Australia purchase it.

    I was looking forward to buying it for the 3rd time too.

    It actually looks like a standard play through for just about anyone who has already beaten FF7 and would go through it again.

    I'm still just going to re-install my original PC copy and use the fan mods to upgrade the textures when I decide I want to re live it all.

    Wow the first game i could get 100% achievement in first play through. Those achievements sure do suck.

    Whyyy did they not use a dating achieve?!
    I pity foo': go on a date with Barrett at the gold saucer xD

      +1 Yes!

    Pull off a lucky 7's attack would've been good, obtain a piece of mithril from the sleeping man in the cave, dig up and use the key to get back into midgar... possibilities were endless =(

    Pull off a lucky 7's attack would've been good, obtain a piece of mithril from the sleeping man in the cave, dig up and use the key to get back into midgar... possibilities were endless =(

    Yeah - I wonder if it's going to be a matter of finishing the game making a save and selling everything u own to an NPC to rackup 99,999,999 gold - get Achievement, releoad ur game, done.

    Also "Tissue master" or collect all those Soldier Figurines would have been some fun Achievements to add :c

    Finish the game without killing aeris that would be a good achievement.

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