Let's Help Hollywood Find The Perfect Snake For The Metal Gear Movie

Hollywood is making a Metal Gear movie! Again! It sounds like production on the flick is just getting started (again). The project has a producer, but there's no word of a director or screenwriter. More importantly, who is going to play Snake?

Getting the jump on those big time Hollywood casting agents, Kotaku is here to help. Without knowing which iteration of the stealth hero this movie will follow, here are some potential Snakes. This isn't just some laundry list of oh-wouldn't-that-be-neat. Big budget Hollywood films need big budget stars. So this is a list of potential Snakes based on each actor's star power and, more importantly, their beard power.

While not all Metal Gear have impressive facial hair on display, the vast majority do — and so should the film. Should it ever get made, that is.

Christian Bale

• Star Power: !!!!! (out of five) With the Batman flicks under his belt, there's no doubt he can open a movie.

• Beard Power: !!!!! (out of five) The best thing about Bale's 2011 Oscar acceptance speech? 'Dat beard.

Orlando Bloom

• Star Power: !! Bloom has been in some big, big movies. Yet, I cannot remember a single moment when I've ever said, "Hey, I want to see an Orlando Bloom movie."

• Beard Power: !! He seems to have the goatee and scrub bit down, which might be good for a Solid Snake (Super Smash Bros comparison above!).

Russell Crowe

• Star Power: !!!! A decade ago Crowe's box office bang was definitely bigger.

• Beard Power: !!!!! His name is Beardator.

(Very important note: If the producers could not get Rusty, there's always Gerard Butler, who is either a poor man's Rusty or a woman's Rusty, depending on whom you ask. Rusty, meanwhile, is a man's Rusty. Got that?)

Matt Damon

• Star Power: !!!!! One of the smartest actors in Hollywood and also one of its biggest stars. When Metal Gear creator Hideo Kojima recently rattled off his favourite actors, Damon was at the top of that list.

• Beard Power: ! I don't recall Damon every having a beard in a movie. Can he grow one? What about a stache? If not, the producers could always hire Damon to be Snake and Ben Affleck to play Snake's facial hair.

Clint Eastwood

• Star Power: !!!!! The man is an icon.

• Beard Power: !!!! In Westerns like Fistful of Dollars and The Outlaw Josey Wales, Eastwood lit up the silver screen with his facial hair. But now in his 80s and clean-shaven, he might have lost some of his beard prowess. No doubt, he can pull off a stache to play Old Snake.

David Hayter

• Star Power: ! Among gamers, Hayter is famous for voicing Snake in the Metal Gear Solid games. He's not a famous Hollywood actor by any stretch, so he definitely would not have the necessary box office appeal. He is a big time movie writer and would probably prefer to pen the MGS movie script, anyway.

• Beard Power: !!!! Sometimes it seems as though he's a method voice actor, channelling Snake with his facial hair.

Kurt Russell

• Star Power: !! In the 1980s and 1990s, Russell was a big Hollywood star. It is not the 1980s nor the 1990s.

• Beard Power: !!!!! Can we award six exclamation points? OK, this guy in Escape from New York famously inspired the Snake character. Now in his early 60s, Russell has aged well — looks rugged, worn and tough. A perfect Old Snake.

Hugh Jackman

• Star Power: !!! His role as Wolverine made him a superstar, but Jackman is still closely identified with it and hasn't quite struck out on his own. Kojima is a fan of his work, so that's a plus for him.

• Beard Power: !!!!! There's a reason why he's so closely identified with Wolverine.


    Kurt Russel all the way.

    "Call me Snake."

    either that or David Hayter, he is Snake, after all.

      "Sad story, got a smoke?"
      Kurt Russell must play this role!!

    This comment has been deemed inappropriate and has been deleted.

    Whoever played Rorschach in The Watchmen has a good voice suitable for playing Snake.

    Jeffery Dean Morgan!
    But I do believe that David Hayter *should* be Snake, but won't be because he doesn't have that big name pulling power.

    Michael Fassbender.
    Case closed.

      That was my first thought! Though I was wary because I've also picked him to play another videogame character in my head.

        I don't know, can he really be Desmond Miles, Magneto AND Solid Snake?

          And he's playing Flashman before Des. Flashman will be the new Pirates of the Caribbean, just you wait.

      YES. I love this idea.

    Jake Gyllenhaal would rock the bottom picture pretty well i think.

    Even if Kurt Russell wasn't the inspiration for Snake, I'd still think he should play all the roles in the film, including Meryl. I love that man, and he is criminally under cast these days.

    I think David Hayter could pull it off, He is the voice, Snake wouldn't be the same without his iconic voice. Couple of months with a trainer and David could pull it off.
    If not David, then Hugh Jackman - he Does look like Snake in his early days.

    Matt Damon is a good actor, but i don't think he has the Ruggedness or the voice to pull it off.

    Orlando Boom, I personally think he would be a very bad choice, he is to much of a pretty boy to pull off snake.

    Kurt Russell without a doubt

    If they even think about making it Christian douchebale i'll burn down the set.

    David Carradine reminds me of Old snake to a degree.

      Carradine hung himself in a cheap Thai hotel. Pretty sure he wont be in the movie

    David Hayter for Solid Snake (with a few months in the gym)
    Kurt Russel for Old Snake. (just fill in the bum-chin :P)

    Karl Urban looks remarkably like a fit David Hayter.

    Who ever they cast, we will inevitably be a little dissapointed deep down. How can one actor portray a legend that has borrowed the best from the biggest actors when the character was conceived to begin with!

    I think we're all missing something here... why is David Hayer's picture on the left while everyone else is on the right... CONSPIRACY.

    This would be perfect for Hugh Jackman hands down.

    Well the way i see it, they've got Avi Arad, who has worked with Hayter on Xmen 1 and 2, alongside Hugh Jackman.

    They have all worked together previously on blockbusters with no bad blood, so why not use Hugh Jackman, with Hayter's script. Makes sense to me

    Hugh Jackman for Snake.
    David Hayter as screenwriter.

    It's the X-men picks all over again. Make it so Avi Arad.

    Michael Biehn.

    (Anyone knowing their gaming/movie history will appreciate this joking/serious suggestion.)

      Don't get it? *sigh* Here:


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