Backhanded Box Quotes: 'Tolerable With Friends ... But So Is Dying Of Bowel Cancer'

Welcome back to "Backhanded Box Quotes" a collection of measured, thoughtful criticism from the user reviews of Metacritic, Amazon and elsewhere.

Two games this week released to nearly universal acclaim, unless you're The Wall Street Journal. Borderlands 2 and Torchlight II. But in the great shining ideas marketplace and opinion democracy known as consumer reviews, both games have to answer to a harsher authority.

Borderlands 2

Released: September 18

Critic: neilsmif1980 (Metacritic) • "I was stuck I couldn't move forward or back just after I got past a really hard part at the beginning of the game. It froze on me! So I restarted it and I had to start nearly back to the beginning?""The game itself is just like Borderlands EXCEPT you have a mini map." Score: 0.

Critic:Get bodied (Amazon) • "It becomes tolerable if you do it with some friends around, but so is dying of bowel cancer." "It's been a while since I've seen in-game menus as bad as these. It's like PowerPoint threw up on a Cluedo board and died." Score: 1 Star.

Critic: Sock_Factory (Metacritic) "Borderlands 2 is a game where you shoot guns at stuff till it dies." Score: 0.

Torchlight II

Released: September 20

Critic: disinterested (Metacritic) • "TLDR: Diablo3" Score: 1.

Critic: Token 40k (Metacritic) • "crappy light gamma." Score: 0.


Comments

    Get Bodied trolled, he simply repeated Zero Punctuation lines from his Boarderlands review.

    I'm still not entirely sure that Kotaku fully understands what 'backhanded' means.

      *Owen Good
      *understands much at all
      There we go.

    These are the best reviews I've ever read

    I still do not really understand why we have this article. Who cares that there are trolls out there who like to hate on something.

    both games rock, just silly trolls with crap computers

    OK why?

    If you didn't like Borderlands 1 your not going to like Borderlands 2.

    If you liked the first game, they pretty much improved everything. And the story makes sense in a "Only on Pandora" kind of way.

    I'm playing it on 360 and unfortunately games freeze all the time on this system. That being said this one has not frozen yet.

    Haven't played torchlight 2 yet but I have 1 and it was great. Borderlands 1 is still a great game, yet to play through the DLC but borderlands 2 is just ingenious

    I'm surprised Luke Plunkett didn't write this.

    And this is why trolls continue to do what they do 'best'

Join the discussion!

Trending Stories Right Now