You Wouldn't Like Hulk When He's Angry About People Who Didn't Like Mass Effect 3's Ending

At this point, just about everyone has weighed in on the Mass Effect 3 ending controversy. But there is one gentleman, a certain gigantic, green-skinned guy in purple shorts, who has yet to make his opinions known. So when Hulk starts talking, people tend to listen, particularly when he's sounding off about the people who disliked BioWare's original ending and successfully petitioned to have it changed.

"Film Crit Hulk," the nom de plume of a sharp film critic who just happens to write in (borderline unreadable) ALL CAPS, has made his displeasure known in a new article at badass digest. After many people asked him to share his (or maybe her?) thoughts on the end of the game, presumably thinking he'd hate it, Hulk has this to say: "YOU WERE ALL WRONG. IN FACT, YOU WERE ALL SO WRONG THAT IT MAKES HULK HORRIFICALLY SAD."

THE ORIGINAL ENDING OF MASS EFFECT 3 IS BEAUTIFUL, STUNNING AND POETIC. AFTER A LIFETIME OF WAR AND FURY, SHEPARD COMES FACE TO FACE WITH THE CATALYST (REPRESENTED BY THE FORM OF A CHILD, MUCH LIKE THE ONE SHEPARD HAD BEEN DREAMING OF ALL GAME) AND YOU HAVE A LONG, IN-DEPTH CONVERSATION ABOUT THE NATURE OF CYCLES. THIS IS RATHER APT, AS ALL THREE GAMES HAVE BEEN ABOUT THE NATURE OF CYCLES FROM THE VERY BEGINNING, WHETHER THEY TAKE THE FORMS OF VIOLENCE, REVENGE, LOVE, CREATION OR DEATH. IT WAS ALWAYS ABOUT CYCLES AND THE WAYS WE BREAK THEM, CONTINUE THEM OR HARMONIZE THEM. AND THUS, IN THIS CLIMACTIC MOMENT, IT IS RATHER APPROPRIATE THAT YOU ARE GIVEN THREE DISTINCT PHILOSOPHICAL OPTIONS ON HOW TO DEAL WITH THIS OUROBOROTICAL CYCLE. AND DESPITE SMALL DIFFERENCES, ALL THREE LEAD TO VERY SIMILAR ENDINGS.

WHICH IS THE EXACT POINT.

Not content to just say his piece and leave it at that, Hulk then goes after the popular criticisms levied at the original ending — that it didn't provide closure, that it rendered the choices leading up to it meaningless. "YOU DON'T ACTUALLY NEED AN EPILOGUE TO SHOW WHAT EVERYONE IS DOING FROM THAT POINT ON TO HAVE 'RESOLUTION,'" Hulk writes, presumably breaking 10 keyboards with his ham-sized fists. "THAT IS NONSENSE."

Hulk then goes on at length about the nature of art and expression (very smart stuff for a hulking green monster), concluding that the Mass Effect series was not "about choice," but rather used choice as a tool to tell a story about cycles. (For what it's worth: I agree with this idea, particularly that Mass Effect was never a game about choice. I've never felt comfortable saying that games are about choice just because they feature choices — the recent Walking Dead game is the rare exception to this, in that it really does feel like it's about choice. But we're not talking about me here, we're talking about Hulk.)

"YOU DECIDED YOU DIDN'T WANT VIDEO GAMES TO BE STORIES, OR EVEN ART," Hulk writes.

AT THE END OF LAST YEAR HULK SURMISED WHEN WE WOULD GET OUR CITIZEN KANE OF GAMING AND HULK DIDN'T KNOW IF WE'D EVER GET THERE... WELL, FINE. HULK THINKS THAT WITH THE MASS EFFECT SERIES WE FOUND IT. THE UNIFYING THREE PRONGED ORIGINAL ENDING OF MASS EFFECT 3 IS A PURE ARTISTIC STATEMENT.

AND THE GAMER COMMUNITY AT LARGE PROVED THEY WEREN'T READY.

WE WERE ALL GIVEN A BEAUTIFUL, ARTICULATE, POETIC ENDING TO A GREAT STORY AND FOR MANY OF YOU, YOUR CHOICE WAS TO SPIT IN ITS FUCKING FACE.

Well, no one ever said Hulk was shy about telling us what he really thinks.

Film Crit Hulk Smash: A Few Words On The Ending Of MASS EFFECT 3 [Badass Digest]

(Top image credit | Ross Hughes /DeviantART)

Comments

    I'm guessing Hulk chose the Synthesis ending, and Red Hulk chose the Destroy ending?

    Totally agree. I loved the ending.
    Besides if i dont agree i might get Hulk Smashed :\

      Threats of death by gigantic green bare handed bludgeoning tends to improve one's point. But i didnt mind the ending.

      Hulk was always dumb

    If you want to see just how clever Film Critic Hulk is, read his article about Mulholland Drive.

    I prefer the extended endings, as before it was like the end f the sopranos. you going along then BAM over, its all WTF thats is. sure I didn't expect a huge ending cut scene, but it was nice that they expanded what happens to the rest of the galaxy that you saved.

    the bit at the end of the credits was cool, I did rather like Buzz Aldrin

    All the blathering about artistic intent and series-long thematic emphasis would be all well and good if Mass Effect had ever been a series with a pre-planned storyline or narrative arc about cycles.

    But it wasn't. The planned ending for ME3 - the one that didn't make it into the game - had nothing to do with cycles of synthetic/organic conflict. It was about dark energy, a looming disaster and how much Shepard was willing to risk for the sake of survival. That was changed to the current one because they wanted to push the transhumanism theme, not because it was a nice fit with the rest of the series.

    Sorry, but Hulk is imbuing the storytelling with all sorts of intelligence that it simply never had. The handwritten notes from Geoff Keighley's journalism piece show that the writing of the ending was haphazard and unfocused at best. They didn't even finish writing the ending until December 2011.

      Any chance you've got a link to the rest of the Dark Energy stuff? Sounds like it'd be a good read.

        Google searching Mass Effect 3 dark energy should help, it's everywhere on Bioware's forums

        going to have to google that. i was really looking forward to an elaboration of dark energy so you guessed right if you thought i was disappointed with its omission from the final game. sad really

      the problem with the Dark Energy plot is that it would have a massive lore breaking plot hole, and that would be if the Reapers knew about the Dark Energy buildup why did they build the Mass Relays?

        I got the impression that the buildup was a natural part of the physics of the ME universe and not affected by the Reapers' dark energy use. The relays were just a way to herd civilisations into the Reaper trap so they could be turned into horrific supercomputers...

        as opposed to the massive lore breaking plot hole that is

        "we are each a nation, oh wait no we're not, were mindless drones, hurr durr"

        and

        "Synthethics will kill organics, oh hey there Geth you gone on your massive killing spree yet?"

        and

        "I need to suicide attack the Citadel to turn on the beacon to call the sleeping Reapers! Oh wait, the Citadel is my boss, he could've just called all the Reapers himself without me ever doing anything" - Sovereign

        I'm clearly paraphrasing, but the BS plotholes they introduced with the stupid ass starchild is ridiculous

    https://skydrive.live.com/redir?resid=606AF916748F05F0!260&authkey=!AFQoD-_wIgJKKto

    Moronic on numerous levels

    So he doesn't understand the gaping plot holes or why Shepard would care about 1 kid he thought died when his actions nearly wiped out the batarians

      Shepard didn't nearly kill the Batarians. He wiped out a colony of 300,000. There were still billions of them in other systems.

    Someone is posting their opinion on the internet in allcaps? That's sure to be convincing!

    Sadly, the ending of ME3 was a graveyard of sci fi cliches. A human is transformed into energy or information? Check. The combination of organic and synthetic? Check. The destruction of the story's signature technology and a return to the dark ages? Check. Adam-and-Eve parable on verdant jungle planet? Check (those last two were pre-Extended Cut). The Thing assumes a Form you will be Familiar With? Check, except without an explanation for why it bothered, how it knew that form was significant, and with no reaction from Shepard to seeing a Reaper intelligence essentially wearing the skin of a child its Reapers murdered.

    It was nonsense, not even original nonsense. Of course Mass Effect used its fair share of cliches over three games, but usually they were well executed or at least acknowledged that they were cliches. This was just silliness and a poor ending for a great trilogy.

    people are still going on about this? *facepalm*

    by the way i rather get hulk smashed for not enjoying the ending because at least i stood up for what i believed in. people enjoyed it, people didn't but articles like this are just a grab to get readers and attention. its getting old, or should i say, it got old a long time ago

    I fall into the category of people who hated the original ending and loved the Extended Cut.

    I don't agree with the Hulk that the game was about cycles. I also don't agree that it was a good thing the original endings were mostly the same, or that the point was to say they were all similar. If anything I felt the opposite; the game was about choice, and they were trying to convey that the endings were supposed to be different outcomes to the same war. I was happy with the Extended Cut because it showed how your choice of ending mattered and how it impacted the galaxy.

    I didn't play an entire trilogy just to see flashy lights and not actually see how my choices mattered. I'd hate to incur the Hulk's wrath, but I don't think he's got the jist of it here.

    Seriously Hulk? The original endings didn't explain a single thing, the endings were basically the same, and you don't know what happened to most people. So you think that's good? And I know the games were about cycles, but they were also about choice. Just being forced to do something negates that entirely. Extended cut fixed a lot though, and made me3 my favorite me game so far. I don't want to be smashed by hulk, but the original endings had you trashed. Now THAT'S poetry.

    Can I be different and just say that I didn't enjoy the entire game?

    After the awesomeness of Mass Effect 2, I will never undertand why the felt the need to redesign it the way they did.

    I just wanted more Mass Effect 2. As soon as EDI became a sexy robot I had mentally checked out. As in "This game sucks, I don't want to play it anymore". I still finished it but I though the entire story was really stupid.

    But I did like how the smoking man became the protagonist, and when replaying mass effect 2, you can see by his eyes, just like with Saren in Mass Effect 1, that he was already being controlled. So basically Shepard was working for the reapers during ME 2.

    But yeah, ME3 jumped the shark big time.

    Except that we know from the original author that it was supposed to be about dark energy increasing the rate at which the galaxy would end (al la Haestrom) and the Reapers were harvesting civilisations to try and accrue enough collective knowledge to stop this from occurring.

    So the Hulk is wrong about cycles.

    1) The arguments shown here don't even touch the problems I have with the finale... The concept COULD work if it was planted in the game earlier and worked differently, but the writing was horrible, it came off horribly. It was sloppy.
    2) This dude's work is the true ending of Mass Effect: http://koobismo.deviantart.com/
    3) The "you don't want games to be art" argument is just stupid. People want some games to be art - the ones where creative decisions actually resemble an art creation process (like: I want to add this and this and remove that to create a meaningful piece of art), not a rushed EA-dictated badly written game, which slaps some sad music and pretend its art. It's all in the author's intent and methods - and Bioware didn't INTENDED to make ART. They followed statistics and opinion polls to the letter to produce a massive PRODUCT. Stop getting these confused.

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